No escape, even in the toilet

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• Photo op in the galley

  In brief: On a Garuda flight from Perth to Bali, a flight attendant puts her hand on her heart: 'I am your greatest fan!' After the meal service she…

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  So for me when this, I was on this Garuda flight just the airhostess, the flight attendant came up to me. Actually she didn't come up to me, she was on the aisle, I was in the window seat I always think the window seats are the best because at least you only got one person on one side the others are windows. So at least the window can't ask you questions.... (laughter) It happened I was on another flight once, really tired from Kuala Lumpur back to Perth sitting on the window seat, a woman come pass and she said "Are you Ajahn Brahm? I really need to talk to you." and I said "there is another fellow who is in the aisle seat" Never mind. You know what this woman did? She bent down and asked this guy in the aisle seat "Would you mind exchanging seats?" And I was praying "please say no, no, no!" (laughter from the audience) That bastard; he said ''Yes'' So this woman all the way from Kuala Lumpur to Perth asked me about her marriage, her relationships.... And I had to come back and give a talk that night as well.. Really unfair... but anyway it wasn't so bad on the Garuda Flight because the flight attendant just turned around and looked at me and said "Are you Ajahn Brahm?" Yes.... And she put her hand over her heart You know the flight attendants are very beautiful she said "I am your greatest fan!" (laughter from the audience) If I wasn't a monk a many years later you may be quite excited at things like that. Way past that stuff... So I said... yes I am She said "you are such a wonderful monk" I got really good service but interestingly ... Indonesians She came up... once they have given the meal service she came up to me and said ''would you please come to the galley?'' That's the back of the plane where all the flight attendants hang out. And they were all lined up. Photo op. (laughter from the audience) They don't even know me, even during a flight they wanted to take photos with me Every Flight Attendant, smile, click, OK Another one click... ok next one Satu Dua Tiga Those who know... that's one two three. I don't know anything pass three in Bahasa Indonesia. Because you only need one two three to take the photo. That's why I know Satu Dua Tiga That's one two three in Bahasa I don't know what four is They never say that ... one two three smile! They all lined up and If you have ever been on the back of an aircraft, the galley. When anybody presses the ... calling the flight attendants the light goes on there. All these lights were going on ding ding ding This was an Australian flight... from Perth to Bali Most of the people on there were Aussies going surfing or holiday And they all were pushing the button for a beer. And they couldn't get any beer because all the flight attendants were having photographs with me! (laughter from the audience) So they were not happy with me I think they lost a lot of faith in Buddhism because when I was there they couldn't get a beer.

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• The woman who swapped seats to talk

  In brief: Exhausted on a flight from Kuala Lumpur to Perth, Ajahn Brahm sits by the window. A woman asks if he's Ajahn Brahm because she really…

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  It happened I was on another flight once, really tired from Kuala Lumpur back to Perth sitting on the window seat, a woman come pass and she said "Are you Ajahn Brahm? I really need to talk to you." and I said "there is another fellow who is in the aisle seat" Never mind. You know what this woman did? She bent down and asked this guy in the aisle seat "Would you mind exchanging seats?" And I was praying "please say no, no, no!" (laughter from the audience) That bastard; he said ''Yes'' So this woman all the way from Kuala Lumpur to Perth asked me about her marriage, her relationships.... And I had to come back and give a talk that night as well.. Really unfair...

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• Barefoot in the Korean snow

  In brief: After the Pope's visit to South Korea, Korean Buddhists organised a World Meditation Masters gathering, planning seven famous monks (only…

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  So when I was off in Korea, it was the World Meditation Masters Conference. It was started ... the reason behind this ... again, Buddhists, Christians, we are all the same. The Pope visited South Korea last year. And the Buddhist were... Urgh!!! The Pope visited South Korea We Buddhist must do something as well. What can we do? We don't have a Pope and the Dalai Lama can't go there because of the Chinese influence, trade and stuff like that; so that was a no go. So they decided to have ... it was based on, I don't know if you remember the old movie -The Seven Samurai... What's it call... the seven... whatever it was. Somehow rather seven is a lucky number especially in South Korea. That is a lucky number 7. And they decided to invite 7 famous meditation monks to have a debate. I don't know what they are expecting, I really thought when they first suggested it, sit all the seven monks together and see who could meditate the longest. (laughter) the first person to move, loses. Or even better--Psychic powers... come on Tibetan.. lift up in the air Ajahn Brahm .. come on. see how far you can go. The one who levitate the highest ... hah, hah... It's not like that being a senior monk you don't compete at all. That is just not part of Buddhism, competing with each other, we just enjoy each other's company. Anyway in the end they could only get four to go over there. So I was one of them. Many of those monks are just too old. They shouldn't really go there anyway. So one of the most important features of being a wise monk is you are supposed to be old. So I don't really qualify yet, for being a wise monk I am not old enough. As they said I am the baby monk which I was. So anyway what we did do there. They wanted us to go..... this was in the mountains of Korea and this in .. was it February yeah end of February. And it was deep winter. And the mountains were full of snow. We went right to the very top on the highest peaks in the region. It was actually a ski resort. They asked me if I could bodyboard I said "should be with a body like this!" I would not need a board. (laughter from the audience) But then no we can't do things like that. But what they wanted us to do is to do this walk and it was going to be called ... "The Saints walk" afterwards. That's marketing again. But anyway it was minus 15 degrees. When I left it was 42C plus here... 42 to minus 15. And it was on national T.V because it was a big event in Korea. Forcusing on Buddhism and all different Buddhist monks coming from overseas walking in the snow -15 degrees. And after awhile I found all the cameras they weren't looking at me or the other monks they were looking at my feet because I never had any socks on just my sandals and bare feet. And they thought, " Wow!" Ajahn Brahm won the seven meditation masters (laughs) I didn't win, I was messing around. But how can you walk -15 degrees in the thick snow with no socks on? Just so easy. Just be content! Be happy to feel cold and then there's no problem. It's when I don't want to be cold. This cold is going to be bad for me; I am going to get frostbite. My feet, my toes are going to all fall off, I better count them before I go to the hotel afterwards. What's going to happen to me? I am going to get gangrene! No, that's not the case because I always figured out a long time ago that cold is good for you! It's good for you. People who live in cold places live much longer. They have a much longer life. And the reason is... same reason why you put things in the refrigerator to extend their lives. (laughter) It's obvious, it's science. That's why my fingers were fine they were frozen, didn't feel a thing.

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• The Singaporean monk, the snake book, and the witch doctor

  In brief: Singaporean monk in NE Thailand asks for the snake book — to identify the snake that just bit him. Fang marks swell; village has thrown…

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  Singaporean monk who came to stay in Northeast Thailand. And one day apparently he came into our library in what? banana chart and just said, "Oh, can I please have a look at the snake book? It has all the different species of snake in that part of Thailand and also describes how venomous they are." And as he was given a snake book, the librarian was just not really paying too much attention. And a Singaporean monk was looking through the books and then oh my goodness. That's the one which just bit me. That's what a single point was looking at the book of snakes to try and identify the one which had just bitten him to see whether it's dangerous or not. And it was really dangerous. So the other monk looked to the poor uh Singaporean monk's leg, saw the bite marks, the two fang marks and so already starting to swell. And that's one time if you're a monk, you're allowed to run. You're supposed to run. You know, if any one of you got bitten by a snake and I was me, I would have to run. Even though that might kill me, nevertheless, you know, just to save another person's life. That's so important. So, this monk just ran into the village to get a doctor. Now, these snakes exist in Thailand, so you have to keep some antivenenom. But this village had no antivenenom. They thrown it away years ago. Cuz when this monk came back with one of the villagers on a little motorbike, he didn't come back with a doctor. Well, it was a kind of a doctor. What you usually call like a witch doctor. a poor villager who didn't have any injections. He had this special medicine, a herbal medicine which was supposed to be really really powerful. And the herbal med herbal medicine man started doing some chanting. And he put this medicine in his mouth, started chewing it, mixing it with saliva, and then spitting it on this poor Singaporean man's wound, which was getting really big by now. And this Singaporean, imagine that was you. How would you feel? This Singaporean who was highly educated looked to the other monks and said, "Can I please have a proper doctor?" But then looking at this Singaporean, now this Singaporean and this witch doctor doing chanting and spitting over the wound, you could see apparently what the other monks told me. the the two fang marks started to get smaller and smaller and smaller and the inflammation got less and less and less until the inflammation totally vanished. The two fang marks disappeared and that Singaporean mark was totally healed

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