Story · Ajahn Brahm

Jimi Hendrix drowning out Dad's Frank Sinatra

As told by Ajahn Brahm in Change | Ajahn Brahm | 17 December 2010

1 min read

I wasn't the perfect son. I did stupid things, and one of the the things I felt guilty about when my father died, which I really should have said sorry for, was a competition in our taste in music because my father would love Frank Sinatra. As for me, I loved Jimi Hendrix. (LAUGHTER) And sometimes, when he would put on his Frank Sinatra record, I would put on my Jimi Hendrix record. As you all know, Jimi Hendrix is far louder than Frank Sinatra and so I drowned his music out. It was a stupid thing but it was like, 14 or 15 year old, you're in competition with the other males in the house, even your father or your brother— that's psychology of a male growing up. And so many, many times I did that— stupid young man—and then when he died it was too late to say sorry. You know, little things like that you feel guilty about. Okay, he can listen to his— I want my father to enjoy his Frank Sinatra music and whatever, but I felt guilty about that. And I always remember from that experience: while there's still time always say sorry because the time comes when you can't say it anymore.

▶ Watch Ajahn Brahm tell it from 12:11 (to 13:34)

A reflection (in the spirit of Ajahn Brahm's talk)

As a teenager he drowned out his father's Frank Sinatra with Jimi Hendrix, turned up loud, again and again. His father died when he was 16, and the apology never got said. Ajahn Brahm doesn't wallow in the guilt; he passes on the lesson. People and chances change, so say sorry, and thank you, today.

In brief (our summary)

Ajahn Brahm's father, whom he loved deeply, died when Ajahn Brahm was 16. As a 14- or 15-year-old, whenever his father put on a Frank Sinatra record, he would put on Jimi Hendrix — far louder — and drown it out. It was male competition in the house, a stupid thing, done many times; when his father died it was too late to say sorry, and he felt guilty.

Teaching point

Change happens; while there's still time, always say sorry.

When this story may help

death of a parent
regret after a death
teenage conflict with parents

Themes

Source & credit

Told by Ajahn Brahm in Change | Ajahn Brahm | 17 December 2010 · 2010-12-18 · ▶ watch from 12:11 to 13:34 · Buddhist Society of Western Australia

Caption notes: Manual (volunteer) captions; occasional misspellings kept as is. '(LAUGHTER)' caption annotation inside the span.

The narrative is Ajahn Brahm's own telling, quoted from the talk captions. The summary and reflection are Being Mindful Stories's editorial notes. Please credit the teacher and link the original talk. Markdown version

“Oh, you poor thing”
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The storm and the green leaves
In brief: A forest monk in northern Thailand survives a night of falling trees in his flimsy hut; next morning he sees that the storm tore down…
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Charlie's mark on the heel
In brief: A healthy Thai woman's first baby, Charlie, is stillborn after turning in the womb days before birth. Ajahn Brahm conducts the funeral;…
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the story of a Thai couple who come here - just making sure they're not here, they may be embarrassed if I tell you this; but no, they're not here. When this lady - years ago now - when she got pregnant (this was a normal pregnancy), and just five days before birth she had an ultrasound. And when the birth happened - stillborn. A tragedy. Because they had everything expected for a baby, and they were just so excited, the first kid they were gonna have. And apparently, the doctors found out it actually turned in the womb and it cut off the blood supply in the umbilical cord. And she didn't know that, five days before - ultrasound - everything was going perfectly, and stillborn. So I did the funeral for them, just up the road here. And I always remember that funeral, because the baby was fully formed. They gave it a name, Charlie. I better not say too much. Charlie was his name, and they dressed it up, and they had the family photograph. And I was in the family photograph, and Charlie was as well. I was almost like honoured to be included in that family photograph, at the birth of Charlie who died at birth. But then, what I didn't see them doing - I know it's common in Thailand to do this, but what I didn't see - they took a pen, a biro pen, when no one was watching, and on the heel of Charlie, they drew a line. With a ballpoint pen. Just a line. And then of course, the baby was cremated. She was a healthy woman. So, few months later, she became pregnant again. When she became pregnant again, this time the doctors really gave her a VIP treatment, because they didn't want a tragedy to happen again. She's a healthy woman, she gave birth - this time - to a girl. And that girl has a birthmark on its heel, a line - exactly where they'd written the line on there. And they all knew Charlie came back. Didn't quite make it the first time, but had another go. Next time, got through. And they told me that story. And of course, you probably would be interested, how did the new kid turn out. First of all, it was a girl, and it was called Annie. And I was watching it - used to be like many kids, they play here, running around there, the kids are offering food to the monks or the nuns, and the kid is running around all over the place. But this Annie would always run with the boys and would beat up the girls. It was really a tomboy, little Annie. And of course, you understand why. She was a boy before. But anyway. That was a wonderful story, that when people have these emotional problems - just give a bigger picture. The kid didn't get there the first time, well have another go. And - a lot of times I’ve seen this - they don't make it the first time, they get an upgrade. [laughter] Become a girl. Is that an upgrade? [chuckles] But anyway. That was the story of Charlie and Annie.
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Permission to go — peaceful funeral
In brief: He tells a daughter she is holding her dying mother back; she gives full permission to depart. The mother dies within 24 hours. At the…
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The story — as told by Ajahn Brahm (verbatim captions)