Mortal enemies who go out to dinner

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• Can we build that hall your way — and can I be the builder?

  In brief: Ajahn Brahm's last real argument was with then-abbot Ajahn Jagaro over the design of Bodhinyana's meditation hall — notes left outside…

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  and the last real argument which I had are very proud of this argument that's why I keep telling people about it words with the former output of voting the other Monastery because I didn't I was always there but there was another Monk who was my boss when I first went over there and for those of you who see our meditation Hall in bodinana Monastery that was his design my design was much better much cheaper much to this day I still think that he was his he wanted his way I wanted my way and I wasn't going to give in no this was important this is a monastery it's really important the buildings are going to be there for years we've got to get it right and so for a week we argued but we didn't the way we argued is actually instead of actually looking at each other we would just like man or wife I think just you said no's to each other you know I don't know this is the reasons why we should build a hall this way and I left it outside his Hut and next a few hours later I got another night if I had to buy that all these reasons what we should do his way it's crazy stuff there's many many years ago and in the end you know hopefully you do come to your senses the conflict what are you doing that for and that's what I came to record this is ridiculous and I'm a monk I shouldn't be doing this so actually I went to his Hut instead of actually putting a note in front of his store I knocked on his door come in and I said sort of I I'm sorry I asked forgiveness and I did the full ceremony bowing offering flowers and incense and Buddhist ceremony of asking forgiveness and he was very touched by that and he thought wow this is beautiful this is what monks should be like and then you know there's some making up and then we didn't kiss no we don't do such like that we just you know do the same thing so afterwards and I said to him and said once we did a sermon he said and he said oh that's really beautiful what you said that's very high minded of you and said oh thank you can I ask for two favors and that's where he he stopped and thought what's he up to is this going to be another argument and what I said next I'm always very proud of you know I don't mind saying the good things which I've done I say the bad things what you do but the good things are inspiring and they so inspire me I told him said now I've asked forgiveness so far I can read through my first favor I want to ask of you can we build that Hall your way they said yes or that very quickly I said my second favorite is can I be the Builder I want to spend about a year and a half which I did building that place your way I said wow that's really inspiring and inspired me as well it wasn't just okay you do it your way you know I'm out of here I'm not going to help you that stupid hole so I built that hole my name's actually on the building license on that Hall and I spent a long time doing that because I thought that's a beautiful thing to do because the harmony the peace the inspiration was something more important than arguing with people and having conflict they're learning how to work together yeah you can have differences of opinion you can talk it out and you know find a sensitive Moment by really listening deeply and finding out the right time to talk about these things and then actually just amazing the right time and place you can have this beautiful beautiful outcomes because for me you know what is a monastery anyway s not the buildings it's a people you know if you go to boating down a monastery I'm sure you can find more inspiring buildings in other places but it's the atmosphere it's the people the monks that's more important this place over here not a marvelous and I'm sure you can find a much more comfortable place to spend the Friday evening than just sitting on the floor with your legs aching now squash in the chairs not trying difficult to find power parking there's many more comfortable places to come but there's something else happening in the atmosphere the goodness the kindness the people that is what makes a monastery so I got my priorities right a marriage

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• 'You never talked to us about your Buddhism'

  In brief: Ajahn Brahm kept his non-Buddhist friends from Cambridge, and saw some at a reunion after 40 years. At the end of college he had asked…

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  I remember just with those friends I was at college and I kept them and they're still there and so we had a reunion last October seeing some friends I hadn't seen for 40 years and I remember just at the end of those College years when we were going our different ways and I've be a Buddhist for all those three years at Cambridge and I asked all my friends none of them was a Buddhist and I asked him afterward what did you think about me being a Buddhist and they said we respected you said why said because you never talked to us about your Buddhism that you just respected us for who we were and that's why we respected you for who you were

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• Pub arguments, then buy each other a drink

  In brief: At university (and before), Ajahn Brahm and friends spent evenings in pubs arguing passionately about philosophy, religion, politics and…

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  I remember many many evenings espe well you know before I even went to college but especially when I was at University many evenings going to a pub or a bar with your friends I we'd have great arguments arguments about everything you know philosophy you know religion politics sport we would argue and the arguments were passionate and they have to be passionate please put passion into your life especially compassion that's the best passion of all but don't just do things half-hearted so we' really go at it and we' be excited emotional that was important that gave it power

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• Coffee for the new boss

  In brief: A listener's former colleague is promoted and becomes a harsh, scolding boss. Advised by Ajahn Brahm to look at the boss's beautiful side,…

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  recently somebody said I'm sure they're probably here but I can't remember it was last week or two weeks ago they say they tried this with their boss in the office they just got a new boss actually the new boss was was one of their colleagues before now got promoted it's amazing when someone gets promoted they actually change from being a friend to being like a Margaret Thatcher uh you know I always remember Margaret Thatcher she said cabinet ministers there are some you can beat down there are some you can wear down and the others you grind down that's a really amazing woman grinding cabinet ministers down wo but there are some people like that in your office but instead of looking at that aspect of her boss I told her to look at her beautiful side and so this amazing woman she went to her and the boss usually being scouting at her and complaining just asked her do you want a cup of coffee I'm just going down to the coffee machine and the boss was so taken back apparently changing the attitude to a person looking at the kindness

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