Seven days without food ended the monks' quarrel

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• The monk nominated president of the progress association

  In brief: The monk at the Albany temple, who makes an effort to connect with locals, joined the Elleker Progress Association and attended its…

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  the Albany temple Ajanmud's place and when I went down there he told me a wonderful story that was um he's really tried very hard and takes a lot of effort to connect with the local community. He's in the suburb of Elica. Uh that's uh to the uh the west of Albany. And so I told him just you know check in with the locals. So whenever there is a community meeting he usually goes there. Of course they have beers and stuff but you know he's very good Mike. He never has that. But anyway, he was at one of these meetings and they announced it's the AGM of the Elica Progress Association. So they said, "Well, you have to leave." He said, "No, no, I'm a member." He was actually a registered member there. The Anagara joined him up. So he said, "Oh, no. I'm I'm here." And so they said on the AGM that they have to elect the committee for next year and the president said he's been the president of the ELCA progress association for as many years as he is allowed. He has to get a new president this year. So the the ex-president said I hereby nominate venerable Mudu. He was nominated to be the president of the Elica Progress Association. That's how you know he was he was very friendly with everybody and they really respected him. And then he said, "Okay, I'll accept the nomination on one condition and that is that as soon as I'm president, you'll allow me to ban beer in the Elica Progress Association Hall." And everyone went quiet. There was silence, he said. And then almost like unanimously they all shouted boom and so they took away his nomination. So he got away with not having to do any work.

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• He likes solitude — monastery code for a troublemaker

  In brief: As a senior monk he got transfer letters from other monasteries with coded praise: 'likes solitude' meant he can't get on with anybody;…

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  we used to sort of um get these letters every now and again from other monasteries saying we've got this monk and they say well you know he's um he likes solitude which was code for he can't get on with anybody or he's a very good worker which meant he can't meditate for his life or that He's very reflective and contemplative, which means he's always looking at other people's faults and telling them. So, we always had these code words. So, usually if they would say they want to send a monk over from another monastery, we'd always actually ring up not the abbot, but ring up one of the other monks to find out what the heck they were sending to make sure that it wasn't going to be someone who's going to be a troublemaker

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• The anger-eating demon

  In brief: A monster sits on the emperor's throne and grows bigger with every angry word from the guards; the returning emperor welcomes it, the…

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  It's a great story of the demon who came into the emperor's palace. Demon coming into an emperor's palace, and emperor was away. Because he was away there was a monster, a big, ugly terrifying demon came and strolled right into the palace! He was so frightening, so terrifying! Everybody froze in horror at this ugly, disgusting, slimy demon, allowing the demon to go right through, into the heart of the palace and sit on the emperor's throne. As soon as he sat on the emperor's throne, that was just too much for the guards and the ministers. They came to their senses. They said, "Get out of here! Who do you think you are? This is our emperor's seat, not yours!! Get out, or else!" At those harsh words, the demon grew an inch bigger, more ugly, more smelly and the language got far worse.. That made the soldiers and ministers even more upset. They got out their swords. They got out clubs. They clenched their fists. But at every unkind word, every angry deed, even every unkind thought, the monster just grew an inch bigger, more ugly, more terrifying, more smelly, and the language from the monster got worse and worse and worse. This had been going on for quite some time before the emperor came back. At this time that demon was so huge he took up half the throne room. He was massive, and talk about ugly and frightening. I've never seen "Alien," the movie, but people said the alien is pretty terrifying. Imagine the alien, multiplied by a thousand! This was so terrifying, not even DreamWorks could manufacture such a terrifying, horrible spectacle as this ugly demon. According to the story, the smell, the stench coming off this demon's body would make maggots throw up. [laughter] It takes a lot to make a maggot sick. [laughter] And the language coming from this demon was worse! Was worse than you'd hear in Northbridge after both the Eagles and the Dockers lose. [laughter] So this was a problem, a real difficult being coming into the palace. But when the emperor came back...the reason he was emperor was he'd been to Nollamara, heard the talks and was wise. [laughter] I always change these stories every time. Embellish them this way and that way, so you can always hear a new angle. The emperor had also read "Opening the Door of Your Heart," which is available at the book shop for $25 [laughter] Ajahn: I've also learned marketing. I was at an entrepreneurship business conference this afternoon. But anyway, the emperor said, "Welcome. Oh monster, thank you so much for coming to visit me. Why have you waited such a long time to come and pay me a call?' At those few kind words, the monster grew an inch smaller, less ugly, less smelly, less offensive. All the people in the palace realized their mistake. Instead of saying, "Get out of here, you don't belong! What are you doing here? You don't belong in here!" they started to say, "Welcome." One of them said, "Actually, do you want something to drink? We've got some orange juice, freshly squozen." Squeezed...squozen? I don't know, who cares? [laughter] Ajahn: "Would you like something to eat? We've got some nice curry puffs." Are they available this evening? I don't know, I didn't see what's out there. "They got some curry puffs. We've got some sandwiches." Someone said, "Would you like a pizza? I can ring up. Monster size of course for someone like you." [laughter] Ajahn: Someone gave the monster a foot massage. Have you ever had a foot massage? Imagine a monster, with such big feet. It took about 10 of them to give each foot a massage. Someone else, "Do you want a cup of tea? We have English tea. We have peppermint. It's good for your health. Or a cup of coffee? Latte, cappuccino, or Brazilian?" I don't really know what I'm talking about with coffee. [laughter] I just drink whatever I'm given. Ajahn: So anyway, at every kind word or kind deed or kind thought the demon grew an inch smaller, less ugly, less offensive, less smelly. It wasn't such a long time even before the monster's pizza arrived he was back down to the size when he first began, when he first came in. They kept laying on the kindness until that demon got so tiny one more act of kindness and that demon vanished completely away.

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• The postulant who tried too hard to be perfect

  In brief: A former monastery postulant tells Ajahn Brahm in Melbourne that he was so afraid of breaking a rule, controlling his body, speech and…

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  There was one of the men I saw in Melbourne, he used to be an Anagarika in my monastery down in Perth a long time ago. But he was saying when he was first there, he was trying so hard to be perfect. He was so afraid of breaking a rule. And that's why he got so tense trying to control his body, control his speech, control his mind. He got so tense, he couldn't stand it and he left.

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