Being Mindful Stories

Story · Ajahn Brahm

This is not what I signed up for

As told by Ajahn Brahm in Expectations | Ajahn Brahm | 15 April 2016

1 min read

The story — as told by Ajahn Brahm (verbatim captions)

I still remember this one time years ago where I thought what the hell am I doing this for this is not what a monk should be doing signing books and smiling and sort of having a photograph taken this is not what I signed up for I want to go into a cave and meditate I want to just be simple I just want to be disappear from the world and then I realized that that was my expectation when I first became a monk and it's because you have expectations that you suffer so in that one moment in the middle of you know signing about two hours of books in that moment I decided no no expectations let go of all those things you mentioned you should do once you become a monk let them all go and just be because in those moments there were so many people are getting a lot of happiness and joy and that was really what a monk should be doing giving happiness and joy in whatever way you can it was service it was giving I got nothing out of this at all instead just a sore arm two hours of signing books makes you sore two hours of smiling for photographs that makes my jaw sore and I did hear that in Indonesia in Java the Buddhist Monument bubble door they have asked people to refrain to stop taking photographs of that Monument because all those flashes are degrading the stone and now they're degrading me

▶ Watch Ajahn Brahm tell it from 7:43 (to 9:35)

A reflection (in the spirit of Ajahn Brahm's talk)

Two hours into signing books and posing for photos, Ajahn Brahm thought: this isn't what a monk should do; I wanted a cave. Then he dropped the 'should' and saw how happy people were. The flashes degrade ancient stone, he jokes, and now him. Service may look nothing like your plans. Give yourself fully to whoever is with you now.

In brief (our summary)

Years earlier, midway through a two-hour Indonesian book-signing and photo queue, Ajahn Brahm thinks this is not what a monk should be doing — he wanted a cave. In that moment he drops the expectation of what a monk 'should' do and sees the happiness he is giving. He jokes that at Borobudur they asked people to stop photographing the stone because the flashes degrade it — 'and now they're degrading me.'

Teaching point

Expectations of the spiritual life create suffering; service can look unlike the fantasy.

When this story may help

  • role strain
  • unexpected fame
  • resenting your work

Themes

Source & credit

Told by Ajahn Brahm in Expectations | Ajahn Brahm | 15 April 2016 · 2016-04-15 · ▶ watch from 7:43 to 9:35 · Buddhist Society of Western Australia

Caption notes: YouTube auto-captions: unpunctuated, words left exactly as captioned.

The narrative is Ajahn Brahm's own telling, quoted from the talk captions. The summary and reflection are Being Mindful Stories's editorial notes. Please credit the teacher and link the original talk. Markdown version

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