Being Mindful Stories

Story · Ajahn Brahm

“I forgive. No payback.”

As told by Ajahn Brahm in Freeing Problems With Metta | by Ajahn Brahm | 30 Jan 2009

2 min read

Content note: Aboriginal cultural content — check sensitivity before use; death of children; named real person

The story — as told by Ajahn Brahm (verbatim captions)

I gave a talk maybe a year or two ago in Curtin University, as part of the human rights course, Human Rights and Religion. And one of the students at that human rights course was Dennis Eggington. He's now the head of the aboriginal legal, what's it called? Aboriginal legal support group, whatever. Sorry? Aboriginal Legal Service. Yeah. Often see them in the paper. And during my talk he said, 'It's amazing what you've just been talking about', because he had an experience a couple of weeks before. A couple of drunk drivers had rammed in to a car containing two Aboriginal boys and killed them. And these two Aboriginal boys were really good students, were not getting in to any sort of trouble at all. Were doing really well at school, very promising, really good guys. The cream of the crop. And they'd been killed by these stupid drunk drivers. The problem was, the drunk drivers were also Aboriginal. And at the funeral service, because it was all Noongars, everybody had to be there. The two drivers were in custody but the father and other relations of those two drivers had to attend the funeral ceremony. Together with the relations of the two boys who had died. Noongar custom meant there had to be payback. And payback means if you can't give payback to the people who killed your children, to the closest relations. So the whole crematorium, it was in Karrakatta, I think he said, was so tense. Because no one knew when payback would happen. In the middle of the service the father of one of the boys who had died got up and before, there was police there, and before the police could stop him went for the father of one of the murderers. One of the boys who had killed his son. Went for him, hugged him and said, 'I forgive. No payback.' He'd broken the custom. But everybody was so impressed. Even though he was quite young, at that time they made him an elder. The person who was wise, who gained the respect of the whole community. It's amazing just what the power of forgiveness can do. It can change a whole custom.

▶ Watch Ajahn Brahm tell it from 45:59 (to 48:53)

A reflection (in the spirit of Ajahn Brahm's talk)

At a tense funeral for two young Noongar boys killed by drunk drivers, custom called for payback. Instead one grieving father crossed the room, hugged the father of a driver and said he forgave. His community honoured him as an elder. Forgiveness doesn't erase a loss, but it can stop harm passing from one family to the next.

In brief (our summary)

At a Curtin University human-rights course, Dennis Eggington (later head of the Aboriginal Legal Service) tells Ajahn Brahm of a funeral at Karrakatta: two promising Noongar boys had been killed by two drunk drivers, also Noongar. Custom demanded payback against the drivers' closest relatives, and the crematorium was tense. Mid-service, the father of one dead boy went for the father of one of the drivers — and hugged him: “I forgive. No payback.” He broke the custom, and the community made him an elder though he was young.

Teaching point

Forgiveness is a circuit breaker that can end a cycle of violence — even change an age-old custom.

When this story may help

Themes

Source & credit

Told by Ajahn Brahm in Freeing Problems With Metta | by Ajahn Brahm | 30 Jan 2009 · 2009-02-25 · ▶ watch from 45:59 to 48:53 · Buddhist Society of Western Australia

1 other telling of this story

Caption notes: Manual (volunteer) captions; occasional misspellings kept as is.

The narrative is Ajahn Brahm's own telling, quoted from the talk captions. The summary and reflection are Being Mindful Stories's editorial notes. Please credit the teacher and link the original talk. Markdown version

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