The happiness licence

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• The Happiness Certificate

  In brief: For people who feel they don't deserve happiness he makes a certificate on monastery letterhead: 'This certificate grants the holder the…

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  I started making this Happiness Certificate for them. Just to reinforce the idea – that this certificate is on BSWA… no, it’s on Bodhinyana monastery letterhead I think. This certificate grants the holder the right to be happy. For any reason or no reason at all. For the rest of their life. And their next lives as well. Signed ‘Ajahn Brahm’. No, I didn't ‘sign’, I said: ‘By order of Ajahn Brahm’. [Laughter] To make it a bit more assertive. Some of those actually worked. You gave it to people and they said ‘Yeah!’. The problem was, when I first did that - it was actually the retreat I was giving in… I suppose in Frankfurt. Because sometimes, people think they don't deserve the happiness, they're getting so close, but… So I gave one of these certificates out. And this fellow, he put it on the Internet. And then the next day he said ‘uhmm, can you please do another 50

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• “That monk, he's on the gear”

  In brief: At a Buddha-statue installation in an English open prison, Ajahn Brahm is beaming as he circles the statue; one watching prisoner tells…

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  One time, I was visiting a prison in UK You know, we spend a lot of time in prison as monks, I often tell people: Visiting prisons, I always would keep a log of how many hours and minutes I spent doing community work in prison to be used as credit, in case I ever got sentenced for something (Laughs) look, I've already done about... the equivalent of about two or three months you should take that off (Laughs). But anyway, I was inside this jail, cause it was a ceremony, somebody had sweet talked the British government into putting a Buddha statue In the middle of an open prison, a big one! And you know, it's very easy for people to sponsor a Buddha statue especially inside a prison, wow, it's amazing! And so we did a installation ceremony. And for those who ever come and see some of the Buddhist rituals, one of the favourite ones is actually we go around three times flowers, candles and incense, we go around It's like an act of worship, reverence you know, it's interesting, where this comes from we don't know but they also do that in Mecca, when they go around the, whatever it's called ...the Kaaba, always go three times around, wearing white this is incredible similarities between our different traditions where they came from I don't know, but it's... that's Buddhist Anyhow... There we where, going round three times, and I was inspired I was happy, Amazing, something good being done in a prison! Not just locking people up and reenforcing how guilty they should feel but no, just something which is inspiring and I was just so happy with a big smile on my face much more than I usually have cause, you know, more inspiration and at the corner of my eye I saw these two prisoners they just got nothing to do, nothing was on the TV that night so they just hung out to see what the hell was going on with these crazy people with brown robes and a Buddha statue so just, you know, having a quick look and then I heard them, one looking to me... looking at the other prisoner and pointing to me he said: "That monk, he's on the gear" (Laughs) If you don't know what gear means you know, it's like, some sort of drug cause that's the only thing they could explain the happiness from just some medication; it's not medication! you know, it's meditation, not medication

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• Fifty strokes of the cat

  In brief: A new postulant confesses to secretly making an afternoon sandwich and, refusing Ajahn Brahm's gentle advice, insists on a penance or…

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  is a story many years ago of one of the anagarikas one of the people in white who's trained to be a monk at Bodhinyana Monastery in Serpentine. When you become a monk you have to train for a minimum of two years beforehand, one year wearing white keeping eight precepts, the next year in brown keeping ten precepts, and afterwards after two years maybe you can ordained as a full monk. There was one young man, an Australian man who was starting his training as an anagarika, eight precepts. One of those precepts is you're not allowed to eat any solid food from noon until the dawn the following day, you can't eat in the afternoon or night time. So I was the abbot, one afternoon this new anagarika, a young man, came up to me and said, "I have something to confess, I've done a terrible crime. I know you're gonna probably throw me out of the monastery and not let me be a monk, because one afternoon I was hungry, I went into the kitchen with no one seeing me and made myself a sandwich." [laughter] And to him it was like some capital offense. And so what did I do? I told him, I said, "It doesn't matter, thank you for letting me know, now maybe eat some more food at lunchtime, you know before lunch when we have our meal, eat some more so you won't be hungry in the afternoon. If you are hungry you can have some cup of tea with some sugar, some fruit juice or some chocolate, so you don't have to eat in the afternoon. So it was a mistake, you admit it, have some strategies in place so it doesn't happen again. Okay, you can go now." This young man looked at me and said, "I'm sorry, that's not good enough." [laughter] He said, "If you don't punish me I will do it again." [laughter] "I need a penance." Because he knew himself, he spent all his life only being trained by punishment. He said, "If you let me go like that I'm sure one day I will do it again." So I had to think very quickly of a solution to that problem. As it was, I'd been reading a book, a very well-known Australian book called "Fatal Shore" by Robert Hughes, which was telling the early history of Australia. I got to that point about the convicts who were here in Australia, and the harsh punishments meted out to them. So I looked at that young man in white clothes with a bald head and I said, "If you want a punishment I will give you a traditional Australian penance... "50 strokes of the cat." This young man, his face went whiter than the clothes he was wearing. 'Cause he didn't know too much about Buddhism and he thought, "Oh, my god, Ajahn Brahm is gonna whip me, he's gonna lash me." [laughs] But then I told him what "50 strokes of the cat" means in a Buddhist monastery. We have three cats in our monastery, choose whichever one you want and stroke it 50 times, "there cat, there pussy ... three, four." Learn some compassion and kindness 'cause that's the only thing which will overcome your need for punishment and pain. It's because you don't know kindness and compassion that you think that fear is the only way to train you. I said, "We don't do fear, we do compassion and kindness."

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• Two fingers to push up a smile

  In brief: As a student, his meditation teacher tells him to smile at himself in the toilet mirror every morning. Ajahn Brahm protests he'd scream at…

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  Because this is what I was taught for two years by a meditation teacher when I was still a student Said when you get up in the morning, what do you do? And go to toilet great. Is there a mirror in your toilet of course there's a mirror in the toilet and my teacher? Toby I want you to look at yourself in the mirror and smile at yourself And I told my teacher get real. I'm a student. You know you look at teenagers or 20 year olds What do they look like in the morning? Really grumpy miserable me Especially they've been drinking alcohol staying up late at night like I used to do it no Stace I said sir if I looked at myself in the mirror in the morning first thing. I probably scream And he said smart yourself Impossible and that's when he told me things this great teacher simple Two fingers and push up That's what he taught me So I did that for two years Two years I followed that and every morning You got up there and looked at the mirror Impart to fingers up and this saw this stupid young man Smiling making a face in the mirror and when you when you do that. You know if I make a face. Yeah, it's working You're smarting now You do that to yourself everybody don't need anybody and then after a while you smile smile smile. I started laughing at myself I laughed at myself every morning for two years

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