All stories, A–Z

1,164 Buddhist wisdom stories, analogies and jokes. Browse by theme or life situation, or describe your situation to get a match.

A

A Buddha to stop bullets — A long-time supporter of Ajahn Chah, drafted into the Thai army, begs him for a blessed Buddha amulet to protect him from bullets — after… Read full story
A Buddhist footy team would always lose — He once imagined a Buddhist footy team vs Christians/Jews/Muslims — but Buddhist principles would mean giving the ball away out of… Read full story
A Coke for the lottery numbers — Resting alone on tudong in the mountains of north-east Thailand, Ajahn Brahm is spotted by a middle-aged woman who disappears and returns… Read full story
A dog called Chemo — A doctor friend in Melbourne has a big Labrador she named 'Chemo'. She was training it to visit hospital wards, because stroking a gentle… Read full story
A dustbin with a hole in the bottom — Ajahn Chah's simile: when people dump on you, think of yourself as a dustbin and let them put their rubbish in — but be a dustbin with a… Read full story
A free cup of coffee found Bodhinyana — Looking for monastery land and finding nothing suitable, Ajahn Jagaro wants coffee. They stop again at the Byford real-estate agent… Read full story
A hundred cakes and nowhere to sleep — For a Serpentine monastery fundraiser, about a hundred home-baked cakes fill the tiny Magnolia Street kitchen. Ajahn Brahm's bedroom is… Read full story
A loose guitar string — Simile: the tighter a guitar string is stretched, the higher it pings when something hits it; less stretched, a lower sound; not stretched… Read full story
A map to the toilet — Blessing a riverside mansion in Perth, Ajahn Brahm asks the way to the toilet and the lady draws him a map. Ten or twelve bedrooms — and… Read full story
A meditation question at the urinal — After a long talk and Q&A at the Jockey Club auditorium in Hong Kong, Ajahn Brahm desperately needs the toilet but queues of questioners… Read full story
A monk costs less than a dog — When monks of the tradition first went to England, supporters worried whether they could afford one. The head of the trust, an economist… Read full story
A private concert with Rod Stewart — As a teenager Ajahn Brahm and his brother go to a gig where only six people turn up — the lead singer was a then-unknown Rod Stewart;… Read full story
A problem or an irritation? — A backpacker working his way round Europe gets a job in a restaurant (in Germany or Austria) where staff eat for free. The owner… Read full story
“A question for Mr. Monk” — Arriving late at a Perth radio studio after a Friday talk, Ajahn Brahm only learns once on air that he is co-hosting a two-hour… Read full story
A retreat at Disney — Ajahn Brahm taught a 'Kindfulness' meditation retreat in the Disney hotel in Hong Kong. The first night they meditated in the Sleeping… Read full story
A sack of wet mashed potatoes — Simile: a rested mind isn't brittle but soft like a sack of wet mashed potatoes — hit it and it makes no sound, doesn't reverberate. Or… Read full story
A Sunday in Singapore that 'Amnesty would call torture' — Ajahn Brahm recounts a Singapore Sunday from 6:15 a.m. meditation through a 'breakfast banquet', talks, counselling over lunch, a… Read full story
A terrible retreat — he only got the first jhāna — A retreatant complains his retreat is terrible because he can only reach the first jhāna, not the second. Ajahn Brahm: one jhāna is more… Read full story
A thank-you letter to the Health Minister — A monk enjoys his stay in Fremantle Hospital because the nurses are so kind; at Ajahn Brahm's suggestion he writes to thank the Minister… Read full story
“A very good year for romance” — For Ajahn Brahm's birthday, a kind, wealthy Malaysian ex-lawyer quietly asks his time of birth (about 5:30 p.m., 7 August 1951, UK) and… Read full story
After she died, George missed her — Thai wife Punup (Poonsup) publicly criticises and orders her Chinese husband George every weekend at the monastery food offering. Ajahn… Read full story
'Ajahn Brahm said what's done is finished' — One of the first times he told the 'what's done is finished' story, parents complained the next Sunday that they wouldn't bring their son… Read full story
'Ajahn Chah is giving this talk' — The first time Ajahn Brahm gave a really big talk on his own — at the Suntec City convention centre in Singapore, to 3,000–4,000 people —… Read full story
Ajahn Chah plays at being a monk — Asked why he ordained, Ajahn Chah tells how, as a poor village boy in north-east Thailand with no toys, games or TV, the children made up… Read full story
Ajahn Chah pushed their car out of the mud — Devotees stuck in mud meet a forest monk who helps push the car out — it is Ajahn Chah. Later the story mutates into 'we've seen his… Read full story
Ajahn Chah reads a palm — A lay supporter asks Ajahn Chah to read his palm. Ajahn Chah says Buddhist monks don't do that. The man argues cleverly: you just taught… Read full story
Ajahn Chah sits in the centre of the fever — Malaria was an occupational hazard for jungle monks, and Ajahn Chah suffered it for years. During one intense attack, instead of lying in… Read full story
Ajahn Chah soaked to the skin — Walking alone on tudong in the Thai jungle, with all his possessions on his back, Ajahn Chah put up his umbrella-tent with its mosquito… Read full story
Ajahn Chah: you're leaving in two hours — Training under Ajahn Chah, a peaceful monastery stay could end with him saying you are going to another monastery — not next week, in two… Read full story
Ajahn Chah's broken heart — Ajahn Chah told Ajahn Brahm that as a young man he had a girlfriend in the village; they loved each other and wanted to marry, but a… Read full story
Ajahn Chah's cure for sexual fantasies — A very good monk, a friend from Ajahn Brahm's early years, couldn't stop having sexual fantasies and asked Ajahn Chah how to stop. 'Very… Read full story
Ajahn Chah's eyes stop on the four-year monk — At Magha Puja at Wat Pah Pong, before thousands of lay people and some 150 monks, Ajahn Chah's gaze runs down the line of monks, passes… Read full story
Ajahn Chah's one word of English — Back from a few weeks in London, Ajahn Chah, who spoke no English, is asked in Thai whether he learned any English words. Yes, one: “cup… Read full story
Ajahn Ganha pats the king cobra — Ajahn Ganha ('ajan gun how'), the forest monk, meets a king cobra — the local 'one-step snake'. He raises his hand and pats it on the… Read full story
Ajahn Ganha patted the mayor's tummy — Serpentine mayor Clem Kentish, neighbour and council head, came in a tight suit to vet the monks for building approval. Before Ajahn Brahm… Read full story
Ajahn Jagaro keeps eating — A distraught Thai woman bursts into the monks' meal crying that her friend has shot herself; Ajahn Jagaro calmly keeps eating for a minute… Read full story
Ajahn Liem: easy to train — Abbots in the Thai forest tradition greet each other: “How are your monks — are they easy to train?” Visiting Ajahn Liem, Ajahn Chah's… Read full story
Ajahn Maha Bua said carry on eating — Visiting one of Thailand's strictest monks (captioned Ajahn Mahaboor — Maha Bua), where no one may eat after the teacher stops, skinny… Read full story
Ajahn Mosquito — As a young monk, Ajahn Brahm finds the mosquitoes intolerable and asks for repellent, coils and screens — surely the monastery can afford… Read full story
Ajahn Sajato flew to the wrong airport — Ajahn Sajato flew to the wrong Indonesian city for a conference; as a moneyless monk with no phone he was stuck until someone recognised… Read full story
Ajahn Singtong came before the chicken — Young Ajahn Singtong overslept at Ajahn Maha Bua's strict monastery, where missing the morning meeting meant no alms round and no food. He… Read full story
Alex the African grey parrot — Psychologists adapting methods for children with learning disabilities teach African grey parrot Alex not party tricks but intelligent… Read full story
All his questions vanished before Ajahn Tate — Ajahn Tate, a famous monk once sent home from hospital to die of cancer (he lived another 25 years), is so revered that young Ajahn Brahm… Read full story
Almost no equity on Magnolia Street — When Ajahn Brahm and Ajahn Jagaro looked at the fledgling BSWA's books at 4 Magnolia Street, North Perth, the house was worth about… Read full story
Alms offering on Pat Pong Road — Western monks visiting Bangkok are taken to Pat Pong, the red-light district, where sex workers clean their premises, dress appropriately,… Read full story
'Always Look on the Bright Side of Life' at a funeral — At the funeral Ajahn Brahm conducts for a regular member, Mike Wright, the last piece of music — chosen by Mike, who told his wife — is… Read full story
An email from beyond the grave — A dying man in Singapore who had come to love Ajahn Brahm's talks asks to speak with him; his sister gets through and Ajahn Brahm talks… Read full story
An hour to kill — On a retreat in Thailand, a Kuala Lumpur woman — later a star meditator — gets nowhere for eight or nine days and is frustrated. After the… Read full story
Angels over Northbridge — Lost angels feel landmarks through the clouds: Statue of Liberty (New York), Eiffel Tower (Paris), Taj Mahal (India). Over Northbridge in… Read full story
Anger's trial with no defence — Simile from his own anger at a fellow monk: listing everything he didn't do, Ajahn Brahm sees he is justifying his anger like a court case… Read full story
Angulimala: 'I have stopped. You stop.' — Angulimala, a serial killer in the Buddha's time (some say 999 victims, more likely 99), ran after the Buddha to kill him, but however… Read full story
Anicca, Dukkha and Anatta walk into a pub — Anicca, Dukkha and Anatta walk into a pub. Dukkha says the bar sucks; Anicca says don't worry, it will change; Anatta asks who said that. Read full story
Anita Moorjani: “I'm cured” — In Hong Kong, Anita Moorjani, riddled with cancers and expected to die, dies on the operating table. She sees and hears everything said… Read full story
Annual visits with Abbot Placid of New Norcia — A casual afternoon visit to New Norcia with a Thai guest monk grows into yearly exchanges between Bodhinyana and the Benedictine… Read full story
“Another hour!” — Ajahn Sumedho's four-hour talk — Ajahn Sumedho gives an hour's talk in Thai to the overnight lay guests; each time he stops, Ajahn Chah calls “Another hour!” — through… Read full story
Apologising to the iPhone — A supporter hits his failing old iPhone, remembers he is a Buddhist, apologises to it and wishes it peace — and it starts working at once. Read full story
Are you a real Buddhist monk? — On the London Underground a woman sits beside him: are you a Buddhist monk? A real one? He doesn't know what a fake one is — yes, real;… Read full story
'Are you the YouTube monk?' — Walking through Paddington Station on his way to teach in Oxford, Ajahn Brahm is stopped by a woman running up: 'Are you the YouTube monk?… Read full story
Ask Gandhi — my son doesn't listen to me — Mother brings defiant son to young Gandhi for a scolding about sweets; Gandhi asks her to return in weeks (or similar delay) so his word… Read full story
Ask if she's still there — Counseling a woman whose mother is on life support, he advises sitting, holding the hand and asking whether she is still there. In a… Read full story
Ask the dog — Ajahn Brahm advises people whose vet says to put a pet down to ask the animal what it wants. Judy, in the audience, did this: her dog had… Read full story
“At least I haven't got cancer” — A doctor tells a man he has terminal cancer — and Alzheimer's. “Alzheimer's? Oh, that's not so bad. At least I haven't got cancer.” Read full story
Australian boys don't cry — A ~30-year-old South Australian on his first retreat weeps uncontrollably. Asked when he last cried, he says age 12 or 13 — when his… Read full story

B

Bachelor / genius — If a man is not married he's called a bachelor; if a woman is not married she's called a genius. Read full story
Bacon and eggs — Wedding joke from his book: the difference between involvement and commitment is like bacon and eggs — the chicken is only involved, the… Read full story
Ban beer to save water — During a Western Australian drought he told politicians they should ban beer, because it goes straight through the body and wastes water.… Read full story
Banned from being president — Ajahn Brahm asks a busy businesswoman to become president of the Buddhist Society of Western Australia; she says she has no time. So, 'out… Read full story
Bare midriffs in a Melbourne winter — Giving talks in Melbourne in winter, Ajahn Brahm sees the fashion for halter tops and low-slung jeans leaving about six inches of bare… Read full story
Barefoot in the Korean snow — After the Pope's visit to South Korea, Korean Buddhists organised a World Meditation Masters gathering, planning seven famous monks (only… Read full story
Be good — no, that's no fun — Between interviews at a Catholic retreat centre in Safety Bay he watched two middle-aged men leave Sunday service. One said 'be good'; the… Read full story
Be quiet — children learning sadness at funerals — At funeral services Ajahn Brahm has watched lively children run, play and laugh until adults snap 'be quiet, shut up'; the children's… Read full story
'Because you're the principal' — At the start of term a mother can't get her son out of bed. 'Why do I have to go? The other kids don't like me. The teachers don't like… Read full story
'Become a monk and I'll cook for you' — In the early years in Perth, before Sister Vayama came, Thai women married to Australians brought delicious food to the two monks. Some… Read full story
Bent like an old farmer — healed with the cobra — Laying concrete for a Bodhinyana wall that was going off fast, he kept bending to smooth it and afterwards could not straighten — bent for… Read full story
Bernard Carr, the first Buddhist he met — At 16 Ajahn Brahm wins his first school maths prize, is sent to Foyles for maths books, and instead buys Buddhism paperbacks from the… Read full story
Best friends on the school bus — On a bus home from teaching at a school, Ajahn Brahm sits behind two 13- or 14-year-old best friends whose whole conversation is picking… Read full story
'Better to die than disrobe' — Ajahn Pasanno, an old friend, suffers constant stomach pain in Thailand; a Bangkok doctor finds an ulcer and says the only cure is to eat… Read full story
Between Cambridge exams he meditated instead of revising — During six-day Cambridge natural-sciences finals (3 hours morning and afternoon), after astrophysics of the galaxy he skipped lunch,… Read full story
Between the tiger and the snake: taste the honey — Chased by a man-eating tiger, a man jumps into a dry well, catches a root and hangs between the tiger pawing from above and a cobra… Read full story
Blessings are cheering for your team — Simile: when supporters shout 'Come on, the Dockers! Come on, the Eagles!', the team does better. That's what his chanting and blessings… Read full story
Bob Dylan on being famous — A fellow monk, Garry, who grew up in Los Angeles among the famous, once sneaked into Bob Dylan's hotel and spent an evening with him. When… Read full story
Brahn, why? — I don't know — Ajahn Chah calls 'Brahn' and asks why; young monk says I don't know; Chah laughs and offers to tell the answer (wang / empty teaching… Read full story
Brian Josephson found it in meditation — Physicist Brian Josephson (quantum tunnelling / supercomputers) won a Nobel; as Ajahn Brahm tells it, the breakthrough came not from more… Read full story
Brown Paper Bob — A rider finds a Wild West town deserted: everyone's gone to the hanging of Brown Paper Bob, an eccentric who wears a brown paper bag for a… Read full story
Buddha Air — no seats, just cushions — Fantasy airline: no seats, sit on cushions, meditate instead of entertainment — twice the passengers, no aisles needed. Read full story
Buddhism and bananas — How do you peel a banana correctly? Go to the experts — not monks, monkeys. A monkey never peels a banana at the stalk; it peels from the… Read full story
Buddhism in a minute — A Singapore gentleman asks Ajahn Brahm to teach him what Buddhism is — he has only a minute before work. Challenged, Brahm answers:… Read full story
Bungee jumping looked like torture — At Adventure World Bibra Lake he first sees bungee jumping and thinks it is how interrogators throw people from helicopters — yet people… Read full story
“But I'm alive — it was my husband who died!” — At a funeral Ajahn Brahm eulogises the wrong parent; the very-much-alive mother stands up at the back to correct him. Read full story
“But there were so many other robberies I got away with” — After the class an old prisoner earnestly tells Ajahn Brahm he's in jail for a robbery he didn't do — he was set up. Fired with a sense of… Read full story

C

Cambridge medicine — then mowing lawns — One of Ajahn Brahm's best school friends won a place to study medicine at Cambridge, started on marijuana, progressed to heroin, was… Read full story
Can a mousetrap kill a cow? — Farm mice befriend chicken, pig and cow; ignoring the mousetrap leads to chain of deaths — Brahm asks kids: can a mousetrap kill a cow?… Read full story
Can I ask a meditation question — in the toilet? — After a long Jockey Club auditorium talk and an hour of book-signing he finally reaches the gents; a man washing his hands turns: Ajahn… Read full story
Can I have a pineapple, please? — At poor Wat Pah Pong, requisites were kept in a big water jar and you asked Ajahn Chah for what you needed. Needing soap, the new monk… Read full story
Can I play for the other side? — In his last ever soccer match, for his Cambridge college, the other team turns up with only nine players against eleven. By half-time his… Read full story
Can I please have one hour of your time? — A tired father snaps when his six-year-old asks how much he earns per hour, then guiltily answers $20 and lends him $10. The boy adds $10… Read full story
“Can meditation teach you to fly over walls?” — On his first prison visit, at the old Canning Vale jail, over a hundred of about 110 prisoners crowd in to learn meditation; inspired,… Read full story
Can we build that hall your way — and can I be the builder? — Ajahn Brahm's last real argument was with then-abbot Ajahn Jagaro over the design of Bodhinyana's meditation hall — notes left outside… Read full story
“Can you tell my parents for me?” — A girl who has come to the Perth temple since she was a toddler comes to Ajahn Brahm at 16 or 17: she's pregnant by her boyfriend and… Read full story
Cards from the primary school — Arriving early at Karnet prison farm, Ajahn Brahm is dragged by a prisoner, Nick, to a board covered in cards — and Nick is crying. A… Read full story
Carrying coffins of dead moments — He compares obsessing over the past to carrying coffins of dead moments: cultures bury or cremate the dead and walk on — do the same with… Read full story
Cassius Clay's autograph — At 11, Ajahn Brahm heard that Cassius Clay — later Muhammad Ali — was training at the White City in London, near his home. He and a mate… Read full story
Cattamalo's real worry about the tsunami — Ajahn Brahm is in Penang (he first says Phuket) when the 2004 tsunami hits. Afterwards he learns that his second monk Ajahn Cattamalo had… Read full story
Caught with his trousers down in the bushfire — An Iranian ex-Muslim convert (named Muhammad, barred from a KL Buddhist talk, renamed in Australia) was at Bodhinyana in the 1991 fire;… Read full story
Celebrate the ending of the stuck song — After years without music in a NE Thai forest, a Bangkok visa trip lets a pop song stick in his head for days. Fighting it made it worse;… Read full story
Chanting brought the Dhammasara price down — Looking at a noisy 38-acre option for the nuns, they notice a 583-acre property of solitude nearby. Against the fear they cannot afford… Read full story
Chanting for a dying mother in Singapore — In Singapore a woman asks Ajahn Brahm to chant for her mother, just home from hospital and expected to die soon. After the chanting the… Read full story
Charlie's mark on the heel — A healthy Thai woman's first baby, Charlie, is stillborn after turning in the womb days before birth. Ajahn Brahm conducts the funeral;… Read full story
Chicken or duck? — A newly married couple walking home from the temple hear 'quack quack'. She says, 'Darling, that's a chicken.' He says it's a duck —… Read full story
Chicken-shit currency — Ajahn Chah's prediction — Chah predicts future currency will be pellets of chicken shit — bosses earn the most shit, IMF becomes International Manure Fund,… Read full story
Christmas cards to the adversaries — Huge clay trucks with trailers thunder down the steep, narrow road past Bodhinyana; Ajahn Brahm sees one tip over and realises anyone in… Read full story
Christopher Nightingale and the tin-can bomb — At age ten, Ajahn Brahm and his chemistry-wizard friend Christopher Nightingale make a bomb in a tin can and set it off in the local park.… Read full story
Churchill's bedside Buddha — An Australian monk visiting England is taken to Churchill's stately home when a castle is closed. In the entrance hall hangs a painting by… Read full story
Class A and Class B — An English school splits a year group into two classes of exactly equal ability by exam score — only the headmistress and two… Read full story
Club Med versus Club Meditation — Someone shows him a Club Med holiday schedule packed with yoga, scuba, activities and a nightclub — exhausting. He contrasts it with 'Club… Read full story
Coffee for “the Dog” — A prisoner who hates the cruel officer he must serve coffee — the man who deliberately made another inmate miss his wife's rare visit —… Read full story
Coffee for the new boss — A listener's former colleague is promoted and becomes a harsh, scolding boss. Advised by Ajahn Brahm to look at the boss's beautiful side,… Read full story
Coffee with a control freak — Someone invites you for coffee then dictates Gloria Jeans not Dome, latte not cappuccino, Anzac biscuit not muffin, back seats not front,… Read full story
Come have some sake — the old man on the train — Martial-arts student on a crowded Japanese train is about to fight a drunk who shoved a pregnant woman; an old man offers the drunk sake,… Read full story
Complaining about the wall — Walking from his mother's flat in London to give a talk, Ajahn Brahm passed two young men waiting for a bus, sitting on a wall topped with… Read full story
Coralie wrestled him into a funeral hug — At Clem Kentish's funeral his daughter Coralie (farm girl who wrestled sheep) insisted on hugging the monk despite the rule; he said no —… Read full story
Cough once, get eight bottles of medicine — Once in Australia Ajahn Brahm coughs at the start of a talk. By the end there are eight or nine bottles in front of him — Ayurvedic,… Read full story
Cough straight away — Simile: if you feel like coughing while meditating, cough straight away. Suppress it, and when the cough finally comes it's like a volcano… Read full story
Crocodiles sleep with their mouths open — NE Thailand folk: lazy crocodiles sleep mouths open; flies walk in by themselves — no hunting needed. Read full story
Crunchy frog and the bladder on the rice — Early Thai forest austerity: Monty Python 'crunchy frog' becomes real — sticky rice and spoon-sized boiled frogs, then a whole toad on… Read full story
Cursed in the market — With an afternoon off, a husband in Asia goes to the market for eggs for his wife, with a basket, the money and a 'mud map'. A young man… Read full story

D

Dad always lost at cards on purpose — Poor though he was, his father gave pocket money by playing cards with the boys and always losing on purpose — so they spent an hour or… Read full story
Dad walks into the spud-gun battle — Aged about 12, Ajahn Brahm brings friends home after school for a spud-gun war, chairs upside down, the flat wrecked. His father arrives… Read full story
Dad's 'Saturday injections' — At 10 or 11, Ajahn Brahm makes the primary-school football team, but his father must work Saturday mornings. After kick-off he turns and… Read full story
Daddy, what does tax mean? — A businesswoman aunt in Sydney who hated paying tax dies; soon after, the nephew's baby is born. At three, seeing a tax billboard on a NSW… Read full story
Darlington: the church or the gasworks? — On his first visit to England as a monk (seven or eight years ordained), touring northern groups with the abbot, he visits the run-down… Read full story
Darwin crows only die under trucks — On the Darwin highway the only roadkill noticed is crows — and only under trucks and buses, never sedans. The rumour checks out as true. Read full story
Death us do part — see you in heaven — Devoted couple reunite in heaven; he refuses her — the ceremony said death us do part, and they are dead now. Read full story
Declining Amnesty International's dinner — Invited by Amnesty International to speak at a dinner for an anniversary of the Universal Declaration of Human Rights, Ajahn Brahm… Read full story
Depression privileges — a third bowl of ice cream — He tells a depressed man not to advertise recovery too soon — wife and boss will put him back to work. The man later reports: when… Read full story
Dig a hole, boil the water — Early one morning a village headman tells Ajahn Chah a woman has been possessed all night; villagers bring her in, screaming profanities… Read full story
Dismembered heads that could not be doubted — An article Brahm read describes someone who lived through schizophrenia and came out wise and free: at the extreme they saw dismembered… Read full story
Dixon of Dock Green vs the new cop show — Visiting his mother in London after seven years without TV, he watches a half-hour cop show with her and counts about a dozen people shot… Read full story
'Do you know a famous monk called Ajahn Brahm?' — Trying to avoid pride, Ajahn Brahm sits incognito at the back of a Buddhist conference in Vietnam. A Vietnamese monk sits beside him to… Read full story
Do you know Ajahn Brahm? — asked on Adam's Peak — WA politician Mike Nahan told a BSWA gathering that climbing Adam's Peak (Sri Pada) in Sri Lanka, his guide asked who he was; when he said… Read full story
“Doctor Buddha's orders” — A new Buddhist refuses a drink at a work party — 'I'm a Buddhist' — and a colleague replies that Buddhism is all about letting go, so let… Read full story
'Doctor, have you got anything for worms?' — A hypochondriac has every fashionable disease — each COVID variant, then monkeypox — and keeps visiting his doctor, who finally loses… Read full story
Doctor, there's something right with me — I'm sick — Instead of 'there's something wrong with me, doctor', say there's something right with me — I'm sick again. Sickness is the body… Read full story
Doctor, there's something right with me — I'm sick — He teaches that sickness is normal; students then walk into Perth surgeries saying 'Doctor, there's something right with me — I'm sick' —… Read full story
Dog poo under the mango tree — Simile: walking home from the temple you tread in dog poo. Don't scrape it off; take it home and scrape it off under your mango tree. A… Read full story
'Dogs don't have money' — Near the US base by Ubon, around the end of the Vietnam War, an African-American soldier rides a rickshaw into town. Drunk friends of the… Read full story
Don't hold back a spooked buffalo — In 1970s Thai villages the water buffalo were docile family members — until spooked: head up, snorting, then running in any direction. One… Read full story
Don't revise the day before — He tells students not to study in the 24 hours before an exam — go for a walk, eat your favourite food, watch a movie. The last time, at… Read full story
Don't walk the ant path twice — Analogy: barefoot on Thai jungle paths you learn which trails the ants own — leave those past-biting paths alone and take another way (the… Read full story
“Don't you ever take away my suffering” — At a grief and loss seminar at Observation City, Ajahn Brahm teaches his 'concert' way of letting go of grief: his father's 16 years with… Read full story
“Donald, duck!” — An assassin pulls a gun on Donald Trump; the Secret Service shout “Donald, duck!” — and the gunman can't pull the trigger, he's too busy… Read full story
Dr Yi Fa the 'Hinayana' — In Bangkok Ajahn Brahm banters with Mahayana nun Dr Yi Fa (Fo Guang Shan, San Diego): when will she train disciples? He has monks at the… Read full story
Drawn out of catatonia by kindness (a dream) — As a young monk Ajahn Brahm dreams vividly of being tortured and retreating into a deep catatonic place for years, until a carer's kind… Read full story
Dress code: long dress — Ajahn Brahm is invited to a state dinner with Queen Elizabeth and Prince Philip at Parliament House at the time of the Melbourne… Read full story
Drowned in his own teepee — A Native American migrates to Perth and loves Sri Lankan tea so much that one day he drinks too much and drowns in his own tea-pee. Read full story
Drunken karaoke on Christmas night in Penang — Teaching a retreat in Penang, Ajahn Brahm is kept awake on Christmas night by a karaoke party across the road. Fine, he says — but by… Read full story
Dying peacefully like Dad (the bus-driver joke) — A comedian wants to die peacefully in his sleep like his father — unlike the screaming passengers on the bus his father was driving. Read full story

E

Easier for rich Buddhists — At a talk to the Chinese Chamber of Commerce in WA, a wealthy business audience asks about Jesus' saying that it's harder for a rich man… Read full story
Economy class was paradise — After seven years in austere forest monasteries he flies Bangkok–London on a cheap Philippine Airlines economy fare. He can't believe the… Read full story
Edgar Cayce and the medicine on the third shelf — Edgar Cayce, a devout Christian medium in 1930s America, would diagnose and prescribe in trance. Once he named a medicine no local drug… Read full story
Engine running in Northbridge — On a day out on business, a driver takes Ajahn Brahm to a Northbridge shop for 'the best pies in Perth' (just okay, he says — the only… Read full story
Enlightenment by teatime — At his first Vesak, with the Cambridge University Buddhist group, 18-year-old Brahm hears how the Buddha vowed under the Bodhi tree not to… Read full story
Even the monk got excited at the auction — Bidding for land for the nuns' monastery, Ajahn Brahm watches the auctioneer move from a calm description to rapid, rising calls — and… Read full story
Everyone has invisible spikes — Analogy: everyone grows invisible spikes. Some people enter a room and scratch everyone; most have average-length spikes that hurt only up… Read full story
Eye shade for a stranger at Changi — At Changi Airport a Western woman could not sleep on a busy bench after an overnight flight. Ajahn Brahm, carrying eye shades for… Read full story
Eye shades for a stranger at Changi — Between flights at Changi he gives airline eye shades to an exhausted Western woman he does not know; her smile stays with him. Read full story

F

Face to face with a tiger — in the zoo — Asked about jungle stories, Ajahn Brahm says he once stood four feet from a huge tiger and was not scared at all — because the tiger was… Read full story
Fall in the same hole three times — Analogy: walk down a street, fall in a muddy hole twice with shame, third time walk around it — heedfulness learning curve (from… Read full story
Falling off a Scottish cliff, his life flashed by — At 19, walking alone in Scotland with a heavy pack, he stepped off an eroded sheep track and fell down a cliff; his life flashed before… Read full story
Families around the toothpaste-tube lamp — In his first weeks in a poor Northeast Thai village — no electricity, dirt roads, no TV — Ajahn Brahm walks through at night to a… Read full story
Fat bottoms polish the temple floors — Joke about why temple floors in Asia and at Serpentine's Dhamma hall shine: centuries of people fidgeting on the floor — every fat bottom… Read full story
Father and son who couldn't remember why — Blessing a house in Brisbane, Ajahn Brahm learns the father and his eldest son haven't spoken or seen each other for seven years. He has… Read full story
“Fear killed twenty thousand” — Plague demons meet in a forest clearing to compare tolls: one killed 1,000 in Paris, another 2,000 in London; the third says he killed… Read full story
Feeding the mosquitoes — Bitten all night in an Indonesian hotel room, Ajahn Brahm reframes the mosquitoes as recipients of his dana: laypeople feed him every day,… Read full story
Fifteen minutes of goodbyes from a brain-tumour coma — As reported (Ajahn Brahm recalls) in a Time magazine issue on the mind, a US patient with an aggressive brain tumour lies in a coma for… Read full story
Fifty strokes of the cat — A new postulant confesses to secretly making an afternoon sandwich and, refusing Ajahn Brahm's gentle advice, insists on a penance or… Read full story
First a flag on the summit, then a coffee shop — On mountain summits people leave flags, cairns and carved names (he jokes about carving 'Peter Betts was here'); next comes a coffee shop… Read full story
First night at Bodhinyana, under a tree — On his first night at the Serpentine land that became Bodhinyana, Ajahn Brahm's bed was an old door — but he couldn't find it. The… Read full story
First TV after seven years — After about seven years as a monk in Thailand, visiting Scotland, he sees a TV through two doorways for the first time. The fast-changing… Read full story
Five Angels in the fifth race — A Perth man dreams that five angels each give him five pots of gold. At breakfast his wife has made five pieces of toast and five boiled… Read full story
Five fingers arguing who is most important — Fable: five fingers argue supremacy — mirror of egos asking who matters most in the Buddhist society. Read full story
Floating above the paddy fields — An Australian soldier in Vietnam, going to help an injured mate, steps on a landmine that blows off his legs. After the intense pain, he… Read full story
Floating houses on the Bangladesh Delta — Rather than relocating people from the flood-prone Bangladesh Delta — their home and livelihood — a relief organisation Brahm read about… Read full story
Food for the dogs — the first Westerner on alms round — In a remote Thai village where no one had seen a Westerner, villagers stare so hard while offering food that it falls outside his bowl and… Read full story
Form is emptiness — the empty platter — A hungry wandering Zen monk is sent to a famous restaurant owned by a generous Buddhist woman. She will feed him, but first he must teach… Read full story
Four old men outside in the rain — Chinese parable: wealth, success, love and harmony stand as old men in the rain; the family can invite only one in first — harmony must… Read full story
Free beer — and the beer-garden roof fell in — Nyanaponika as a young man in Germany: beer-garden brewery catches fire; friends run in for free beer; the house collapses and many are… Read full story
Free buffet lunch on the Norway ferry — Hitchhiking student on a cheap Norway–UK ferry; a couple say he reminds them of their son and buy him a huge buffet lunch — first and only… Read full story
Free coffee for meditating by the corpse — In Thailand, where people fear ghosts and fresh corpses, the young Western monk announces he will meditate beside a body and is plied with… Read full story
Fremantle just won — Dopey must be alive — Snow White finds a mine collapse; silence to 'are you okay?' Then she tries 'Fremantle just won the Grand Final' — one dwarf yells yay. At… Read full story
French copper wires under Paris — Telecom conference: French claim ancient copper under Paris; English one-up with older bronze under London; US won't be outdone. Read full story
Fridge full, no one came — In the first year or two at Magnolia Street, food in the fridge could not be eaten unless presented that day. Sometimes nobody came; they… Read full story
From Perth Airport uncertainty to a Rolls-Royce in Armadale — A visiting monk arrived at Perth Airport without saying which day, started walking, and within ~50 metres got a lift to Serpentine. The… Read full story
From prison to 'Reservoir Dogs' — A boy who fled an abusive Los Angeles home at six becomes a career criminal. Near release in his late 40s or 50s, his case officer gets… Read full story
From the park dance to the gorillas — Young woman with Asperger's leaves school early, drugs and homelessness; a dance teacher spots her stretching in a park and pays her; with… Read full story
Funeral chants at a wedding — Too tired, Ajahn Brahm starts the chanting for funerals instead of a wedding blessing — and once you start you can't stop. He never tells… Read full story
Funeral for the first wife years later — At a ceremony Ajahn Brahm learns the man's first wife died of malaria just after they escaped the Khmer Rouge into Thailand; as a… Read full story
Funeral subcommittee while still healthy — Buddhist society starts a subcommittee for his funeral arrangements while he feels fine — he reframes age as 900 months and wants a… Read full story

G

Gambling? With whom? — A Buddhist monk, a Christian priest and a rabbi meet for interfaith friendship; tea turns to cards, cards to gambling, and they're… Read full story
Garfield appeared in the nimitta — In deep cave meditation a pure yellow nimitta arises — then he notices its form is Garfield the cat from a comic he had seen earlier. He… Read full story
Gave away the furniture to a young couple — Before ordination he gives a young recently-married couple his expensive furniture for free — they look at each other thinking him mad; he… Read full story
George Burns on worrying — At 96, comedian George Burns still stays out at nightclubs, drinks whisky, smokes and eats fatty food. Asked if he isn't worried about his… Read full story
'George, you stupid man' — A woman who came to the Perth centre always belittled her husband in public — 'George, come over here. George, you stupid man.' Ajahn… Read full story
George's lungs cleared — A heavy smoker, George, is shown X-rays with cancer throughout both lungs; his Armadale doctor offers treatment that might add a couple of… Read full story
“Get off my feet” — From Ram Dass's writings: a young disciple invites him to her father, in constant agony in hospital with no drug that works. The 'redneck'… Read full story
Get your wife to cancel if you're dead — A man needing an operation is told the earliest slot is in three months; he protests he might be dead by then. The doctor says don't worry… Read full story
Ghost stories on the walk to the grave — At a Chinese burial in Kolkata Cemetery he kills ten minutes walking with an elderly funeral director and asks for ghost stories — she has… Read full story
“Give me another hand” — A GP tells the parents of a boy born deaf that an article reports 10% of such children can have hearing restored by a simple operation.… Read full story
Give me the phone — call your other son — After Bundaberg visit, lunch in Brisbane: host has two sons, one estranged for years. Brahm asks for the number, takes the phone and… Read full story
Giving away the motorbike before ordination — Before Thailand he realises monks cannot keep a motorbike (robes balloon on one ride); he does not need the money — he wants to give the… Read full story
Giving up beer at 18 — As a young Buddhist student who loved beer, Ajahn Brahm was told by his teacher that he shouldn't drink. He tried giving it up and felt a… Read full story
Giving up tea for three months — People told Ajahn Brahm he was addicted to tea. So he decided to give it up for the three-month Rains Retreat. The monks begged him not… Read full story
Goat for dinner — A mother-in-law coming to dinner asks her grandson what's on the menu. 'Goat,' he says — he overheard his father telling his uncle on the… Read full story
God didn't recognise him — A man who can't find a partner is told by a psychologist to get a sharp suit, a proper haircut, his teeth straightened and a personality… Read full story
Good, bad — who knows? The king's finger — A king scratches his finger hunting; the court doctor only says 'good, bad, who knows?' When the finger worsens and must be amputated, the… Read full story
'Goodnight, Paul' — A non-Buddhist couple in Perth came to the monks, bewildered. Home from hospital with their newborn second son, they asked the older boy… Read full story
Goosebumps in a 1,600-year-old cave — Near Anuradhapura, Ajahn Brahm sits in a cave whose donor inscription is ~1,600 years old — goosebumps at how many Sangha members have… Read full story
Grandma's chips, any time — Young Ajahn Brahm could visit his grandmother any time of day or night and she'd cook him chips. His mother scolded her for spoiling his… Read full story
Grandmother with dementia still knew the monk — Near the end, grandmother has long dementia; in a UK ward she recognises Brahm at once while barely recognising his brother. Read full story
Grasshopper and the pool of acid — In an episode of 'Kung Fu', the blind master shows the novice Grasshopper a pool of 'acid' with bones at the bottom and a plank across it,… Read full story
Green velvet jeans at the Isle of Wight — Going to the 1970 Isle of Wight rock festival, young Ajahn Brahm wears green velvet jeans to be rebellious and individual — and finds… Read full story
Guanyin came over the waves — then the British frigate — Vietnamese boat people who reached Perth told him that at their most desperate — robbed by pirates, no money — they saw Guanyin coming… Read full story
Guards with machine guns — to keep the world out — Visiting a very wealthy man in Kuala Lumpur, Ajahn Brahm passes machine-gun guards at the gate. 'Are you in a prison?' — 'That's to keep… Read full story

H

Hägar: 'Why me?' — 'Why not!' — In a Hägar the Horrible cartoon, Hägar is shipwrecked on an island in a storm. He looks up at the sky: 'God! Why me?' And God roars back:… Read full story
Hahayana — the book title that stuck — Idea for a joke book combining Hinayana/Mahayana/Vajrayana into Hahayana — title first, book maybe never; the laugh is the teaching. Read full story
Half an hour in a locked fire exit — Arriving in Singapore after an overnight flight and straight into teaching, then playing himself in a Buddhist play's matinee, Ajahn Brahm… Read full story
Half of what we teach you is wrong — A doctor driving Ajahn Brahm to a retreat recalls the welcome speech at his Sydney medical school: the head of the school told the new… Read full story
Halloween on the London Underground — His brother puts him on the Tube toward the London Buddhist Society. The carriage fills with vampires, witches and ghosts — it is… Read full story
Hands behind their backs — In his one year as a schoolteacher in Devon, walking down a narrow lane at lunchtime, he meets two sixth-formers whose hands go behind… Read full story
Happytitis — very contagious — Analogy/joke: not hepatitis — happytitis; stay long enough and you catch it. Read full story
Harrow Brook neighbours filled the sitting room — Mother injured; blood trail into the apartment; before the ambulance, Harrow Brook neighbours pack the sitting room asking how to help — a… Read full story
'Have you got any brains?' — The wife of Keith, an early Buddhist Society member, found a recipe calling for lamb's brains and went to the butcher. At the counter she… Read full story
Hawaiian shirts at funerals — Early Perth funerals are all black; he wants funeral directors in Hawaiian shirts — kids arrive full of life then learn sadness from black… Read full story
He almost bought lunch for the lady who looked like Mum — Stuck out of the monastery before noon, he queues at a food court behind a little old pensioner who looks like his late mother. He wants… Read full story
He didn't have a leg to stand on — A motorcyclist's wrong leg is amputated; they take the other too. He sues and loses — he didn't have a leg to stand on. Read full story
He died of the blunt knife and the running tap — Told as a famous psychology experiment: a condemned man in England is told his hanging is changed to having his throat cut; blindfolded, a… Read full story
He gave the robe he was wearing — A monk gives the only robe he has on to a poorer man and walks back naked under monastic rules' logic; others ask if he was robbed — he… Read full story
He judged the violin — then heard the old woman — A poor mountain father sacrifices for his children's education; they prosper in the city, send him a fine violin he cannot play — it… Read full story
He laid the top bricks himself — Building a hall: bricklayer refuses the shaking scaffold at the top; Brahm crawls the unsupported edge and lays the corner bricks himself. Read full story
He likes solitude — monastery code for a troublemaker — As a senior monk he got transfer letters from other monasteries with coded praise: 'likes solitude' meant he can't get on with anybody;… Read full story
He offered me a job at the Melbourne Comedy Club — After a Melbourne talk a TV comedian came up and said he could get Brahm a job at the Melbourne Comedy Club. Brahm declined — he'd keep… Read full story
He only meant to give her lifts — After divorce a man rehoming his pedigree dog met an elderly woman who needed rides to doctor and dentist; he happily took time off work… Read full story
He pats the monastery car — Other monks can't start the car; he pats it, says kind words, pulls the starter — it works. Treat the tired car like a being that came… Read full story
He punched the art teacher for smiling — then called him a friend — An Armadale-group artist who taught at Claremont smiled at a difficult colleague; the man punched him and flattened him. Years later the… Read full story
He ran for the camera and missed the Himalayas — On a monsoon trip near Kathmandu he hitch-rides a post truck toward the Tibetan border, climbs a small hill, and for once the clouds part… Read full story
He renamed his sons Buddha, Dhamma and Sangha — A once-a-year 'Vesak Buddhist' businessman hears that thinking of Buddha, Dhamma and Sangha at death guarantees heaven, so he legally… Read full story
He said he had been Emperor Ashoka — A famous Thai monk (unnamed here; Brahm withholds the name) told close monks he had been Emperor Ashoka in a previous life, named his… Read full story
He sang The Sound of Silence for $10,000 — A sponsor offered a $10,000 cheque for the nuns' monastery if Ajahn Brahm would sing. Monks don't sing — and he can't — so he chose Simon… Read full story
He thought the Lazy Boy was heaven — A person dies and is reborn in a soft Lazy Boy armchair and thinks this must be heaven. After hours, then days, sitting there becomes sore… Read full story
He trained the muscles beside his spine — A Bodhinyana monk with degenerative spine pain was told not to sit cross-legged. Using mindfulness he learned to feel, stretch and… Read full story
'He was a leader in his field' — People told Ajahn Brahm about a co-worker who never criticised or said anything bad about anyone. Annoyed, they decided to test him: what… Read full story
He was wishing away months of his life — A fellow high-school teacher, stuck finishing a contract before a new job, realised on the way to work that he was wishing away four or… Read full story
He won the Chiang Mai lottery — and went mad — In Chiang Mai illegal number-lotteries run by gangs: a man sells his house, wins a fortune, then the gangs offer only a couple of million… Read full story
'He's not going' — then 'You go' — At a parents' evening when Ajahn Brahm was about 14, his maths teacher told his father the boy was doing so well he might go to Cambridge.… Read full story
“He's not my husband, he's my dad” — At a Malaysian retreat a young woman does all the talking in an interview while the quiet man beside her listens. Ajahn Brahm asks if… Read full story
Heads I marry him — At Oslo University a young woman asks how to make a really important decision. To make it concrete, he suggests: suppose you were deciding… Read full story
Her chronic arthritis was gone — A woman overseas emailed that she had been on strong painkillers for chronic arthritis; after his talks and meditation technique the… Read full story
Her mother stopped shouting — A young woman in Bangkok whose whole family came to his talks never did herself — until she noticed her mother had stopped shouting at her… Read full story
Her mother-in-law had the face of Guanyin — A Vietnamese woman married to an Australian could not win over a hostile (possibly racist) mother-in-law despite food, chanting and metta.… Read full story
Hey Hare Krishna — and he was one — Shopping with his mother on Ealing Broadway, someone shouts 'Hey Hare Krishna!' Embarrassed for mum, he educates the beanie-wearing… Read full story
His grandfather said you're stupid — A brilliant monk in the monastery did terribly at school because his beloved grandfather once looked at his results and said 'you're… Read full story
Holy water by the bucket — then she sold it — Thai member Poonsup Wong, always sick, asks Ajahn Brahm for holy water by the 11-litre bucket each week. A Chinese man later rings wanting… Read full story
Holy water from Lourdes — “Another miracle!” — Returning from pilgrimage to Lourdes, a Catholic traveller's bags contain two Johnnie Walker bottles; he insists it's holy water carried… Read full story
“How about the Holy Ghost, then?” — Being shown around the creaky old Benedictine abbey at New Norcia, Ajahn Brahm teases Abbot Placid by asking if there are ghosts. “No, no,… Read full story
How big is my hand? — Simile (shown with his hand): held in front of his face, his hand is so big he can see nothing else. Is it the hand's fault? No — it's… Read full story
How heavy is the glass? — Brahm's own analogy (he laughs hearing someone else quote it): how heavy is the glass? The longer you hold it the heavier it feels —… Read full story
“How many of you have ever eaten rice pudding?” — Unexpectedly facing 60 Year 1 and 2 children, Ajahn Brahm asks who doesn't like rice pudding; a few hands go up, then, looking around, all… Read full story
How many seconds in a year? — After walking through 60/60/24/365, the answer is 12: the 2nd of January, February, March… Read full story
How many times should you forgive? — At a Singapore concert based on his book, asked how many times in Buddhism you should forgive someone who hurts you again and again, he… Read full story
How Opening the Door of Your Heart was written — A woman who'd been through a terrible divorce urges him to publish his stories; he's too busy, so she offers to write them — and her first… Read full story
How the donkey caught the carrot — A stubborn donkey is driven by a carrot dangling on a string from a stick tied to its own back — always two feet ahead however fast it… Read full story
How the ice-cream cone was invented — At the 1908 (he hedges the year) St Louis World's Fair, an ice-cream stall sat next to a waffle stall. After a couple of weeks the vendors… Read full story
How to be happy — no one is happy — A self-help cartoon: open the book How to Be Happy and it says 'no one is happy — next question'. The reader hugs it with a huge smile —… Read full story
How to hold a glass of water still — Demonstration simile: however hard you try to hold a glass of water still, it trembles, and more willpower makes it shake more. The easy… Read full story
Hypnosis made the ice bath feel warm — On a TV hypnosis show a man sat in freezing water convinced it was a warm bath and enjoyed it — illustrating how much of cold and pain is… Read full story

I

“I always wanted to become a monk — but not now!” — At a 2,000-strong talk in Singapore, a man challenges what a monk could know about real-world stress. Ajahn Brahm gives an hour-by-hour… Read full story
I am the Thai pirate — Early in his monkhood Ajahn Brahm was spun around by a poem of Thich Nhat Hanh from the boat-people years: I am the refugee, the pregnant… Read full story
I can't believe how much my father has grown — Mark Twain (as Brahm tells it) runs away at ~18, returns years later and writes with satire that he can't believe how much his father has… Read full story
I can't opener — What do you call a can opener that doesn't work? I can't opener. Read full story
“I can't understand Thai ghosts” — At an open-air cremation in Thailand (of Ajahn Chah's brother, he thinks) all the monks leave as soon as the chanting ends. The young… Read full story
'I claim my prize!' — Ajahn Sujato (he thinks) tells him: walking through Sydney in his robes, he is stopped by a man claiming his prize. A radio station is… Read full story
I could only see the names of the stars — In the Cambridge Astronomical Society he learns the names of stars and constellations. In Thailand the night sky is so labelled in his… Read full story
I demand my right to bow to Jesus — Invited with Chaplain Canon Frank Sheehan to Christ Church Grammar School's morning assembly, the devout Christian principal tells Ajahn… Read full story
I don't hit sleepy meditators — I send them to bed — An audience mention of a Japanese Soto (captioned Hai/Dogen) monastery that hits sleepy monks prompts him to disagree: prisoners who saw… Read full story
“I don't think I deserve so much happiness” — An Australian nun ordained in the UK visits Perth and comes right to the edge of the jhānas — immense bliss and power. Ajahn Brahm keeps… Read full story
“I feel like a newborn baby” — One old man complains that ageing is terrible — aches everywhere, can't do what he used to. His friend of the same age says it's… Read full story
“I forgive. No payback.” — At a Curtin University human-rights course, Dennis Eggington (later head of the Aboriginal Legal Service) tells Ajahn Brahm of a funeral… Read full story
“I haven't got a tail — I'm not a dog” — A parent tells Ajahn Brahm that their bullied son used a Thai teaching he'd brought back: if someone calls you a dog, look at your bottom… Read full story
I knew you'd wake me for alms round — An old Scout friend visiting him in NE Thailand skipped the 3 a.m. wake-up but trusted Ajahn Brahm 100% to knock at 5:30 for village alms… Read full story
'I know all about it' — A boy tells his teacher 'I know all about it' — she gives him $5 not to tell the headmistress. A friend explains: say it to anyone and… Read full story
I know you, Māra — Buddhist scriptures: Māra the mischief-maker is overcome not by fighting but by recognition — 'I know you, Māra' — whereupon he droops his… Read full story
I know your little secret — A boy learns a pocket-money trick: tell sister 'I know your little secret' and collect $20; try Mum for $50; Dad for $100. Monday morning… Read full story
I lied about my age — I told her I was 90 — Seventy-year-old marries a young woman; friend asks if he lied about his age — yes: he said he was ninety. Read full story
“I never argued with anyone” — A fit 90-year-old says the secret of his long life is that he never argued with anyone. “That can't be right,” says the interviewer. “Ah…… Read full story
“I never expected to see you in here” — Feeling awful and waiting at the local doctor's surgery, Ajahn Brahm is greeted by a friend from the temple: “I never expected to see you… Read full story
“I never stopped loving you, George” — A Cockney friend of the monastery leaves his wife of about 40 years for a much younger woman; his wife is devastated. Some years later,… Read full story
I noted jewelry going out, going out, going out — Joke about a meditator whose house is burgled: he was very mindful — noted burglar going in, jewelry going out, safe going out — but never… Read full story
I put my hand on his knee — we could always solve our differences — As a young monk, Ajahn Brahm meets former Thai PM Dr Sanya Dharmasakti (later the King's chief adviser). The PM says he never met a… Read full story
I realized I didn't have to win — Olympic-prospect distance runner loses his first race; asked why, he says he realised he didn't have to win — compulsion to win had made… Read full story
I refused my girlfriend's meat curry — As a strict vegetarian layman his girlfriend cooks what she thinks he wants — a meat curry; he refuses; later sees how unkind the refusal… Read full story
'I sent you two boats and a helicopter' — In a flood in southern Malaysia, a monk devoted to Kwan Yin, the goddess of mercy, climbs onto his roof. A rescue boat comes: 'No, Kwan… Read full story
I think I'm enlightened — I don't feel myself — Monk wakes claiming enlightenment because he 'didn't feel himself' — Fennel Chan / anattā punchline. Read full story
'I thought you couldn't talk' — When he first came to Perth, Ajahn Brahm was the second monk; Ajahn Jagaro gave all the talks while he sat silently beside him for months.… Read full story
I want to be a dog next life — Man wants rebirth as a dog: no boss, lie around, good food, free health care — only job is walking the owner once or twice a day. Read full story
“I wish I could do that” — Ajahn Brahm hates braving the noisy shopping centre to buy flight tickets. Once the monk accompanying him simply sits down, closes his… Read full story
'I would' — Asked in Q&A what he's been most afraid of: at a friend's wedding reception while at Cambridge, the 19- or 20-year-old lads joke about… Read full story
I'll explain patience tomorrow — At a China retreat someone asks him to explain the importance of patience. He says he will let them know tomorrow. Read full story
I'll only go to work on Fridays — A man works hard Monday to Thursday with no paycheque, thinks of quitting, is forced in by his wife, then gets paid on Friday and decides… Read full story
I'm 888 months old — Bored of turning 74, he counts age in months — 888 — an auspicious number in Singapore, and jokes about number plates. Read full story
“I'm doing nothing — and I'm not finished yet” — Someone asks the monk to come and chant to bust a ghost in their house. “Sorry, I'm busy.” “Doing what?” “Nothing.” They call again the… Read full story
I'm going to marry you — she knew his name — On a Jhana Grove retreat a couple cannot keep apart despite the eight precepts. They explain: about a year earlier in Germany a woman he… Read full story
I'm leaving — but there's only ocean — Janice and her husband, finishing a mining contract in WA, sold their house, bought a yacht with another couple and sailed for Vancouver.… Read full story
I'm leaving — with five Singapore dollars — Singapore psychotherapist recognises his leaving-home story: at six she packed a suitcase, got five dollars, and her busy mother told her… Read full story
'I'm marrying your best friend tomorrow' — Dennis, the Buddhist Society's marriage celebrant, came home and told his wife, 'I'm marrying your friend Janice tomorrow.' 'You're… Read full story
'I'm only going to tell you this once' — At a suicide-bomber training camp, on the last lesson the instructor gathers the recruits: 'I'm now going to demonstrate the suicide vest,… Read full story
I'm talking to the duck — Wife calls out whether tonight's dinner should be chicken, lamb or beef. Husband answers 'Chicken, dear.' She replies she wasn't talking… Read full story
I'm the treasurer — I can squeeze five more drops — At a Northbridge pub an ex-Olympic wrestler offered free drinks to anyone who could squeeze five more drops from a lemon he had already… Read full story
'I've been underneath him all my life' — After interring a man's ashes in the wall around Bodhinyana Monastery, Ajahn Brahm jokingly asked his elderly Malaysian Chinese widow… Read full story
I've been waiting for you for hours — get out — Five years a monk, walking without lifts, Ajahn Brahm asks Ajahn Suwat for a cave toward Sakon Nakhon and is warned of a ghost that drove… Read full story
If I were President Bush after 9/11 — A week or two after 9/11, asked in Singapore what he would have done as President Bush, Ajahn Brahm says he would have gone on TV and… Read full story
“If my daughter didn't have those faults…” — A newly married man tells his father-in-law that everything his bride does is charming — even how she cleans wax from her ear. The… Read full story
“If only my house were this small” — Showing a visiting local women's group his small monastery hut, Ajahn Brahm hears one woman say with envy: “Wow, if only my house were… Read full story
If she looks at you again, go for it — At about fourteen he asked his father how to find a girlfriend. Dad said: if a girl looks at you once you don't know; if she looks at you… Read full story
If they flush the holy book — call a plumber — After Guantanamo Quran-flushing news, someone asks what he would do if a Buddhist holy book were flushed. First answer: call a plumber.… Read full story
If you retire, you will die — Paying respects to Ajahn Ganha, Ajahn Brahm asks to retire from talks and travel. In front of everybody Ganha replies that if he retires… Read full story
If you understand, you can explain it to the barmaid — Heisenberg (via Brahm): if you really understand quantum physics you can explain it to the bar girl serving a pint — and she will… Read full story
“If you're going to sweep, give it everything you've got” — A busy Sydney man flies to remote north-east Thailand just to ask Ajahn Chah his life questions, but after hours waiting among 200 people… Read full story
Imprisoned in a six-star hotel — On a conference tour in Japan, his hosts put Ajahn Brahm in what he later hears was a six-star hotel room. He's afraid to touch the taps… Read full story
In Laos, war stops for lunch — A monk friend, in Luang Prabang during the war between the communists and royalists, is eating lunch at a bamboo-and-thatch restaurant… Read full story
In Thai law the bus driver was guilty — Outside the Thai monastery a drunk villager on a bicycle, no lights, wrong side of the road, is killed by a bus that had lights and was… Read full story
“In the building trade we call it a feature” — After Ajahn Brahm tells the two-bad-bricks story at the Cancer Support Association, a builder reassures him professionals make the same… Read full story
In the loving arms of another man's wife — Ajahn Brahm 'confesses' that he spent some of the most wonderful times of his life in the loving arms of another man's wife: they kissed,… Read full story
In this jail — no BS — On an early prison visit (Bunbury, then Fremantle while it was still open), a prisoner tells the monks they do not care who they are: in… Read full story
In Vietnam Adam would have eaten the snake — Archbishop Roger Herft's joke: if Eden had been in China or Vietnam there would have been no Fall — Adam would have eaten the snake, not… Read full story
Income: nil — Renewing his low-income health care card, Ajahn Brahm writes 'Nil' in every income box. The first time, the office wrote back asking him… Read full story
Insure the house — live in a prison — Sydney man told to cut insurance premiums with screens, cameras and bars until home feels like prison — punchline setup for finding… Read full story
Interrupted by the radio — A former caretaker of the Perth centre retired to Beverley for a peaceful life but fell into depression. He went into his shed, tied a… Read full story
Interviewed on shipping because he had nothing to do — At a transport conference with minister Alannah MacTiernan he skips the late lunch; a reporter interviews him on shipping simply because… Read full story
IQ and thongs — A Vietnamese-Australian comedian's joke: as a schoolboy he asked his dad what IQ meant. 100 is average, 120 intelligent, 140 university;… Read full story
“Is this heavy?” — Ajahn Chah and the stick — Walking back from alms round, Ajahn Chah picks up a stick and asks the young Ajahn Brahm whether it is heavy, then throws it away: it is… Read full story
It was only a cough — Ajahn Brahm coughs; within days the rumour spreads that he is dying of some terrible disease and people ask whether it is terminal. It was… Read full story
“It was only two murders” — A prisoner near the end of his sentence reads about the two bad bricks and goes around saying of himself, “It was only two murders.” Ajahn… Read full story
It wasn't the flag or the wind — your mouths were moving — Two monks argue whether the flag or the wind is moving; a Zen master says their minds are moving. Unsatisfied, they ask a Theravada forest… Read full story
“It's a bit OTT, isn't it?” — Dragged along to the Taj Mahal on an India pilgrimage, Ajahn Brahm sits at a distance wondering why it's beautiful — only because we're… Read full story
“It's about time you took the pansil” — As a young man who has been visiting a temple for some time, he's taken aside by a monk: it's about time he 'took the pansil'. Not knowing… Read full story
'It's nice to cry' — A woman who comes to the Buddhist Society told Ajahn Brahm about her mother, who went every week to Chinese tear-jerkers in which boy… Read full story
It's not the cough that carries you off — Mother's line: it's not the cough that carries you off — it's the coffin they carry you off in. Read full story
“It's only fat” — “Same thing” — Travelling through the US with only his one small bag, a customs officer asks where the rest of his baggage is, then what's under his robe… Read full story
Itch on your head, scratching your bottom — Ajahn Chah's one-liner on blame, applied to the newly built monastery wall a backhoe pushed over: blaming someone is like having an itch… Read full story

J

Jack Kornfield waited outside Elizabeth Arden — Jack Kornfield back in the US still in robes visits his sister; she is in Elizabeth Arden; he sits outside in the chairs waiting —… Read full story
Jamaica drive-in needed a concrete screen — Visitor to a Jamaican drive-in wonders why the screen is thick concrete; locals shoot along with cops-and-robbers / Westerns — cloth… Read full story
Jimi Hendrix drowning out Dad's Frank Sinatra — Ajahn Brahm's father, whom he loved deeply, died when Ajahn Brahm was 16. As a 14- or 15-year-old, whenever his father put on a Frank… Read full story
Jimmy Hendrix cured the student cold — As a student with a terrible cold he puts on music he loves (Jimmy Hendrix); excitement and joy make the cold feel totally gone —… Read full story
Joke: everything hurts — A man tells the doctor his whole body hurts: he touches his head, it hurts; his nose, his mouth, his belly, his elbow, his knees, his feet… Read full story
Joke: four monks with a vow of silence — Four monks take a vow of silence. One sneezes. The first says, 'Bless you.' The second says, 'You've just broken your vow of silence.' The… Read full story
Joke: round the meditation menu — A beginner on retreat can't do breath meditation, so he teaches them anapanasati; that's too hard, so metta; then loving kindness; then… Read full story
Joke: the famous-quotations test — An American high-school teacher offers to let anyone who identifies a famous quotation go home early. 'Who said "I have a dream"?' Ahmed… Read full story
Joke: the tortoises escaped — After one of his retreats, a student goes back to his job at Perth Zoo so peaceful he can barely walk or talk. The head keeper puts him in… Read full story
Joke: the young man who couldn't keep a job — Friends find a bright but jobless young man work as a waiter; he quits after half a day — serving delicious food he can't eat is torture.… Read full story
Joke: tickets for the policemen's ball — A New South Wales policeman pulls over a speeding woman driver. She asks if he's stopped her to sell her a ticket for the policemen's… Read full story
'Joy at last to know there's no happiness in the world' — A favourite image of Ajahn Chah's, which he used when visiting England about 25 years earlier: a statue in a monastery in southern… Read full story
Judy and Richard Gere in Dharamsala — Judy, a BSWA member, goes to Dharamsala hoping to interview the Dalai Lama. Meditating one morning she glances at who sat next to her:… Read full story
Juggling machetes for the police — Police find machetes in a man's car; he says he juggles them in the circus, so they make him prove it. As he expertly juggles them by the… Read full story
Jumper leads on the prison road at dawn — Driving the monastery road between the prison and the dam at dawn, the monks find an elderly couple stuck all night with a flat battery.… Read full story
Junior-monk suffering, senior-monk suffering — As a skinny young monk Ajahn Brahm resents the senior monks: they get the cushions while he sits on concrete (they have their own… Read full story
Just add water — baby powder — Before the Berlin Wall fell, a man from communist Eastern Europe walks into his first Western supermarket: milk powder + water = milk;… Read full story

K

Keep the cage door open — Analogy: lock a bird and when the door finally opens it never returns; leave the door open and comfort inside — it flies and comes back.… Read full story
Keep your hands off — I'm on workers' compensation — An Englishman, a Singaporean and an Australian buy Jesus beers in a pub. Jesus heals the Singaporean's migraine and the Englishman's… Read full story
King Canute ordering the tide — Analogy: Canute stands on the beach and orders the tide out — nature does not obey kings. Read full story
King Rama IV opened the royal gate — A Peace Corps American arrives too early at Wat Bowon in Bangkok to ordain; a Thai man with keys shows him the locked royal ordination… Read full story
Kissed on the nose by an emu — An anagarika sitting calmly with eyes open at Jhana Grove is approached by a wild emu that has never seen a human so still. It puts its… Read full story
Kissing it better — Growing up poor in Acton, west London, young Ajahn Brahm plays street football with migrant friends and keeps grazing his knees. He runs… Read full story
Knocking in the coffin — the monks jumped first — A Thai lady who comes on Tuesdays says an old woman in her village was in the coffin ready for cremation when knocking began. The monks… Read full story

L

Labour energy, not labour pain — A monastery full of monks in north-east Thailand kept a book on how to give birth. It came from a commune of hippies who left… Read full story
Lakshmi's knitted socks on Friday night — Before a Friday talk Lakshmi gave him hand-knitted socks he rarely wears; he put them on anyway, and during the talk she delighted that he… Read full story
Lao Tzu and the beautiful sunset — A disciple walking with Lao Tzu breaks the rule of silence to exclaim at a sunset and is never taken walking again; the master explains… Read full story
Late-night Thai TV in Bangkok — After flying Perth–Bangkok from a 3.30 a.m. start, Ajahn Brahm is scheduled for a 10.30 p.m. live Thai TV interview. Nested: the Perth… Read full story
Laughing when you hit your head — As a young monk in Thailand, Ajahn Brahm travelled to ceremonies in the back of a ute under a tarpaulin stretched over a metal frame. On… Read full story
LAX bomb scare — LAPD with machine guns — Los Angeles airport bomb scare wakes him better than coffee; Canadian-terminal walk; LAPD car screeches up with sirens; cops emerge with… Read full story
Let her come and bow — Someone in Sydney who watched a video of Ajahn Brahm's Sri Lanka trip says what impressed him most wasn't the many talks but the moment an… Read full story
Let them go to the nightclub with your permission — A widowed close disciple worried about her kids wanting nightclubs with drugs and alcohol. He said they will go anyway — better with your… Read full story
Letting the rip carry him out — A New Zealand monk, tramping with a friend on a hot day, reaches a secluded, pristine beach in (he thinks) the South Island; they strip… Read full story
Londoners laughed at the robes — Walking London streets in robes; strangers laugh at his appearance before he understands why — until he turns a corner and sees himself as… Read full story
'Look out, behind you!' — Simile from his pre-monk cinema days: in a horror film someone in the audience always shouts 'Look out, behind you!' at a monster on the… Read full story
Looking for a tortoise with a moustache — Ajahn Chah used to say that looking for a happiness that doesn't exist is like looking for a tortoise with a moustache. Just because you… Read full story
Looking for matches by candlelight — Analogy: a man has rice, water and wood but hunts for matches — by the light of a candle already burning in his hand. If he knew what fire… Read full story
Looking for the perfect partner — A rich, gorgeous, double-first graduate decides he's so perfect he must marry the most perfect girl. In Sydney he finds a magazine-cover… Read full story
Looking through the other end of the telescope — At a seminar in the old observatory next to Parliament House in Perth, a Catholic woman honestly admits that every look through a… Read full story
Loose robes at the yacht club — After a talk on Buddhism to Perth executives at a yacht/boat club, a woman who grew up in a Catholic convent tells Ajahn Brahm that his… Read full story
Lost in the mist: follow the stream — As a student in the far north of Scotland, the youth-hostel warden sends him up a second mountain alone. At the summit Atlantic clouds… Read full story
Lower where you should be — Just before a talk at Nollamara a woman shows with her hands: 'this is where I should be, this is where I am,' and the gap is making her… Read full story
Lying down for the benefit of all beings — The Buddha takes an afternoon nap, and Māra taunts him: you're no real monk — lazy, sleeping while others work to feed you. The Buddha… Read full story

M

Maha Bua sat in the cool centre of the fever — Visiting Ajahn Maha Bua (late king's teacher), Brahm hears his talk about malaria under Ajahn Man: instead of fleeing the fever he went… Read full story
Mahinda's mango-tree riddle — He says the first monk in Sri Lanka (Mahinda) tested the king with a riddle about a mango tree and other mangoes — answered correctly, so… Read full story
“Make him fall in love again — then divorce him” — A Singapore woman, convinced her husband has a mistress, tells a marriage counsellor she just wants a divorce. The counsellor asks: if you… Read full story
Make-up before the cathedral sermon — The Dean of St George's Cathedral, Perth, invites Ajahn Brahm to give the Sunday eucharist sermon — the first time, the Dean says, a… Read full story
Marquee or wigwam: 'You're too tense' — A man tells his psychologist: some days he's sure he's a marquee; other days he's sure he's a wigwam. The psychologist thinks, then says:… Read full story
Married 25 years and strangers on holiday — After about 25 years of marriage, when the last child leaves home, a couple take their first holiday alone together. One says afterwards… Read full story
May you get whatever you want as soon as you want it — Middle-Eastern friend: second-worst curse is fleas of a thousand camels in your armpits; worst is getting whatever you want immediately. Read full story
Meditate in the restroom — In the US toilets are called restrooms. When tired or stressed, find an empty cubicle and meditate. If the boss asks why you were twenty… Read full story
Meditating through Cambridge finals — During six days of Natural Sciences finals in 1972 — three hours each morning and afternoon — Ajahn Brahm skips lunch to meditate in his… Read full story
Meditating through the fever — Three or four weeks into an undiagnosed fever (later found to be scrub typhus) in a basic Ubon hospital ward, with no energy and nothing… Read full story
Meditating through the flood — An Indonesian monk Ajahn Brahm knew and questioned tells him that as a layman wanting to be a rishi he went deep into the Javanese jungle… Read full story
Meeting the monk who could read minds — As a very young monk Ajahn Brahm is afraid to meet a reputed mind-reader in case his thoughts are exposed. When he finally goes, he feels… Read full story
Men don't cry in Australia — Aussie retreatant cries in meditation; last cry was at 11–12 when his father said men don't cry in Australia. Read full story
Milk for the vegan cat — Years ago, while vegetarian, Ajahn Brahm stays in a house whose owners are trying to make their cat vegan, feeding it soy milk. When they… Read full story
Minus 36 — airports closed — Visiting somewhere so cold (about −36°) that airports and roads shut; wandering in a frozen world becomes the talk's 'infinite wonder'… Read full story
Miso soup against the bomb — When Ajahn Brahm first came to Perth in the early 1980s, many feared nuclear war between the US and the Soviet Union; there were films… Read full story
'Miss, can we have quiet time now?' — A deputy principal who learned meditation with Ajahn Brahm teaches her Year 6 class 'quiet time' every morning, from five minutes at the… Read full story
Missed lunch for the woman at the airport — At lunchtime a call: a woman in crisis had stabbed her mother-in-law (hospitalised), fled to the airport, and would see only Ajahn Brahm.… Read full story
Mistaken for a circus clown — Walking with his cousin through Stoke-on-Trent one Sunday morning, robed Ajahn Brahm notices people pointing and laughing more than usual… Read full story
Mixed vegetables at the autopsy — When the monks are allowed to watch an autopsy, the Scottish pathologist opens the stomach to find peas and carrots and quips that it's… Read full story
“Monastery” — a word from his mother with Alzheimer's — Visiting his mother in London, who no longer recognises him, Ajahn Brahm spends two hours with her; out of the blue she says the word… Read full story
Money or wisdom? — Gandhi's law professor asks him: if you found two bags in the street, one of money and one of wisdom, and could take only one, which would… Read full story
Monk at Centrelink: prove you exist — Applying for a Commonwealth seniors card, Ajahn Brahm is asked to prove who he is. Forty-three years of trying to find out who he is, he… Read full story
Monk uncle spoils the brother's parenting lecture — Visiting as 'monk uncle', Brahm's niece and nephews ask what Dad was like young; he starts listing his brother's childhood misdeeds. The… Read full story
Mortal enemies who go out to dinner — Jerry Hansen, who built the retreat centre, told Ajahn Brahm he would fight publicly with union representative Kevin Reynolds for the… Read full story
Most humble monk in the Guinness Book — He jokes about writing to Guinness to be listed as the most humble monk in the world — an oxymoron he loves. Read full story
Mother Teresa held the man from the gutter — Journalist with Mother Teresa watches her pick up a stinking, oozing cancer patient from a Calcutta gutter and carry him to her sanctuary… Read full story
Mother's mantel shelf and the wombat — Each visit Ajahn Brahm brings his mother another stuffed Australian animal; when the big wombat arrives, everything falls off the crowded… Read full story
Mouse-to-mouse resuscitation — Mickey and Minnie Mouse are in a car accident; Minnie is badly injured, but Mickey saves her life. How? Mouse-to-mouse resuscitation. Read full story
Move huts every two years — by wheelbarrow — Bodhinyana rule: monks may stay in a hut only two years, then must move — no tractor or car, only a self-pushed wheelbarrow — which… Read full story
Mr Bear's third wish — A magic duck grants a bear and a rabbit three wishes each to stop chasing. The bear wishes all other male bears away (then all males in… Read full story
Mr Howard — the jolly maths teacher — School maths head Mr Howard never scolds; laughs with students; praises them when they catch his board mistakes — Brahm credits him for… Read full story
Mrs. Calm and Mr. Insight climb the hill — Mrs. Samatha (calm) climbs a hill for its peace; her husband Mr. Vipassana (insight) climbs it for the view. At the top she finds the view… Read full story
Mum left him on the High Street — As a child in London his mother leaves him outside on the High Street while she shops — early lesson in trust, fear and return. Read full story
Mum's blessing at seventeen — At seventeen, with a sleeping bag and his guitar, he hitchhiked from London to North Africa to explore the world. It must have driven his… Read full story
Mummy, you're nicer after meditation — A tired Armadale Tuesday-night mother almost skips class until her six-year-old insists she go — because she is a much nicer mummy when… Read full story
Muslim woman on the Buddhist retreat — At the Redemptorist retreat centre in North Perth a woman in hijab joins his retreat; she removes it inside per her rules, finds nothing… Read full story
“My eye is the biggest thing in the world” — Asked what the biggest thing in the world is, classmates say daddy, an elephant, a mountain; five-year-old Pascal says her eye, because… Read full story
My father's resolution — His father never spoke of his own father in Liverpool. At 14 or 15 Ajahn Brahm finally gets it out of him: 'Your grandfather was a… Read full story
“My nose is too big” — In his first year in Perth a 13-year-old girl, brought by her father after every other psychologist and psychiatrist had failed, finally… Read full story
My son is a sports mechanic — A Russian boasts his son earns millions. Doctor? Lawyer? No — sports mechanic: he fixes soccer games and cricket matches. Read full story
My soulmate is out there somewhere — A woman around sixty kept coming to say she knew her soulmate was waiting somewhere; he kept saying he isn't — she insisted she just… Read full story

N

Nandivisāla the ox — A poor farmer, cheated year after year by the village merchant, sits depressed under a tree when his ox, Nandivisāla, nuzzles him with a… Read full story
Nasrudin at the archery stall: “That was me” — Mulla Nasrudin takes his students to a fair and tries the archery stall. The first arrow falls short — “the shot of a hasty man”; the… Read full story
'Never mind, we'll get another one' — When Ajahn Brahm was at university, another student in his lab blew up an expensive piece of equipment — a big bang and smoke. Ajahn Brahm… Read full story
New monks ask mum and dad for forgiveness — At Bodhinyana ordinations the candidates bow three times to their parents and ask forgiveness for everything they did and failed to do… Read full story
Newton's plague year was his most fruitful — Cambridge email during COVID notes the college last fully shut for plague in 1665–66. Isaac Newton left for Lincolnshire to isolate — and… Read full story
Next to a media heir at the urinal — At a Parliament House state dinner for Queen Elizabeth II, Ajahn Brahm finds himself at the urinal next to Lachlan Murdoch and thinks he… Read full story
Nick's kindness cracked the 'dog' — Prisoner Nick at Karnet serves a hated senior officer who ignores him. Brahm challenges him to put love into tea and biscuits for months.… Read full story
No alcohol from sunrise to sunset — for vassa — Thai alcoholic vows during rains retreat: no drink sunrise to sunset; hangs at the temple all day; tops up before dawn and after sunset —… Read full story
No bad hair days — He hated hairdressers as a kid — they never got it right. Shave your head and it's always right: monks and nuns never have a bad hair day. Read full story
No BS — Fremantle jail audience — Teaching in old Fremantle jail while it was still open; prisoners warn: no BS — if we disagree we will tell you. Tough and refreshing. Read full story
No electricity on the big day — On the morning of the ceremony starting the rains retreat at Bodhinyana — the monastery's second-biggest day, with many guests coming —… Read full story
No escape, even in the toilet — Returning exhausted from Los Angeles via Singapore, Ajahn Brahm is met at the gate by supporters with an airport buggy who take him for… Read full story
No real ghost has ever hurt a human — Cambridge/London Psychic Research friend Dr Tony Cornell — 'head ghost hunter of Great Britain and Northern Ireland' — always took a… Read full story
No Sex in the Monastery — Someone told him Sarah Jessica Parker had been seen in a US coffee shop reading Opening the Door of Your Heart. He imagined it was only a… Read full story
No side entrance — through the public bar — Lions Club talk at the back of a Pinjarra pub; he expects a side door for the monk — there is only one way in, straight through the public… Read full story
No such thing as a sudden heart attack — Cardiologist summary: heart attacks don't come out of the blue — many body signals precede the big one; people aren't listening. Read full story
No toilet stops — On a six- or seven-hour bus journey across north-east Thailand, the senior monk (captioned as Ajahn Liem) says there's no time for toilet… Read full story
No visitors — except Ajahn Brahm — A Tibetan nun dying in Shenton Park hospice asked him to come, but the nurse barred visitors until small print under 'absolutely no… Read full story
Not until it cries — A wealthy 65-year-old career woman, never married, has a baby through a fertility clinic. Friends visit to see the baby; she keeps saying… Read full story
'Nothing wrong with being crazy' — At Cambridge in the 1970s a friend who had taken LSD came up to Ajahn Brahm saying, 'I think I'm going crazy.' Ajahn Brahm told him,… Read full story
'Now I've got you exactly where I want you' — A monk visiting his family in Chicago slips on the ice and breaks his leg. When his mother comes into the hospital room, he has never seen… Read full story
'Now the drugs are wearing off' — A man coming round from an anaesthetic sees his wife at his bedside: 'My gosh, you are beautiful.' He dozes, opens his eyes again: 'Wife,… Read full story
Nudge the bushfire — From the 1991 crown fire at Serpentine he learned you can't control a bushfire by facing it head-on and saying stop. You nudge it this way… Read full story
Nudist colony — slow down — naked chicks — A chicken farmer's council speed signs fail to stop cars killing his free-range chicks. Taking kamma into his own hands, he puts up his… Read full story
Number one, above Harry Potter — In the Gramedia bookshop in Jakarta he is shown the top-ten bestsellers: number two is Harry Potter, number one is the Indonesian edition… Read full story
'Number one!' — On the monks' Saturday-morning alms round in Perth, a young Australian gave Ajahn Brahm the one-finger sign. He chose not to be offended:… Read full story
Number three after the Quran and the Bible — In Indonesia a bookseller tells Ajahn Brahm his books are always number three in the big Gramedia chain — beaten only by the Quran and the… Read full story

O

Oh my God — the Fremantle Docker — Four Catholic mothers compare pride: one son's a priest (Father), one's a bishop (Your Grace), one's a cardinal (Your Eminence). The… Read full story
“Oh no, not again” — A baby boy born in a US maternity ward, still attached to the umbilical cord, is said to have spoken words everyone heard: “Oh no, not… Read full story
“Oh, you poor thing” — When Ajahn Brahm's father died, his mother was at peace — until a cousin came in with open arms saying “oh you poor thing,” and the… Read full story
Okay darling — I'll help you pack — A Perth mother whose six-year-old wanted to leave home packed his teddy and PlayStation, made a sandwich, kissed him at the door; ~50… Read full story
Old monks don't lie — A wandering old monk spends the rains retreat in a hut a poor farmer builds for him. Leaving, he says a great treasure lies close by: at… Read full story
Omega equals one — from a T-shirt — Science talk of Omega equals one (nothing excess; coming from nothing and going back) — Brahm notes how such insights arrive in unexpected… Read full story
On the birth of my son — may he be stupid — Ajahn Brahm quotes Su Dongpo (as 'Sung Po'): parents want a child to be intelligent; having wrecked his own life through intelligence, the… Read full story
On top of the pyramid at Tikal — At 18, in 1969, before university, Ajahn Brahm got bored of the USA and travelled into the jungles of Central America — buses, fishing… Read full story
One buffalo, or wanting two — Living among subsistence farmers in north-east Thailand, young Ajahn Brahm wonders why some equally poor villagers are happy and others… Read full story
One empty room for emptiness — Analogy: why put a picture on every wall and a pot-plant in every corner? Keep one room in the house deliberately empty — a fashion… Read full story
One leaf on a swept path — Ajahn Chah's image: when you've swept a path and one leaf falls on it, it stands out, because it isn't tangled up with all the other… Read full story
One moment of lust — crash landing — A jungle monk gains the power to fly; the king forces him to the palace as wise advisor. One morning a gorgeous princess brings food as he… Read full story
One phone call to the vice-chancellor — Many years ago a Sri Lankan nursing student at Curtin University lost her husband: working two jobs to pay the bills, he fell asleep… Read full story
One sentence every seven years — In a strict silent monastery a monk may say one sentence to the abbot every seven years. After seven years, the wise words he rehearsed… Read full story
One side is right but not correct — Ajahn Brahm quotes 'Great Master Ran': in an argument one side is right but not correct, the other correct but not right — so both are… Read full story
One toe in the pool — Simile: a four- or five-year-old who has only just learned to walk is taken to a pool for the first time. Mummy lets it dip one toe and… Read full story
One-pound bet — sober for a year — As a student he bets a cousin one pound he can stay sober a year; decades later the cousin still has not paid. Read full story
Only keeping four precepts today — Back in Thailand after some years in Australia, Ajahn Brahm watches people take the five precepts with their hands raised. One man holds… Read full story
Only tell them to do what they want to do — From the Chinese Art of War: a general whose soldiers never disobey — because he only ever tells them to do what they want to do.… Read full story
Only you, Ajahn Brahm — the retiring officer — Retiring high-security prison officer insists only Ajahn Brahm return to teach; Brahm feels busy and lazy but the request is personal. Read full story
Opened the Door of the Heart — in the medical section — Adelaide friends hunt his book; self-help clerk joke; they find Opened the Door of the Heart shelved in medical — someone thought heart… Read full story
Opening the car boot (and the nun loophole) — Youth-group members can't open their locked car boot; Ajahn Brahm agrees to try if Ronnie promises to become a nun, gives the car… Read full story
Ordain the nuns and we'll kick you out — After bhikkhunī ordination, old Thai-forest friends threaten expulsion; say the nuns aren't real and all is forgiven — he faces the choice… Read full story
Owners of Labradors go blind — Two men talking: one plans to buy a Labrador. His mate: 'Don't be stupid. Haven't you noticed the owners of Labradors usually go blind?' Read full story
Oxfam charged for the corrugated iron — As a new monk Ajahn Brahm read about Oxfam's earthquake relief in Guatemala: instead of giving corrugated iron free, they charged about 5%… Read full story

P

Paddington crash — those who skipped counselling did better — Paddington rush-hour crash; free counselling offered; follow-up finds (adjusted for severity) those who declined counselling often fared… Read full story
Paid to be shouted at — In ancient Greece a teacher charges his students a few extra coins every time he has to shout at them for doing something stupid. One… Read full story
Parachute the monks into Syria — Someone told Ajahn Brahm about an episode of the ABC's Q&A on violence in the Middle East. Asked for a solution, a panellist — the editor… Read full story
Parents who argued, then made up — In a tiny London flat Ajahn Brahm watched his parents argue until they would not speak for an hour or two, then make up in front of the… Read full story
'Pass this, and then you'll be happy' — As a boy Ajahn Brahm gave up soccer to study, because everyone said that if he passed his O levels (at 14) he'd be happy. Then it was A… Read full story
Pasta lives — On a retreat where rebirth is discussed, a written question reports two vivid dreams — in one life they were a piece of ravioli, in… Read full story
Paṭācārā, who lost everything — Paṭācārā, from a good family, runs away with her low-born lover. Pregnant, she tries to return to her parents to give birth but delivers… Read full story
Paying for the timber: the builder's discount — Building Bodhinyana in the early days, Ajahn Brahm collected a lot of timber in a rush from a timber yard on Brookton Highway and realised… Read full story
Penance: a carrot for the rabbit — A postulant who broke a minor precept is very upset with himself and asks for a penance. Ajahn Brahm tells him to take a carrot from the… Read full story
Perfect partner? Get a TV — or a dog — Advice: want someone always there, listening, entertaining, quiet on demand — get a TV; always happy to see you — get a dog; don't expect… Read full story
Permission to go — peaceful funeral — He tells a daughter she is holding her dying mother back; she gives full permission to depart. The mother dies within 24 hours. At the… Read full story
Perth Airport: 'That's my favorite book' — Landing at Perth Airport around 11 pm after Taiwan, the immigration officer asks if he has written any books. When he names Opening the… Read full story
Peter already knew — Mom had just visited — Peter in Australia answers the phone: sister says Mom's dead. He already knows and is not upset — Mom's mind-made form had just visited,… Read full story
Photo op in the galley — On a Garuda flight from Perth to Bali, a flight attendant puts her hand on her heart: 'I am your greatest fan!' After the meal service she… Read full story
Plant more flowers — Simile for 'repressed' emotions: your garden has weeds and flowers. Weeding isn't repression. But better than pulling the weeds, plant… Read full story
Please — no jokes after the hysterectomy — The society's former secretary, after a painful hysterectomy, asked Ajahn Brahm to visit but begged him not to tell jokes because laughing… Read full story
“Please don't die during our retreat” — At the start of the rains retreat Ajahn Brahm jokingly asks everyone not to die until October or November, since funerals break his… Read full story
'Please tell Julie how much I love her' — A doctor who attends the Buddhist Society told Ajahn Brahm of a dying patient (he thinks at Royal Perth) who had given a list of close… Read full story
Porky the Pig in the pram — After deep meditation he asks for his earliest memory and gets the smell of his baby pram at about three or four weeks old, then… Read full story
Prisoners smiled back at the circumambulation — At a Thai-community prison-temple opening ceremony, during circumambulation he catches two prisoners' eyes with a big smile — they smile… Read full story
Professor Blair and the zero-sum universe — At a UWA event with physicist David Blair he asks where the universe's mass-energy came from if it cannot be created. From silence he… Read full story
Psychic battle with Hindu saints — In early meditation Ajahn Brahm's mind put on a movie: a psychic battle with Hindu saints flying and levitating and zapping each other. He… Read full story
Pub arguments, then buy each other a drink — At university (and before), Ajahn Brahm and friends spent evenings in pubs arguing passionately about philosophy, religion, politics and… Read full story
Puppies for young offenders — Ajahn Brahm reads that Western Australia gave repeat juvenile offenders, aged 16 or 17 and beyond the reach of counsellors, a puppy each… Read full story
“Pushing the wheelbarrow is easy; thinking about it is the hard part” — Ajahn Chah asks the young monks to move a mountain of leftover earth; three days of gruelling work on one meal a day. While Ajahn Chah is… Read full story
Put a sticker on it — seven days — A friend's workshop driveway is blocked by an illegally parked car; the ranger can only ticket and wait seven days. The owner parks across… Read full story
“Put your hand down, Ajahn Brahm!” — At a Singapore talk full of young singles too shy to ask each other out, the MC asks everyone who is single and available to put their… Read full story
“Put your hand under here” — A young builder from a poor family, renovating an old Perth house on stumps, hears a voice — with no one around — telling him to put his… Read full story
Putting Descartes before the horse — A philosophy horse walks into a bar, says 'I think not,' and vanishes — Descartes: I think therefore I am. Punchline: putting Descartes… Read full story

Q

Quit while you're ahead — count the clean plates — Before washing up, count clean plates versus dirty ones; if clean outnumber dirty, quit while you're ahead. Never do today what you can… Read full story

R

Rabbi Bernstein believed in rebirth — Moshe Bernstein, a rebellious Perth rabbi Brahm met via a cancer-support group, said he believed in rebirth; the head rabbi confirmed… Read full story
Raged at in the Sydney airport lounge — In the Sydney airport lounge a woman asks if he is a monk from Thailand, then explodes: he took $10,000 from her husband and messed up his… Read full story
Raining cats and dogs — People whose first language is not English, translating 'it was raining cats and dogs' word for word into their home language, laugh… Read full story
Raise them honest and questioning — An English Buddhist couple ask a monk how to bring up their first child without brainwashing — Buddhist, no religion, or every religion?… Read full story
Rajapaksa served baked beans and said 'I'm a failure' — Invited to breakfast at the Sri Lankan presidential palace, Brahm is served baked beans by President Rajapaksa himself. Rubbing sleep from… Read full story
Ray-Bans on the meditation demon — Early in his practice a blood-dripping, skull-necklaced demon appears in Ajahn Brahm's deep meditation; knowing the mind creates it, he… Read full story
Razor blades sewn into the flat cap — His father, apprenticed as a bricklayer in late-1920s East End London, was taught first to sew razor blades into the peak of his flat cap… Read full story
Relaxing into food poisoning — About fifteen months earlier, several monks at Bodhinyana get food poisoning, Ajahn Brahm included. He skips a meal for the only time in… Read full story
Road rage left him without a car — In a New York road-rage story he tells, an angry driver stopped at a red light, jumped out and beat on the other car's window. The lights… Read full story
Ronnie Kray's promise — One of the most notorious prisoners he visited in England was Ronnie Kray, the mentally disturbed one of East London's Kray twins. As… Read full story
Root canal without anaesthetic — As a young monk at the first Perth centre in North Perth, Ajahn Brahm goes to a free dental clinic and is assigned a trainee dentist — the… Read full story
Roy Hudd remembered Dan Leno's house — English comedian Roy Hudd, lost in a new one-way system after a London show, turns down a street he has never seen in this life and… Read full story
Rubbing the monk's belly — Around Chinese New Year, standing by the reception door of the Perth centre, Ajahn Brahm is approached by an elderly Chinese woman who… Read full story
Rumpelstiltskin — power in a name — He recalls the Grimm tale: know the demon's name and you have power over him. In the same way, putting names on silence, on people, on… Read full story

S

Sadat just got in a plane to Jerusalem — After the Six Day War, what inspires him is President Sadat skipping endless cabinet politics — he simply boards a plane to Jerusalem/Tel… Read full story
“Samsara sucks” — and the taxi's reply — After a week of breakdowns, missing shower water and redone tickets, Ajahn Brahm writes “samsara sucks” with his finger in the dust on an… Read full story
Sanctuary — the temple cat on the monk's lap — Kitten brought into the meditation hall chooses an adopter; later another cat, seeing its owner arrive to collect it, jumps onto Brahm's… Read full story
Sariputta and the novice who corrected him — Told as a monk that even kings must bow to him, Ajahn Brahm reads of Venerable Sariputta, wisest monk after the Buddha, on alms round: a… Read full story
Saturn's rings after 2001: A Space Odyssey — After watching 2001: A Space Odyssey as a student, he cycles with friends to an old Astronomical Society observatory; the dome opens and… Read full story
Seeing his monastery through a visitor's eyes — When Ajahn Jagaro disrobes, Ajahn Brahm is left running Bodhinyana: building and abbot's work all week, teaching in Perth all weekend. He… Read full story
Send her back — she might resurrect — A man finally takes his difficult Christian wife to Israel; she dies there. Chaplain offers $500 local funeral vs $5000 to ship her home —… Read full story
Sensual pleasure is a loan — The Buddha's simile, as Ajahn Brahm gives it: sensual pleasure is like taking out a loan — joy at first, then the payback; and to repay it… Read full story
Set the exam so most pass and no one gets 100% — As a school teacher for one year he was taught to set tests so most students get at least 50% but no one gets 100% — too easy wastes time,… Read full story
Seven blind Australians and the kangaroo — Brahm adapts the blind-men-and-elephant into seven blind Australians feeling a kangaroo — tail like a snake, legs like a boomerang, pouch… Read full story
Seven days without food ended the monks' quarrel — At Kosambi (he places near modern Allahabad) monks argued endlessly; lay people stopped offering food for seven days until the starving… Read full story
Seven monks in a cave — Seven monks practise loving-kindness in a jungle cave: the abbot, his brother, his best friend, his 'enemy', a very old monk, a very sick… Read full story
Seven out of ten — As a maths teacher he set exams aiming for an average of seven out of ten: scores of three or four discourage children, and nines and tens… Read full story
Seven years to change a violent husband — About twenty years ago a woman thanks the monks for saving her life. For seven years she had come to the centre only to get away from a… Read full story
Sexy dance for the Massey Ferguson — A farmer told by a marriage counsellor to do something sexy to attract his wife is later found naked doing a sexy dance in front of his… Read full story
Sharing a room with the snorer — With no free rooms, a traveller accepts a twin share with a legendary snorer and sleeps perfectly. His secret: as soon as he got into his… Read full story
She asked the dog if it wanted to die — A committee member's dog has cancer; the vet wants to euthanize. She asks for a few minutes, looks the dog in the eyes and asks if it… Read full story
She called me a pig — three more times — If someone calls you a pig and you keep replaying it — she's got no right, why did she — a wise person sees you've just let her call you a… Read full story
She called the police on the Zen stick — A Hong Kong / mainland China Zen retreat: the master hits a sleepy middle-aged woman with the waking stick; she pulls out a phone, calls… Read full story
She came back to see what her husband was up to — A retreat participant tells how, dying in hospital while her husband raced to reach her, she was out of her body having a blissful time —… Read full story
She failed her exams — and blamed the monk — A first-year Malaysian student asks Ajahn Brahm to chant for her exams. Later her friends tell him she's going round the university saying… Read full story
She flew from Bern just to say thank you — Asked for a new foreword to Opening the Door of Your Heart, Ajahn Brahm recalls a woman from Bern who had flown to Perth only to thank him… Read full story
'She gave me the money and sent me' — A man keeps asking his wife if he can go on a weekend meditation retreat; each time there's too much to do — shopping, cleaning, kids'… Read full story
She had to sign children away from their parents — A highly educated Thai woman on retreat carries the job of signing final judgments that remove children from parents too damaged by… Read full story
She never went to lectures and scored near-perfect — A Sri Lankan woman in Melbourne did a medical degree without tutorials or lectures — reading with a quiet meditative mind she remembered… Read full story
She signed a blank cheque so the refugee could see her dying mother — In the Buddhist centre hall a Laotian refugee gets a telegram — mother dying in Oregon — no money to fly. The woman arranging flowers… Read full story
She thought she'd had a stroke — it was dehydration — A member of the three-month rains retreat in Joondalup grows very sick and is taken to hospital thinking she has had a stroke. The cause… Read full story
She waved the gold medal at the monk — At Sydney 2000 a Thai monk in the Olympic village taught meditation to an Eastern European finalist who could not sleep from stress. Later… Read full story
'She'll do' — A now-senior monk honestly admits that as a young monk he'd sit in the temple and find himself eyeing a girl who came in — not… Read full story
'She's in denial' — A Thai woman, a great early supporter of the monastery, calls him to hospital: what she thought was hay fever is inoperable lung cancer,… Read full story
Sheep circling a bush forever — A monk who grew up on a farm near Mundijong once found the sheep walking in a circle around a thick clump of bushes, each following the… Read full story
Singapore Airlines after the Friday talk — A supporter who had bailed out Jhana Grove finances lost her husband; they asked him to do the Saturday funeral in Singapore. After the… Read full story
Singing the anthem of his own free will — At a Cambridge psychical research society demonstration, a hypnotist puts a student in trance and tells him that when the hypnotist… Read full story
“Sir, you're drunk” — “Madam, you're ugly” — Ajahn Brahm tells the 'greatest put-down' he knows, which he attributes to Oscar Wilde: coming out of a bar completely drunk, at a time… Read full story
Sister Jittindria mistaken for Ajahn Brahm — One of the first nuns, Sister Jittindria, is driven off after Saturday lunch for a tour of Perth. A Thai woman shouts that Ajahn Brahm is… Read full story
Sit and meditate — or get out — An ex-monk supporting the BSWA, meditating at a Thai cremation-ground monastery, feels a tug on his outstretched leg and then a… Read full story
Sit still under the mango tree — Ajahn Chah's simile, taught in a monastery that was a mango orchard: the only way to get the mangoes is to sit perfectly still under the… Read full story
Six cooks talking, no one listening — Passing the Serpentine monastery kitchen one morning, Ajahn Brahm notices six Thai ladies preparing the meal — all six with their mouths… Read full story
Six months alone and never lonely — Ajahn Brahm's record is six months alone, not speaking to or seeing anyone; food was left in a box, and he left his bowl back there to be… Read full story
Six months alone, and the kangaroos ate the pizza — Sometime between 2000 and 2008 his year's sabbatical shrank to six months. Instead of touring, he stayed in a hut in the Serpentine forest… Read full story
Six months of silence — Ajahn Brahm spends six months in a little hut in total silence, seeing no one: a monk leaves food in a box, he eats and returns the clean… Read full story
Six out of seven dwarfs aren't happy — A psychological 'assessment' of the Seven Dwarfs proves six out of seven aren't happy — because only one was named Happy. Read full story
Sixteen fails, one blessing — A very intelligent Malaysian woman had failed the English language test for her Australian permanent visa 16 times. 'Take it again.' 'But… Read full story
Sixty mosquitoes on one arm — Evening group sittings in the Thai jungle start at 6 p.m., exactly when mosquitoes come for dinner — and bald, bare-shouldered Western… Read full story
Sixty pilgrims' photographs and a near-missed flight — Changing flights at Singapore airport, Ajahn Brahm is recognised by 60 or 70 Indonesians returning from pilgrimage in India. Group photos,… Read full story
Sleeping on a door with a hole in it — In the first days of Bodhinyana Monastery the two monks sleep on doors propped on bricks; the senior monk gets the flat one, Ajahn Brahm… Read full story
Snoopy: “Most days we won't” — Charlie Brown and Snoopy sit on a pier enjoying a beautiful view of mountains and lakes. Charlie Brown says, “You know, Snoopy, all of us… Read full story
Something with diamonds in it — Asked what she wants for Valentine's Day, a wife says, “I need nothing, I've got you.” “Yes, but what do you want?” “Something, anything… Read full story
Steal where no one sees you — A famous ancient Indian teacher must marry his daughter to his best disciple and also needs money for the couple. To 'cut two carrots with… Read full story
“Steve, you can die” — Visiting a dying man, Steve, Ajahn Brahm senses something is holding him back and asks his partner Jenny (present in the audience) whether… Read full story
Still in the POW camp — Two Australian veterans who were captured at the fall of Singapore and held in prisoner-of-war camps meet at a reunion. One asks the other… Read full story
Stop the train as it leaves the station — Simile: a train going 110 km/h with all its weight can't stop for an obstruction — it takes half a kilometre, which is why there are… Read full story
Strawberry ice cream on spaghetti bolognese — Monks eat everything from one bowl. Once, the person serving Ajahn Brahm tipped strawberry ice cream straight on top of his spaghetti… Read full story
Stream-entry certificates on the wall — Analogy: a Burma monastery giving stream-winner certificates to hang next to degrees and swimming certificates — spiritual materialism as… Read full story
Streets paved with gold — A refugee waiting for resettlement hears that Perth's streets are paved with gold. Walking out of Perth Airport, he spots a $2 gold coin… Read full story
Stupid feet — In Ajahn Chah's monastery the monks went barefoot through the jungle, and the Western monks were always stubbing toes and piercing their… Read full story
Sudhamma's flood jhāna and the laser eyes — A Thai princess friend (married to a man from Brahm's school) told him about Indonesian monk Sudhamma at Wat Pho: after 7–8 days in deep… Read full story
“Suffering is asking from the world what it can never give you” — A rushed executive in Malaysia or Singapore demands a quick answer: “Four Noble Truths, suffering — what is suffering? Come on, quickly.”… Read full story
Suicide is stuffing up one exam question — Parents who used to come to Friday talks lost a child to suicide just before the TEE exams. Ajahn Brahm frames a life like an exam of many… Read full story
Suicide note to test reincarnation — Asked for evidence of reincarnation beyond meditation, Ajahn Brahm jokes that the best evidence is to die — then adds he has heard of a… Read full story
Sundays church, Saturdays temple — Ajahn Jagaro marries a Thai Buddhist woman to an Italian Catholic. Asked how they should practise, he says: Sundays you both go to church… Read full story
Sunsets need clouds — Simile from the hills at Serpentine: the best sunsets come when there's cloud or dust in the sky; the imperfections spread the light into… Read full story
Super Monk and the death ray — An art student who watches his videos (from Czechoslovakia, he thinks) makes a cartoon of 'Super Monk' based on his stories. The villain… Read full story
Super Monk and the DreamWorks email — As a new monk in Thailand Ajahn Brahm reads a comic of 'Super Monk' who flies and saves people — but instead of killing villains, gives… Read full story
Surrounded in Burma: “Sit down and make a cup of tea” — An older fellow teacher tells young Ajahn Brahm how, as a frightened WWII conscript in Burma, his patrol was surrounded by Japanese… Read full story
Swings at the bus stop — Someone sent him a photo of Montreal bus stops fitted with playground swings. Waiting commuters swing back and forth — highly relaxing, so… Read full story

T

'Take her, take that little kid' — A woman volunteered for a year with an aid organisation in a drought-stricken African country. Each morning she had to go outside the camp… Read full story
“Take them out one by one” — Asked by Fr Frank Brennan how to deal with troublesome fundamentalists, Abbot Placid of New Norcia shocks the room with “Take them out one… Read full story
Teach year threes and fours Buddhism — At the old North Perth temple a teacher dumps year-three/four kids on him: please teach Buddhism — Four Noble Truths won't do; he must… Read full story
Teaching 650 schoolchildren to meditate — As a young maths teacher, Ajahn Brahm uses a week of school assemblies to teach 650 high-school children to watch the breath; they all do… Read full story
Tears at the Sarnath Buddha — On pilgrimage near Sarnath (deer park outside Varanasi), he searches the museum for the famous undamaged teaching Buddha with the wheel… Read full story
Teased on the Charles Street bus — In the early Perth days people mock his robes: 'women's clothes', 'Hare Krishna', 'get a proper job'. On a bus down Charles Street some… Read full story
Ted's last dinner — Ted, a Lancashire man dying of lung cancer, was one of the first patients in the new hospice next to Murdoch Hospital. Asked what he… Read full story
Tell his girlfriend he might marry a dummy — A Perth father whose university son was clubbing and failing waited up until 1 a.m., invited son and girlfriend in for coffee, and spoke… Read full story
Telling the kids what their dad got up to — Visiting his brother, Ajahn Brahm tells his young nephew and niece about all the naughty things their father did at their age; fascinated,… Read full story
Ten pounds for the Sikkim orphanage — As a student who dozed through talks by professors and monks, Ajahn Brahm never forgets one by an old English woman, a Tibetan Buddhist… Read full story
Thai insurgents forgiven — then hired — Northeast Thai insurgency collapses; rebel leaders give themselves up and instead of jail or execution are forgiven and given… Read full story
Thank the burglar for the whiskey — Someone's house is burgled of expensive whiskey; Brahm says thank the burglar — he stopped you breaking precepts — and asks for the… Read full story
'Thank you for saving my life' — As a young monk assisting another teacher at a retreat in Oban, Scotland, Ajahn Brahm is dulled by the usual complaints — until a woman… Read full story
“Thank you for the car park” — After lunch at Bodhinyana a stranger turns out to be the Serpentine-Jarrahdale Shire building surveyor who signed off all the monastery's… Read full story
Thank you, burglar — When burglars steal generators, chainsaws and expensive equipment from the Bodhinyana workshop, Ajahn Brahm thanks them: the gear was old,… Read full story
“Thank you, I do deserve this medal” — At the annual John Curtin Medal ceremony, a woman with decades of community service insists others deserve it more — just as Ajahn Brahm… Read full story
“That monk, he's on the gear” — At a Buddha-statue installation in an English open prison, Ajahn Brahm is beaming as he circles the statue; one watching prisoner tells… Read full story
“That was the worst tape I've ever heard” — Angie, later president of the Buddhist Fellowship in Singapore, finds a 23-year-old cassette of one of Ajahn Brahm's early talks in the… Read full story
“That's a beautiful baby” on the Tube — On a depressing London Underground ride where nobody looks at anyone, Ajahn Brahm tells a young mother her baby is beautiful — a fib, he… Read full story
That's not the dress I bought for her — Mother in a locked dementia ward; brother first notices she is wearing someone else's dress — clothes get swapped on the ward — then… Read full story
That's not what Ajahn Chah said — I was there — Ajahn Brahm read a monk's translation of an Ajahn Chah talk he had personally heard and protested that it was not what Chah had said. The… Read full story
The 'bikie' who came to the retreat — A huge man with scraggly hair, tattooed all over, turns up at a Jhana Grove retreat. Stereotyping him as a bikie-gang leader, Ajahn Brahm… Read full story
The 'fearless' monk on the burning bus — During a spate of deadly bus fires in north-east Thailand, someone on Ajahn Brahm's bus shouts “fire!”; the driver leaps out the window… Read full story
The 'hopeless at maths' boy who came top — As a young schoolteacher, Ajahn Brahm is told a boy in his maths class is hopeless — he came bottom of three or four classes the year… Read full story
The 'scatty' monk emptied his wallet at the refugee camp — Proud young Brahm criticises a Thai monk for carrying money; the monk shares breakfast, takes him to a Lao refugee camp after the Vietnam… Read full story
The 17-year-old bricklayer who didn't look busy — Building a Sydney mansion, the wealthy client wants the apprentice bricklayer removed — he doesn't look busy. The builder has him watch:… Read full story
The 18-hour flight delay — Ajahn Brahm's flight to Indonesia is delayed 18 hours; he thanks the desk and goes back to the monastery, while the passengers behind him… Read full story
The 1991 bushfire and the hut that 'should not be here' — On 31 January 1991, at 47–48°C, a crown fire sweeps through Bodhinyana; eucalypts explode one after another and the monks evacuate, sure… Read full story
The 2012 doomsday bet — When people in Indonesia worry about the world ending in 2012, Ajahn Brahm offers to bet his monastery against their house; nobody takes… Read full story
The 86-year-old who pleaded guilty — Two old men meet in the park for lunch every day. The 86-year-old disappears for a month; when he returns he says he's been in jail. The… Read full story
The abbot who forecast the winter — In a mountain monastery in Ladakh, a newly elected abbot, a poor meditator, is asked whether the winter will be cold, as the psychic old… Read full story
The actuary they called “Flash” — Visiting England, Ajahn Brahm meets a Cambridge friend he hasn't seen for 40 years — now a highly respected actuary, among the top in… Read full story
The Ananda method of enlightenment — After the Buddha's death, Ananda — his attendant for 25 years — is still not enlightened, while 499 of the 500 monks gathering for the… Read full story
The anger-eating demon — A monster sits on the emperor's throne and grows bigger with every angry word from the guards; the returning emperor welcomes it, the… Read full story
The anti-war rally on Parliament steps — Just before an Iraq war, Ajahn Brahm, with Dennis, accepts an invitation to speak on the steps of Western Australia's Parliament House —… Read full story
The ants and the A-frame hut — Ajahn Brahm builds the A-frame hut at Serpentine right next to an ant mound — against the Vinaya — after chanting and apologising to the… Read full story
The ants left a circle of kindness around the monk — A famous Thai forest monk, waiting to give a village talk, sat by an ant mound; red ants bit him until he fled, then he forced himself… Read full story
The ants who buried the sugar cube — A visitor at the Serpentine monastery puts a hard sugar cube on top of an ants' nest to test them. Instead of breaking it up, the ants… Read full story
The ATM that gave twenty euros — A former monastery postulant studying in Germany adopts a campus ATM that 'gurgled' at him, sends it loving-kindness every day, and one… Read full story
The Australian anjali — At an international bhikkhuni conference, fed up with endless photos with palms joined, Ajahn Brahm suggests the senior nuns — Tenzin… Read full story
The baby washed in wall acid — Building Bodhinyana's kitchen, Ajahn Brahm spends a morning acid-washing the brickwork. At lunch Ben Anson and his wife Hupa bring food… Read full story
The bad snake learned to hiss but not bite — Jātaka-based arc: bad snake gets religious, takes Five Precepts from a holy snake, kids torment the meek convert, holy snake returns —… Read full story
The bank robber who sat down to wait — True-story newspaper item: after robbing a bank the man sits in the foyer and waits to be arrested — expectations/surrender image. Read full story
The barium meal that wouldn't move — A monk in Thailand given an afternoon barium X-ray finds the meal won't move because his stomach is 'asleep' in the afternoon; a nurse… Read full story
The bat-cave papaya — As a young monk Ajahn Brahm spent about six months meditating in a cave full of bats; to this day he loves the smell of bat droppings… Read full story
The BBC cricket commentary blooper — Ajahn Brahm recalls the famous BBC Test Match Special blooper when, introducing an over with a bowler named Holding and a batsman named… Read full story
The bear attack and the sapling in her head — A nun, before ordaining, is meditating outside a Himalayan cave when a bear clamps its jaws on her head; she chants, and the bear lets go.… Read full story
The benefits of dying at 30,000 feet — Ajahn Brahm lists the 'benefits' of dying in an aircraft explosion: instant painless death, instant cremation (no backlog), ashes… Read full story
The best boarding-house cook in England — At 19, dreading the 'stodge, stodge and stodge' of a Cambridge boarding house, Ajahn Brahm goes on his first nine-day retreat — and every… Read full story
The big rocks go in first — A business-school professor fills a jar with large stones and asks if it's full; the students say yes. He adds gravel, shaking it into the… Read full story
The Biggest Loser — Challenging the slur 'loser', Ajahn Brahm lists what he lost becoming a monk — money, girlfriends, possessions, a nice motorbike — sleeps… Read full story
The bikie and the girl on the bridge — A bikie gang, wanting good publicity, sees a crowd: a girl is about to jump off a bridge. One bikie goes up and kisses her, and everyone… Read full story
The bikies' funeral — A young bikie hits a lamp post and dies; his Buddhist mother asks Ajahn Brahm to support her, and he ends up conducting the funeral in… Read full story
The birds queued — and punished the queue-jumper — Near the Burmese border in hot season he put out a water bowl by a knothole. Birds of different sizes lined up in a queue; when one jumped… Read full story
The blank cheque he gave back — After a talk on generosity in which Ajahn Brahm muses that the finest gift would be a blank cheque, a man in the audience actually gives… Read full story
The blast that became a spiritual experience — WA northwest miner drills and sets explosives alone at night; a charge comes straight toward him — survival becomes a 'marvelous spiritual… Read full story
The blind cats of the closed coal mine — Ajahn Brahm recalls a journal article from decades earlier. After Thatcher's government closed a coal mine in South Wales (near Cardiff or… Read full story
The blind elephants who felt a man — At a leadership conference on Hayman Island with Kevin Rudd, Julia Gillard and others, Ajahn Brahm retells the seven blind men and the… Read full story
The blister from a cold nail — At a public demonstration of the Cambridge psychical research society, a student is hypnotised to believe a four-inch nail on a stick is… Read full story
The bodhisattva at the bottom of the class — As a schoolteacher, Ajahn Brahm hands out report cards; a 12- or 13-year-old reads “30th of 30” and slumps — how will he show his dad?… Read full story
The bomb next door in the Blitz — During the London Blitz a bomb falls right next to the terraced house where Ajahn Brahm's mother and grandmother are. The neighbours, only… Read full story
The bomb threat that saved the interfaith service — For years Ajahn Brahm chants at the rather dull Commonwealth Day interfaith service in St George's Cathedral, Perth. One year the Dean,… Read full story
The bottle ghost — Told in Asia, where people fear ghosts: the most dangerous ghost in the world, one he has seen many times. It possesses people — they… Read full story
The boy who failed grade one three times — A north-east Thai boy fails grade one three years running, so he is sent to the village monastery, where even the patient abbot can't… Read full story
The boy who regretted remembering — After a talk on reincarnation at the London Buddhist Vihara, an 18- or 19-year-old comes up and tells Ajahn Brahm he is one of the cases… Read full story
The boy who spat on the classroom floor — A school friend teaches at a tough comprehensive in Wandsworth around the time of the Brixton riots. A boy spits on the floor in front of… Read full story
The boy who stretched his seedlings — One of Ajahn Brahm's first meditation teachers recalls planting seeds with his father at five or six. After three days with nothing… Read full story
The brochure that opened the till — Old-fashioned hardware counter; given a laminex brochure to choose colours; sets it on the electronic till and opens the cash drawer —… Read full story
The broken pot of ghee — The Buddha's simile, asked whether chanting for the dead helps them: break a clay pot of ghee over a lake — the clay sinks and the oil… Read full story
The bucket with so many holes — Coming from Cambridge to subsistence villages in northeast Thailand, Ajahn Brahm is shocked at how happy people are eating frogs and… Read full story
The Buddha relics multiplied — Doubting theoretical-physicist Brahm softens when he sees 'weird stuff': relics he left with Singapore disciples were two in a sealed… Read full story
The Buddhist fly went round three times — Teaching on camera about leaving blowflies alone, one lands on his nose and circles the mouth three times — a circumambulation, like… Read full story
The Buddhist soldiers from the British Army — In the UK a group of Buddhists from the British Army come to see Ajahn Brahm. He had assumed Buddhist soldiers would be dentists or… Read full story
The budgie's gone on holiday — Aged about four or five, Ajahn Brahm asks where the budgie is; Dad says it's gone on holiday. The child sees through it: no — he's died.… Read full story
The burglar who came back for compassion — An abbot finds a knife-wielding burglar at the donation box, hands him the key, notices how thin he is and offers him leftover food —… Read full story
The caller who threatened the monks — A woman phones the monastery cursing and threatening to come with a rifle; Ajahn Brahm answers only with kindness, she says he alone… Read full story
The camel's one more round — A man who told Ajahn Brahm the story after hearing the Nandivisāla tale arrived late at a primary-school fete in a park, longing for a… Read full story
The carrot who'll be a vegetable — Two carrots walk down St George's Terrace when a drunk driver mounts the pavement and hits one. Rushed to Royal Perth Hospital, he's in… Read full story
The cat that steals the milk — Every morning a cat takes Ajahn Brahm's milk and walks off without thanks; he gives anyway because he loves giving. Read full story
The cat that went to heaven — From a little book over 100 years old by a Western lady living in Japan (as he recalls): a destitute painter is commissioned to paint the… Read full story
The cats and the building sand — Bodhinyana is covered in gravel, so the monastery's cats treat any pile of sand as a luxury loo, burying their business in it. The day… Read full story
The Cavendish warren — As a young Cambridge student he enters the Cavendish Laboratory warren — alleys, rooms, history including J.J. Thomson discovering the… Read full story
The celebratory pork curry that ended his enlightenment — After four years as a monk Ajahn Brahm had a great satori and thought he was enlightened. That morning, instead of the usual rotten fish… Read full story
The celibate monk at the Gay Pride breakfast — When the Sunday Telegraph quotes the Dalai Lama as saying you can't be both Buddhist and gay, Ajahn Brahm writes a letter to the paper… Read full story
The channelled spirit at the roulette table — A man channels a powerful being who gives him lots of advice; what he really wants is cash. “Go to the casino… the roulette table… put $10… Read full story
The chanting worked too well — Invited to chant for a dying Chinese man in Royal Perth Hospital's ICU, Ajahn Brahm chants his strongest — and the man goes into… Read full story
The cheap haunted London townhouse — Friend buys a London townhouse cheap because the agent admits it is haunted; first night midnight rap-rap; searches, finds nothing, gets… Read full story
The CIA, the FBI, the LAPD and the rabbit — Testing his agencies, the President releases a rabbit in a forest: the CIA reports there is no rabbit, the FBI shoots down half the trees… Read full story
The cockroach insurance claim — At the Serpentine retreat centre the air conditioning fails: a cockroach has crawled into the electrics and been fried, taking the… Read full story
The coffin stuck halfway down — At a Chinese disciple's burial the ornate knobs on the coffin catch on the way down the grave; it sticks halfway. Ajahn Brahm has to chant… Read full story
The coffin that chased him home — Man flees a cemetery thinking he is safe; the coffin bumps after him; he jumps his front gate — then the coffin tries to smash the iron… Read full story
The cold stone bench — A simile he made up: on life's journey you come to a rough, cold, lumpy stone bench, the only place to stop. It's uncomfortable at first,… Read full story
The cold that vanished mid-talk — On his first visit to Canberra, his hosts take Ajahn Brahm everywhere all day in the cold, getting lost, with no rest. By evening he has a… Read full story
The Colombia coach brought her World Cup team — The head coach of Colombia's women's soccer team, in Perth for the Women's World Cup, came to a Friday talk after listening on YouTube and… Read full story
The comfortable prison — Simile: someone born in a modern prison does well at prison school, works hard, gets a bigger cell with nice things and holidays in other… Read full story
The company that banned overtime — An English engineering firm Ajahn Brahm remembers as 'Farrell and Sons' wins a best-business-practice prize after trebling turnover and… Read full story
The conservative parents who became friends — One of Ajahn Brahm's first Perth funerals is for a young British Buddhist of 23 or 24 who dies of cancer at Bethesda hospice. His very… Read full story
The convict who left his body to watch football — A meditation student at Karnet Prison Farm tells Ajahn Brahm that as a boy of five or six, having surgery in what was then Yugoslavia, he… Read full story
The corpse in the elevator — Funeral directors collecting a body from a top-floor old apartment find the gurney will not fit the stairs or elevator, so they hold the… Read full story
The cow that cried — After a meditation talk at Karnet Prison Farm, a prisoner — a murderer, born in Northern Ireland — asks to see Ajahn Brahm. His prison job… Read full story
The crab with a limp — Ajahn Chah's last teaching before he stopped teaching, acted out with his hands: a crab with a wonky leg tells its babies, 'I walk with a… Read full story
The cremation pyre exploded — and Ajahn Liem went to bed — Ajahn Liem, long Ajahn Chah's acting abbot, builds the crematorium for his teacher's royal funeral — a structure that still stands as a… Read full story
The crooked trees are the beautiful ones — At a mental-health conference a woman apologises to Ajahn Brahm: when he walked in she thought “who is this wanker?” — but his talk made… Read full story
The cult-buster who ran from the Buddha statue — In the early North Perth centre, Western Australia's chief 'cult buster' comes to check the Buddhists out; charmed by the very Australian… Read full story
The Dalai Lama accepted the poor woman's skirt — Early story: dirt-poor woman offers the Dalai Lama an egg-stained/skirt gift; he accepts because she needed to give — wisdom of receiving… Read full story
The dancing lollipop lady — Being driven to the airport early one morning in London as children went to school, Ajahn Brahm sees a 'lollipop lady' stopping traffic… Read full story
The day after England lost to Poland — As a 22-year-old teacher, Ajahn Brahm watches England fail to qualify for the World Cup after Poland's late goal. Next day all 900 pupils… Read full story
The day I peed on a snake — After meditating all night in a Thai forest monastery, the tired young monk goes into the bush at first light and squats to urinate on… Read full story
The dead dog and the cat scan — Owner brings a dog to the vet insisting it is alive; the vet uses a live cat as a diagnostic (nose, tail, belly) — dog never moves. Bill:… Read full story
The deathbed confession — A dying husband confesses to his devoted wife that he hasn't always been a good husband — there was the mistress he never told her about —… Read full story
The deliberate mistake on the blackboard — School maths teacher, caught in an error on the blackboard, claims he put it there on purpose to check the class was paying attention —… Read full story
The dentist appointment that never happened — At about seven, terrified of the dentist, the young Ajahn Brahm tries every trick — “Mummy, you don't love me, you're sending me to the… Read full story
The dentist lost the tooth relic — His dentist Jake kept an extracted cracked tooth as a possible relic to auction for the nuns' monastery if Brahm became famous after death… Read full story
The diamond necklace deal — A man buys his wife a very expensive diamond necklace; she never talks to him for six months. Friends call her ungrateful. He says: 'Yes,… Read full story
The dog, the lion and the monkey — A dog wanders too far into an African forest and a lion decides to eat him. The dog finds some bones, sits with his back to the lion and,… Read full story
The donkey in the well — A farmer tries to bury a donkey that fell into a dry well; with every shovelful of dirt, the donkey shakes it off and steps up on it,… Read full story
“The door of my house will always be open to you” — Remembering his father, dead almost 50 years, at a Thai New Year merit ceremony: when he was 13, his poor father stopped his old green… Read full story
The door prize — Imagine tonight's door prize is a first-class trip to Dharamsala for a private lunch with the Dalai Lama, then three days in a six-star… Read full story
The dreams that were right — until they weren't — A fellow monk told Ajahn Brahm he had twice dreamed truly: a recurring dream of his sister drowning that let him save her at 16 or 17, and… Read full story
The drunk driver who drove home the police car — After the office Christmas party a Sydney man, well over the limit, risks driving home and is stopped at a roadblock. Just as he's about… Read full story
The duck that tried to nest in his afro — Young Brahm with a big curly Hendrix-style afro lies down in a London park; something tugs his hair — a duck harvesting nesting material. Read full story
The Elvis impersonator with the walking stick — At the old North Perth temple a man who had fallen off a roof and suffered brain damage starts dressing as Elvis, comes violent with a… Read full story
The embassy couples who got back together — After his first book, opening with the two-bad-bricks story, becomes popular, Ajahn Brahm is invited to Bangkok: of four couples at the… Read full story
The emperor in five garments — Simile he says he usually keeps for retreats: a powerful emperor is completely covered by boots, trousers, a jacket, gloves and a helmet,… Read full story
The emperor jailed the pope over reincarnation — Early-church framing: a pope who held reincarnation is ordered by the emperor to ban it; refusal leads to a year in jail — after which the… Read full story
The emperor visits the two hermits — Mahayana tale: top-of-mountain hermit and mid-slope hermit; Chinese emperor climbs to seek counsel from both — cooperation/wisdom frame… Read full story
The emperor's ring: “This too will pass” — A young emperor feasts in good times and sulks in bad, so neither works; his ministers give him a ring engraved “this too will pass.”… Read full story
The emperor's three questions — Ajahn Brahm summarises the short story (by Tolstoy) that changed his life: an emperor, fed up with organised religion, decides he needs… Read full story
The empty drum and the babbling brook — An empty drum makes a big noise when you bang it; a solid piece of wood doesn't. Small mountain streams babble, while the big rivers flow… Read full story
The encyclopedia he felt guilty for selling — As a poor student he sold children's encyclopedias door to door, trained to make parents feel guilty. He sold one — to a struggling young… Read full story
The Eskimo in the desert — A man dying of thirst in the desert meets a real Eskimo with sled and huskies, and gasps with relief that he has been lost for days. The… Read full story
The ex-Marine monk who caught his fits early — A monk friend, shot in the head as a US Marine in Vietnam, has epileptic fits from the brain injury. Over a couple of years of mindfulness… Read full story
'The execution was too fast' — At a conference on reconciliation and forgiveness, a Catholic priest tells Ajahn Brahm of relatives of a murder victim in the United… Read full story
The executive who slept for three days — On a retreat in Sydney many years ago, an executive arrived at 11:30 at night after tying up loose ends at work. Told in her first… Read full story
The fall from the ladder — Building the ablution block at Serpentine, he falls a long way when a fully extended ladder loses its footing and he gets caught in it. No… Read full story
The fan at the restaurant window — Having a quiet sponsored lunch in a little restaurant in Kennedy Town, Hong Kong, Ajahn Brahm sees a young woman press her face to the… Read full story
The father in the singlet — When the Buddhist Society had just opened a bank account for a future nuns' monastery, with only a dollar here and five dollars there, a… Read full story
The father who carried his son through the race — From a video someone sent him: an American father always takes his autistic son with him on Ironman-type runs — 30 km through rain and up… Read full story
The fifth child wished to need no more wishes — Five children play the wishing game. First wants a Big Mac; second a McDonald's restaurant; third a billion euros; fourth three wishes… Read full story
The filthy rag — In front of the other monks, a monk angrily tells Ajahn Brahm that wiping his bowl with that filthy rag is a filthy habit. Tempted to… Read full story
The first beer tasted awful — At 14 in London, rebellious and egged on by mates, he sneaks his first glass of beer (the drinking age was 18) — and can't believe how… Read full story
The floor the monks finished overnight — Building Jhana Grove for an Easter 2008 opening by its patron, former Premier Geoff Gallop, Ajahn Brahm is assured it will be ready well… Read full story
The flower pot physicists didn't see — At Imperial College, London, a flower pot is made to levitate with a hidden electromagnet under the bench. The physicists who watch it… Read full story
The forest monk chased by the tiger — Ajahn Dhammindu (caption: Mark Edge and Drew) tells of a wandering Thai forest monk who insists on camping on a tiger trail despite the… Read full story
The fortune tellers looked so poor — In Hong Kong Ajahn Brahm was taken to a street of fortune tellers who looked ill-dressed and out in the rain — if they cannot tell their… Read full story
The foster-care leader who had been a foster child — At a Curtin medal ceremony, one recipient had been put into foster care as a child and suffered. After raising her own family she fostered… Read full story
The fourth cookie always went to the supervisor — A psychology experiment split volunteers into threes: two wrote a report, one checked it. When five cookies arrived for three people… Read full story
The fourth priest's confession — Four religious leaders, old friends, sit on a bench after a conference and confess their secret weaknesses. One is a compulsive gambler,… Read full story
The framed man who couldn't face the public — A Buddhist jailed for murder, who had read Ajahn Brahm's books inside, is freed after a journalist shows he was framed. He comes to a few… Read full story
The free afternoon after school — At 13 or 14, with an afternoon off school and all his homework done at lunchtime, the boy walks out of the school gates with nothing to… Read full story
The frog beside the lotus — An old story: a frog living right by the lotus could never smell it because it was used to it; someone coming afresh could savour the… Read full story
The frozen forest and the sacred silence — On his first visit home after seven years in Thailand, Ajahn Brahm stays at a new, unheated monastery in Sussex in a winter so cold the… Read full story
The gay leader at Mercy Hospital — After a talk at what was then Mercy / St Anne's Hospital by the river, a man in his sixties or early seventies, a leader in the gay… Read full story
The general's holy water — At a time when generals were the power behind the Thai government, a major general comes to Ajahn Chah's hut in Ubon asking for holy… Read full story
The gentleman who helped the homeless man in Hampstead — Thai forest monks newly arrived in a grey, drizzly London winter are staying in an old house in Hampstead. One homesick monk, looking out… Read full story
The ghost at the end of the cave — On Vesak day at a cave monastery in the north of Thailand, Ajahn Brahm slips away from the abbot's dull talk and is asked by villager… Read full story
The ghost at the toilet door — After a funeral, a terrified 11-year-old novice stays in the hall all night; at 2 a.m. he dashes to the outdoor toilet, hears scratching… Read full story
The ghost dog who brought back the ring — A woman living alone with her beloved dog loses a sentimental ring in a park and can't find it after hours of searching. Days later the… Read full story
The ghost that moved next door — Near Dr K. Sri Dhammananda's temple in Kuala Lumpur a haunted house is cleared by his chanting — then neighbours complain the ghost has… Read full story
The ghost who kept playing practical jokes — A Scottish man's mate promises that after death he will still play practical jokes; in the English friend's house a pot plant and other… Read full story
The ghost who wanted the remote — A Perth family told Ajahn Brahm that while they watched TV the channel kept changing by itself; each time they changed it back, it changed… Read full story
The girl who had been a python — A photo given to him (he thinks) by a Burmese monk, with the story written on the back: a young girl in Yangon claimed she had been a… Read full story
The glass is already cracked — Ajahn Chah's simile, holding up a glass: it has a microscopic crack — the crack of impermanence. Because it will break if dropped or… Read full story
The glasses on top of his nose — Halfway down Kingsbury Drive on the way to a Friday talk, Ajahn Brahm tells his driver to turn back for the glasses he needs for committee… Read full story
The governor who ended witchcraft accusations — A woman accused of witchcraft faces burning; a smart colonial governor (Pennsylvania framing as recalled) handles the fear so well that… Read full story
The Grax gravy monk who levitated — Old Aussie TV gravy ad: line of Theravāda-looking monks; abbot (dead ringer for Ajahn Jagaro) rejects food, produces Grax from under the… Read full story
The great physicist standing alone at dinner — When Roger Penrose visits Perth, Ajahn Brahm and the Society's president join a dinner with NASA scientists and physics professors.… Read full story
The grumpy licence — On a meditation retreat a woman complains that everyone else is happy and she feels pressured to be happy. Brahm prints her a letterheaded… Read full story
The guard who fell asleep — Teaching meditation in a high-security prison at Canning Vale, Ajahn Brahm must have a prison officer in the room. The officer closes his… Read full story
The gypsy's curse — Visiting his mother in London, Ajahn Brahm answers the door at mealtime to a woman selling 'lucky' heather. He politely declines; she… Read full story
The haematologist who made room for kindness — The year after Ajahn Brahm received a Curtin University medal, he attended the award for Professor 'Joofi' (as captioned), head of… Read full story
The half sheet of paper — At an old man's funeral his widow holds up half a sheet of paper he kept in his wallet all his life. In grade school, as two factions of… Read full story
The half-million-dollar bulletproof amulet — From a Thai newspaper: an army general in Bangkok paid half a million US dollars for an amulet guaranteed to stop bullets. After dinner… Read full story
The Happiness Certificate — For people who feel they don't deserve happiness he makes a certificate on monastery letterhead: 'This certificate grants the holder the… Read full story
The happiness licence — Some years ago a person whose life was going well came to Ajahn Brahm feeling guilty about being happy. So on Bodhinyana Monastery… Read full story
The head on the morgue windowsill — Because a Buddhist monk is not stopped in Thailand, Ajahn Brahm was able to walk into the autopsy room at Siriraj Hospital in Bangkok.… Read full story
The hearse in the carpool lane — Stopped by police for driving a hearse alone in a two-or-more lane in New York or San Francisco, a driver argues in court that the man in… Read full story
The heart-attack role play — Teaching hospital nurses and doctors in Hong Kong, Ajahn Brahm pairs them. At the bell, A pretends to have a heart attack and B responds… Read full story
The heretics' pew — Ajahn Brahm, Abbot Placid of New Norcia, and a Uniting Church moderator sit together at St George's Cathedral for the ordination of Bishop… Read full story
The hermit of the Nullarbor — Ajahn Brahm's monk's fantasy: living as a hermit in a deep Nullarbor cave with water beneath. Then he imagines what would follow — someone… Read full story
The homeless man put his sandwich in the bowl — During a Perth conference a young monk skipped the free lunch to walk St Georges Terrace with his bowl; a homeless man stopped him and… Read full story
The honey and the milk — In parallel supermarket checkout aisles, at almost the same moment, one child drops a jar of honey and another drops a carton of milk —… Read full story
The hundred-baht wish list — A grateful Thai supporter who knows the rules offers the young monk a 'mendicant allowance' of 100 baht for anything he personally wants.… Read full story
The husband's photo in her handbag — Married 30 or 40 years, a woman always carries her husband's photo in her handbag. Whenever life gets really difficult she takes it out,… Read full story
The hypnotist monk's donation box — A new monk can't pay his temple's bills. A senior monk advises: close the doors, turn up the heat, give a boring monotone sermon, swing a… Read full story
The ICU patient everyone had given up on — Ajahn Brahm is called to chant for a woman in ICU at Sir Charles Gairdner Hospital with severe flu — septic, bloated, the nurses giving… Read full story
The intern's pager and the one-or-two-second listen — A distraught intern told Ajahn Brahm he had resuscitated a cardiac-arrest patient a few seconds too late, leaving permanent brain damage… Read full story
The irresistible tobacco — At Cambridge, a TV advert claims the aroma of St Bruno pipe tobacco is irresistible to women: an ordinary middle-aged man lights his pipe… Read full story
The Japanese monk who just started walking — A Japanese fellow-monk of Ajahn Chah flew to Tokyo to visit family in the north without telling them, walked from the airport with no… Read full story
The jarrah boat coffin that stuck halfway — A white-water rafter's family make his coffin as a boat with paddles — out of jarrah, so heavy ten people lift it. At the committal the… Read full story
The jealous husband's astral visits — A Burmese man working on air-conditioning contracts in Darwin, deeply in love with — and very jealous of — his English wife in Perth,… Read full story
The jewelled goblet: his last drink — At an Emmanuel College scholars' dinner in Cambridge, after much port and claret, the students must drain a jewel-encrusted silver… Read full story
The Jimi Hendrix museum was shut — Jimi Hendrix was Ajahn Brahm's teenage idol; he even had the haircut. Giving talks in Seattle with a free afternoon, he's urged to visit… Read full story
The kids throwing stones on Bunbury beach — In the early years in Australia, while Ajahn Brahm meditates on Bunbury beach, stones start whizzing past his ears. He stands up and walks… Read full story
The king eagle in the mountains — Young spiritual searcher in cold mountains sees a vast eagle (king eagle) after spotting a freezing lake of melting ice — wonder… Read full story
The king's elephant and the thieves — A king's fine elephant turns wilful and troublesome, and no trainer can fix it. A wise minister camps by its stall and discovers that… Read full story
The kung fu pose — Walking from his mother's flat in Acton to give a talk at the Sri Lankan temple, Ajahn Brahm takes the short way past a block of flats… Read full story
The lawyer who tried to take it with him — A dying rich lawyer, sure he can find a loophole, has his wife stash suitcases of cash in the attic above his bed so he can grab them on… Read full story
The leaf moves only because of the wind — Simile (from Ajahn Chah, as he tells it): Ajahn Chah would hold up his hand and wave it — not at flies — saying this is a leaf on a tree.… Read full story
The leper's smile was bigger than anyone's in Perth — On a Ganges tour, walking back to the tourist bus through a leper colony, Ajahn Brahm is approached for money. Explaining he is a monk who… Read full story
The letter that wouldn't come — Tired one morning, Ajahn Brahm struggles at the computer over a very difficult letter about a published book — every draft seems wrong. So… Read full story
The live eel in the birthday box — Growing up in Acton, West London, when jellied eels and mash were a craze, eight-year-old Peter (Ajahn Brahm) spent his pocket money on a… Read full story
The locust plague that never came — Years ago The West Australian reports a locust plague advancing on Perth: twenty kilometres closer each day, arriving in two days,… Read full story
The log that was a crocodile — A Sri Lankan man fed the fish in a lagoon with a slice of bread every morning on his way to work, and when a crocodile appeared he fed it… Read full story
The lottery shop he blessed — Asked to bless a friend-of-a-friend's new small business, a busy Ajahn Brahm gives it his full blessing without asking what it is. A year… Read full story
The lottery winner led to jail — A happy man of modest means wins a US lottery of over a hundred million dollars; soon his picture is in the paper as he is led to jail.… Read full story
The lottery winners who couldn't find their kids — A UK couple win about £40 million and buy a huge dream mansion — then sell it a year later, because the house is so big they can never… Read full story
The magistrate who spent weeks in jail — As someone told Ajahn Brahm (details half-remembered), an Australian magistrate spent three or four weeks in jail — possibly innocent —… Read full story
The man in constant 'saw-cut' pain who was at peace — A man tells Ajahn Brahm that scans at Osborne Park Hospital's pain clinic show his pain equals having an arm sawn off with a two-handed… Read full story
The man in the latex mask whose psoriasis cleared — At a North Perth / Redemptorist retreat centre near Northbridge a man arrived in a latex face mask — severe whole-body psoriasis; the mask… Read full story
The man paid to irritate everyone — From an early book on spirituality: in Gurdjieff's community in France one man was a pain in the neck to everyone, and members kept asking… Read full story
The man sentenced for having a cold — Ajahn Brahm recalls Samuel Butler's satire Erewhon, read as a student: a society where what we call crime is treated as sickness needing… Read full story
The man who attended his own funeral — A terminally ill man in the United States decides to hold his funeral service a week or two before he dies, so he can be there to hear the… Read full story
The man who cried for the moon — A father weeps every evening at his son's cremation ground; his family hires an actor who weeps louder, 'for the moon'. When the father… Read full story
The man who shouted at the traffic lights — On a hot day on Leach Highway, Ajahn Brahm sits in the passenger seat with the window open. A foot away, the driver in the next lane,… Read full story
The man who walked straight past the judge — From a German book a German-born monk translated aloud: a seven- or eight-year-old boy has a near-death experience, walking through a… Read full story
The man who wouldn't drop his hemp — Two men go to an abandoned region to scavenge. Both bundle up hemp. Finding hemp cloth, one throws his hemp away and takes the cloth; the… Read full story
The man whose thoughts ran away — As a monk of one or two years in Thailand, Ajahn Brahm watches a man who comes to the monastery every morning grow more disturbed over… Read full story
The man with four wives — A dying man asks each of his four wives to come with him into death. The beautiful fourth wife, his passport to high society, will only… Read full story
The mango tree with no mangoes — A king sees two mango trees — one laden, one bare — and almost curses the bare one. Returning for fruit he finds soldiers have stripped… Read full story
The mangy dog who tried to run away — A dog with mange suffers terrible itching and blames the village, so runs off to the forest — still itchy. It tries the pond, the shade,… Read full story
The matchbox on the head — A malnourished young monk in steamy north-east Thailand — sticky rice with a boiled frog, under four and a half hours' sleep, up at 3 a.m.… Read full story
The maths graduate with almost no brain — Ajahn Brahm retells Professor John Lorber's case of a Sheffield University mathematics honours graduate whose brain scan showed about 1%… Read full story
The meditator taken to hospital as dead — A member of the Perth community meditates so deeply at home that his wife finds no signs of life; paramedics and hospital doctors find a… Read full story
The meditator twisted into a knot — On a retreat someone interrupts his meditation: a woman is twisted into an extreme, contorted posture. Afterwards he asks if she's all… Read full story
The medium who named Auntie Opal's husband — Just after WWII, Ajahn Brahm's mother and his aunt Opal, close as sisters, visit a medium for fun. The medium tells Opal she will soon… Read full story
The medium, then Donald asked her to dance — His auntie (cousin to his mum, still alive at 96–97) visited a medium with his mother before a dance; afterwards a man named Donald asked… Read full story
The meteor's last blaze — Simile for enlightenment: you're a meteor circling the solar system round and round, millions of times — samsara, many births. Then you… Read full story
The Mexican fisherman — An American business professor on holiday meets a Mexican fisherman unloading his morning catch: enough to feed his family, then lunch, a… Read full story
The millionaire who retired to Guadalcanal — A man who made his fortune in the Roaring Twenties and cashed out before the Depression researches the safest, most perfect place in the… Read full story
The miner who thanked the man who cost him his legs — In early WA mining, a worker about to set explosives has nowhere to hide when a brakeless iron trolley rolls at him. It severs both legs;… Read full story
The minister who never stopped talking — A king cannot get any business done because one minister talks on and on in every session. Walking in his garden, the king sees a disabled… Read full story
The minister who read their minds — Long ago a Thai minister is so wise that the king always prefers his advice, and the other ministers, jealous, plot to embarrass him. In… Read full story
The monastery monkey and the cheeky visitor — Supporter frees a market-caged monkey into a forest monastery; it joins afternoon tea. Grateful to the head monk, it sits in visitors'… Read full story
The monastery monkey reborn as a boy — A Thai Buddhist buys an abused monkey at a market and gives it to a forest monastery in Thailand. It becomes almost one of the monks — it… Read full story
The monk drunk at the town gate — In the Buddha's time, generous but unwise lay people ask some scallywag monks what monks need; 'what's hard to come by — booze.' Next day… Read full story
The monk in the front seat of the bus — Thais believe a monk's good karma protects those behind him, so monks are seated at the front of buses. Travelling from Chonburi to… Read full story
The monk nominated president of the progress association — The monk at the Albany temple, who makes an effort to connect with locals, joined the Elleker Progress Association and attended its… Read full story
The monk they cremated — From the suttas: villagers find a monk meditating in the forest so still he doesn't seem to breathe. Thinking him dead, and not wanting… Read full story
The monk who built a women's prison — A famous Thai monk, already housed, spent surplus donations on schools and hospitals — and, after visiting Bangkok's inhumane women's… Read full story
The monk who fixed NASA's computer — NASA in Houston can't get a new multi-million-dollar supercomputer to work; experts flown in first class all fail. A Thai engineer… Read full story
The monk who gave a kidney to the evangelical — A Sri Lankan monk who regularly gave blood was asked to donate a kidney to a perfect match — an evangelical Christian converting… Read full story
The monk who gave the IT keynote — Though he says he knows little about computers, Ajahn Brahm accepts an invitation to give the keynote address at a World Computer… Read full story
The monk who grabbed the king cobra — Other monks Ajahn Brahm grew up with saw a king cobra wander into the hall; a monk who had been a snake-catcher as a layman simply grabbed… Read full story
The monk who laughed at his cancer diagnosis — Dr K. Sri Dhammananda, the 'chief priest of Malaysia' and author of 'How to Live Without Fear and Worry', was, his doctor said, the only… Read full story
The monk who ordained seven times — In the Buddha's time a man becomes a monk but misses his wife, so he disrobes; as soon as he gets home he wonders why he came back, and… Read full story
The monk who pulled his own tooth — Rather than travel to a dentist, a Bodhinyana monk pulls his own tooth with workshop pliers; he explains that only the twenty seconds of… Read full story
The monk who stopped the bus by thinking — A forest monk visiting Ubon rides a bus for the first time and wonders how an engine works; as soon as he thinks about the motor it stops,… Read full story
The monk who thanked his accusers for jail — A senior Thai monk, next in line to become Sangharaja, is framed by a jealous rival with spliced tape recordings that make him seem a… Read full story
The monk who trained his back muscles with mindfulness — A monk with a congenital spinal weakness and severe pain is told by doctors nothing can be done and he shouldn't meditate. Following a… Read full story
The monk with the divine ear sat in Ajahn Chah's chair — A monk Ajahn Brahm knew in Thailand claimed he could hear people talking about 12 kilometres away; when tested it was true — a 'divine… Read full story
The monkey who knocked on the monk's door — An old monk living alone in a bamboo-and-thatch hut deep in the jungle hears a knock one night. At the door is a monkey from the forest… Read full story
The monkey who wouldn't let go of the banana — Hunters hollow out a coconut, cut a hole just big enough for a monkey's hand, tie it to a tree and put a banana inside. The monkey grabs… Read full story
The moon in a still lake — Simile (on a full-moon retreat night): if there are waves or ripples on a lake you can't see a perfect image of the moon and stars; when… Read full story
The mosquitoes were my teachers — As a young monk in Thailand, Ajahn Brahm could not include mosquitoes in his loving-kindness chant; when he finally let one bite him out… Read full story
The most beautiful bamboo looked sick after the ride — After a UK meditation retreat he bikes through stressful traffic to revisit his favourite bamboo clump — days earlier the most beautiful… Read full story
The most beautiful sound in the world — A Sydney trekker lost in the Himalayas shelters at an ancient monastery and at midnight hears the most beautiful sound of his life. The… Read full story
The most beautiful thing in the toilet bowl — On one retreat Ajahn Brahm's mind is so still and full of energy that everything looks beautiful. After going to the toilet he glances… Read full story
The mother who never drops her baby — Simile from the Mirrabooka shopping centre: mothers carry their babies through jostling crowds with a trolley in the other hand and never… Read full story
The mouldy hay outside the fence — A stingy farmer wants to get rid of last year's mouldy hay. His cows won't touch it in the paddock, and when he mixes it with good hay… Read full story
The mugged tax minister — A gunman orders a man to hand over all his money. “Look, I'm the Minister of Taxation.” — “Oh, sorry, sir. Hand over MY money, then.” —… Read full story
The mushy peas that exploded — Every year Ajahn Brahm spends 15 days alone in his cave, not talking, just meditating. On the first day out, the first spoonful of food at… Read full story
The Muslim family at the airport — On a teaching tour of Indonesia, Muslims attend his talks and a veiled family rushes to the airport to have him sign the book they loved… Read full story
The Muslim woman who said 'oh…' — A young woman in hijab asks him to sign her book; she watches him on YouTube. As soon as he signs, she puts her hand over her mouth and… Read full story
The nail that didn't hurt until someone said so — On alms round in Thailand Ajahn Brahm steps on a nail that goes a couple of inches into his foot. It doesn't hurt — until the monk with… Read full story
The naughtiest novice — Ajahn Chah, laughing, tells Ajahn Brahm about his naughtiest novice: an old monk slept so deeply in the afternoons that nothing woke him,… Read full story
The naughty hour from three to four — As a young monk in a silent forest paradise (one car a week) he fights thoughts — including old girlfriends — until exhausted. At the… Read full story
The newborn sat in full lotus — A Perth parent told him that after breastfeeding in hospital their newborn took its mouth away, sat on the mother's tummy, crossed its… Read full story
The newspaper hiding the most beautiful view — Walking a remote coast road in north-west Scotland on a perfect summer day — moors and mountains, cliffs, glistening green islands,… Read full story
The NHS invitation — bad for my health — After an HR conference in London (business class, hotel, family visit paid), the UK National Health Service asked him back to Birmingham… Read full story
The night they stayed in bed during the Blitz — During the London Blitz a couple who had been up night after night with the bombs, and had lost so many people they knew, heard the… Read full story
The nightmare was that I was a layman — In his first nights as a novice the nightmare that wakes him is that he is a layman again. Seeing his folded brown robes beside the mat,… Read full story
The ninth wedding — Visiting Seattle, Ajahn Sumedho meets an old school friend who invites him to her wedding — her ninth, or so. Why? She loves meeting a new… Read full story
The noisy airport prayer room — Delighted to find a meditation and prayer room at Perth Airport, Ajahn Brahm sits down to meditate — and the room is filled with security… Read full story
The noisy breather on the Sydney retreat — On a nine-day retreat in Sydney one man breathes so loudly that a meditator complains. Ajahn Brahm explains he has a terminal tumour… Read full story
The Norwich priest who bit off a saint's finger — A Norwich priest visiting a highly guarded saint's corpse in Europe bites off a finger, hides it in his mouth, and brings the relic home —… Read full story
The note-swapping game — Two monks each write what they think of the other and swap papers; neither guessed correctly how the other saw him. Read full story
The novice who stopped — A novice of 12 or 13 at Ajahn Chah's monastery, tired during a very long sermon, kept thinking: 'When is Ajahn Chah going to stop?' Then… Read full story
The number-two monk who had to become abbot — Ajahn Brahm planned to stay number two behind Ajahn Jagaro — 'the car at the front of the convoy gets all the bugs on the windscreen' —… Read full story
The nun and the last pokie coin — After a UK retreat a famous Buddhist nun must eat before midday; the only place is next to a pub with pokies; the driver feeds coins as… Read full story
The nun who hit the jackpot — Driving a famous Buddhist nun to Heathrow after a retreat, her driver puts spare coins in a pub fruit machine and, saying the nun has… Read full story
The nun, the mouse, the cat and the cow — A nun living contentedly in a cave finds a mouse has chewed her robe. To keep mice away she asks a supporter for a cat; the cat needs… Read full story
The odd-job man — The Dhammaloka subcommittee hire an odd-job man and give him ten jobs. He completes only jobs number one, three, five, seven and nine. He… Read full story
The one-shoe thief — For weeks, people at the Friday-night talks kept losing shoes — but only ever one of a pair. Was it a one-legged thief? Then the owner of… Read full story
The only child killed on Albany Highway — One of the hardest funerals Ajahn Brahm ever gave: a young woman from mainland China, an only child, graduates in Perth and brings over… Read full story
The only lie in 40 years of marriage — Don, a retired Royal Navy man and Buddhist Society member, was in Royal Perth Hospital awaiting heart bypass surgery. The night before,… Read full story
The only one who knew the answer — A boy tells his dad he was the only one in class who knew the right answer today. Surprised — usually it's detention — the proud father… Read full story
The only ones running for shelter — A New Zealander, a late member of the society — reportedly the first New Zealander to escape from a prisoner-of-war camp in Europe —… Read full story
The ornamental hermit found in the pub — Someone showed Ajahn Brahm a book of oddities: in England, wealthy estate owners once made it fashionable to keep their own hermit. They… Read full story
The orphan chicken that says quack — After years of the chicken-or-duck story, people sent him evidence: an orphaned chicken raised by ducks that goes quack quack — so a quack… Read full story
The PA system that wasn't plugged in — Teaching a retreat at Jhana Grove for Singaporean business people and engineers, the PA system won't work and the caretaker is overseas.… Read full story
The paper lotus on the shrine — In a Thai village a young woman, brain-damaged from birth, cannot speak but grunts, and her friends understand every grunt; she joins in… Read full story
The paralysed man who forgave his surgeon — As reported in a Singapore newspaper article someone sent him: during spinal surgery a surgeon drops an instrument on a man's spine and… Read full story
The parrot ordered whiskey — Passenger and parrot on a cut-price airline; attendant asks for drinks; parrot demands whiskey; attendant shocked; passenger only wants tea. Read full story
The parrot that kept vigil — A gardener coming to Bodhinyana each day noticed, early one morning at the corner of Kingsbury Drive and the South Western Highway, a… Read full story
The past is un-effable — He coins a word-play: instead of 'ineffable' (too deep for words), the past is 'un-effable' — you cannot 'if' your past. Stop rewriting… Read full story
The patient monk's police escort — Asked what a patient monk does on a four-hour, 220 km drive from Bangkok airport to a retreat, Ajahn Brahm reveals he got a police escort… Read full story
The patient who took off her oxygen mask — A doctor tells Ajahn Brahm about a patient with severe anxiety who was on an oxygen mask after every treatment had been tried — except… Read full story
The penalty for perjury is less than for the truth — A man on trial for murder in New York, facing the electric chair, is caught lying under oath. The judge warns him about perjury. He… Read full story
The penguin funeral (“Freeze a jolly good fellow”) — Penguins grieve a dead friend, bury him in the ice and sing at the ceremony: “Freeze a jolly good fellow.” Read full story
The perfect Zen garden — A young Japanese gardening monk makes the most admired garden in Japan. An old meditation monk climbs in early one morning and hides to… Read full story
The pest man who fell off the roof — A pest exterminator keeps pitching his services; later falls from a roof cleaning gutters, hits his head and becomes mentally unstable —… Read full story
The PhD who was shown how to sweep — A PhD graduate can only find work sweeping floors in a supermarket and complains to the boss that he has a graduate degree. 'Oh, sorry, I… Read full story
The pickaxe mum whose son won Iron Chef — An early Bodhinyana disciple helped smash rock for the ablution-block plumbing with a pickaxe, raised four kids who did poorly at school… Read full story
The Pinjarra girl who fed the tiger snake — Elder in a Pinjarra home recalls: a little girl takes a saucer of milk under the stumped house each morning for a tiger snake. Mother… Read full story
The pipe ad that made beauty follow him — Old TV pipe-tobacco ad: man lights up outside a greengrocer and beautiful women stream out of shop, bank, newsagent to follow him —… Read full story
The Playboy at the traffic lights — On a 40-degree day in the old Kombi with the windows down, young men in the next car on Leach Highway jeer at the robed monk, then at a… Read full story
The poem by Adolf Hitler — In Opening the Door of Your Heart he included a beautiful poem about a son's unconditional love for his demanding mother — and only… Read full story
The politician who talked the walk — On a free afternoon in Singapore, Ajahn Brahm takes his followers to a charity walk raising funds for a fellow monk's indebted Buddhist… Read full story
The polka-dot bow tie — A Kalgoorlie builder dying of cancer comes to the monastery for counselling about death, dressed as always in thongs, shorts and a… Read full story
The Pope, the Archbishop and the putt — The Pope and the Archbishop of Canterbury settle church unity with 18 holes of golf. On the last green the Pope misses putt after putt,… Read full story
The postulant who tried too hard to be perfect — A former monastery postulant tells Ajahn Brahm in Melbourne that he was so afraid of breaking a rule, controlling his body, speech and… Read full story
The pound note that blew into the fire — In his poor London childhood, a gust blows his father's one-pound note off the shelf into the coal fire; his father burns his hand trying… Read full story
The prankster ghost and the three leaves — Two young English friends share a house in Perth; one dies young of cancer, promising to come back and haunt his mate. Pranks follow: the… Read full story
The preceptor's snake in the lap — Ajahn Brahm's preceptor, later acting Sangharaja of Thailand, came out of deep meditation in a Koh Samui coconut grove to find a snake… Read full story
The premier who opened the jail — Visiting Canning Vale prison, Ajahn Brahm saw the plaque at the entrance: the prison had been opened by a former Premier of Western… Read full story
The priest who checked heaven and hell by train — A wealthy philosophy professor asks a priest whether virtuous non-Christians (Buddha, Socrates, Marcus Aurelius, Voltaire, Gandhi) must go… Read full story
The priest who recognised Buddhist monks — Early Australia: asks a Catholic priest if 'monk/nun' is alright; priest says yes — not for robes or bald heads but for poverty, service… Read full story
The principal who heard the three questions — Invited to an education seminar 'for the free breakfast', he's greeted by a woman: 'Do you remember me?' He doesn't. A year earlier at a… Read full story
The prisoner who fed the cat — A depressed prisoner insists he is only a bad person. Ajahn Brahm has him list bad deeds on the left of a sheet and good deeds on the… Read full story
The professor and the old sailor: “Have you learned to swim?” — Sailing from Sydney to San Francisco, a professor quizzes an old sailor three nights running on marine science, astronomy and meteorology;… Read full story
The professor examined on his own textbook — A visiting US professor of psychiatry coming to lecture at Sydney University must first pass an Australian college exam; of the two set… Read full story
The professor who ate the menu — A philosophy professor waits two months for a table at an exclusive restaurant, is handed a beautiful parchment menu — and eats the menu,… Read full story
The professor's overflowing cup — Japan's greatest philosopher, whom no one will debate, decides to debate the most famous meditation monk. Serving tea, the monk keeps… Read full story
The promotion won with three questions — A Penang disciple working in customer relations at a big firm puts the emperor's three questions into practice: whoever is in front of her… Read full story
The psychiatric team's flat battery — Several years ago a woman arrived one evening at Bodhinyana still wearing a hospital wristband from Bentley Hospital's psychiatric unit.… Read full story
The punk and the old man — On a New York train a punk with multi-coloured spikes, razor-blade earrings and piercings snaps at the old man opposite: 'What are you… Read full story
The rabbit who jumped into the pot — Traditional Buddhist children's tale of the rabbit in the moon: otter, jackal/hyena and rabbit keep precepts and give dāna when Sakka… Read full story
The ranger's spot check hit a fire drill — After a bushfire-era Fire and Emergency Service certificate (Mitchell Roberts presenting), a shire ranger did an unannounced spot check… Read full story
The razor wheel in hell (Borobudur) — Shown a Borobudur carving, Ajahn Brahm tells of a man who pushed over his mother and, out of guilt, is reborn in hell, where a razor wheel… Read full story
The really dirty monk — Covered in concrete, Ajahn Brahm is asked by a well-dressed visitor where the abbot is; he sends her to the hall, showers, then meets her… Read full story
The Red Cross nurse knew meditation lowers blood pressure — Years ago he takes a young monk to donate blood on Wellington Street; the nurse already knows meditation lowers blood pressure — inspiring… Read full story
The retreat cook on work release — Without a cook for a nine-day retreat at Jhana Grove, Ajahn Brahm finds Carl, a brilliant cook who does everything alone. At the closing… Read full story
The retreat that ended a romance — As a Cambridge student with a lovely girlfriend (not a Buddhist), Ajahn Brahm asks her permission to go on a meditation retreat; she says… Read full story
The Rhodes scholar given permission to die — A fit Tennessee wrestler and Rhodes scholar, a fellow monk in Thailand, fell desperately ill and was sent to a monastery in England, where… Read full story
The river and its banks — Q&A simile for what carries karma between lives: crossing the Swan River each Friday it looks the same, but it's always different water;… Read full story
The Rottweilers weren't chained — Visiting a house, he's told not to worry about the two Rottweilers — they're chained up — so he walks right past them. Only afterwards… Read full story
The runaway car at Byford — Years ago, while Ajahn Brahm and a driver queue in the Byford post office, someone asks whose car is rolling down the South Western… Read full story
The runners who stopped — Many people have told Ajahn Brahm about a Paralympic final in which one competitor stumbled just before the line — and instead of racing… Read full story
The runny nose before live TV — In Korea, at −15°C with snow everywhere, Ajahn Brahm wakes with a cold and a dripping nose — and has half an hour before a live interview… Read full story
The samurai who asked about heaven and hell — A samurai who has asked everyone whether heaven and hell exist finally demands a straight answer from an old monk. The monk says he's too… Read full story
The sandflies weren't in the brochure — Invited to teach in New Zealand, Ajahn Brahm gets a brochure of Alpine mountains and placid lakes — just the kind of place a monk loves.… Read full story
The schoolboy who stopped skipping the bus fare — Poor schoolboy skips bus fares for pocket money until about 13–14; conscience says someone must pay the driver's salary and the petrol —… Read full story
The secret security pen — “We like you, that's your best security device” — At a dangerous men's prison (Canning Vale, as he corrects himself) Ajahn Brahm is given a 'secret' alarm pen to point at the ceiling… Read full story
The senior monk who pretended to be angry — A nun in the Thai monastery grows skin-and-bones thin, insisting fasting helps her meditation; the monks can't get through. A very kind… Read full story
The shire ranger's mother at the foot of the bed — English shire ranger living alone in northern WA wakes mid-night; turns on the light; his sick mother stands clear at the foot of the bed… Read full story
The sign outside the temple — A woman in Malaysia, a model with her own TV show, had hoped three months earlier that Ajahn Brahm could bless her wedding — impossible,… Read full story
The silence of Westminster Abbey — As a young man in London, whenever Ajahn Brahm was confused he would go into the great cathedrals — the last time Westminster Abbey — to… Read full story
The silent German monk who finally gave a talk — In Sri Lanka with Bhikkhu Bodhi: a German monk who never gives talks is visited; an hour later Brahm emerges calling it the best Dhamma… Read full story
The Singapore spirits helped the Ang Mo — An English ex-army dental technician with a Singaporean wife visits the in-laws, gets bored, and is taken to the races. They clean a messy… Read full story
The Singaporean monk, the snake book, and the witch doctor — Singaporean monk in NE Thailand asks for the snake book — to identify the snake that just bit him. Fang marks swell; village has thrown… Read full story
The slingshot and the gong — Sitting with Ajahn Chah, with no clock and his legs aching after what must have been over an hour, the young Ajahn Brahm fantasises about… Read full story
The sludge that started to taste nice — Told that monks should eat plain food, he recalls that in his first year as a monk, as a practice, he stirred everything in his one daily… Read full story
The smell of his baby pram — Asking in deep meditation 'what's my earliest memory?', Ajahn Brahm (soon after leaving Thailand for Perth, he thinks) suddenly smells —… Read full story
The snake and the monk eyeball each other — During chanting at a new jungle monastery in Thailand, a snake climbs up a monk's back; its head pops up over his shoulder. Monk and snake… Read full story
The sniffer dog at Perth Airport — Back from an early trip to Sri Lanka, his robe smelling of spices and curries, Ajahn Brahm queues at Perth Airport passport control. The… Read full story
The social worker's solutions that popped up — A senior social worker with heavy responsibilities arrives at a nine-day retreat in North Perth at 8:30 p.m., straight from the office… Read full story
The soldier who refused at My Lai — A documentary on an anniversary of the My Lai massacre traces the American soldiers ordered to kill every man, woman and child in the… Read full story
The Spitfire engine in the old bomb — A monk's mate in England fits a Spitfire aircraft engine into an old car. On the motorway he overtakes sports cars and even police; when… Read full story
The squirrel on the psychiatrist's couch — A cartoon sent to the monastery: a squirrel on a psychiatrist's couch explains why it came — when it realised 'you are what you eat', it… Read full story
The stolen Harley on the wrong level — An early member owns almost nothing except his prized Harley-Davidson. In a Sydney shopping centre car park he returns to find it gone,… Read full story
The storm and the green leaves — A forest monk in northern Thailand survives a night of falling trees in his flimsy hut; next morning he sees that the storm tore down… Read full story
The storm that waited for the ceremony — For the Buddhist Society of Western Australia's 30th anniversary Vesak ceremony in Perth's Supreme Court Gardens, the biggest storm ever… Read full story
The suggestion box at Barre — A well-funded meditation centre in Barre, Massachusetts — one of the first places for meditation retreats in the West — wondered what more… Read full story
The supermodel was annoyed they photographed the monk — On a Kuala Lumpur retreat a famous Malaysian supermodel grew fed up that at the end nobody wanted her photo — they only wanted photographs… Read full story
The tadpole who studied water — Analogy: intelligent tadpole goes to school and university and even becomes a nun studying the chemical composition of water — while… Read full story
The Taiwanese school quieter than a cemetery — Visiting a large traditional school in Taiwan, Ajahn Brahm thinks it must be a holiday because there is no sound — even cemeteries are… Read full story
The talk he couldn't remember — Years after Ajahn Chah's stroke left him unable to speak, Ajahn Brahm dreams — lucidly — that Ajahn Chah gives him a brilliant Dhamma… Read full story
The tangled brain cleared before the second operation — A Malaysian man in Penang had a rare disease he described as things in the brain physically tangled; after one painful operation it seemed… Read full story
The taxi that made him miss the plane — A man who later visits Ajahn Brahm tells him what changed his life. In Bombay, his taxi to the airport gets lost; he reaches the airport… Read full story
The teacher who woke in a drowned boy's body — A now-famous meditation teacher (unnamed, still alive) was, it seems, reborn into the body of a village boy who had drowned in a lake and… Read full story
The temporal bell that woke her from coma — Angie Marksfield's auntie describes deep coma as blackness; what brought her out was sound — like the tickling of a temple/temporal bell. Read full story
The tennis shoe on the window ledge — A patient who floated out of her body during an operation later reports a tennis shoe on a high windowsill of the operating theatre. Staff… Read full story
The texture of a bean after a month's retreat — Just after a month self-retreat at Bodhinyana he eats a bean slowly and notices texture he had never attended to — soft yet structured —… Read full story
The Thai dancers and the sprinklers — At a big Jhana Grove ceremony, Thai dancers in full costume were performing on the grass when the reticulation came on and soaked them.… Read full story
The thank-you letter to the plumbing shop — Building Bodhinyana's first toilet block, Ajahn Brahm can't afford a plumber, so a salesman called Fred at Galvins in Osborne Park shows… Read full story
The Theravada–Mahayana boat race — On a sightseeing trip at a conference in Vietnam, rowing through lakes and tunnels, Ajahn Brahm (representing Singapore) is in a boat of… Read full story
The three rings of marriage — Wedding joke: the three rings of marriage are the engagement ring, the wedding ring — and the suffer-ring. Told here with the audience… Read full story
The three-metre dugite in the shade of his hut — On retreat at Serpentine, Ajahn Brahm hears kangaroos fleeing as a huge, highly venomous dugite approaches while he washes his bowl. He… Read full story
The Tibetan doctor's pulse diagnosis — As Ajahn Brahm recalls from a Buddhist magazine, a newly arrived Tibetan refugee doctor with no English is tested in a US hospital;… Read full story
The Tibetan monk who never got to speak — A former caretaker became a Buddhist because of a talk in a Melbourne public library that never happened. As a Tibetan monk was about to… Read full story
The tiger that was a mouse — Meditating alone at night deep in the Thai jungle, Ajahn Brahm hears rustling. As a Cambridge-trained scientist he assesses it: a small… Read full story
The tight bud before it blossoms — First year in Perth someone tells him: watch a flower bud — petals press tight inside the protective sheath until catharsis, then it… Read full story
The tired schoolteacher on alms round — An old friend who became a schoolteacher visits Ajahn Brahm in northeast Thailand. Exhausted and stressed, he resists the dawn alms round;… Read full story
The toilet frame with no hole — For Western visitors, the monastery made a sitting frame to place over squat toilets. An 18-year-old English visitor sits on a frame… Read full story
The tomboy who was a boy before — A girl of five or six is a stereotypical tomboy — hangs out with boys, beats them up — and says it is because she was a boy before. Brahm… Read full story
The torn-up degrees his mother taped back together — On his first visit home as a monk, Ajahn Brahm finds his BA and MA certificates at his mother's and, needing them no longer, tears them up… Read full story
The tourist whose car Bill Gates fixed — Remote northern California: a tourist's car fails with no mobile coverage; a farmer stops and fixes it. Later the tourist learns the… Read full story
The trail of blood into Mum's council flat — Staying at his mother's London council tower block (a supposed 'hotbed of crime'), Ajahn Brahm is about to walk to a talk when the lift… Read full story
The tree and the child — A tree gives a boy twigs for a treehouse, fruit for university and a wedding, branches for a house, then its trunk for a carpentry… Read full story
The Triads offered to sort out any trouble — After a Friday talk a Chinese man says he is with the Perth Triads; Brahm is scared — then the man says the boss sent him because Brahm… Read full story
The tribe that praises the wrongdoer — Ajahn Brahm recounts an email about a tribe untouched by other cultures: when someone does wrong — steals or hits someone — he stands in… Read full story
The truckload of dung — You come home to find a truckload of manure dumped in front of your door. You didn't order it and no one saw the truck, so you're stuck… Read full story
The tsunami ghost who gave a phone number — Three days after the 2004 tsunami, a Thai woman in Krabi dreams of a battered English girl from Phi Phi who names the Bangkok temple where… Read full story
The TV star he didn't recognise — Teaching a small meditation class in Double Bay, Sydney, Ajahn Brahm notices a woman at the back smiling at him and wonders who on earth… Read full story
The twin who forgave at Auschwitz — Ajahn Brahm recalls an article about a woman who, as an identical twin at Auschwitz, was subjected to the experiments of Dr Mengele's… Read full story
The two arrows — The Buddha's simile: when you suffer, it is as if two arrows strike you — the physical arrow and the mental arrow. The physical arrow… Read full story
The two chicken farmers: eggs or dung? — One chicken farmer fills his basket with chicken dung, leaves the eggs to rot and stinks out his house; the other brings home the eggs for… Read full story
The two mangoes — Simile for rebirth: you eat a mango, plant its seed, tend the sapling, and years later the tree gives a new mango. The two are connected… Read full story
The two sisters: one with a husband, one without — Two Thai sisters come for counselling. The elder can't stand her Australian husband and is considering divorce ('recycling'); the younger… Read full story
The tycoon's mansion that felt like a prison — Visiting a Kuala Lumpur tycoon's mansion to give a blessing, Ajahn Brahm passes machine-gun guards, huge walls and CCTV everywhere, and… Read full story
The ugly dead trees were condominiums — New to Serpentine forest he wants to chainsaw 'ugly' dead trees; learns they house possums, birds, lizards — a condominium, not a cemetery. Read full story
The unidentified flying monk — A famous monk in the north of Thailand became famous because a Thai Air Force fighter pilot, flying high above the clouds, saw a monk… Read full story
The vet who wept when his dog was hit — Victorian vet driving to a weekend party is overcome with unexplained grief, pulls over and weeps; later learns his dog was hit by a car… Read full story
The Vietnam monk who blessed both armies — During the Vietnam War a monk receives government and communist soldiers alike for meditation and blessings; non-political goodness… Read full story
The villages without grief — Living nine years at a Thai cremation-ground monastery, Ajahn Brahm saw villagers bring their dead without grieving, which contradicted… Read full story
The walking stick that always missed — First year at Magnolia Street: a man in a psychotic episode waves a walking stick violently at Brahm but always misses on purpose; half an… Read full story
The wall that disappeared — As a young theoretical physicist, Ajahn Brahm sits at a Zen monastery in the north of England, in a converted cowshed, told to meditate… Read full story
The ward that focused on the good hours — After a talk at Singapore's mental-health institute, a Christian ward head quietly tells Ajahn Brahm his ward now focuses on patients'… Read full story
The wedding without rings — At a Yanchep wedding, celebrant Dennis is about to pronounce the couple husband and wife when Ajahn Brahm hisses “Dennis, Dennis!” — he… Read full story
The wet-road skid — crash or swerve — Wet road; car ahead stops for a pedestrian; Brahm skids and must choose rear-end crash or swerve through the crossing — swerves, barely… Read full story
The whole household had the same dream — The daughter of the monastery treasurer, in her twenties, dies of cancer. Some time later he arrives at dawn: at breakfast one daughter… Read full story
The widow who hugged her husband's killer — At South Africa's Truth and Reconciliation Commission, where those who truthfully confessed their crimes were granted amnesty, a white… Read full story
The wife who came back for the will — A Thai woman who never trusted her Chinese husband asks Ajahn Brahm to do her funeral and pay for it, in return leaving her assets to the… Read full story
The wild horse that kissed the coffin — Gerald in Hong Kong sent a photo-story: a man tamed a wild horse with only kindness and patience — no hitting or starving — until the… Read full story
The wine gums — One Christmas when Ajahn Brahm was a young monk, four (now famous, unnamed) Canadian monks receive wine gums from their parents. Assuming… Read full story
The wobbly VIP chairs and the fist under his nose — For the opening of the Nollamara centre the Governor of WA, Sir Gordon Reid, accepts the invitation. Ajahn Brahm orders the best marquee… Read full story
The woman who fell asleep in the meditation hall — During Friday meditation a woman lies down, points her feet at the Buddha, falls asleep and snores — breaking every rule of etiquette —… Read full story
The woman who refused to go back — A woman who dies on the operating table meets a spirit telling her it isn't her time; she refuses — she's having too good a time — until… Read full story
The woman who swapped seats to talk — Exhausted on a flight from Kuala Lumpur to Perth, Ajahn Brahm sits by the window. A woman asks if he's Ajahn Brahm because she really… Read full story
The woman who wasn't her mother — After deep meditation on retreat, a woman tries recalling her earliest memory and sees herself being breastfed — by someone who isn't her… Read full story
The worm in the pile of dung — A good monk reborn in heaven searches every realm for his misbehaving friend and finds him reborn as a worm in dung; he offers to take him… Read full story
The worm that wanted its chocolate bar — A man with intestinal worms chooses the 'natural' treatment: every day for a week, at exactly noon, a cheese-sandwich suppository, and… Read full story
The worst procedure in the ward — In a Rockingham Hospital ward with three other men, they compare medical procedures to decide which is worst. Someone names a barium… Read full story
The worst thing she'd ever done — A woman dying of cancer meets Ajahn Brahm most Friday evenings. Wanting her to die free of her past, he asks in confidence for the worst… Read full story
The young doctor who wanted to quit — A first-year intern loses his first patient, a young mother, and must tell her husband that his wife is dead and his kids have no mother.… Read full story
The young people's biggest problem: tiredness — At an afternoon youth seminar in Malaysia for about 200 people aged 15 to 25, the participants wrote their biggest emotional problem on… Read full story
The zookeeper who freed the orangutans — At the annual John Curtin Medal presentation, Ajahn Brahm (a past recipient) hears about that year's winner: a man with learning… Read full story
Then cancel my husband's life insurance — A woman's house burns down; the insurer will only replace, not cut a cheque. She says she should cancel her husband's life insurance then… Read full story
There are a thousand Ajahn Chahs — At Ajahn Chah's funeral the Western monks argued about what he had really taught — pure mind or nothingness. Ajahn Jagaro settled it:… Read full story
There are zombies in your retreat centre — At Jhana Grove a visiting child tells him there are zombies — retreatants doing very slow walking meditation. Read full story
“There is no problem in the Middle East” — Asked during the Six-Day War about 'the problem in the Middle East', a British Prime Minister (Ajahn Brahm says Harold Macmillan) replies… Read full story
There's a nasty bug going around — A man is punched, headbutted and stabbed on three successive days by a six-foot cockroach at his door. In hospital the doctor says that is… Read full story
They auctioned his robe in Melbourne — At a Melbourne fundraiser for a new monastery, Ven. Mudita (captioned Moodau), whom he had ordained, asked for his robe to auction. He… Read full story
They can steal the donations, not our happiness — During the rains retreat thieves break into the monastery's donation box; nobody knows how much they took. Instead of anger, Ajahn Brahm… Read full story
They drew a circle that shut me out — Poem/analogy: heretic shut out by a circle; love and wisdom draw a bigger circle that includes them in — visual for mettā expanding the… Read full story
They emptied the donation box on New Year's Day — During the BSWA New Year's Day ceremony someone emptied the donation box. When people got upset Ajahn Brahm told them not to: it's only… Read full story
They gave him a wrapped box of nothing — When people ask what gift he wants for his birthday, a few who got the message wrap an empty box; he opens it and finds nothing — 'that's… Read full story
They had all watched a hanging — Answering a teacher in Q&A: over a hundred years ago, when hangings in England were public, someone (a psychologist, he says) went through… Read full story
They lost the plot (Guildford Cemetery) — After the joke about funeral directors who 'lost the plot', Ajahn Brahm recalls it really happening at Guildford Cemetery: walking ahead… Read full story
They preferred the taller Islamic teacher — Multi-faith school visit: feedback says girls preferred the blond Western Islamic speaker — taller than the short Buddhist monk. Ages… Read full story
They watched the sunset on TV — the real one was at the window — A favourite Leunig cartoon: left half, a family watches a sunset on a nature channel; right half, an open window shows the actual sunset… Read full story
“They're all Buddhists” — the expensive clinic — A very wealthy Kuala Lumpur businessman tells Ajahn Brahm he paid a fortune for therapy at a famous US clinic, even meeting the founder of… Read full story
“This is my son, the monk” — On his first visit home after seven years as a monk, when monks in London were seen as weirdos, Ajahn Brahm asks to join his mother on her… Read full story
This is not what I signed up for — Years earlier, midway through a two-hour Indonesian book-signing and photo queue, Ajahn Brahm thinks this is not what a monk should be… Read full story
“This must be your dad” — At a wedding blessing Ajahn Brahm assumes the older man beside the young man is his father — and is corrected, to the older man's… Read full story
“This robe, or naked” — A Norwegian manager ordains in Perth to his family's dismay. When his father falls ill his mother writes: come home, but wear a suit, not… Read full story
Three months without looking at a girl — One of Ajahn Chah's own stories: as a lusty 18- or 19-year-old novice in a town monastery, he resolved that for the three-month rains… Read full story
Three smiling bodies in the morgue — A coroner explains three smiling corpses to a policeman: one died of a heart attack with his mistress, one drank himself to death after a… Read full story
Three thousand Singapore executives heard the gaps — In a Singapore hall of about 3,000 busy executives who said they could not meditate, he asked them to notice the gaps between his words —… Read full story
Three-day village parties with petrol generators — As a young monk in rural Thailand he learns old parties ran for three days: when people tired they slept where they fell, woke, and danced… Read full story
Tickets sold faster than Lady Gaga's — In Medan, Indonesia, about 3–4,000 cheap tickets for Ajahn Brahm's talk sold out in ~30 minutes the same weekend Lady Gaga's Jakarta… Read full story
Tiger's Nest climb — then a hot bath — Bhutan: climbs Tiger's Nest in thin air panting; hotel has a bath — usually too much indulgence for a monk, but after the climb he soaks. Read full story
Time your anger — try to beat your record — A teacher tells someone who always gets angry: next time, put a clock in front of you and see how long you can stay angry — try to beat… Read full story
Tolstoy's screaming patient falls quiet — Ajahn Brahm recalls a Tolstoy story read as a student: a wealthy man in constant pain screams day and night for weeks, no therapy helps,… Read full story
Too comfortable to waste on sleep — Once Ajahn Brahm lay in bed unable to sleep — probably too much tea — worrying he wouldn't get to sleep in time. Then he thought: I spend… Read full story
Toothache in the night — In his first year at a Thai monastery, with an empty medicine cabinet and no telephone, Ajahn Brahm has a terrible toothache. He can't… Read full story
Top of medicine by being silent — A woman tells Ajahn Brahm she came top every year in medicine at Melbourne University with first-class honours because she knew how to… Read full story
Toss a coin to find out what you want — Advice for a hard decision: toss a coin — heads I marry her, tails I don't. If it comes up heads and you think 'two out of three?', you… Read full story
Total listening — the counsellor threw away her learning — Wealthy client exhausted usual therapies; counsellor at a Buddhist conference describes going totally quiet, discarding training static,… Read full story
Train so you can shoot over their heads — Ajahn Chah's disciple faces conscription; Chah says train hard on the firing range so you are a good enough shot to always shoot over… Read full story
Training dolphins, training husbands — From a psychology magazine: a PhD student studying how marine parks train dolphins — throw a fish whenever it jumps an inch higher, never… Read full story
Trees give shade to the one cutting them down — A forest sign in Sri Lanka: trees are so kind they even give shade to the person cutting them down — kindness that protects even those who… Read full story
'Trespassers will be converted' — To keep wanderers out of the quiet Jhana Grove retreat centre, the society knew 'Trespassers will be prosecuted' never works, because… Read full story
Twelve blessed strings for Sri Lanka — During a one-day match at the WACA, with Australia hammering Sri Lanka, young helpers come to Ajahn Brahm: the Sri Lankan captain wants… Read full story
Twenty minutes to cry in a Bangkok temple — A Western visitor interested in Buddhism sees a young woman crying her eyes out on a bench in a busy Bangkok temple. Unsure of the… Read full story
Twenty-six sheep — ten die — how many survive? — Math riddle: 26 sheep in a field, 10 die — how many survive? Not 16 — twenty sick sheep. Read full story
Two bad bricks in the wall — Building the broke new monastery at Serpentine, the ex-physicist monk lays his first brick wall with painstaking perfectionism — then sees… Read full story
Two cakes: karma as ingredients — Simile (from Opening the Door of Your Heart): one person bakes a cake with mouldy old flour, cheap sugar and butter and an old kitchen;… Read full story
Two child killings, two societies — Ajahn Brahm recalls an article comparing two similar tragedies. In England, a toddler (Jamie Bulger) was abducted from a Liverpool… Read full story
Two crooked bricks at the Chinese university — Invited to the Chinese University in Sha Tin (captioned Chartin), Hong Kong, because of student suicides, he told the two-bad-bricks story… Read full story
Two fingers to push up a smile — As a student, his meditation teacher tells him to smile at himself in the toilet mirror every morning. Ajahn Brahm protests he'd scream at… Read full story
Two hours on Ajahn Chah instead of a car factory — Thaksin, then Prime Minister of Thailand, told Ajahn Brahm that a head of the Ford Motor Company came to see him about building a big… Read full story
Two hours on Bunbury beach — With a free afternoon before teaching at Bunbury prison, Ajahn Brahm meditates for two hours, eyes closed, on a deserted stretch of beach.… Read full story
Two hours signing books in Jakarta — After a talk of four or five thousand in Jakarta, a huge line wants books signed and photos — two hours of signing and smiling for the… Read full story
Two monks argue about the fish tank — Waiting for lunch: one monk says fish tanks are prisons; the other says tanks protect fish from hooks and alien-abduction fishing — same… Read full story
Two monks tell each other who they are — After a three-month rains retreat together, Ajahn Brahm and another Western monk sit down and tell each other what they think of each… Read full story
Two sisters and one orange — Two sisters argue over the last orange — whose turn it is — and finally compromise by cutting it in half. One peels her half, throws away… Read full story

U

Under a gynaecologist, and no pyjamas — On his last hospital stay, at Rockingham, Ajahn Brahm is admitted under a family-friend doctor who is a gynaecologist — his bed sign… Read full story
'Urinal for dogs' — When Ajahn Brahm was a young monk, the town of Ubon had too few public toilets, and tuk-tuk drivers and passers-by all urinated against… Read full story

V

Volunteering with the kids who taught him to be hugged — At Cambridge, when a Christian friend starts volunteering at the local mental hospital, Ajahn Brahm feels he'd better go too. The… Read full story
Vomiting through the book signing — On an Indonesia tour Ajahn Brahm's stomach turns during a talk and the book-signing queue. He finishes signing, runs to his room and… Read full story
Vultures of metaphysics — Ajahn Chah on overly intellectual people: they're like vultures — they fly very high in metaphysics, but where they live, they feed on… Read full story

W

Wait at the crossroads for the bus — Simile from Opening the Door of Your Heart: a decision is like arriving at a crossroads. You don't have to go north, south, east or west —… Read full story
Walking home from the airport without asking — With no money, Ajahn Brahm finds people offer him a cup of tea at the airport. One of his monks tests it: returning to Perth from… Read full story
Walking into the DMZ — During the brief Trump–Kim thaw, Ajahn Brahm joins a peace conference in South Korea. The senior monks are to lead a fast three-hour… Read full story
Walking off with everything he owned on his back — After five years as a monk in Thailand (around 1979) Ajahn Brahm leaves his monastery to wander on foot. Nothing can be stored, so he must… Read full story
Walking up the hill instead of driving — After nine years of only driving up to Bodhinyana, Ajahn Brahm gets out at the foot of the hill and walks; the familiar hillside becomes… Read full story
Watch out for falling rocks — A dying Comanche chief sends Geronimo and Fallen Rocks to hunt buffalo for 30 days; Geronimo returns with many skins; Fallen Rocks never… Read full story
Waving from the stretch limo — A Buddhist family's first child, born with complications, dies after a few months despite the doctors' best efforts. The parents are too… Read full story
“We love you, Dad” — Two daughters sit holding their comatose father's hands in a Perth hospital. After his last breath he opens his eyes, sits up and looks at… Read full story
'We'll never forget you' — The day after giving a talk at Mercedes College, a girls' school next to the Catholic cathedral in Perth, Ajahn Brahm is walking down St… Read full story
“We've never heard a talk in Sanskrit before” — A group visiting from Thailand asks for a talk in Thai, so Ajahn Brahm, fluent after years there, gives one. Afterwards they're very… Read full story
Weeping at the grave of his wife's first husband — A man sobs at a grave in Karrakatta, “Why did you die?” Asked if it is his father or son, he says no — it was his present wife's former… Read full story
'Welcome to Australia, mate. Have a beer.' — A Vietnamese boat person, just in sight of the Australian shore, was greeted by two West Australian fishermen: 'Welcome to Australia,… Read full story
What boys and girls really want — At a big youth conference in Kuala Lumpur, Ajahn Brahm splits the teenagers by sex. He asks the girls what makes a boy attractive: not… Read full story
“What day of the week is it?” — As a forest monk he lived without calendars or clocks and sometimes didn't know the month or year. In the first months in Perth, at the… Read full story
What did the pirate say on his 80th birthday? — What did the pirate say on his 80th birthday? 'Aye matey' (I'm eighty). Read full story
What do people drink in England? Grey tea — Winter England gag: sky, buildings, coats all grey — punchline grey tea; stiff upper lip is just frozen weather. Read full story
“What do you guys get out of this?” — the free talk — A caller keeps asking how much she must pay to attend Ajahn Brahm's talk; told repeatedly it is free, she finally asks in disbelief what… Read full story
What drug is he giving you? — A high-flying Sydney executive has to beg and grovel to her boss for time off for a nine-day retreat at Jhana Grove. Afterwards she emails… Read full story
“What if a tree did not fall when we were underneath it?” — Walking home from Rabbit's house through a storm, little Piglet freezes as trees crash around them: “What would happen if a tree fell down… Read full story
What if it doesn't come back? — At the opening of a new campus of the Cancer Support/Wellness Association in Cottesloe, Ajahn Brahm is the second VIP guest after the… Read full story
“What if they kill you?” — the monk bound for a rough country — A monk tells the Buddha he wants to take the Dhamma to a faraway country. The Buddha warns that its people are coarse and violent: what if… Read full story
What is two plus two? — Three candidates for preselection in a safe Australian seat are asked the same question: what is 2 + 2? The first uses a calculator: 4.… Read full story
'What prison were you in?' — When Ajahn Brahm's predecessor Ajahn Jagaro disrobed and applied for jobs in the United States, employers asked about the 20-year gap.… Read full story
“What type of chairman are you?” — At a Buddhist Society committee meeting an old chair collapses under a committee member; Ajahn Brahm quips, “What type of chairman are… Read full story
“What's done is finished” — A Thai abbot sends the builders home for the three-month rains retreat, leaving his new hall without a roof or windows and with timber and… Read full story
“What's the Buddhist idea of God?” — At the same chaplains' conference, a well-known Jesuit (Frank Brennan, Ajahn Brahm thinks) asks him what Buddhists mean by God. Rather… Read full story
“Whatever those monks are on, I want some” — A past president of the Buddhist Society, Rachel Green, first came only to learn meditation for panic attacks and anxiety. Seeing the… Read full story
'Whatever you're doing, come and do it again' — Years ago a senior prison officer at the Canning Vale jail phones Ajahn Brahm insisting he come back to teach himself, not send other… Read full story
When am I going? — At Wat Pah Pong, Ajahn Chah tells the young monk Ajahn Jagaro he is being sent to another monastery ('the banana garden'). Jagaro asks… Read full story
“When did you have your accident?” — A retreatant reports that as she grew still her back became very hot, not painfully. Ajahn Brahm asks when she had her accident;… Read full story
When we had no hospital, people were so healthy — One of Ajahn Chah's chief disciples (interviewed in a BBC documentary; Brahm briefly confuses him with another monk who first went to see… Read full story
Where everybody thinks the same, no one thinks at all — At Dalhousie University he joked their Latin motto should be replaced with: where everybody thinks the same, no one thinks at all —… Read full story
Where's the bog then? — Ajahn Brahm's Cambridge neighbour, a Yorkshireman from Leeds (he says 'from Ukraine' then corrects), arrives at Emmanuel College and asks… Read full story
Which of the five horses are you? — Five horses: the first obeys a word; the second needs only the shadow of the whip; the third a light tap; the fourth one hard whack; the… Read full story
Whisper when close, shout when distant — A monk in Indonesia offers a simile: lovers whisper 'I love you'; when upset people shout 'you stupid old cow' — because closeness needs… Read full story
White knuckles on the first bicycle — Young Ajahn Brahm's father saves up for his first bicycle; he keeps falling off until he notices his white knuckles and plank-stiff body —… Read full story
Who learned the most after Cyclone Nargis — Groups in Singapore took privileged, highly educated teenagers to southern Myanmar to help villages destroyed by Cyclone Nargis. The… Read full story
Who left the hammer out? — Newly abbot and very strict, Ajahn Brahm finds a donated hammer rusting in the grass at Bodhinyana. He gathers the monks and scolds them… Read full story
Who sits next to God? — A man who went to church every Sunday, gave donations and kept the Ten Commandments dies and goes to heaven, expecting to see Jesus beside… Read full story
Who's the beggar? — In India a rich man comes out of a temple and a beggar asks him for a donation. 'Go and get a job!' 'Well, what did you just go into the… Read full story
Why ants don't get COVID — Why don't ants get COVID? Because they've got antibodies. Read full story
Why did I get shot? — A man drafted into the Thai army, wounded in a border skirmish, comes to Ajahn Chah asking what bad karma caused it — did he kill someone… Read full story
Why did the chewing gum cross the road? — Riddle he promised to try out: why did the piece of chewing gum cross the road? Because it was stuck to the foot of a chicken. ('I forgive… Read full story
“Why did you call me a …?” — the surgeon's outburst — A wealthy London woman with an expensive Harley Street surgeon dies for a few minutes on the table; the panicking surgeon swears at her.… Read full story
“Why don't you come and stay with us?” — the monk in Casuarina Prison — A monk teaching at a high-security prison describes monastery life (4 am rising, one meal, hard work, no TV, sleeping on the floor);… Read full story
Why he felt no grief: his father's death and the great concert — Ajahn Brahm's father, whom he loved very much, died when he was 16, and he couldn't understand why he felt no grief. Years later as a monk… Read full story
Why shoes stay outside Buddhist temples — Someone asked why people don't wear shoes in Buddhist temples. His answer: so if he tells a bad joke, you can't throw your shoes at him —… Read full story
Why some are born intelligent — From a sutta: a man asks the Buddha what karma makes people wealthy, then what makes them beautiful or ugly (Ajahn Brahm breaks off to… Read full story
Why the bride wears white — Wedding joke he tells at ceremonies: why does the bride wear white and the groom black? White is the symbol of purity — so now you… Read full story
Why the German worked harder in Australia — A society member who migrated from West Germany before reunification is told by Australian workmates that Germans have a strong economy… Read full story
Why you never see elephants in trees — A joke a man told him: why don't you see elephants hiding in trees? Because they're too good at hiding. Like the US Army's… Read full story
“Why?” — Ajahn Chah's answer: nothing — After an inspiring talk by Ajahn Chah, the young monk skips attending him at the sauna and sits two blissful hours in meditation behind… Read full story
Working backwards from the solution — Some ten years earlier Ajahn Brahm attended a high-powered think tank in the Whitsunday Islands, with Prime Minister Kevin Rudd, Julia… Read full story
Worried he'd have to be abbot — When the 2004 tsunami hits, Ajahn Brahm is in Penang. His number-two monk back home hears that people have died in Penang and tries… Read full story
Wow, this is good, ain't it, Brahm? — The coarse Australian who single-handedly built Bodhinyana's concrete water tanks asks 'Brahm' if he can look inside the 'church'. Boots… Read full story
Wrap yourself a gift of peace — For a birthday or anniversary, wrap an empty box carefully, put inside a paper that says 'peace — to me, with love from me', hide it,… Read full story
Wrong cemetery, and a hearse with three heavy passengers — A former Sydney funeral director tells how hearses sometimes go to the wrong cemetery, and how on one body-collection run with three very… Read full story
Wrong Mrs Kaur — take her back — In Ven. Nibbūto's Sikh village, where men are Singh and women Kaur, an old lady is certified dead and put in a coffin for that evening's… Read full story

Y

Yeah, that's right — both monks and neither — Two monks argue whether rebirth matters; each separately gets 'yeah, that's right' from the abbot; together they protest they cannot both… Read full story
You can talk — I thought you were brain damaged — After Ajahn Chah left Perth, silent number-two monk Brahm gave his first Friday talk at Magnolia Street. A girl of about seven or eight… Read full story
'You can't be any good then' — In the early days Ajahn Brahm answered the phone to a woman asking about that evening's meditation class. 'How much do you charge?' 'We… Read full story
You disturb the noise — Ajahn Chah's line via Brahm: it is not the children's noise that disturbs you — you disturb the noise. People are noisy; make peace with… Read full story
You don't have to join — Cambridge Buddhist Society — Cambridge societies fair: finds Buddhist Society stall like gold; wants to join; the person behind the counter says this is Buddhism — you… Read full story
You know when the Gurkha visited — your head falls off — Former Gurkha monk: you always know when a Gurkha visited in the night — you wake, shake your head, and it falls off. Read full story
“You must be the father-in-law!” — At a wedding of a young Thai bride and an Australian man, Ajahn Brahm greets the elderly Australian as the father-in-law — he is the groom. Read full story
'You never talked to us about your Buddhism' — Ajahn Brahm kept his non-Buddhist friends from Cambridge, and saw some at a reunion after 40 years. At the end of college he had asked… Read full story
'You ordained to forget' — Visiting Ajahn Juin, a famous old Thai monk at the top-hat-shaped mountain monastery Phu Tok, Ajahn Brahm hears a Bangkok lady ask him,… Read full story
“You're a much better mum when you come home” — A tired mother tells her children she will skip the meditation group; her daughter insists she go, because she is a much better mum… Read full story
“You're dressed like a girl. That's sick.” — While loading the overloaded Kombi van in North Perth in his first years in Australia, a 14-year-old visiting her grandmother next door… Read full story
“You're either going to get better or you're going to die” — Seriously ill with typhus in a Ubon hospital with no night nurse, young Ajahn Brahm is overjoyed when the famous Ajahn Chah visits — for… Read full story
You're just helping me sharpen my knife — An Englishwoman argues with elderly Ajahn Chah for hours; others say leave him alone — Chah says no, she is helping him sharpen his knife:… Read full story
“You're making an ugly face — smile!” — Rowing in an eight at Cambridge, struggling and grimacing, Ajahn Brahm hears the coach on a bicycle shout through a megaphone: “You're… Read full story
'You're not getting old, Ajahn — you're already old' — Ajahn Brahm told his monks he was getting old. A very kind Swiss monk said, with touching sincerity — monks don't lie — 'No, Ajahn, you're… Read full story
“You're old enough to know better” — Walking in robes through Doncaster early one morning with Ajahn Sumedho, about 20 years his senior, a businessman on his way to work looks… Read full story
“You're so lucky” — counselling a rape survivor — In Malaysia, as a last resort after counsellors, doctors and psychiatrists had failed, Ajahn Brahm is asked to see a woman, and… Read full story
“You're taking away my grief” — After a talk at a grief-and-loss conference on letting go, a woman complains bitterly that Ajahn Brahm is taking away her grief — grief… Read full story
You're the girl whose name I keep forgetting — When strangers ask 'Do you remember me?' after talks to hundreds or thousands, a joke-book escape: 'Oh yes — you're the girl whose name I… Read full story
You're the only one who deserves this award — Receiving his Order of Australia medal at Government House under Governor Kim Beazley, Ajahn Brahm wonders whether a monk should accept… Read full story
You've got such beautiful blue eyes — like my baby Holly — Sydney clothing entrepreneur Julie flies at short notice to London to sign a contract. Directors say the managing director is in a filthy… Read full story
Your brother will snore — and so will you — A visiting monk's brother needs a bed; Brahm warns that sharing a room means the brother will snore — and so will the monk. The guest… Read full story
“Your meditation can't be that good” — At the Serpentine doctor's surgery a monk sees an advert for another meditation group and suggests the doctor's people come to theirs… Read full story

Z

Zen and the Art of Shipping — At a transport forum (about clay trucks passing the monastery) a journalist interviews Ajahn Brahm about shipping; game for anything, he… Read full story

#

20,000 to one: the husband who lied once — After a talk in Malaysia a mathematics lecturer asks whether to divorce her husband because she discovered he lied. Ajahn Brahm does the… Read full story
3,999,900 haven't died of SARS — Ajahn Brahm lands in Singapore at the height of SARS — headline “100 people dead”, heat cameras at the airport ('think cool'). His… Read full story
Ānanda Maṅgala left the Trappists — Ānanda Maṅgala — Gandhi youth leader, friend of Nehru — tries Trappist life, then becomes a Buddhist monk; Trappist superiors summon… Read full story