The emperor jailed the pope over reincarnation

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• The razor wheel in hell (Borobudur)

  In brief: Shown a Borobudur carving, Ajahn Brahm tells of a man who pushed over his mother and, out of guilt, is reborn in hell, where a razor wheel…

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  it was an old Buddhist story of a guy who had actually pretty good guy but he did one bad act he pushed over his mother and she injured herself and of course he felt so guilty about that that when he died he got born in this hell realm and he he went down to meet this guy you in this terrible realm and he saw this fellow you know having his head cut with a razor wheel you know just cutting into his head continuously you know obviously without him dying and he's in great pain but this guy said at last you've come because when I got this wheel it was 600 years ago cuz I hurt my mother and I was told that in 600 years time another guy will come cuz he also hurt his mom and when he comes the wheel will leave my head and I'll be free of this torture and it will go into this other guy's head and here you are here's a wheel so the wheel left this other guy and the guy sort of know vanished from this torture and he went into this new guy's head and he was cutting his head in an incredible Agony but this fellow this new guy he had thoughts of kindness of compassion and he said I'm going to take this wheel not for 600 years but for 3,000 years so the next four or five guys don't have to bear this I'll take their punishment for them and that kind thought the wheel shattered and he was taken away from this hell realm and reborn in the heaven realm Just one thought of kindness and compassion did that

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• The cult-buster who ran from the Buddha statue

  In brief: In the early North Perth centre, Western Australia's chief 'cult buster' comes to check the Buddhists out; charmed by the very Australian…

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  I remember one time this man came, he was a Christian, he was the head cult buster in Western Australia. He was checking us out to see whether we were a cult who indoctrinated people and sort of took over their minds. Well, we do indoctrinate people, but we actually free their minds rather than take them over. When he came in he was met by our caretaker who was a very wonderful girl, and so Australian and so charming he thought, "This can't be a cult," until he went into the room and saw the big Buddha statue. He ran out in fear, he was terrified just because it's a simple Buddha statue. Now you can go in the room next door and see that Buddha statue, and all the time which I've seen that, it has never moved, it's never bitten, it's never done anything, it's just sat there.

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• The Pope, the Archbishop and the putt

  In brief: The Pope and the Archbishop of Canterbury settle church unity with 18 holes of golf. On the last green the Pope misses putt after putt,…

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  But the Anglican church and the Catholic church were trying to sort of get some reconciliation. Trying to move together. They're both Christian groups and in the end they couldn't really reconcile. So they decided to let God choose which was the right form of Christianity. And the way they were going to do this with the Archbishop and the Pope they both like golf. So they decided to play 18 rounds of, 18 holes of golf. Whoever won, if the Archbishop of Canterbury won the Pope will become a Protestant. It will be God's will. And if, if the Pope won the Archbishop would convert to being a Catholic together with all the Protestants. And that way they could unite and it'll be God's choice. Fair enough. If you believe in divine intervention, so let God decide who's the best, who's the most authentic. The Catholics or the Anglicans. So they started their round of golf. They got to the last hole, the 18th hole. The Archbishop had already put his ball into the hole, the Pope was two shots ahead. If he sagged this 18-foot putt he would win. And the Anglican Archbishop together with every Anglican in the world would have to convert to being Catholics. So you can imagine the stress of that shot. He was so nervous, he hit it way too hard and it went way past the hole maybe six foot past. He missed his first opportunity. He's still one shot ahead. And so he lost it. He swore “damn it! Missed!” he said. And his caddy, because all this golfers have to have caddies. Guess who his caddy was? It was one of the Catholic nuns. I won't explain why but I think you mostly know. So the Catholic nun saw the Pope swear “damn it! Missed!” and said: “Your grace or your holiness, you shouldn't swear like that. That's a sin. You shouldn't do that. She's looking up in the sky. He said “oh I'm stressed out. Too excited. I'm terribly sorry. And I won't do it again.” and he had another shot. If he hold this shot he'd still win by one one hole. So he's still… the Archbishop would have to become a Catholic. So he really relaxed. Tried to get rid of his anxiety and stress. He hit the ball again. Not hard enough. It only went halfway to the hole. “Damn it! Missed!” he said. And the poor nun looked up in the sky, crossed herself and said “don't do that. You're tempting fate. In your position you should know better.” “I'm terribly sorry sister. This stress, the anxiety, the stakes are so high.” He had one more shot. If he missed this one he'd have to become a Protestant. He had to hold this one to draw. The stakes were really high. And so he hit the ball, it went straight to the hole, but then just went on the outside and missed. And this time he really swore loudly: “damn it! Missed!” he said and before the nun could cross herself there was a huge clap of thunder from the sky and a lightning bolt came down from the clouds and hit the nun. Why are you laughing at that? And the nun dropped down dead. And a great voice from the sky boomed out: “damn it! Missed!”

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• Who sits next to God?

  In brief: A man who went to church every Sunday, gave donations and kept the Ten Commandments dies and goes to heaven, expecting to see Jesus beside…

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  I don't know if you've heard this story; but there was a person who, he went to church every Sunday, and he gave donations, even kept the 10 commandments. And when he died, he went up to heaven and he saw God. And he thought that Jesus will be sitting next to God. And who did he see sitting next to God? A cleaning lady with a mop and a bucket and a duster. He said I thought Jesus was gonna sit next to God. The person said "didn't we tell you cleanliness is next to godliness?" That's today's joke.

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