Story · Ajahn Brahm
The note-swapping game
The story — as told by Ajahn Brahm (verbatim captions)
I remember playing this game once with one of my fellow monks about 32 years ago. We sat down and we wrote what we thought of each other and then we passed it to each other. It was amazing for me to listen to what another person thought of me. It wasn't what I thought he thought of me and what I thought of him wasn't what he thought I thought of him, completely different.
▶ Watch Ajahn Brahm tell it from 30:12 (to 30:40)
A reflection (in the spirit of Ajahn Brahm's talk)
Two monks swapped notes on what they thought of each other, and neither had guessed right. We rarely see ourselves the way others do, for better or worse. So when feedback comes, it's worth hearing, and when you give it, give it gently, with some honest praise first. Nobody knows how they come across without a little help.
In brief (our summary)
Two monks each write what they think of the other and swap papers; neither guessed correctly how the other saw him.
Teaching point
“The way we see ourselves does not match how others see us” — so people sometimes need feedback (my translation).
When this story may help
- worrying what others think
- giving feedback at work
Themes
- feedback
- self-perception
Source & credit
Told by Ajahn Brahm in Dealing With Difficult People | Ajahn Brahm | 28 Nov 2008 · 2008-12-06 · ▶ watch from 30:12 to 30:40 · Buddhist Society of Western Australia
2 other tellings of this story
- Having Positive Attitudes towards Everybody | Ajahn Brahm | 12 March 2021 · 2021-03-12 · ▶ watch from 1:00:55 to 1:01:27 · Buddhist Society of Western Australia2021 Q&A telling: two English monks alone in a Thai monastery after a Rains Retreat.
- O radzeniu sobie z trudnymi ludźmi - Ajahn Brahm [LEKTOR PL] · 2016-04-01 · ▶ watch from 30:12 to 30:42 · Sasana.pl
The narrative is Ajahn Brahm's own telling, quoted from the talk captions. The summary and reflection are Being Mindful Stories's editorial notes. Please credit the teacher and link the original talk. Markdown version