Analogy · Ajahn Brahm
Why he felt no grief: his father's death and the great concert
The story — as told by Ajahn Brahm (verbatim captions)
When my father died, you've heard of this before, this is a beautiful story. When my father died at 16, I never cried, never cried since and I've loved my father very much. I've told many stories about him. The reason I never cried, really, I couldn't understand. I was only 16 years of age. Later on, I contemplated my emotions. Because alone, you've got more time to spend, you know, to contemplate how you feel, what the emotion is, why it is, where it comes from. That's what meditation does, it really gets you very aware of your emotional world and so when I found out what I felt, I realized the emotion I felt of my father's death, funeral and afterwards, was exactly the same as another emot
▶ Watch Ajahn Brahm tell it from 21:49 (to 22:34)
A reflection (in the spirit of Ajahn Brahm's talk)
Ajahn Brahm loved his father, who died when he was sixteen, and puzzled for years over why he felt no grief. In meditation he recognised the feeling: it was how he felt leaving a great rock concert. Never sad it ended, just lucky to have been there. Meet endings with gratitude. Thank you for being with me so long.
In brief (our summary)
Ajahn Brahm's father, whom he loved very much, died when he was 16, and he couldn't understand why he felt no grief. Years later as a monk he reflected on it and saw the feeling was just like the end of a great concert — Led Zeppelin, Rod Stewart, early Deep Purple. He never cried after a concert; he felt how lucky he was to have been there. He hadn't lost anything; he had gained all those years with his father.
Teaching point
Endings can be met with gratitude rather than grief: 'Thank you for being with me for such a long time.'
When this story may help
- bereavement
- loss of a parent
- end of a relationship
Themes
- grief
- gratitude
- impermanence
- death of a parent
Source & credit
Told by Ajahn Brahm in Unresolved Issues | Ajahn Brahm | 04-04-2014 · 2014-04-08 · ▶ watch from 21:49 to 22:34 · Buddhist Society of Western Australia
12 other tellings of this story
- The Nature of Suffering | Ajahn Brahm | 10 February 2023 · 2023-02-10 · ▶ watch from 11:11 to 15:30 · Buddhist Society of Western Australia
- The Dangers of Fear | Ajahn Brahm | 4 November 2022 · 2022-11-04 · ▶ watch from 52:40 to 53:51 · Buddhist Society of Western Australia2022 Q&A telling, for a Malaysian questioner grieving her mother: 'it wasn't a loss... It was a gain'; the band plays more but you never cry at the end of a great concert; he felt like standing and clapping at the funeral.
- Detachment | Ajahn Brahm | 18th March 2022 · 2022-03-18 · ▶ watch from 1:00:03 to 1:01:14 · Buddhist Society of Western AustraliaMar 2022 telling: encore = clinging; Steve/Jenny nested; 16 years with father celebrated like a great concert.
- Ownership and Anger| Ajahn Brahm | 14 February 2020 · 2020-02-14 · ▶ watch from 28:46 to 37:53 · Buddhist Society of Western AustraliaFeb 2020 telling: full concert simile including Marquee Club underage membership and nested Rod Stewart six-person pub gig; drizzle; gratitude not grief; ownership of people as the root of angry grief.
- Meaning of Life | Ajahn Brahm | 21 February 2020 · 2020-02-21 · ▶ watch from 14:57 to 17:13 · Buddhist Society of Western AustraliaFeb 2020 telling: London 60s concerts / Eric Clapton / Hendrix nested; ending of father as ending of a great performance — applause, not grief.
- Death and Grief | Ajahn Brahm | 30 November 2018 · 2018-11-30 · ▶ watch from 1:22:19 to 1:23:37 · Buddhist Society of Western AustraliaNov 2018 telling: father's peaceful home death framed like the end of a great concert — Marquee / Led Zeppelin / Hendrix memories nested.
- Hard Questions To A Soft Teacher (1/2) | Ajahn Brahm & Venerable Canda | 27-06-2020 · 2020-06-28 · ▶ watch from 1:21:19 to 1:22:01 · Buddhist Society of Western AustraliaHard-questions telling: Led Zeppelin Marquee / hair-cut monk gag nested in death-as-concert framing with Ven. Canda.
- Is religion no better than Prozac? | Ajahn Brahm | 06-06-2014 · 2014-06-08 · ▶ watch from 23:45 to 25:34 · Buddhist Society of Western AustraliaJun 2014 telling: Led Zeppelin Marquee Club debut + private Rod Stewart gig for six; never cried at a concert's end — so at funerals.
- Two Bad Bricks | Ajahn Brahm | 30 December 2022 · 2022-12-30 · ▶ watch from 1:09:43 to 1:12:03 · Buddhist Society of Western AustraliaDec 2022: nested in Claremont-grief arc; Stones/Zeppelin/Deep Purple/Rod Stewart asides; no cry when concert ends.
- Importance of Being Able to Ask Questions | Ajahn Brahm | 11 January 2019 · 2019-01-11 · ▶ watch from 1:01:20 to 1:02:40 · Buddhist Society of Western AustraliaJan 2019: father love / 16 years — never lost him.
- Guided Meditation | Ajahn Brahm | 12 June 2021 · 2021-06-12 · ▶ watch from 1:16:45 to 1:18:08 · Buddhist Society of Western AustraliaJun 2021: never cried — later recognised gratitude; end-of-concert applause.
- Ajahn Brahm's Personal Experience of Grief | Ajahn Brahm | 22 May 2026 · 2026-05-23 · ▶ watch from 9:10 to 9:53 · Buddhist Society of Western AustraliaGrief talk: funeral simile — life as concert; young Brahm saw Rod Stewart with six people.
Caption notes: Manual (volunteer) captions; occasional misspellings kept as is.
The narrative is Ajahn Brahm's own telling, quoted from the talk captions. The summary and reflection are Being Mindful Stories's editorial notes. Please credit the teacher and link the original talk. Markdown version