Story · Ajahn Brahm
“Steve, you can die”
The story — as told by Ajahn Brahm (verbatim captions)
This lady sitting in front of me who taught me something once when her husband died. I remember to this moment Jenny and I always will with Steve. When I came to see you Steve was dying but there was something stopping him and I told you 'have you given Steve permission to die?' Remember that time? And you did and it's one of those memorable experiences, she jumped up on the bed, hugged her partner whom she loved dearly and said 'Steve you can die, I give you permission to go'
▶ Watch Ajahn Brahm tell it from 27:07 (to 27:51)
A reflection (in the spirit of Ajahn Brahm's talk)
Steve was dying but something held him back, until Jenny climbed onto the bed, hugged him and told him he could go. Holding on can feel like love, yet sometimes the kinder love is permission. Whether it's a dying parent or a grown child leaving home, letting someone go with your blessing frees them, and can soften your own grief too.
In brief (our summary)
Visiting a dying man, Steve, Ajahn Brahm senses something is holding him back and asks his partner Jenny (present in the audience) whether she has given him permission to die. She jumps up on the bed, hugs him and says, “Steve, you can die, I give you permission to go.”
Teaching point
The greatest act of love is letting someone you care for go with your blessing.
When this story may help
- partner dying
- sitting with a dying loved one
- end-of-life care
Themes
Source & credit
Told by Ajahn Brahm in Instead of Attachment | Ajahn Brahm | 04-03-2011 · 2011-03-05 · ▶ watch from 27:07 to 27:51 · Buddhist Society of Western Australia
3 other tellings of this story
- Detachment | Ajahn Brahm | 18th March 2022 · 2022-03-18 · ▶ watch from 40:38 to 43:14 · Buddhist Society of Western AustraliaMar 2022 telling: briefly calls him Dave then corrects to Steve; WA nurse + US white-water-rafting husband; cancer; she jumps on bed 'I give you permission to die'; dies that night. Jarrah boat coffin nested separately.
- Relax the Mind | Ajahn Brahm | 13 June 2025 · 2025-06-13 · ▶ watch from 1:13:28 to 1:14:02 · Buddhist Society of Western AustraliaJun 2025 telling: whitewater-rafter husband; nurse wife; after a week of not dying she gives permission and he dies that night.
- Resilience and Valentine's Day | Ajahn Brahm | 15 February 2019 · 2019-02-15 · ▶ watch from 14:20 to 17:31 · Buddhist Society of Western AustraliaFeb 2019 Valentine: Jenny hugs brittle Steve — permission to go; that night he dies.
Caption notes: Manual (volunteer) captions; occasional misspellings kept as is.
The narrative is Ajahn Brahm's own telling, quoted from the talk captions. The summary and reflection are Being Mindful Stories's editorial notes. Please credit the teacher and link the original talk. Markdown version