Joke · Ajahn Brahm

A Buddhist footy team would always lose

As told by Ajahn Brahm in Understanding suicide | Ajahn Brahm | 06-02-2015

1 min read

I once thought of actually starting a soccer team well no footy team know a Buddhist footy team and we know we could play the Christians you know just but you know as soon I decided that wouldn't work cuz I started to think about it you know if you started a Buddhist footy team and you played the Christians or you played the Jews or the Muslims or whatever we'd have to play by Buddhist principles first of all let him go if the other two wanted the ball here take it take it compassion cuz you know if the Buddhist team scored a goal that would really disappoint the opposition so you on purpose you'd kick it so you know it missed the posts out of kindness compassion so if we did have a Buddhist team it would always lose

▶ Watch Ajahn Brahm tell it from 30:19 (to 31:18)

A reflection (in the spirit of Ajahn Brahm's talk)

A Buddhist football team, Ajahn Brahm jokes, would always lose, handing over the ball out of compassion and missing goals to spare the opponents. Then the truth: as a student he coached children with Down syndrome every Thursday. They sensed his heartbreaks and hugged him. They taught him more about the heart than Nobel laureates ever did.

In brief (our summary)

He once imagined a Buddhist footy team vs Christians/Jews/Muslims — but Buddhist principles would mean giving the ball away out of compassion and deliberately missing goals so as not to disappoint the opposition, so the team would always lose (and maybe that is why Fremantle has too many Buddhists).

Teaching point

Compassion as a scoreboard strategy is a joke that still names the real priority.

When this story may help

competitive culture
religious rivalry banter

Themes

Source & credit

Told by Ajahn Brahm in Understanding suicide | Ajahn Brahm | 06-02-2015 · 2015-02-08 · ▶ watch from 30:19 to 31:18 · Buddhist Society of Western Australia

Caption notes: YouTube auto-captions: unpunctuated, words left exactly as captioned. 'free manle Dockers' = Fremantle Dockers.

The narrative is Ajahn Brahm's own telling, quoted from the talk captions. The summary and reflection are Being Mindful Stories's editorial notes. Please credit the teacher and link the original talk. Markdown version

Twelve blessed strings for Sri Lanka
In brief: During a one-day match at the WACA, with Australia hammering Sri Lanka, young helpers come to Ajahn Brahm: the Sri Lankan captain wants…
Read full story
This was the um the time I got into trouble. I had to I had hid this for many years. I should have just admitted it straight away. And that was with the with the um cricket. Many of the Sri Lankans know this story. I haven't told this to the the last uh uh there's a Sri Lankan New Year over in 70th anniversary was it Was it? Or independence or whatever. Anyway, in front of the the former um governor of Western Australia, Quentin Bryce. And she reminded me of this. But fortunately she's she's retired now, so I can't get into any more trouble about this because it was the um sometime people ask, "What are you doing going to the Sri Lankan Independence Day when you're a Brit? You know, that's like you know, that they kicked your ancestors out of the country. So what are you coming to celebrate?" I said, "Because I support Sri Lanka and their cricket team." Because what happened? There was a cricket match between Sri Lanka and Australia at the old West Australian cricket ground, the WACA. And only one day match. And at lunch interval the Australians, they were just hammering the Sri Lankans. They were winning by such a big amount. So some of the boys who actually come here, they were helping out at the stadium. They came here and said, "Ajahn Brahm, Ajahn Brahm, we've been asked by the captain of the Sri Lankan cricket team to get some holy string from a good monk and we think you're a good monk. Can you do this blessing string?" And so now I shouldn't have done this. I mean, it's a ridiculous thing to do, but I I blessed 12 pieces of string. Cuz you know, one for the 12th man in the cricket. I knew cricket. So 12 pieces of string I blessed and I sent them to the ground. You know what happened? Sri Lanka lost. But because they asked for it too late. [laughter] But that was not the really important match because that that was a warm-up game for the World Cup cricket. And as every Sri Lankan knows the Sri Lankans had never won much before. But this they had the final Sri Lanka this World Cup cricket final, Sri Lanka versus Australia. And you know how much Australians love their cricket. And Sri Lanka won. Against all predictions, Sri Lanka beat Australia and won the World Cup cricket. And that was Any Sri Lankan remembers that. Remember the occasion. It was uh the captain. I remember his name, Arjuna Ranatunga. Cuz I saw people show me in the the Western Australian newspaper, the big picture of the captain holding up the World Cup and the whole Sri Lanka, they just celebrated. I don't know for how long. And of course Australia was just so upset. They just missed out. But as he was holding up the cup, you know what I saw? On his hand my string. It was my string which was on all of the cricketers' hands there except the Australians. That was why they won the World Cup. Cuz an Australian monk and it took years before I admitted that. Otherwise I got kicked out of the country.
Open story page·Watch this telling
Can I play for the other side?
In brief: In his last ever soccer match, for his Cambridge college, the other team turns up with only nine players against eleven. By half-time his…
Read full story
The last soccer match I ever played this is absolutely true for the college you know which I went to in Cambridge if you know soccer it's 11 aside only nine of their team turned up and we were 11 so we had two more players than they did and at halfime after 45 minutes we were about 6n up it was such a onesided game that I went to my captain and said, "Can I play on the other side for the second half to make a game of it?" He swore at me. He said, "No, we're here to win." And that just I wasn't going to play anymore because for me it was like playing for fun. It didn't matter who won.
Open story page·Watch this telling
The ghost who wanted the remote
In brief: A Perth family told Ajahn Brahm that while they watched TV the channel kept changing by itself; each time they changed it back, it changed…
Read full story
people were telling me actually there is this place in Perth I won't say who is I'm not sure if they're there this evening they were telling me that they were watching the TV just a family and every now and again the channel would change it just automatically so they get the remote control they change it back again few seconds later the channel will change again you know what the cause was they found out it was a ghost there was a ghost actually in the house and the ghost wanted to watch a certain channel on the TV and the ghost doesn't need remote control they can just do it by themselves so if they wanted to watch the footy it doesn't matter what you want to watch that's what they would watch they want to watch a movie or a soapie then that's what the ghost would do and you so try and turn it back again but they would turn it back no no they won every time it was true so you know what they did they know how they solved the problem they didn't try to exercise the ghost they just bought another TV and that was for the ghost it's true that's what they did obvious solution so it's compassion and can't you respect these things you don't try and control them so they got one TV especially for the ghost in the house so the ghost can watch whatever they want and you can watch what you want
Open story page·Watch this telling
Super Monk and the DreamWorks email
In brief: As a new monk in Thailand Ajahn Brahm reads a comic of 'Super Monk' who flies and saves people — but instead of killing villains, gives…
Read full story
someone showed me a copy of one of the tiny newspapers and even though I couldn't understand Thai that well I still as I do these days I like reading the comics so I saw a comic there and the comic was of a character called super monk nice 36 37 years ago so super monk was like a Superman or one of these superheroes and Superman could levitate of course being a super monk could fly through the air but also had these great powers to stop trains crashing and stop aircrafts or plunging into the ground he could save all these people from the bad guys but unlike modern times when Superman or these other superheroes they usually either killed the bad guy send him into prison forever in Superman comic he were given the five Buddhist precepts and they'd become very good people afterwards even they rejoin the Sangha become monks there's a much nicer ending and not violence because sometimes even these these superheroes they used too much violence instead of using violence using wisdom and compassion to solve the problems of the world and what a wonderful idea that was and so anyway I mentioned that I see the newspapers you know in the magazines they got all these superheroes I used to read about in the comics as a kid Batman and Green Lantern and the flash and all these other people they always Batman there was made movies of these people now and so the one movie which I thought they should have after the Buddhist Film Fest what a real Buddhist movie would be super Munk now you know I throw these ideas out and sometimes you think I'm just no hour wasting time but when you go to these meetings every now and again you meet someone interesting and at the end of my talk somebody stood up and they put their hand off the question said my ex our husband works for Steven Spielberg it DreamWorks I'm gonna email him tonight this suggestion so if you see in a one or two years time in the movies super Munk done by DreamWorks with the consultant as Adam Braun you know where the cave I thought what a wonderful thing because all these superheroes they end up punishing the bad guys
Open story page·Watch this telling

All stories·Find a story for your situation

The story — as told by Ajahn Brahm (verbatim captions)