Meditating through Cambridge finals

The story — as told by Ajahn Brahm (verbatim captions)

when I was doing the final examinations at Cambridge University that's where I did my studies, 1972, Natural Sciences Tripos final exams, final exams I really meant that FINAL, everything else in the whole time you did in the University counted for absolutely nothing. You got your Degree or you failed on one series of examinations. Those examinations on Natural Sciences, that year, 6 days -- Monday, Tuesday Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, one after the other, morning examination 3 hours, afternoon 3 hours, 1 hour for lunch. I don't think Amnesty International was formed at that time, if they had found out that was torture, 3 hours, 1 hour lunch, 3 hours, 6 days in a row. The worst of that, everybody was telling me that my future depended upon those examinations. If you did well, you would have a wonderful life, if you failed you will be snuffed for the rest of your life. If only I had known I was going to become a monk, I wouldn't have worked so hard. I didn't know at that time so as other people I really worked hard But my trick was, this is how you deal with stress, this was a stressful situation for me, how I dealt with that was using basic tricks of meditation I've already had started meditation about 2-3 years when I first went up to that University. So, I never had any lunch for those 6 days. Had a big breakfast and a nice dinner in the evening. At lunch time I went back to my room only 5-10 minutes from the examination room, and I meditated for half an hour, Now this is what happens, as soon as I sat down, the first thing which came in to my mind was the morning exam, how did I do, did I do that question correct, we all know how stupid that is, the examination paper is in, right or wrong is too late to change it, it's obvious isn't it, you should let it go, let go of the past this is not the time you can do anything anymore, it's easy to say but I trained, I could do that, I could let go, of that very very important exam in the morning. This is what you can learn in a place like this. It doesn't matter what has happened in the past, you can't change it, examination paper of your past is in, it's a waste of time thinking about it. Good or bad you can't do anything about it. I could let that one go. So, the next thought I was not concerned about the morning paper, The next thought which came up in my mind was the afternoon exam. Should I get out of my meditation, get out a book and start studying, last minute just in case and of course if you remember your studies, every time I did that, whatever I looked at, half an hour before the examination never ever came up, never, total waste of time. It was a waste of time, because this was the time I am supposed to rest, not work, if you are worried about the future, you can't stay in this present moment, and do the preparation necessary for success in the future, that preparation was resting. If you don't know how to rest you will fail again and again and again, because you don't know how to prepare your mind for the challenges it faces in the future. I had to let go of the future because I trained in meditation, it was easy to do, even though important, what I thought was a life defining moment, those afternoon examinations, I could totally forget about them and stay in the moment. So, that was called present moment awareness, when I put in the context of an important part of my life you can understand how relevant it is. But what happens next shocked me because when I stopped thinking about the past which for me was the morning exam, the future-the afternoon exam, I found out I was physically shaking, Look ! I go up here every Friday and talk to people, watched on internet by 1000s of people, I go on live TV, I am not a nervous person, but at that time I found out I was physically shaking, the pressure of final examinations had got to me, I was nervous. What shocked me even more than being nervous, was that I hadn't noticed it before that point. I've been so fixated, with the future exam, what I'v done in the past I was totally unaware of the present reality of my body. That shocked me and from that moment on I learnt why many people get sick. They get sick because you are not aware of your body, so up in the future, so up in the past, so busy, you are not here, with your body, listening to the signs. When I got into that present moment and saw I was shaking, it was pretty easy to relax the body, exactly as I told you here at the beginning of the meditation. With mindfulness, kindness the body totally relax and all that shaking stopped. The next part of that meditation when I let go of the past, let go of the future, the shaking all stopped, the next thing I noticed was how tired my brain was. How totally worn out it was. I compared it to like a tea bag which had already been used, no juice left, an old used tea bag that's what my brain felt like. And again those experiences told me again why a lot of depressions and negativity, where they come from. Most of the people in this room, if you've only noticed the status of your brain, you'll probably know it's really tired. It just really needs a rest, because I noticed the need for my brain to rest, I could just keep it not working for 10 or 15 minutes, really relax it keep it still, so by the end of that meditation, all the energy had come back to my brain. I was awake, alive, clear, energised and I still remember, my friends after the examinations they commented, I was the only student who went in to that examination hall in the afternoon with a smile on my face. I could do that because I was relaxed and that's why I did really well.

▶ Watch Ajahn Brahm tell it from 16:21 (to 23:57)