Ajahn Chah's cure for sexual fantasies

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• The worm that wanted its chocolate bar

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  Because there was this poor man who had intestinal worms. And he went to see the doctor and the doctor said: ‘Well, there's two treatments, it’s the chemical pills, the medication’ – he said: ‘I don't like these modern chemicals, I don't trust them, they do terrible things to the body’ – ‘So we got the natural way’ – ‘So I'll have the natural way’. So it's a bit uncomfortable, but it always works 100%. ‘I'll take the natural way’, he said. ‘Ok, well, every day, for the next week, exactly at noon, 12:00 noon precisely, I want you to put a suppository, up your backside, of a mini cheese sandwich. [laughter] And five minutes later, put another suppository: a mini chocolate bar. And do that for seven days and come back for your next appointment one week from today at 11:45.’ He did that, very uncomfortable, a bit embarrassing, but he followed the orders. When he went back for his next appointment, he said: ‘I can still feel the worms inside, you know, it didn't work!’ He said: ‘This is the last part of the treatment.’ And so, you know, trousers down, on the bench, and then the doctor put, exactly at twelve noon, another cheese sandwich suppository up his backside and then waited with a hammer. [laughter] Five past twelve, no chocolate bar. Ten past twelve, no chocolate bar. Quarter past twelve, this little head came out and the worm said: ‘Aaay, where's my chocolate bar?’ Whack! with a hammer, and that was the end of the worm.

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• Giving up tea for three months

  In brief: People told Ajahn Brahm he was addicted to tea. So he decided to give it up for the three-month Rains Retreat. The monks begged him not…

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  Believe it or not, that one year people kept on telling me: ‘Ajahn Brahm, you’re addicted to tea. You always have your cup of tea. Cup of tea in the morning, cup of tea in the afternoon.’ I said: ‘okay, I'm going to give it up for three months’. And then all the monks came up to me and said: ‘Please don't do that’. I said: ‘why not?’ - ‘Because’, they said, ‘another monk tried that and he was a pain in the butt for three months without his tea - he was such an awful person to live with’. 'Well no', I said: ‘I'm going to try it to see if I'm addicted to it.’ So I gave it up for three months. I was very happy, very peaceful, no problem at all.

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• The bottle ghost

  In brief: Told in Asia, where people fear ghosts: the most dangerous ghost in the world, one he has seen many times. It possesses people — they…

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  I like telling the story of the bottle ghost. I get really serious because it's one of the most dangerous ghosts in the whole world. And I like many people say they don't believe in ghosts. But there's evidence for this ghost. I've actually I've Okay. I've seen it myself many times and I've seen what it what it does to people. You know, it it actually possesses people, the bottle ghost. And they they they don't act in the normal way. They're they're strange. You know, they they don't speak in the normal way. They don't even walk in the They don't act in the normal way at all. They're totally different characters. And I've even seen this ghost possess people. It's no exaggeration. I've seen them get killed. It's that dangerous a ghost. And so, I warn people and listen, my honesty is there. This bottle ghost exists and it does possess people and it does kill them as well. And people are actually very impressed cuz, you know, I don't exaggerate. I don't tell lies. And that bottle ghost, I explain what it really is. It lives in bottles of whiskey, rum, and other things cuz as soon as you take the bottle the top off, you get possessed. And you speak in very strange ways and you can't even walk in a straight line and you do really weird things and sometimes you kill yourself in an accident. It's called a bottle ghost. That's actually why we call these things spirits. Have you ever wondered why they call it spirits? It's the bottle ghost. But it is true. It does kill you.

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• Stop the train as it leaves the station

  In brief: Simile: a train going 110 km/h with all its weight can't stop for an obstruction — it takes half a kilometre, which is why there are…

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  What mindfulness does is like trying to stop a train. When a train has left the station, it's going 110 kilometers an hour down the track with so much weight behind it. If the train driver tries to stops and put on the breaks because there's an obstruction on the road or on the rails in front of it, sometimes you just can't do that. It's going too fast and the momentum is too strong. A train going that fast takes maybe half a kilometer to come to a halt which is why that sometimes there are these terrible crashes when a car crosses the railway line. The driver sees it but it's going too fast to stop. This is what happens when we try to catch our lust or whatever, our anger, when it's a bit too late. It's gone too fast, the momentum is too strong, we can't stop it straight away. Many of you know that when you're in the power of lust, you can't stop just straightaway. You just can't say no I'm going to stop now. It's like a train just trying to pull on the breaks and stop immediately, it just cannot be done. But the best time to stop the train is when it's first moving out of the station. It's maybe going at one kilometer an hour and then you can put on the break, it's easy to stop it.

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