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• A terrible retreat — he only got the first jhāna

  In brief: A retreatant complains his retreat is terrible because he can only reach the first jhāna, not the second. Ajahn Brahm: one jhāna is more…

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  this guy who came up to me once and said he's having a terrible retreat. He can only get into the first genre. He can't get into the second. This is crazy stuff. If you know what the jas are, there's deep meditation. You're blissing out. Just one janna is more than good enough

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• Anicca, Dukkha and Anatta walk into a pub

  In brief: Anicca, Dukkha and Anatta walk into a pub. Dukkha says the bar sucks; Anicca says don't worry, it will change; Anatta asks who said that.

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  And to lighten things up a bit There is the Anicca, Dukkha Anatta joke Anicca, Dukkha, Anatta walk into a pub All jokes starts with people walking into a bar So Anicca, Dukkha Anatta walks into a pub Dukkha says; as soon as he gets into the pub This bar sucks Anicca says don't worry it will change And Antta said Who said that? who said that? Anicca, Dukkha Anatta Joke Anicca, Dukkha Anatta walking into a bar Dukkha said it sucks Anicca said doesn't matter it wont last And Antta said who said that? I think that's quite good Anicca is impermanence Dukkha is suffering So Dukkha sees suffering, so Dukkha walks into the pub and said this bar sucks, it is a terrible bar it is a horrible pub So that's dukkha, that's what he was saying And Anicca says Everything passes, don't worry it will change And Anatta, non self says Who said that OK I thought that was funny Anyway Anyway I am weird I expect that

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• The fifth child wished to need no more wishes

  In brief: Five children play the wishing game. First wants a Big Mac; second a McDonald's restaurant; third a billion euros; fourth three wishes…

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  five children playing the wishing game it's a great story a wishing game goes like this every child has to think of a wish and the child who comes up with the best wish wins the wishing game so the first child a young boy was thinking and said yep if I had a wish I would wish for a Big Mac with double fries an ice cream afterwards and a coke cuz my mother never allows me she's a Buddhist she comes to the temple vegetarian she never allows me to go and have a Big Mac so that was his wish fair enough and asked the second girl what was your wish and the girl was thinkinking and she'd heard what the boy said had a bit more time bit smarter than the boy and said if I had a wish I would wish for a McDonald's restaurant when I've got a restaurant I can have many burgers whenever I want and fries and everything else cuz I own the joint so that would be my wish for McDonald's restaurant and obviously a much better wish so the third child a boy had again longer to think and he thought he was a very smart guy he said if I had a wish let's put away in this just restaurants let's go big time if I had a wish I would wish for $1 billion us I think it's going up again now was it which is worth more actually which is is euros worth more now okay 1 billion euros cuz with 1 billion EUR I can buy my own McDonald's restaurant that' be first of all there be plenty of money left the next thing I would buy said the boy was my own video game store cuz I love playing video games I can get whatever video game I want but thirdly my mother is always stopping me playing video games saying I should do my homework so the third thing I will buy is my own school cuz when I own a school I can always give myself top marks I employ the teachers and at the end of you know my school career I spent all time playing video games and no homework cuz I own the school when I graduate from the own my own school I sell the school and buy my own University you got lots of universities in the United States where you know they can give you degrees for anything so I buy my own University and at the end of two or 3 years give myself a first class honors degree or whatever and I can spend all my time doing video games and he said with $1 billion when I grow up I still have billion euros sorry I'll still have many many millions left to do whatever else I want whenever I wanted cuz $1 billion you just cannot spend in a whole lifetime and so the third child was a child with a $1 billion wish beat that saying $2 billion or 3 billion is it's not beating at all it's the same it means like as much money as you can ever spend so the fourth child the girl had to think very deeply how can I do better than the billion Euro wish she was really clever said I can beat that she said if I had a wish I would wish for three wishes that's a wish for my first wish I'd have the madonald restaurant my second wish I'd have the billion billion EUR and for my third wish I'll have three more wishes that way I can go on forever be that so the fourth child was a child with the Infinity of wishes can you do better than that the fifth child won the wishing game very clearly he managed to think of a wish which was clearly Superior than having an Infinity of wishes granted whenever you wanted a wish it was granted for you that fifth child said if I had a wish I wish I was so content I never needed any more wishes ever again

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• I think I'm enlightened — I don't feel myself

  In brief: Monk wakes claiming enlightenment because he 'didn't feel himself' — Fennel Chan / anattā punchline.

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  this monk who woke up one morning and he told his fellow monk he said I think I'm enlightened. Said how do you know whether when I woke up in this morning I didn't feel myself. Okay I thought that was funny. But I blame Fennel Chan. I don't feel myself. No self. No self

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