Joke · Ajahn Brahm
The Pope, the Archbishop and the putt
Content note: religious humour; death in a joke
The story — as told by Ajahn Brahm (verbatim captions)
But the Anglican church and the Catholic church were trying to sort of get some reconciliation. Trying to move together. They're both Christian groups and in the end they couldn't really reconcile. So they decided to let God choose which was the right form of Christianity. And the way they were going to do this with the Archbishop and the Pope they both like golf. So they decided to play 18 rounds of, 18 holes of golf. Whoever won, if the Archbishop of Canterbury won the Pope will become a Protestant. It will be God's will. And if, if the Pope won the Archbishop would convert to being a Catholic together with all the Protestants. And that way they could unite and it'll be God's choice. Fair enough. If you believe in divine intervention, so let God decide who's the best, who's the most authentic. The Catholics or the Anglicans. So they started their round of golf. They got to the last hole, the 18th hole. The Archbishop had already put his ball into the hole, the Pope was two shots ahead. If he sagged this 18-foot putt he would win. And the Anglican Archbishop together with every Anglican in the world would have to convert to being Catholics. So you can imagine the stress of that shot. He was so nervous, he hit it way too hard and it went way past the hole maybe six foot past. He missed his first opportunity. He's still one shot ahead. And so he lost it. He swore “damn it! Missed!” he said. And his caddy, because all this golfers have to have caddies. Guess who his caddy was? It was one of the Catholic nuns. I won't explain why but I think you mostly know. So the Catholic nun saw the Pope swear “damn it! Missed!” and said: “Your grace or your holiness, you shouldn't swear like that. That's a sin. You shouldn't do that. She's looking up in the sky. He said “oh I'm stressed out. Too excited. I'm terribly sorry. And I won't do it again.” and he had another shot. If he hold this shot he'd still win by one one hole. So he's still… the Archbishop would have to become a Catholic. So he really relaxed. Tried to get rid of his anxiety and stress. He hit the ball again. Not hard enough. It only went halfway to the hole. “Damn it! Missed!” he said. And the poor nun looked up in the sky, crossed herself and said “don't do that. You're tempting fate. In your position you should know better.” “I'm terribly sorry sister. This stress, the anxiety, the stakes are so high.” He had one more shot. If he missed this one he'd have to become a Protestant. He had to hold this one to draw. The stakes were really high. And so he hit the ball, it went straight to the hole, but then just went on the outside and missed. And this time he really swore loudly: “damn it! Missed!” he said and before the nun could cross herself there was a huge clap of thunder from the sky and a lightning bolt came down from the clouds and hit the nun. Why are you laughing at that? And the nun dropped down dead. And a great voice from the sky boomed out: “damn it! Missed!”
▶ Watch Ajahn Brahm tell it from 20:18 (to 24:04)
A reflection (in the spirit of Ajahn Brahm's talk)
Ajahn Brahm admits this one is totally irreverent and expects complaints. The point isn't theology; it's that a good laugh lets off pressure when the stakes feel enormous. When work, an exam or a family occasion starts to feel like life or death, look for the fun in it. People learn better, and live better, when they're enjoying themselves.
In brief (our summary)
The Pope and the Archbishop of Canterbury settle church unity with 18 holes of golf. On the last green the Pope misses putt after putt, swearing “Damn it! Missed!” while his nun caddy warns him he is tempting fate. On the third miss a lightning bolt strikes the nun, and a voice booms from the sky: “Damn it! Missed!”
Teaching point
(Told to show that laughter releases stress; he calls it 'totally irreverent'.)
When this story may help
- performance pressure
- needing a laugh
Themes
Source & credit
Told by Ajahn Brahm in How To Not Have Any Stress | Ajahn Brahm | 12 May 2017 · 2017-05-12 · ▶ watch from 20:18 to 24:04 · Buddhist Society of Western Australia
2 other tellings of this story
- Wisdom and Stupidity | Ajahn Brahm | 04-02-2011 · 2011-02-05 · ▶ watch from 9:02 to 12:50 · Buddhist Society of Western AustraliaFeb 2011 telling, introduced as 'even God makes mistakes'; the caddy is a nun; with asides about getting into trouble for the joke.
- Hypocrisy | Ajahn Brahm | 07-06-2013 · 2013-06-09 · ▶ watch from 20:42 to 22:43 · Buddhist Society of Western AustraliaJun 2013 telling: pope joke framed for Catholics who may close their ears — infallibility/hypocrisy theme.
The narrative is Ajahn Brahm's own telling, quoted from the talk captions. The summary and reflection are Being Mindful Stories's editorial notes. Please credit the teacher and link the original talk. Markdown version