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Story · Ajahn Brahm

The corpse in the elevator

As told by Ajahn Brahm in Life Is A Series Of Unexpected Events | Ajahn Brahm | 3 March 2017

2 min read

Content note: corpse humour

The story — as told by Ajahn Brahm (verbatim captions)

there's no way you can get sort of like the the little it was not coffin yet a little um trolley they put the dead person on so strap him in there and just you know to try and take him take him down the stairs but even in the elevator the elevator was too small and he was on the top story so what to do that is it'd be it'd be like some comedy show but this was real life you know real life is much more funny than anything they can invent on the TV so what they did you know they decided well the only thing to do is actually just carry him down ourselves so that they forgot about the trolley that just his two Funeral Directors you know in Black they look pretty sort of weird already and with the dead person in between just holding on to him standing and of course it's one of these though one of these old apartment blocks where everybody knew one another so they knew this guy has died so top story about six stories or something down to the ground floor where the horse was waiting they were praying please nobody pressed the button halfway down but of course there is some law which is even the most powerful law in the whole universe which you can rely upon it's called Murphy's Law it's something can go wrong it does go wrong so the elevator stopped on the third floor halfway down they couldn't do anything about it and when it does open there's this little old lady who'd also lived in the apartment block for a long time and you can imagine what she saw this guy who she knew was dead standing between these two guys in Black and my friend the funeral director he said we don't know how this happened but we lost control of him and he started Falling Towards the old woman she just dropped out what should we do next so they thought they had to say we can do they they grabbed on the guy again and pressed the button and they just hope they didn't have another customer they ran up the stairs afterwards and she was okay she was a bit shocked but you know when it can happen it does happen

▶ Watch Ajahn Brahm tell it from 3:27 (to 5:49)

A reflection (in the spirit of Ajahn Brahm's talk)

Funeral directors carried a corpse upright in a tiny lift; it stopped halfway, a neighbour saw him, and down she went in a faint. Cup of tea, all fine. Ajahn Brahm meant to retire rich by the beach at 65; instead he has no money and still does nothing all day. Plans go wrong. Laugh, and enjoy the real thing.

In brief (our summary)

Funeral directors collecting a body from a top-floor old apartment find the gurney will not fit the stairs or elevator, so they hold the corpse upright between them. Murphy's Law: the lift stops halfway; an old neighbour sees the 'dead' man standing between two men in black; they lose hold and he falls toward her; she faints; tea revives her.

Teaching point

Real life going wrong is funnier — and more human — than anything planned.

When this story may help

Themes

Source & credit

Told by Ajahn Brahm in Life Is A Series Of Unexpected Events | Ajahn Brahm | 3 March 2017 · 2017-03-03 · ▶ watch from 3:27 to 5:49 · Buddhist Society of Western Australia

2 other tellings of this story

Caption notes: YouTube auto-captions: unpunctuated, words left exactly as captioned.

The narrative is Ajahn Brahm's own telling, quoted from the talk captions. The summary and reflection are Being Mindful Stories's editorial notes. Please credit the teacher and link the original talk. Markdown version

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  • The man who attended his own funeral

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  • Ghost stories on the walk to the grave

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  • Health food kept me out of heaven

    In brief: First funeral joke: couple die close together; angel shows eternal reward — mansion, TV where your team always wins, Chanel flush,…

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    Have you ever noticed that people who have been together for years and when they get old together, they been living in the same house, married, doing everything together for such a long time. When one of them died, the other one died about 3 or 4 days later. So they died almost the same time. So they had a funeral just one after the other very quickly. And after they died, they appeared in this other realm, they were met by an angel. And the angel came up to them and said, "Because of your good karma, I've come to show you your eternal reward." Please don't get philosophical about this. And your eternal reward is showed in this beautiful mansion on the cliffs like a3 or 4 million cost mansion. He said, "This is your dwelling for the rest of eternity. If you wish to change it, just let me know. We can change it for you, but this is yours." And the man said immediately, "This is a very wealthy mansion. Someone like me cannot afford the council rates. You know, if you got a big house, it costs a lot just to give money to the council to do nothing." And so the angel said, "Sir, up in heaven we don't have councils. They don't even get up here." So he said, "This is all for free." And he took them inside the mansion. And the mansion was so amazingly designed, state-of-the-art architecture and straight state-of-the-art internal design. You took them into the lounges and had chandeliers everywhere made of gold and diamonds. They took them into the recreation or relaxation room and there was this huge TV screen. It was so big. It was actually almost like bigger than a a cricket pitch. And he said, "Because this is heaven, I don't know what sport you like. Say it's like soccer or say it's like AFL. Whichever your team is, you will find they'll always be losing until the last minute and then they'll have a great recovery and by the final whistle they'll kick the winning goal. You always win. It's heaven. And you've done good karma. Make sure whatever you see your team always wins. And then he took them into the washroom. Even the washroom was just ridiculously expensive. Had a golden toilet seat. Very hard to sit on but very expensive. [laughter] So don't encourage me. And then you see that button you actually press for the toilet for to flush it. That is a solid 30 karat diamond. So press it. And when he pressed it, water never came out. Chanel number five came out. Now this is a Buddhist society. I'm telling this story. Imagine doing this at a funeral parlor. Sorry. And he said, "Now I'm going to take it down." And straight away the fellow said, "Look, this is such expensive stuff here. I won't be able to afford the insurance." What you talking about insurance up in heaven? We don't allow a burglars or thieves. This is all for free. Okay. And if anyone does come in and borrows one of your gold toilets, we can always get you a a platinum one or whatever you want and then took them down to the garage. And in the garage, a triple garage, there were three vehicles in there. The first vehicle was a a stretch limmer. Really a big stretch limmer. so big it had a tennis court in the back inside. And the second vehicle was one of these allterrain vehicles. Can go anywhere. You don't need roads with one of these vehicles. Said it is so powerful it can even go up waterfalls. Not down waterfalls, up. And the last vehicle was a Lamborghini special edition revved up super fast with a sunroof. He said, "We always knew you like fast cars." And this man said, "What's the point of a fast car these days? Too many policemen and speed cameras." And the angel rolled his eyes one last time and said, "Listen, sir, you don't need sort of policeman up in heaven." Number one, you know, you're already dead. It doesn't matter if you crash. and he opened the door, opened the the shutter for the uh [clears throat] the um the garage and on the opposite side of the road was this immaculate 18hole golf course. And the angel said that this golf course was designed by Tiger Woods himself. apparently when he had a bus stop with his first wife, he crashed the car and had an out of body experience and that's when we caught him and we made sure we designed the golf course before he came back [laughter] came back to life again. So, it's designed by Tiger Woods. And the fellow said, "Oh yeah, it must be a beautiful golf course, but I won't be able to afford the annual premium. You got to pay to join golf clubs." But the angel also said, "It's a special golf course." So whenever you get the ball on the green, whichever way you putt it, it always curls around and goes into the hole every time. It's a heavenly golf course. And so straight away he said, "It's all very good, but I don't think I can afford it." Say, "It's for free. You're not a life member. You're a death member." [laughter] And then as soon as the angel left, the man got very angry at his wife. Really angry. Started cursing at her and shouting at her. and the poor wife. Why are you so angry at me? You got this beautiful house, a great mansion with wonderful views over the ocean. You got the beautiful TV screen. Your team will always win. I know how hopeless they are, but up in heaven, they always win. And you got the Lamborghini car. You can go as fast as you like. And then even if you crash, you're still alive or you're still dead anyway. It doesn't make any difference. and he got the golf course. Why are you so angry? This was actually the story I told. The first joke I told at a funeral service. And they the funeral directors were really going white. What the family going to say about me? And then I'd said just the reason why the guy got angry. He said, "Because wife, because if it wasn't for all that health food you made me eat over the last 3 years, I could have been up here a long time ago

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