'Nothing wrong with being crazy'

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• The ghost at the toilet door

  In brief: After a funeral, a terrified 11-year-old novice stays in the hall all night; at 2 a.m. he dashes to the outdoor toilet, hears scratching…

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  I remember this story - this poor little novice staying in our monastery in Thailand. Because it was a cremation monastery that day was the moon day when we would meditate all night...that poor little novice, we did a funeral that day, and were supposed to meditate all night... in the hall. Now usually, little novices, they are only about 11-12 years of age, there is no way they would stay up all night, they would sneak off in the middle of their night back to their house. We knew they did this, it was breaking the rules, but they were only small little monks, so we didn't mind. And we've go to be kind.. Not this day. This night, that little novice, he would not leave the hall. [Laughter]. Because he was just so afraid of the ghost. See even the [Laughter]. Those dogs must have been reborn in Thailand. Last night. [Laughter]. Great special effects. Now these, here they go again. [Laughter]. Shut up, dogs! [Laughter]. There, they're going now. Now these ghosts, or rather this little novice, the poor little novice, stuck in that hall, you know 10 o'clock, 11 o'clock, 12 o'clock, too scared to go out. When it got to about 2 o'clock in the morning he just couldn't hold his urine any longer. He had to go to the toilet. And the trouble is the toilet was about 20 meters outside the hall. [Some laughter]. In the darkness. So this poor little, you can imagine what he felt like, he had the pain in his bladder against the fear of that ghost getting him. So he made a run for it - desperation. He ran and he got to the toilet, locked the door. He'd only been in that toilet for about a few minutes when he heard the steps. [Laughter]. And it came right to the toilet cubicle he was in and started scratching. Can you get a scratch..? [Scratches tissue box]. I tried to get some special effects.. for the tape [Laughter]. A scratch at the door..and this poor little novice didn't come out of that toilet cubicle for about 3 hours. [Laughter]. And when he came out he was telling us - the ghost came to get him! The ghost! And he heard it, he heard it scratching. Another monk saw that ghost.. You know what it was? It was a civet cat. Like a possum. Those of you who've been to Asia know they've got squat toilets. The toilets are actually on the floor, and that little possum, civet cat, every evening he would go into that toilet cubicle to get some water to drink from the toilet bowl. That was his drinking place. And so that evening all that happened was this little possum walked to that toilet and was scratching the door - "please let me in, I'm thirsty". [Laughter]. But that little novice [laughs], he was a ghost coming to get me! And you can actually see how because of wrong thinking, and because there was a funeral that day, thinking all day, thinking all evening, and what was just a little jungle cat, just coming for a drink, he thought it was a ghost and he was in that toilet for about 3 or 4 hours - poor little novice.

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• The patient who took off her oxygen mask

  In brief: A doctor tells Ajahn Brahm about a patient with severe anxiety who was on an oxygen mask after every treatment had been tried — except…

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  Just like there was one doctor who came to see me on a Friday because she had a patient on a Thursday who had um really severe anxiety and she was uh this person with anxiety was on a on a um uh oxygen mask because you know just to breathe and this oh I didn't actually say about the Ronnie story but anyway the grumpy story but anyway she was on an oxy oxygen mask and every type of treatment had been um dried and so except for a brah's treatment. So she said anyway, so what the treatment was was when you're anxious, when you have a panic attack, understand it, feel it first of all. Where is it? And for her, it was on her chest and really get to know it. Don't fight it. Don't try and get rid of it. Get to know it. And once you get to that, that's actually it's a not the best title for a book, but you know, the Chinese art of war, know the enemy, know yourself. Thousand battles fought, thousand battles won. Just know the sickness, know the problem, know what's going on. Once you get to know it, then we taught her to be kind to it by giving a nice massage on the chest. Nice massage on the chest. to be kind, not to try and get rid of things, but to get to know it and be kind to it, make peace with it, be kind to that physical manifestation of anxiety. And she told me afterwards, the next day when she went to check on the ward, that patient had an oxygen mask off and said, "I'm okay now. Can I go home?"

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• “Whatever those monks are on, I want some”

  In brief: A past president of the Buddhist Society, Rachel Green, first came only to learn meditation for panic attacks and anxiety. Seeing the…

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  There's - one of our past presidents, she is not here this evening, so she was here about two or three weeks ago, that's Rachel Green. She won't mind me telling her name, because she wrote a little book about, her spiritual story. And the part which I like, well, I got to be honest, it was about me. And it's actually really about how she became a Buddhist. She was suffering from panic disorders and anxiety attacks. Like many of you know, if you actually come and do some meditation, it really helps overcome anxiety disorders and panic attacks. Meditation is a beautiful method of overcoming that. And many people know that, many people actually are sent by their GPs to places like this to learn meditation, so they can overcome their anxiety disorders and panic attacks - and it works very well. But anyway, she came along, just to learn some meditation to overcome her anxiety disorders, and then she saw these monks, and this is the Armadale group, always seem to be peaceful and happy. She wrote in her book, that when she first saw these guys, she thought they're just acting. Just a face you put on in public, and behind the scenes, you know you're just like anybody else - you know, grumpy, arrogant, selfish. So actually, she decided to try and visit our monasteries, and "check us out", to see whether this was real, or whether we're just faking it. And of course, now I really try hard to make everybody open, so you can come and see as many times, see us y'know, when we're off-guard, not in public, and hopefully, I think you'll probably see that as you see us now, is actually as we are at all times. When she saw that, she realized, "I don't know what those monks are on, but whatever they're on, I want some of it."

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• The tiger that was a mouse

  In brief: Meditating alone at night deep in the Thai jungle, Ajahn Brahm hears rustling. As a Cambridge-trained scientist he assesses it: a small…

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  so I was meditating in the jungle really dark no lights had a sort of flashlight but it was you know had to conserve the power and there was no mobile phones no one took court if there was any danger there deep in the jungle alone meditating now the jungle can be really peaceful at first especially you know when they see Carters you know start to die down after Sunset you'll be very peaceful and very cool you know Tyler is a very hot country but in the forest the shade of the trees maybe it's just the oxygen which they give up gives a beautiful atmosphere it's really cool and very peaceful and so secluded hardly any disturbances at all so I was getting into some really nice deep meditation until I heard a sound there's always something in the jungle crawling around and so I was mindful as you know I've been practicing this for years I was very mindful I didn't need to open my eyes if I did I couldn't say anything it was pitched dark I just listened and and assessed I was brought up as a scientist in Cambridge University so I did some like assessment gather some data and use some reason and by the sound of this animal it was only just you know not really crushing leaves it was just a little bit of rustling in the leaves so I assessed it and said oh it's only maybe a small little animal just you know walking through the jungle nothing to be afraid of so then I started meditating again but then after another couple of minutes I realized it was coming much closer and as it was closer I could hear it more clearly and I realized no no it's not a small animal it's a medium-sized one you could tell by the way it was actually crashing the leaves and breaking the Twigs but still nothing to be really afraid of and then when it got really close wow that's not a medium-sized one that's a big one because the way it was making a noise it must be something really heavy to actually to break not tweaks but like almost like small branches and crushing the leaves on the forest floor because you can't walk in the forest without any noise there's too much undergrowth and too much leaves litter on the ground this was a big animal that was dangerous and I got really scared and I picked up my flashlight and you know the waste of time for that really was a tiger that just tell you the tiger where you were but that's how stupid you are you pick up your flashlight and you look for it where's the big tiger and then I saw it I saw it just not that far in front of me this tiny Mouse about this big that's what it was and that tiny Mouse had been making us more noise but it was my fear with an exaggerated that sound into thinking it really was a tiger

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