Being Mindful Stories

Story · Ajahn Brahm

The polka-dot bow tie

As told by Ajahn Brahm in Expectations Cause Suffering | Ajahn Brahm | 24 June 2022

2 min read

Content note: paranormal claim (apparition), second-hand; private people, unnamed

The story — as told by Ajahn Brahm (verbatim captions)

one of the gentlemen um here he had a friend in Calgi who was a builder. The builder got cancer and the friend invited the builder to come to Bodin Island Monastery for some counseling about dying. And of course eventually the builder died. Even when he visited me, he visited me the best clothes he possibly could have which was always like thongs and shorts and a singlet. That's all the clothes he would wear. And then uh when he died it was a closed coffin. Of course I never went there. It was done in Kgori, but my friend who lived over here did and then a few days later friend was woken up in the middle of the night. Somebody had poked him. He thought of his thought it was his wife and he told his wife off and realized his wife was fast asleep. It wasn't her and he saw it was his friend who died. But what really surprised him, this builder was wearing a polka dot bow tie and a nice suit. He said, "This is weird." Cuz I'd never seen in my life him wear this s sort of clothing. And then he woke his wife up to say this is uh this guy has come to see us. And of course after he know lost that one or two moments of contact then she couldn't find him anymore. When he come and told me that story, I said, "Uh, did you see him in his coffin?" He said, "No, it was a closed coffin." And I said, "As soon as you can, please call his wife in Calguri." You know, he was living in Perth and ask, you know, um, what was No, just ask ordinary questions and then just ask in passing what was he wearing in his coffin? And that's when his wife admitted said, "Oh, you know, I bought him this suit years ago. He never wore it cuz he just like ordinary Australian garb." And so I dressed him in a nice shirt, a polka dot bow tie, and this um uh this suit cuz he would never wear it usually. Niku was dead. He couldn't complain. And that's exactly how he saw him in the in this vision.

▶ Watch Ajahn Brahm tell it from 56:38 (to 59:07)

A reflection (in the spirit of Ajahn Brahm's talk)

A builder who only ever wore shorts and a singlet appeared to a friend after his funeral in a suit and polka-dot bow tie, exactly what his widow had secretly buried him in. Ajahn Brahm tells it calmly, as nothing frightening. Whatever you believe, it offers comfort: death may be gentler and stranger than we fear.

In brief (our summary)

A Kalgoorlie builder dying of cancer comes to the monastery for counselling about death, dressed as always in thongs, shorts and a singlet. After his closed-coffin funeral, his Perth friend is poked awake at night and sees the dead builder — in a nice suit and a polka-dot bow tie, which he'd never worn. Ajahn Brahm asks the friend to ring the widow and casually ask what he was buried in. She admits: a suit she'd bought him years ago that he never wore, a nice shirt and a polka-dot bow tie — 'he was dead, he couldn't complain'.

Teaching point

He offers it as an example of the 'mind-made body' consciousness creates after death.

When this story may help

Themes

Source & credit

Told by Ajahn Brahm in Expectations Cause Suffering | Ajahn Brahm | 24 June 2022 · 2022-06-24 · ▶ watch from 56:38 to 59:07 · Buddhist Society of Western Australia

3 other tellings of this story

Caption notes: YouTube auto-captions (machine-punctuated); words left exactly as captioned. 'Calgi'/'Kgori'/'Calguri' = Kalgoorlie; 'Bodin Island Monastery' = Bodhinyana Monastery; 'Niku was dead' = he was dead (garbled).

The narrative is Ajahn Brahm's own telling, quoted from the talk captions. The summary and reflection are Being Mindful Stories's editorial notes. Please credit the teacher and link the original talk. Markdown version

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