Super Monk and the death ray

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• “I never argued with anyone”

  In brief: A fit 90-year-old says the secret of his long life is that he never argued with anyone. “That can't be right,” says the interviewer. “Ah……

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  this man he was ah 90 years of age on his birthday still very fit and healthy and they was interviewed in the in the newspapers 90 years of age and you're still fit and healthy what's the secret of your fitness and health and long life he said cuz I never argued with anyone all my life and the interviewer said that can't be right and he said ah I ask I agree with you

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• In Laos, war stops for lunch

  In brief: A monk friend, in Luang Prabang during the war between the communists and royalists, is eating lunch at a bamboo-and-thatch restaurant…

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  I remember one of the stories this I never saw this myself but this was told to me by one of my friends who was a monk he was in luang probang the second the city of Laos doing the the war with the Communists and the royalists and this is actually how you relax he was at one of these little restaurants you know they would fare every occupational health and safety regulation in Australia but the food was delicious you know dirty but great food bamboo and thatch that's all there was and he'd go there for his lunch he was sitting at a table eating some delicious meal and he did notice there was a government soldiers they were sitting at another table having their lunch with the M16 the old machine gun rifles leaning against the wall this was lunchtime and he was enjoying his lunch when his heart almost stopped when he saw the Communist soldiers came in they called potato at the time these were the enemy this was a watch in the Vietnam War times and the the Communists came into the restaurant and he went to dive under the table but no one else was trying to escape or dive under the table because they saw the enemy troops the Communist troops they just looked around and chose another table they put their guns against the wall and they ordered their lunch because in Laos at that time War always stops for lunch oh would it be a wonderful thing if even these days people get their priorities right and lost they'd always have a lunch break when you're free fighting a war and that's what they did those days and of course afterwards said what happened next after lunch was over all of them they had some understanding the you know the Communist troops would go one way the rewarders will go the other way so they would have to meet each other

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• Chicken or duck?

  In brief: A newly married couple walking home from the temple hear 'quack quack'. She says, 'Darling, that's a chicken.' He says it's a duck —…

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  It's the great old story of the chicken and the duck. If you haven't heard this story before, this is a doozy, this is a great one. Once upon a time there was this couple who had just been married and after going to the temple for a nice talk, it was a beautiful evening so they went on a walk on the way back home. And as they were walking, they heard a sound quack quack quack and straightaway sort of the girl, the wife said: “darling do you hear that? That's a chicken.” I'm glad you laugh because those people who laugh haven't heard the story before, so at least some of you haven't heard the story. “That's a chicken,” and he said “darling that was not a chicken, that was a duck,” and she said “no no I'm sure it was a chicken.” It went quack quack again; “you see that's a chicken,” and he said “Darling, chickens go cockadoodledoo, that went quack quack that means it's a duck okay.” She said “No, I'm sure that was a chicken”. He said “It was a duck”. She said “No no it was a chicken”. He said “It was a duck, d.u.c.k duck”. And then she started to cry, “But, but he's a chicken”. They went quack quack again. Then he suddenly remembered what he'd heard at this temple many many times. He squeezed her hand and said “I apologize darling, I think you're right, it is a chicken”. And she squeezed his hand back and said “thank you”. And then they carried on their walk in peace and had a wonderful evening together.

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• 'Dogs don't have money'

  In brief: Near the US base by Ubon, around the end of the Vietnam War, an African-American soldier rides a rickshaw into town. Drunk friends of the…

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  the story of the Africanamean soldier who was criticized this was racial abuse. Did I tell that story here? Okay. This was when I first went to Thailand. It was just at the end of the Vietnam War. So about a year before there was a big US army base close to Ubon where Ajentcha lived. And one day there was an Africanamean soldier was in a rickshaw being driven into town for some business or whatever. And a rickshaw driver passed a bar where many of his friends were drinking and getting quite drunk. One of his friends shouted out, "Where are you taking that dirty dog to?" Pointing to the African-American soldier. It was the start of racial abuse. And that uh driver was afraid because if that uh soldier could understand what he was called, there would be a fight. But the the African-American soldier was just looking around just enjoying the view. So the driver decided to have some fun as well and said to his friends getting drunk, "Look how dirty this dog is. He's black. I'm going to take him into the river throwing him in for a good wash." Haha. Everybody started laughing except for the soldier. The soldier was just looking at the scenery. When they got into town, the soldier got out of the rickshaw without paying. And when the driver shouted out at him in the best English he could, "Sir, money, money, sir." And that's the point where the big Africanamean soldier turned around and said in perfect this ean language the local language perfect language dogs don't have money.

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