I'm going to marry you — she knew his name

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• The monastery monkey reborn as a boy

  In brief: A Thai Buddhist buys an abused monkey at a market and gives it to a forest monastery in Thailand. It becomes almost one of the monks — it…

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  If you want a nice story about that, this is one of the little anecdotes you pick up in your life as a monk. In one of our monasteries in Thailand many years ago, a uh Thai Buddhist went to the market and saw there was a monkey up for sale. And this poor monkey was in a small cage, had been abused. And this man took pity and compassion on this monkey and bought it and wanted to release it in a place where it would be well looked after to give this monkey some freedom. So instead of actually taking it to a nature reserve where it wouldn't be able to look after itself, it took it to one of the monasteries. You know, the monks are nice and kind. So gave it to the head monk, let it out of the cage. And the head monk, you know, fed it, looked after it. And it had a bit more freedom, it could run around in the the forest monastery and swing through the trees. But because it was so associated with human beings, it was like half monkey, half human. Now whenever the monks would have their tea time in the afternoon, the monkey would also always also come and look very cute. It would also hold a cup of tea just like all the other monks and sit there while all the other monks were drinking their tea. It was actually basically one of the monks. And after all, there's only a couple of letters uh difference between a monk and a monkey. So there it was enjoying life in the monastery. But you know, it was very protective and you know, the sometimes the monks loved that little monkey and you know, it would just feed it and had good fun with it. But the monkey was very protective and one of the things it would do would be to chase any cars which came outside if they were making too much noise cuz it it liked being in a peaceful place. It realized this was a forest monastery and the monks wanted to be quiet. So unfortunately, one day it chased the a truck and fell under the wheels and got killed. And that was the end of that monkey in that life. But the head monk, who's I won't say who it is, but he's actually been here, he sat in this seat here and given talks some years ago. He had a very good meditator and he told everybody what happened. Cuz he had been meditating, he could see what happened, you know, in his meditation. Soon as that monkey died, the stream of consciousness, what some people call the soul, but in Buddhism we call it a stream of consciousness. There is a slight difference. So you don't need to worry too much about that as far as this explanation is concerned. This uh stream of consciousness of the monkey went out of the monkey's body, went into the village where one of the ladies was pregnant. And he saw it actually entering this woman's womb. And he told the monks what had happened, which is how I can tell you. And so because he told the monks that this woman who was pregnant, they saw this this monkey as he entered the womb was going to take rebirth as a human being. Why that would happen is because that monkey was associating so much with human beings. Basically, it thought it was a human being. It thought that's where it belonged. That's why it's attracted into a human life. Many times, if you have animals, pets, dogs, cats, kittens, whatever, because, you know, you're with them all the time. How many of you have got cats and dogs which actually eat human food? They would refuse to eat Whiskas. They want sort of chicken or whatever you eat. And you give it to them, don't you? And they're so associated with you that they very often they get reborn as a human being. That's what they really think they are. So, he got reborn as a as a human being, a little boy. And when I first heard of that, the baby hadn't been born yet. And all the monks were waiting to see cuz this was a local village. So, you know, you go and ask around over there. These were your local people. So, they would actually they knew exactly what was happening and they would actually see this woman. And they told me that as soon as that baby was born, they noticed an interesting thing. That baby was exceptionally hairy for a baby boy. It was a monkey before and it still had a tiny bit of that monkey character. And of course, you know, probably was a little monkey when it grew up. And it was actually true cuz I knew that came from a monkey before.

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• The log that was a crocodile

  In brief: A Sri Lankan man fed the fish in a lagoon with a slice of bread every morning on his way to work, and when a crocodile appeared he fed it…

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  There was a uh a Sri Lankan man who would go every morning to a little lagoon on his way to work with a couple of slices of bread to feed the fish. Then one day a crocodile came. And so he fed the crocodile a slice of bread, too. And this crocodile just came every day from that time on to get a slice of bread from this guy. I don't crocodile alligator, might get that one wrong. But anyway, he went there one morning to feed the fish and this crocodile, and that was when the big wave came. And he got swept out to sea. And he said he tried to hang on to to a chair or something which was floating, but the current was so strong it dragged him the chair away from him. The next thing he saw was a log of wood. He grabbed onto that and he could hold onto it. And he was so incredibly confused. It's a true story. They didn't It took him a while to realize all the other stuff was being swept out to sea, but the log of wood was going the opposite direction to the shore. And it got him so close to the shore he could jump off the log of wood and grab onto the bank and escape with his life. Then he looked at that log of wood. It wasn't a log of wood. It was this crocodile that saved him. Or it could be, for those of you who are cynical, the crocodile realized if that man dies, there'll be no more bread.

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• Daddy, what does tax mean?

  In brief: A businesswoman aunt in Sydney who hated paying tax dies; soon after, the nephew's baby is born. At three, seeing a tax billboard on a NSW…

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  this little three-year-old said Daddy what does tax mean and of course it's hard to explain to a three-year-old what taxi said look if you get any pocket money or you earn any sort of dollars you have to give part of that to the government that's called tax and these three year old turned around and said Daddy if I get any money I'm never giving any of it to the government characteristics you know from a previous life why would a thre

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• The two sisters: one with a husband, one without

  In brief: Two Thai sisters come for counselling. The elder can't stand her Australian husband and is considering divorce ('recycling'); the younger…

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  These two Thai sisters came one day to see me. Oh, I'll never forget this. They still come to feed us every now and again, but they wanted personal counseling. And so I talked to them and the elder sister first. And the elder sister said to me, he said, "Oh, you know, I've got a husband, a Western husband, Australian guy." He said, "I can't stand him." There's so much suffering and and now I'm just really wondering should I keep working on this? Is it really salvageable or should I sort of get divorced and try again? And you all know again I don't call it divorce anymore. I sped this word around in Singapore. They really liked it. We don't call it divorce. What do we call it in Buddhism? Recycling. Yes. It's a much much more positive word. So, and she was thinking of getting divorced. And so, I gave her some nice ideas about how to solve the problems in a marriage because it's not that hard to solve problems in marriage. Even as a monk, I can do that. Like, oh, this great story which just comes to my mind. Some of these are golden oldies, but you know, they're just great stories about this because actually the lady who told me this, you know, I was uh had lunch with her yesterday in Singapore. She told me that she was a bit of a marriage counselor in her early years and she had one client who came to her Singapore lady. She couldn't stand her husband because her husband was coming home very late at night. She was certain that he had a mistress. And so she told the marriage counselor, you know, actually I don't really need counseling. I just want to get rid of the guy. I want to divorce. I want to separate. Just help me get rid of him. And a marriage counselor was a very very smart girl. She said, "Look, if you divorce him now, do you think he will be happy or he'll be miserable?" And she thought about actually it's what he wants. He'd be really happy. And in your present state, do you want him to be happy? No, I want him to be miserable. So this is the plan. Don't get divorced yet when he, you know, doesn't like you. Go out and get a really good hairstyle. Go and get your face, you know, made up. Go and learn a bit more grooming. Go and get some sexy clothes. And when he comes home, just being really nice to him. Just cuddle him and see what happens. because you fell in love once, see if you can make him fall in love with you again. And when he does fall in love with you again, then divorce him. Yeah. Yeah. What a great idea. So that's what they did. She spent a lot of money just getting sort of uh uh face done up and nice hairstyle and what they call it, a makeover. A nice makeover. So she really looked much more attractive and every week go and see the marriage counselor. He started coming home earlier and earlier and earlier. He started becoming more affectionate towards her and they'd always ask how's it going? Yeah, he's you know he's becoming much more affectionate. It's really seems to be working. He's falling in love with me again. And then she missed an appointment. And so the the counselor called her up at home said, "You missed an appointment this week. What happened?" He said, "Oh, well, he's having such a lot of time. He's fallen in love with me. I'm sure of it." "Great," said the counselor. "Now's the time to divorce him." "Oh, no. We're so much in love now." Mission accomplished. Cuz all it is that sometimes is we have a little bit of problems in life, but there's always ways we can work it out. They fall in love with you once, why not try and fall in love again? Now do something like romantic. No, don't come. Honestly, don't come to the Buddhist society if you want to have a nice romance. You know, we're going to get soon another couple of months Valentine's Day. Go and get her a present. Like that one of my favorite jokes like the person who asked his his wife, he said, "Valentine's Day tomorrow, darling, what do you want?" And she said, "I need nothing. I've got you." He said, "Yes, but what do you want?" He'd been married long enough to know women. And so she looked at him and said, "Something, anything with diamonds in." So when she opened her present the following day, she found a pack of playing cards. It has 13 diamonds in it. So that's what you guys you can get for your your wife's Christmas present. A pack of play cards. Diamonds, darling. Diamonds are a girl's best friend. Anyway, back to reality. So I told this lady, you've got husband suffering. That's what it's like having a husband. you ask other women and it's just it's a difficulty having a relationship. It's not easy but you know you can work at it and make it work. And the junior sister, this the younger one of course her problem was she was looking for a partner in life like many people do. They can't find one. You know they find someone who's just almost okay but then it just all goes pear-shaped. It doesn't work. And people keep telling me actually see all these girls coming up here say I just really need a partner in life. I'm looking for someone to go out with and share my life with someone I can trust. And see all these nice guys come up. I'm looking for a girl. I really should start a dating agency cuz I've got all these potential clients and they're all really nice people. I can't understand it cuz I've known some of these people for such a long time. Why can't you get on together? You I get on with you. Really nice people, really good people. But anyway, this is coming in in a few moments. But I told this lady said, "You you are looking for a husband, somebody you can share your life with. And your elder sister has got a husband she doesn't want. I can see a solution." And I actually said that they got very upset at me. I don't know why. It's logic. It's reason. Your sister's got a husband she doesn't want. a younger sisters and I wants one share. Isn't that what brothers and sisters are supposed to do? But then I told her, okay, you've got, you know, a single woman suffering. And I said, if you find a partner in life, you'll have what your elder sister have, married woman suffering. And so they actually understood that. They said, "Yeah, you're right. And if you're married, you have married woman suffering. If you're single, you have single woman suffering." So they thought they'd become nuns. And I said, "If you become nuns, then you have none suffering. Go and ask the nuns at Gijigan.

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