Being Mindful Stories

Story · Ajahn Brahm

The nightmare was that I was a layman

As told by Ajahn Brahm in How does it feel to be a monk or a nun? | Ajahn Brahm

1 min read

The story — as told by Ajahn Brahm (verbatim captions)

when I first became a monk, how long ago, 37 years ago, I had nightmares. This is true. I'd wake up in a sweat, in my nightmare, this is no exaggeration, this is how much I really, really wanted to be a monk. My nightmare was I was a lay person. I thought I wasn't a monk after all. And I'd open my eyes and I'd see my robes next to the bed. Ah, I'm a monk! I really am a monk! [laughter] And I'd just go to sleep in this very peaceful deep sleep. And that was about for a week. That's how much I really loved being a monk and I never looked back. So that was my nightmare. I was terrified that I wasn't a monk

▶ Watch Ajahn Brahm tell it from 0:16 (to 0:58)

A reflection (in the spirit of Ajahn Brahm's talk)

As a new novice, Ajahn Brahm's recurring nightmare was that he'd become a layman again, and waking beside his folded robes he'd sigh with relief. His happiness went that deep. Decades later he expects it to keep growing. Real wealth isn't accumulated. It comes from giving up and needing less.

In brief (our summary)

In his first nights as a novice the nightmare that wakes him is that he is a layman again. Seeing his folded brown robes beside the mat, he sighs with joy, sleeps deeply — and the nightmare repeats four or five nights, confirming how happy he is at 23 in robes.

Teaching point

Deep happiness shows up even in dreams; belonging can be felt in the body.

When this story may help

Themes

Source & credit

Told by Ajahn Brahm in How does it feel to be a monk or a nun? | Ajahn Brahm · 2018-10-25 · ▶ watch from 0:16 to 0:58 · Buddhist Society of Western Australia

5 other tellings of this story

Caption notes: Manual (volunteer) captions; occasional misspellings kept as is.

The narrative is Ajahn Brahm's own telling, quoted from the talk captions. The summary and reflection are Being Mindful Stories's editorial notes. Please credit the teacher and link the original talk. Markdown version

  • Giving away the motorbike before ordination

    In brief: Before Thailand he realises monks cannot keep a motorbike (robes balloon on one ride); he does not need the money — he wants to give the…

    Read full story

    motorbike and I was going to become a monk and I knew enough about Buddhism that monks can't ride motorbikes there's a good reason for that that only once in my life as a monk have I ridden on the back of a motorbike once and never again cuz when you're on a motorbike with these robes the air gets inside it balloons up and you have to hang on because everything is trying to blow you off it doesn't work with these robes so never again but I had a motorbike when I was a lay person a nice Mo nice bike I thought what am I going to do with this I can't take it to Thailand you can't ride a motorbike as a monk and I don't need the money cuz monks don't have money so I want to give it away

    Open story page·Watch this telling

  • 'Joy at last to know there's no happiness in the world'

    In brief: A favourite image of Ajahn Chah's, which he used when visiting England about 25 years earlier: a statue in a monastery in southern…

    Read full story

    the great image which I want to bring to you is an image which was one of the favorite images of my teacher Rena and I remember this image because I saw this on somebody's Shrine last week it was a picture of aenta my teacher when he visited England about 25 years ago and he was just explaining this teaching to some monks by using a statue which is in a monastery in the south of Thailand where there is this monk putting his hands up in absolute joy in Bliss fully enlightened and the caption is Joy at last to know there's no happiness in the world Joy at last to know there's no happiness in this world

    Open story page·Watch this telling

  • “That monk, he's on the gear”

    In brief: At a Buddha-statue installation in an English open prison, Ajahn Brahm is beaming as he circles the statue; one watching prisoner tells…

    Read full story

    One time, I was visiting a prison in UK You know, we spend a lot of time in prison as monks, I often tell people: Visiting prisons, I always would keep a log of how many hours and minutes I spent doing community work in prison to be used as credit, in case I ever got sentenced for something (Laughs) look, I've already done about... the equivalent of about two or three months you should take that off (Laughs). But anyway, I was inside this jail, cause it was a ceremony, somebody had sweet talked the British government into putting a Buddha statue In the middle of an open prison, a big one! And you know, it's very easy for people to sponsor a Buddha statue especially inside a prison, wow, it's amazing! And so we did a installation ceremony. And for those who ever come and see some of the Buddhist rituals, one of the favourite ones is actually we go around three times flowers, candles and incense, we go around It's like an act of worship, reverence you know, it's interesting, where this comes from we don't know but they also do that in Mecca, when they go around the, whatever it's called ...the Kaaba, always go three times around, wearing white this is incredible similarities between our different traditions where they came from I don't know, but it's... that's Buddhist Anyhow... There we where, going round three times, and I was inspired I was happy, Amazing, something good being done in a prison! Not just locking people up and reenforcing how guilty they should feel but no, just something which is inspiring and I was just so happy with a big smile on my face much more than I usually have cause, you know, more inspiration and at the corner of my eye I saw these two prisoners they just got nothing to do, nothing was on the TV that night so they just hung out to see what the hell was going on with these crazy people with brown robes and a Buddha statue so just, you know, having a quick look and then I heard them, one looking to me... looking at the other prisoner and pointing to me he said: "That monk, he's on the gear" (Laughs) If you don't know what gear means you know, it's like, some sort of drug cause that's the only thing they could explain the happiness from just some medication; it's not medication! you know, it's meditation, not medication

    Open story page·Watch this telling

  • Two fingers to push up a smile

    In brief: As a student, his meditation teacher tells him to smile at himself in the toilet mirror every morning. Ajahn Brahm protests he'd scream at…

    Read full story

    Because this is what I was taught for two years by a meditation teacher when I was still a student Said when you get up in the morning, what do you do? And go to toilet great. Is there a mirror in your toilet of course there's a mirror in the toilet and my teacher? Toby I want you to look at yourself in the mirror and smile at yourself And I told my teacher get real. I'm a student. You know you look at teenagers or 20 year olds What do they look like in the morning? Really grumpy miserable me Especially they've been drinking alcohol staying up late at night like I used to do it no Stace I said sir if I looked at myself in the mirror in the morning first thing. I probably scream And he said smart yourself Impossible and that's when he told me things this great teacher simple Two fingers and push up That's what he taught me So I did that for two years Two years I followed that and every morning You got up there and looked at the mirror Impart to fingers up and this saw this stupid young man Smiling making a face in the mirror and when you when you do that. You know if I make a face. Yeah, it's working You're smarting now You do that to yourself everybody don't need anybody and then after a while you smile smile smile. I started laughing at myself I laughed at myself every morning for two years

    Open story page·Watch this telling

All stories·Find a story for your situation