The stolen Harley on the wrong level

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• The matchbox on the head

  In brief: A malnourished young monk in steamy north-east Thailand — sticky rice with a boiled frog, under four and a half hours' sleep, up at 3 a.m.…

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  when I became a monk who was in the jungles of Northeast Thailand I was malnourished one meal a day sticky rice I was a vegetarian I sometimes sticky rice and a frog on top that's all we had sweet yeah for a boiled frog no garlic no sauce notice abortive glutinous sticky rice with a fork on top that was all the villagers had in fact they gave us the best Fox it was disgusting but I was malnourished and in the morning we would get up but we only supposed to meditate to sleep for hours and nights I could never get below four and a half so three o'clock in the morning will be up in the hall to meditate steamy jungles I was made in England I was not used to such hot weather such sticky weather malnourished not enough sleep of course I was sleepy so I had the tricks what we tried to do first of all no use effort didn't work so then I tried a matchbox you take the cover off the matchbox you put the tray on your head because it means if you start nodding you see the matchbox fall on the ground you'd hear it only about three or four days I'd overcome my slot and talker I could put the matchbox on my head for one hour meditate in the morning it never fell off at all amazing until one of my monks took me aside and said this is why the matchbox is not falling off you're still sleepy but instead of doing this you're doing this their mind is so sneaky and tricky so after a while I started contemplating look made in England I'm not used to that climate are not enough sleep not enough our food it's natural so I decided to let go when I let go there's not much energy in my mind so you are dull but you knew you adult and little by little just like when the Sun comes up in the morning and it had evaporates all the mists that burns off the mist because I wasn't wasting energy fighting my sleepiness but just letting it be being kind to it opening the door of my heartless my energy started coming back again him my back straightened up my head lifted up naturally and I was peaceful

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• Walking off with everything he owned on his back

  In brief: After five years as a monk in Thailand (around 1979) Ajahn Brahm leaves his monastery to wander on foot. Nothing can be stored, so he must…

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  One of my most memorable experiences in my training as a monk after 5 years being a monk in these monasteries in Thailand you are expected, encouraged to actually leave the monastery, just go wondering on foot. Its a great opportunity to visit other teachers' You have been in a one monastery and to see how the other teachers teach To get a wider experience or may be go and find some solitude in the jungles or the mountains That was after five years--what would that be 1979 or something; somewhere around then. I left the monastery; and the rule was you couldn't store anything there. You can give it away but once you gave it away nothing would be kept for you. So everything which was yours you had to carry with you. And of course if you are walking especially through the hot tropics carrying lots and lots of stuff is just really really unpleasant. It was reminding you how much a burden your possessions were. So after a couple of days, you gave this away and you gave that away and you are down to the absolute minimum you needed Once you got down to that minimum, my goodness it was so light. You can imagine the experience. Just put yourself in that experience that everything you own you are carrying on your back and it's light. And you can dance, there is hardly any burden there at all. Because as a monk we knew that, there are monasteries everywhere any place you go you can get a bed for the night. If you don't get a bed for the night you can sleep under a tree. Its the tropics, it is easy to do. You can go anywhere, you get something to eat, not delicious food but enough to keep you going through the day, there is waters in the well. There was this total sense of freedom freedom from possessions. And that was just like being in heaven. You didn't have any worries at all. You had cloths to wear, you had this little mosquito net umbrella which you could park anywhere to sleep at night. And the best thing about it; you had no appointments. Your future was blank. I could go anywhere I wanted. Every cross road, you can go left, go right, turn around, go forward, stay still No one was asking you to go anywhere, to do anything or be anything. That was one of my wonderful experiences of being free from attachments at all.

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• The drunk driver who drove home the police car

  In brief: After the office Christmas party a Sydney man, well over the limit, risks driving home and is stopped at a roadblock. Just as he's about…

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  this one guy in Sydney some years ago some of you know this story in Sydney s The Last Story I promise I'll shut up after this it was Christmas office was having a Christmas party he decided to stay behind for the Christmas party I had a few drinks should not drive home he decided ah what's the chances of being stopped you know the odds are in my favor so he got in his car and he drove home unfortunately his lock was out he got stopped in this big roadblock in Sydney they were targeting one road everyone going along that road got stopped so he knew he was done probably lose his Kai's license and big fine because he was really over the limit so he had to Wai in turn when it's his turn in Sydney apparently then he had to get out of the car before they give him the breathalyzer tube so he got out of the car it was his turn he was about to take the breathalyzer tube you know in his mouth the sound of a car crash one of the cars had come a bit too fast and the roadblock it was a traffic obstacle and at rear ended another car and the policeman heard that and said to this man it's more important that I attend to this car accident than to check your blood alcohol your alcohol he took the breathalyzer away and said get back into your car and drive home he literally become within you know half a second of getting caught if he'd have blowed into that tube it would been way over the limit he thought how lucky could you be apparently this was a true story next morning he woke up with a big hangover because he'd been drinking he woke up because somebody was ringing his doorbell wouldn't stop so he got some pajamas on staggered to the door it was two New South Wales policemen at the door now of course whenever you see a policeman at the door people usually get a bit afraid but then you know he thought even though he a bit groggy I've done nothing wrong yeah I was drinking last night but they can't do anything because I'm not driving now so he was confident so he said what do you want and he said can we look inside your garage sir I said why why do they want to look inside my garage only my car there okay sure and he opened his garage door and that's when he almost had a heart attack because in his garage there was a police car not his car when they said get in your car and drive home he was so drunk he got in the wrong car

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• The ghost at the end of the cave

  In brief: On Vesak day at a cave monastery in the north of Thailand, Ajahn Brahm slips away from the abbot's dull talk and is asked by villager…

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  I was in this monastery in the north of Thailand. And it's a beautiful place in north of Thailand. It's peaceful. It had caves. Good food. Not like the northeast. They don't have really edible food in the north. Nice climate. If you got too hot, you can go up in the mountains. Beautiful place. And so I I was in this monastery in Umphang in the north. And when I Phang Phang province. Just north of Chiang Mai. Between Chiang Mai and Chiang Rai. Around that area. Beautiful lovely mountains. And it was Wesak day. A big ceremony day. And lots and lots of people came. And lots and lots of people they came and we did the food offering and the chanting. And then the abbot gave a talk. And it's a nice abbot. He's very kind but his talk was terrible. So, I decided just to slip off. And when I slipped off, a lot of the people followed me. And they they started ask me the questions. They said, "Can we talk to you?" And I was surprised I could talk, you know, reasonably good Thai at the time. And so they asked started ask me. They said, "Can we ask you some things?" I said, "Yeah, okay. You know, please come and ask me." And I thought noble truths or dependent origination or the how to meditate. And I was I was really interested in in teaching them. But you know, all they wanted to ask is "Why did you become a monk?" And "How many brothers and sisters do you have?" And "What does your father do?" And "Where do you come from?" You don't mind answering questions like that but then you expected to get some deeper questions afterwards. But no, once they got that information and they left. And some more people came. And it was a big day and you know, so many people came and asked the same questions. "How many brothers and sisters have you got?" "What does your father do?" "Where did you come from?" And I got sort of bored with that after about 30 or 40 times being asked the same question. So, I had my strategies how to escape. My strategy was I needed to go to toilet. Well, I didn't need to go to toilet, but it wasn't that desperate. It was enough to get away. So, I went to the toilet and very quickly when I came out after us, I opened the door, made sure they weren't looking. I just snuck into my hut. I knew they'd find me in my hut, so I took a What did I take? My flashlight, a cushion, and a bottle of water. Cuz it was one of the cave monasteries, and I had explored those caves, so I knew the deepest cave. And I went No, I had to actually go up a bit of a ladder, around the corner this way. It was a long, deep cave. Around this bend, around that bend. Once I got to the end of this cave, I thought, "Great. Now I'm safe." Now I can just meditate and have some peace and quiet. You've heard the story before. So, I got there and sat there. Ah, peace at last. And it's only literally only about 5 to 10 minutes. And I heard a sound. The sound was Something else was coming along that cave corridor. And as I could hear the sound heard the sound first of all, then at the bend of the corridor, you could see a light getting light brighter and brighter and brighter. Cuz I realized that whoever was coming into this cave had a a light, like a one of the old hurricane lanterns. So, they could see their way. I thought, "Oh, no. This is the villagers." And at the end of the cave, there was no place to hide. And then I had just one moment of maybe I can get away with this when one of the villagers with the um the hurricane lantern turned the corner. And their face I could see their face. Their face just went so so fearful. And they went back again. And they started saying, "P P." That means ghost. They said, "There's a ghost at the end of the tunnel." Cuz they expected strange things to live at the end of the tunnel, like ghosts of uh uh What is it? Um serpents or something. They said, "There's a ghost at the end of the tunnel." Said, "No, there can't be." Said the other guys with them. "No, there's a ghost at the end of the tunnel." "No, it can't be." And so, my mistake was I should have gone I could pretend I was a ghost, but I can't feel a bit of an eye like that, so then two men's heads came around the end of the tunnel to check. And two men's heads went back quickly. "No, it's not a ghost. It's a Western monk." "No, it's a ghost." "No, it's a Western monk." So, they're having a debate who it was at the end of the tunnel. Then three heads came out. Said, "Oh, it's a Western monk." And then about a dozen men cuz they also were bored with the head monk's talk, and they decided to go and explore the caves and the tunnels in this old limestone monastery. So, they all came there, and they saw me. They weren't afraid at all. It was just a Western monk. And the first one opened their mouth. "How many brothers or sisters have you got?" "What does your father do? Where are you all?"

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