Being Mindful Stories

Story · Ajahn Brahm

“We love you, Dad”

As told by Ajahn Brahm in What Happens After You Die? | Ajahn Brahm | 08-04-2011

1 min read

The story — as told by Ajahn Brahm (verbatim captions)

there's a person who comes here regular I'm not sure if they're here tonight they told me the story of they were with their father here in Perth he was dying and she was with her sister that was sitting on either side of the bed holding their father's hand he was in a coma hadn't sort of spoken for many many hours or a day or two I'm not sure and they were just waiting for him to die just waiting for that last breath to go out and not come in again holding his hand and of course you never know when that moment's going to happen I've been there with people and sometimes you're waiting there for hours and they seem as if their last breath and you think that's it and then suddenly they breathe in again and at this particular case it was his last breath he stopped breathing but then he opened his eyes and he leaned up from his bed and looked around at his two sisters on either two daughters on either side and they said that without any plan they said in perfect synchronicity we love you Dad and then he closed his eyes and passed away but what really would took their uh took them by surprise was that even though he was been in a coma for such a long time even though he was not supposed to be able to see or feel the last minute he did he looked them in the eye and they could speak to him the last words

▶ Watch Ajahn Brahm tell it from 14:15 (to 15:56)

A reflection (in the spirit of Ajahn Brahm's talk)

After days in a coma, their father opened his eyes at the very end, and both daughters said, without planning it, 'We love you, Dad.' If you are sitting with someone who is dying, keep speaking your love even when they seem far away. Those words are never wasted, and they become a precious memory for you too.

In brief (our summary)

Two daughters sit holding their comatose father's hands in a Perth hospital. After his last breath he opens his eyes, sits up and looks at them; in unplanned unison they say “We love you, Dad,” and he closes his eyes and dies.

Teaching point

Even after long unconsciousness, a dying person may be present for a last moment of contact.

When this story may help

  • parent dying
  • sitting with a dying loved one
  • loved one in a coma

Themes

Source & credit

Told by Ajahn Brahm in What Happens After You Die? | Ajahn Brahm | 08-04-2011 · 2011-04-09 · ▶ watch from 14:15 to 15:56 · Buddhist Society of Western Australia

1 other telling of this story

The narrative is Ajahn Brahm's own telling, quoted from the talk captions. The summary and reflection are Being Mindful Stories's editorial notes. Please credit the teacher and link the original talk. Markdown version

  • “Steve, you can die”

    In brief: Visiting a dying man, Steve, Ajahn Brahm senses something is holding him back and asks his partner Jenny (present in the audience) whether…

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    This lady sitting in front of me who taught me something once when her husband died. I remember to this moment Jenny and I always will with Steve. When I came to see you Steve was dying but there was something stopping him and I told you 'have you given Steve permission to die?' Remember that time? And you did and it's one of those memorable experiences, she jumped up on the bed, hugged her partner whom she loved dearly and said 'Steve you can die, I give you permission to go'

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  • 'Please tell Julie how much I love her'

    In brief: A doctor who attends the Buddhist Society told Ajahn Brahm of a dying patient (he thinks at Royal Perth) who had given a list of close…

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    I don't know if that doctor is here today but one of the doctors who comes here he came up and said he had an experience of that as a doctor over in one of the hospitals. I think it was Royal Perth. One of his patients you know was dying so he went to his uh his bedside and the instructions from the patient was, "Here's a list of my close family members. Please give them a call to get me them to come immediately." So, he was calling those um family members, and he got to the guy's daughter, Julia or something. And he was calling Julia, "Come to the hospital quickly. Your father's dying." And that's when the father opened his eyes and said, "Please tell Julie how much I love her." And he closed his eyes and died. And he hadn't been able to speak for for hours beforehand. He was dying. But that last little time, he had the mind took over rather than the brain and had that lucidity. He could actually speak.

    Open story page·Watch this telling

  • Grandmother with dementia still knew the monk

    In brief: Near the end, grandmother has long dementia; in a UK ward she recognises Brahm at once while barely recognising his brother.

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    many years ago now eight nine years ago when she finally passed away she had dementia for such a long time and once she passed away it was a kind of I felt kind of relieved and happy for her. If you ever seen people with like dementia that they can't sometimes they don't remember who you are. I always thought that I don't know there wasn't that many. In fact, I was the only one who went into the the the old people's dementia ward or Alzheimer's ward know with a bald head and a brown robe. I thought at least she can remember me cuz I was different than everybody else. But no, she didn't even remember me at all. But I do recall when my uh my grandmother had dementia too. I remember when I went to go and see her in a sort of a ward in UK just outside of London. When I went in to see her, I went in with her with my brother. My brother lives in London. And so he was looking after her, going to visit her every week. And I'd only go once every three or four years whenever I could get into England because I was in a busy year. I remember just going to see my grandmother and as soon as she saw me, she recognized me straight away

    Open story page·Watch this telling

  • Fifteen minutes of goodbyes from a brain-tumour coma

    In brief: As reported (Ajahn Brahm recalls) in a Time magazine issue on the mind, a US patient with an aggressive brain tumour lies in a coma for…

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    there was an even better example which was in uh a Time Magazine of all things article on the mind this was the most amazing uh time when the Mind separated from the brain I think it was so we did have a copy of this in our Monastery I think 2009 or 10 or something January Edition Time Magazine the mind but anyway there was a doctor over in the United States was treating a person with brain tumor and it was a very aggressive tumor and he was uh in hospital just waiting for the end in a coma for many days because apparently the brain tumor just grows and takes over the other part of the brain until there's nothing left know for a person to be able to speak all higher brain functions disappear and eventually the last part of the brain is just used for keeping the body alive for doing the the basic functions of breathing and keeping the heart going and the other organs going but as soon there's no capacity left in the brain to do anything and that's when the person dies so the fellow would being UNC ious for a long time and the doctor told him what the prognosis was you go into this coma and never come out again but this person did come out he just again opened his eyes he bent up but this fellow talked to his family for 15 minutes saying their last goodbyes for 15 minutes he was totally clear before he died and the doctor was totally amazed it couldn't have happened but it did because by that time there's nothing left in the brain to perform such functions

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