Story · Ajahn Brahm

“Don't you ever take away my suffering”

1 min read

Content note: murder of a real person (Claremont killings) referenced; identifiable bereaved parent (identity hedged: "I think", "if I remember correctly"); sensitive: judges a grieving mother's motives

The story — as told by Ajahn Brahm (verbatim captions)

when I went to a pain and loss conference many years ago, and there was a person, they were very…, her daughter was one of the, the victims of the Claremont killer. Anyway, after I gave her some really nice advice about how to let go of her pains, she came up to me, and she, nose to nose almost, she was so angry, she said, “How dare you try to take away my grief??”

▶ Watch Ajahn Brahm tell it from 35:26 (to 36:01)

A reflection (in the spirit of Ajahn Brahm's talk)

At a grief seminar, Ajahn Brahm suggested being grateful for a loved one's life like a beautiful concert, and a bereaved mother angrily told him never to take her grief away. Grief has its own pace and deserves respect. When you are ready, gratitude for the time you had can sit beside the pain, and slowly lighten it.

In brief (our summary)

At a grief and loss seminar at Observation City, Ajahn Brahm teaches his 'concert' way of letting go of grief: his father's 16 years with him were like a beautiful concert — be grateful you were there. Afterwards a woman blasts him: “Don't you ever tell me not to be grieving. Don't you ever try and take away my suffering again.” He believes she was the mother of one of the Claremont murder victims and had made an identity of being the grieving mother. He had unlocked the cell door, and she blamed him for it.

Teaching point

We can become attached to suffering and afraid to leave the prison of the past; first we must know that it should be let go.

When this story may help

Themes

Source & credit

Told by Ajahn Brahm in How to Be Happy in Solitude | Ajahn Brahm | 1 February 2019 · 2019-02-01 · ▶ watch from 35:26 to 36:01 · Buddhist Society of Western Australia

7 other tellings of this story

Caption notes: Manual (volunteer) captions; occasional misspellings kept as is.

The narrative is Ajahn Brahm's own telling, quoted from the talk captions. The summary and reflection are Being Mindful Stories's editorial notes. Please credit the teacher and link the original talk. Markdown version

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