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Story · Ajahn Brahm

“You must be the father-in-law!”

As told by Ajahn Brahm in Letting Go of Fear | Ajahn Brahm | 22-05-2009

1 min read

The story — as told by Ajahn Brahm (verbatim captions)

An important occasion like that marriage I did once. It was a Thai girl. She was very, very sweet and very young, maybe 19 or 20. And I had heard she was marrying an Australian guy. So when they came in here for their wedding, I saw this young Thai girl coming in with this elderly Australian man. And I said to this Australian man, "Oh, you must be the father-in-law!" "No, I'm the groom!", he said. That wedding didn't go down very well.

▶ Watch Ajahn Brahm tell it from 47:27 (to 48:18)

A reflection (in the spirit of Ajahn Brahm's talk)

Greeting the groom as the bride's father is the kind of blunder most of us would bury forever. Ajahn Brahm tells it from the teaching seat instead. Every time you share your own clangers and laugh, you become a little less afraid of the next one. Your reputation can survive you being human; it may even improve.

In brief (our summary)

At a wedding of a young Thai bride and an Australian man, Ajahn Brahm greets the elderly Australian as the father-in-law — he is the groom.

Teaching point

Tell people your blunders and laugh; then you are not afraid of making them.

When this story may help

Themes

Source & credit

Told by Ajahn Brahm in Letting Go of Fear | Ajahn Brahm | 22-05-2009 · 2009-06-12 · ▶ watch from 47:27 to 48:18 · Buddhist Society of Western Australia

2 other tellings of this story

The narrative is Ajahn Brahm's own telling, quoted from the talk captions. The summary and reflection are Being Mindful Stories's editorial notes. Please credit the teacher and link the original talk. Markdown version

  • The toilet frame with no hole

    In brief: For Western visitors, the monastery made a sitting frame to place over squat toilets. An 18-year-old English visitor sits on a frame…

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    I remember there was this one girl, this one girl came from England. She was like 18 or 19 years of age, came to visit our monastery. And you know the squat toilets we have in Asia where you squat down on them? So some people have a hard time squatting down on the toilets. You know, they fall over and that's not such a good thing when you want to go. So instead of actually down, we built, especially, out of compassion for all these visitors from places like England and Australia, we built like a frame so you can put it over the squat toilet and actually sit on it. You know, because most people use the squat toilet, so we just put this frame just to the side. And that's the toilet which this girl used. It just had no hole in the bottom. No water. It was only a frame. But she sat on it and did her business and it went all on the floor. [laughter]. Exactly! That's what you did. That's what Ajahn Chah did. That's what I did. I thought it was terribly funny. "Oh thank you for doing that. You gave me another story!

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  • “But I'm alive — it was my husband who died!”

    In brief: At a funeral Ajahn Brahm eulogises the wrong parent; the very-much-alive mother stands up at the back to correct him.

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    I was telling the funeral director about one of the funerals I did once for a couple who comes here. One of their parents died. I'm doing the funeral service and saying, "Oh, it's such a shame that your mother passed away, she was such a good Buddhist, and she'd done so much." Then this old lady stood up at the back and said, "It's not me, it's my husband. I'm alive! It's he who's dead."

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  • “This must be your dad”

    In brief: At a wedding blessing Ajahn Brahm assumes the older man beside the young man is his father — and is corrected, to the older man's…

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    Last Sunday I was doing a marriage service for one of the people who comes here regularly, and she's married to a nice young boy. You always have to get married to a boy, I suppose, if you're a girl. [laughter] Ajahn: I don't know why I said that, but anyway she was getting married... [laughter] Ajahn: ...and after the service, doing the blessing service, and I said to him... That's right, this elderly man came to stand next to him, and I said, "Oh, is that your father?" And the old man said, "No, I'm the best man." [laughter] Ajahn: He was not very happy at me.

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  • They lost the plot (Guildford Cemetery)

    In brief: After the joke about funeral directors who 'lost the plot', Ajahn Brahm recalls it really happening at Guildford Cemetery: walking ahead…

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    I know you don't heard the joke about you know the funeral Directors, you know who couldn't find the gravesite They lost the plot For that actually happened to me once I think in Guildford Cemetery and As we're doing the procession from the gates and when they were going and just now we're going in the front end and the hearse was following myself and the funeral director and the northern mourners behind and they Were going and I said, no. This is a long way. He said you know. I don't know where it is And we looked over there maybe about 300 meters away and that people were waving at us there's over here

    Open story page·Watch this telling

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