Keep your hands off — I'm on workers' compensation

The story — as told by Ajahn Brahm (verbatim captions)

the Englishman, the uh Singaporean, and the Australian in a pub. Please excuse me in a pub. I don't go drinking, of course, but that's, you know, just part of the joke. And they say, I saw this this Englishman, Singaporean, and Australian in a pub, and they saw this person in the corner there with long hair and a beard. and a white gown. And the Singaporean said, "See that person over there? I think that's Jesus. I'm getting into trouble for this. I'm I'm sure, but I've started, so who who cares?" Actually, I'm going to I'm going over to another state tomorrow, so I think it should be okay. It's Melbourne. Then that's Jesus over there. I said, "Oh, it can't be. Let's go and find out." So they went over there, and sure enough, the guy's got holes in his hand. He said, "Oh, you're Jesus. You know, my my father goes to your church every Sunday, so have a beer." So the Singaporean buys him a beer. Oh, thank you, mate. And then he says to the other person at the table to the English man, "So that is Jesus over there." No, it can't be. Yeah, it is. Go and have a look. So he goes over there and he said, "You Jesus?" "Yeah, it's my second coming." So he said, "Oh, have a beer." So he buys Jesus a beer. And then he said, "It really is Jesus." And then Australian says, "Well, actually, I'm not a Christian myself, but every Saturday my wife goes to church and that make me have a free day. Then I can go watch the football on TV or anything I want." So you know, you do a lot of good for me, Jesus. So he goes up and buys Jesus a beer. Thank you. And then when the Jesus finish his three beers, he goes up to those three people and says to the Singaporean, "Thank you so much. Your generosity is very wonderful. And I can see that you've you got migraine, haven't you? You got headache." So, I've had a migraine for years and years and years. Jesus touches him on the head and the migraine goes away straight away. It's a miracle. Goes to the English woman and said, "You've got a bad tummy, haven't you? You know, you could suffer from indigestion. Yes. And he touches them on the tummy. And they indigestion goes away. It's amazing. And then he goes up to the Australian and the Australian says, "Keep your hand off me, mate. I'm on workers's compensation

▶ Watch Ajahn Brahm tell it from 1:09:43 (to 1:12:25)