Being Mindful Stories

Story · Ajahn Brahm

The half sheet of paper

As told by Ajahn Brahm in On the Other Side of Anger | by Ajahn Brahm | 31-05-2013

2 min read

Content note: source not given ("a story which I read"); unverified

The story — as told by Ajahn Brahm (verbatim captions)

This was a story which I read of a funeral service, where the widow of this old man who had died, when she was giving the eulogy. They try to say a few words about the person who has died and some of the important things which happened to them in their life. And during the eulogy the widow, she held up half a sheet of paper. And she said: "My husband got this sheet of paper, when he was at grade school, before I even met him. And this peace of paper he kept in his wallet all his life and it saved him from getting angry so many times. And he told me the story of it. He said that, when he was in grade school, there was a big argument with two fractions of boys. And when it got so bad in the classroom there's about to be you know a fight. And the teacher ordered them, sit down! And get out your exercise books. In those days the discipline was strong enough, they would actually follow what the teacher said. Maybe these days, you known, been charging your luck. But anyway, they had to sit down, they were really angry, the fight would probably be delayed until after the recess, but they had to get out their exercise books. And the teacher said tear out one sheet from your books. Get out a ruler and draw a vertical line down the middle. On the top of the paper put down the name of the boy in this class you hate the most. And they all did that very easily now on the left-hand side of that line write down the reason why you're so angry at them. And they did that. Now, said the teacher, on the other side of the line, on the right-hand side, write down something you respect about that person. Things you admire about them. That was a very difficult thing for them to do. It took them a long time but they had to complete that. Now said the teacher, fold that peace of paper in half along that line. Tear it down that line very carefully. I'm now gone come around with a trash can. The left-hand sides put in the trash can. The right-hand sides, with the reasons you admire that boy, who's your biggest enemy, go and hand it to them. And the widow said: This is the peace of paper, my husband got from the boy who is his biggest enemy in that class. The one, who hated him the most. Who's so angry at him. Saying all the things he admired in my husband. And he kept that with him all his life, to stop him getting angry.

▶ Watch Ajahn Brahm tell it from 35:54 (to 39:12)

A reflection (in the spirit of Ajahn Brahm's talk)

A widow held up the half-sheet her husband had carried since school, his worst enemy's list of what he admired about him. It kept him from anger all his life. When you're angry you only read the left-hand column. Deliberately write the right-hand one too: what's good in the person you're furious with.

In brief (our summary)

At an old man's funeral his widow holds up half a sheet of paper he kept in his wallet all his life. In grade school, as two factions of boys were about to fight, the teacher made each boy write the name of the boy he hated most, list on the left why he was angry at him and on the right something he respected about him. They tore the sheets in half, binned the left halves and handed the right halves to their enemies. This was the half her husband received from his worst enemy — and it kept him from anger all his life.

Teaching point

When angry we see only half the sheet; look for the other person's good side and anger can't stand.

When this story may help

  • enmity
  • school conflict
  • resentment
  • grief

Themes

Source & credit

Told by Ajahn Brahm in On the Other Side of Anger | by Ajahn Brahm | 31-05-2013 · 2013-06-01 · ▶ watch from 35:54 to 39:12 · Buddhist Society of Western Australia

1 other telling of this story

Caption notes: Manual (volunteer) captions; occasional misspellings kept as is. 'peace of paper' = piece of paper; 'fractions of boys' = factions (not changed).

The narrative is Ajahn Brahm's own telling, quoted from the talk captions. The summary and reflection are Being Mindful Stories's editorial notes. Please credit the teacher and link the original talk. Markdown version

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