Being Mindful Stories

Joke · Ajahn Brahm

The punk and the old man

As told by Ajahn Brahm in Am I Good Enough? | Ajahn Brahm | 28 April 2017

1 min read

Content note: crude sexual joke (bestiality)

The story — as told by Ajahn Brahm (verbatim captions)

And I remember this story about, I think it was somewhere in New York. There was this old man sitting opposite one of these punks, just spiky hair, about 20 different colours, and razor blades coming from his ears. His clothes were just really multi-coloured, you really need a pair of sunglasses to look at him. And there were just piercings all over his face. And then there's a guy opposite him, you can't help, he's right in front, you have to look at him. And so the punk shouted out, 'what are you looking at old man?' And he said, oh, just you, Didn't you ever do anything a bit outrageous when you were young? Oh yes, I did. When I was in the Navy, I had sex with a parrot, I thought you might be my son.

▶ Watch Ajahn Brahm tell it from 6:47 (to 7:41)

A reflection (in the spirit of Ajahn Brahm's talk)

A spiky-haired punk snaps at an old man for staring, and gets a cheeky punchline he didn't see coming. Ajahn Brahm insists it's only a joke. His point lands beside it: young, we worry what people think; older, we discover they weren't thinking about us at all. Better to find that out sooner rather than later.

In brief (our summary)

On a New York train a punk with multi-coloured spikes, razor-blade earrings and piercings snaps at the old man opposite: 'What are you looking at, old man?' 'Just you. Didn't you ever do anything outrageous when you were young?' The punk asks back; the old man says in the Navy he had sex with a parrot — he thought the punk might be his son.

Teaching point

(A joke about dressing to provoke; he stresses it's only a joke.)

When this story may help

Themes

Source & credit

Told by Ajahn Brahm in Am I Good Enough? | Ajahn Brahm | 28 April 2017 · 2017-04-28 · ▶ watch from 6:47 to 7:41 · Buddhist Society of Western Australia

Caption notes: Manual (volunteer) captions; occasional misspellings kept as is.

The narrative is Ajahn Brahm's own telling, quoted from the talk captions. The summary and reflection are Being Mindful Stories's editorial notes. Please credit the teacher and link the original talk. Markdown version

  • The Eskimo in the desert

    In brief: A man dying of thirst in the desert meets a real Eskimo with sled and huskies, and gasps with relief that he has been lost for days. The…

    Read full story

    There was a guy lost in the desert. He had been in the desert for a long time. And he couldn't walk anymore. He was crawling and he was parched, about to die. You know, when you get this very hot desert, you get delirious? So there he was crawling and he saw an Eskimo coming. You know, in a sled with huskies, the works. You know, with a big fur hat on. And he says, "This can't be true. This can't be true. An Eskimo in a desert?" But the Eskimo came right up to him. And he was real. He could touch him. It wasn't a fantasy at all. It was an Eskimo in the desert. And this guy said, "I'm so glad you're here. I'm so glad. I've been lost for days in in this desert." And the Eskimo said, "And you think you're lost!

    Open story page·Watch this telling

  • Green velvet jeans at the Isle of Wight

    In brief: Going to the 1970 Isle of Wight rock festival, young Ajahn Brahm wears green velvet jeans to be rebellious and individual — and finds…

    Read full story

    remember going to the the Isle of Wight rock festival 1970 So the famous rock festival and I had to be cool, so I had green velvet jeans When I went down there I found I thought I was being rebellious, I thought I was being individual I thought I was just just rebelling against convention setting a new style And when I went down there I found thousands of other people had green velvet jeans It is another type of uniform

    Open story page·Watch this telling

  • The Pope, the Archbishop and the putt

    In brief: The Pope and the Archbishop of Canterbury settle church unity with 18 holes of golf. On the last green the Pope misses putt after putt,…

    Read full story

    But the Anglican church and the Catholic church were trying to sort of get some reconciliation. Trying to move together. They're both Christian groups and in the end they couldn't really reconcile. So they decided to let God choose which was the right form of Christianity. And the way they were going to do this with the Archbishop and the Pope they both like golf. So they decided to play 18 rounds of, 18 holes of golf. Whoever won, if the Archbishop of Canterbury won the Pope will become a Protestant. It will be God's will. And if, if the Pope won the Archbishop would convert to being a Catholic together with all the Protestants. And that way they could unite and it'll be God's choice. Fair enough. If you believe in divine intervention, so let God decide who's the best, who's the most authentic. The Catholics or the Anglicans. So they started their round of golf. They got to the last hole, the 18th hole. The Archbishop had already put his ball into the hole, the Pope was two shots ahead. If he sagged this 18-foot putt he would win. And the Anglican Archbishop together with every Anglican in the world would have to convert to being Catholics. So you can imagine the stress of that shot. He was so nervous, he hit it way too hard and it went way past the hole maybe six foot past. He missed his first opportunity. He's still one shot ahead. And so he lost it. He swore “damn it! Missed!” he said. And his caddy, because all this golfers have to have caddies. Guess who his caddy was? It was one of the Catholic nuns. I won't explain why but I think you mostly know. So the Catholic nun saw the Pope swear “damn it! Missed!” and said: “Your grace or your holiness, you shouldn't swear like that. That's a sin. You shouldn't do that. She's looking up in the sky. He said “oh I'm stressed out. Too excited. I'm terribly sorry. And I won't do it again.” and he had another shot. If he hold this shot he'd still win by one one hole. So he's still… the Archbishop would have to become a Catholic. So he really relaxed. Tried to get rid of his anxiety and stress. He hit the ball again. Not hard enough. It only went halfway to the hole. “Damn it! Missed!” he said. And the poor nun looked up in the sky, crossed herself and said “don't do that. You're tempting fate. In your position you should know better.” “I'm terribly sorry sister. This stress, the anxiety, the stakes are so high.” He had one more shot. If he missed this one he'd have to become a Protestant. He had to hold this one to draw. The stakes were really high. And so he hit the ball, it went straight to the hole, but then just went on the outside and missed. And this time he really swore loudly: “damn it! Missed!” he said and before the nun could cross herself there was a huge clap of thunder from the sky and a lightning bolt came down from the clouds and hit the nun. Why are you laughing at that? And the nun dropped down dead. And a great voice from the sky boomed out: “damn it! Missed!”

    Open story page·Watch this telling

  • Juggling machetes for the police

    In brief: Police find machetes in a man's car; he says he juggles them in the circus, so they make him prove it. As he expertly juggles them by the…

    Read full story

    about this guy who got stopped by the police. It is double demerits this week-end so they looked in his back and had machetes in his back in the back of his car. And they said why do you got those machetes for. He said I juggle them in the circus. yeah great excuse said the police, I don't believe you, come on juggle. They thought he was some sort of a bikie or some sort of guy up to no good with machetes. So he actually got the machetes and throwing them up in the air, he was a juggler, he was very skilful at this. And the guys coming behind him said my goodness hope the police doesn't stop me look what they are doing to test you are not drunk too much these days.

    Open story page·Watch this telling

All stories·Find a story for your situation