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Story · Ajahn Brahm

Two bad bricks in the wall

As told by Ajahn Brahm in Depression | Ajahn Brahm | 25-06-2010

4 min read

The story — as told by Ajahn Brahm (verbatim captions)

The story of the two bad bricks in the wall, twenty six years ago, twenty seven years ago when we moved to Serpentine to build that monastery down there we had no money, we were broke, and because... we owed money for the land, there were no buildings on that property. So I had to learn how to build. And I was theoretical physicist before, ok, in my head doing sums all day. Now I had to get out there and get my hands dirty and mix concrete and lay bricks and put on a roof and do plumbing. Everything we did. And even to this day, if any of you going into that main hall in our monastery, I am the builder. My name is on the building license for that. And it's still standing so that's pretty good. [LAUGHTER] So in particular, this story I had to learn how to lay bricks. Laying bricks was not a simple thing to do, it may look easy but it's so hard to get everything level. But, as most people would be I was a perfectionist. I had to make sure that brick was perfectly level before I went onto the next one. Sometimes one corner was high, you'd knock it down and another corner would go up. You knock that corner down then it would go out of line. You knock it back into line thinking it was finished, you notice one of the corners was high again. It was just one of those jobs which, where you couldn't get everything in the right place but you kept on trying until you got it. It took a long time but it didn't matter cause I wasn't being paid. So I could take however long I wanted. And when I finished that wall, that first brick wall, like anybody else you were proud, finished, you stood back to look at it and admire it, and it was only then when it was finished I noticed that two bricks were crooked. All the other bricks were straight, two bricks were crooked. So what would you do? What I did was try and scrape the mortar out so I could reset the bricks so they could be perfect. But the mortar was hard, you couldn't scrape it out. And the other monk who was with me at the time, Ajahn Jagaro, I asked him look can we afford, can we please afford some dynamite so I blow it up and start again? Bulldozer would do, push it over. Because...that spoiled the whole wall. Those two bad bricks, they ruined the whole thing. But we couldn't, I was stuck with it, we were too poor to do anything with it. So for three months, every time I went passed that wall I saw my mistakes and I felt so sad. I'd stuffed up. And the worst thing about stuffing up when you're building everybody could see it, you can't hide it. It's a big wall, out there in the open. So, every time there was a visitor, I would actually volunteer to take them around so I could, you know, take them somewhere else so they wouldn't see my mistakes. At night time I'd have nightmares about that wall. I would, I'd dream of it, because I'd really made a big mistake and everybody could see it. And it was three months, roughly, I'm not quite sure it's a long time ago now, about three months somebody else was with me and they saw that wall and they said that's a beautiful wall. And I just couldn't believe what I'd heard because for three months I'd been suffering so much with that wall and they said it's a beautiful wall. My first reaction was to ask them are you visually impaired, are you blind, did you leave your glasses in the car? Can't you see those two bad bricks, the crooked ones. And what they said next just changed much of the way I look at life and stopped a lot of inherent depression in myself. What they said was yes I can see the two bad bricks, but I can also see the nine hundred and ninety eight good bricks as well. And that really hit me, because I realised for three months I was blind. All I ever saw was my two mistakes and I just could not see all the beautiful perfect bricks which I had laid. And when that guy told me what about the nine hundred and ninety eight good bricks that was the first time in three months that I could actually see the bricks above, below, to the left and the right of my two mistakes. And I had to agree with the fellow, it was a beautiful wall, once I could see the whole picture.

▶ Watch Ajahn Brahm tell it from 10:31 (to 14:55)

A reflection (in the spirit of Ajahn Brahm's talk)

We often stare at our two crooked bricks until we want to blow the whole wall up. A kinder look sees the nine hundred and ninety-eight good ones as well — in a project, a relationship, or yourself. Fault-finding blinds you; seeing the whole wall softens depression and perfectionism.

In brief (our summary)

Building the broke new monastery at Serpentine, the ex-physicist monk lays his first brick wall with painstaking perfectionism — then sees two crooked bricks. He wants to dynamite it; for three months he steers visitors away and has nightmares. Then a visitor calls it a beautiful wall: “Yes, I can see the two bad bricks, but I can also see the 998 good bricks as well.”

Teaching point

Depression often comes from seeing only our two bad bricks and becoming blind to the 998 good ones.

When this story may help

Themes

Source & credit

Told by Ajahn Brahm in Depression | Ajahn Brahm | 25-06-2010 · 2010-06-26 · ▶ watch from 10:31 to 14:55 · Buddhist Society of Western Australia

11 other tellings of this story

The narrative is Ajahn Brahm's own telling, quoted from the talk captions. The summary and reflection are Being Mindful Stories's editorial notes. Please credit the teacher and link the original talk. Markdown version

  • Interrupted by the radio

    In brief: A former caretaker of the Perth centre retired to Beverley for a peaceful life but fell into depression. He went into his shed, tied a…

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    he lives over in Beverly he was an old caretaker of our Center here he left to have a nice peaceful time up in Beverly and but you know we all go through difficult times he went through a depression and he got so deped pressed he actually went into his shed and tied a rope to the rafter tied a noose got the chair ready and went into the Caravan where he was saying to write his suicide note he had the he had the uh the radio one at the time just the local radio and as he was writing a suicide note you know just halfway through who would come on the radio aan brah and he said oh no I can't do anything without this m getting in the way so he ripped up his suicide now untied the rope and came and told me about it afterwards he said it's really too difficult to commit suicide you even get on the radio and stop me that's another guy I've got saved his life

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  • Seven out of ten

    In brief: As a maths teacher he set exams aiming for an average of seven out of ten: scores of three or four discourage children, and nines and tens…

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    It was a simile.. when I had to set my first exam paper as a teacher I was a school teacher for one year. I often say that anyone who teaches at a high school after one year, any one would think about being a monk or a nun (laughter) I actually did it. Teenagers are really hard ... But any way... So I was teaching and I had to set the first examination It is not easy to set an examination What are you supposed to do? So I went to one of the senior teachers and he said look try and set the level of difficulty so the average score becomes 70 percent He said if everybody gets top marks so we get 100 percent or 95 or 90 percent it's waste of time, it is not a real test it is too easy. If everybody gets 30, 40, 50 percent that means they get discouraged, they lose motivation and they give up They think 'I can't do that subject' so he told me "please set the level to be about 70 percent" Because that would encourage people. If they get about 70 percent right that's the average, they'll be encouraged yes they can do that subject. And the 30 percent where they make mistakes He said, that's where you, their teacher can see their weak points. So in the next lessons you can address those areas where they haven't understood what you have been teaching. The mistakes.. And I took that to be a wonderful metaphor for life. If any of you get 100 percent in life you are learning nothing. It's not a test, you don't grow. If you get 40, 50 percent in life or less that's where you get depressed and view yourself hopeless and lose all your self-esteem. If you get about 70 percent in life that is the best. You are encouraged. Yes you are having happiness, you are having some success, you feel good about yourself you can do some things. but you are making 30 percent mistakes. Brilliant! Because that's where you learn. So if you got a partner, they're 100 percent they are a waste of time, dump them. (laughter) If they're 50 percent, Oh that's hopeless that's too difficult if you've got a partner that's 70 percent nice and loving and 30 percent they nag you and criticize you That is the very very best! That is the right level. Because that's where you can learn to grow together

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  • “My nose is too big”

    In brief: In his first year in Perth a 13-year-old girl, brought by her father after every other psychologist and psychiatrist had failed, finally…

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    I still remember this when I first came to Perth the very first year this thirteen year old girl came to see me. Her father organised a meeting, she wanted counselling, she'd been to all the other psychologists, psychiatrists or whatever in Perth and this was the last resort to go and see a Buddhist monk. They must have been desperate in those days to come see a Buddhist monk. Because we didn't have much of a reputation and I asked her what's your problem and she took a long time to get it out of her cause you know when people really feel they have a big problem and they just don't want to share it with you especially a thirteen or fourteen year old young girl. And eventually I got it out of her. She said, looking down at the floor feeling so embarrassed, she said 'my nose is too big'. Now you know, you girls you know that, you know where she's coming from, that to her every time she looked in the mirror she saw her nose and it was too big. I tried to use like a scientific approach to her problem, you know I mentally I measured her nose and I've seen many noses in my life and I measured it in my mind and I told her, lady that your nose is pretty average. It's not the most beautiful nose, it's certainly not the most ugly nose, its just a nose, it's average ok. But she wouldn't accept that for her it was the biggest problem because it was right in front of her face. I didn't, I didn't actually help her, but she helped me to understand the negativity of fault finding.

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  • 'Are you the YouTube monk?'

    In brief: Walking through Paddington Station on his way to teach in Oxford, Ajahn Brahm is stopped by a woman running up: 'Are you the YouTube monk?…

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    Last time I was in the UK, just getting off the Underground, going to Paddington station to get to Oxford where I was going to give a talk. Just walking through Paddington Station, just minding my own business. And this woman came running towards me and said, "Are you the YouTube monk?" [laughter] That's what she called me "the YouTube monk". And then, I didn't have time to answer. She looked me in the face. "Yes, you are." And then she said, "I just want to say thank you to you. You saved my life". She was going through a divorce, oh not a divorce, a separation from her long term partner. And that she got really depressed, suicidal. Doctor couldn't help, psychologist couldn't help, psychiatrists, whoever she saw, none of them could help. And then she was just at the end of her rope, as they say; And then she just managed somehow or other, to get on YouTube. And I think she got that one of my famous talks 'four ways of letting go'. And she listened to it and "wow It made so much sense". She listed about three or four that time, one after the other. She said that got her through her crisis. She told all her friends, "You must go and listen to these things as well from the BSWA, all for free." And then, afterwards, she said, "Thank you Thank you so much for saving my life."

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