Hägar: 'Why me?' — 'Why not!'

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• The two arrows

  In brief: The Buddha's simile: when you suffer, it is as if two arrows strike you — the physical arrow and the mental arrow. The physical arrow…

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  that was a great simile of the two arrows. He said that it's like, when you're suffering, when you're in pain, when there is a difficulty in your life, There is like two arrows inside in you. The physical arrow and the mental arrow. He said that the physical arrow, you can't do much about. Disappointments happen in life, sicknesses happen, It doesn't matter just how much brown rice and veggies and exercise you do, you get sick. As for me, some of food I eat; is all types of rubbishy food. Now every morning, one thing I really like in my tea is sweetened condensed milk. Or if not that, the long-life milk. That's why I'm healthy because it's says "long-life" milk! That's the secret of living a long age you drink a lot of long-life milk. It says on the package, "long-life" milk. (Laughter) But sickness would come to me, I'm not gonna avoid it forever, you know, we all get sick from time to time. So, when you get sick, that's the physical arrow. When you lose your job, that's the physical arrow. When something happens to you, people criticise you, that's the physical arrow. He said "We're gonna accept that. That's the part of life." Each one of us will meet that from time to time. Number one. Look, it's not your fault. It doesn't matter what you do, you're gonna get sick, you're gonna lose your job, you're gonna have arguments in your relationships, some of you gonna get divorced, some of your kids are gonna just, you know, call you all sorts of terrible names. That's life. It happens. But the mental arrow is just what we add to that with our mind.

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• Cough once, get eight bottles of medicine

  In brief: Once in Australia Ajahn Brahm coughs at the start of a talk. By the end there are eight or nine bottles in front of him — Ayurvedic,…

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  this happened once when I was in Australia I coughed in public the beginning of a talk by the end of the talk there was about eight or nine bottles of medicine in front of me and people said you must take this this is Ayurvedic it's very good this is homeopathic it's much better this is horrible you have to take this I took this this is no usual medicine you've got to take that had so many medicines and now being compassionate and watching people to you know to make merit I said yeah I'll take that I'll take that so I had to take every of those bottles of medicine and that really made me sick

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• “Your meditation can't be that good”

  In brief: At the Serpentine doctor's surgery a monk sees an advert for another meditation group and suggests the doctor's people come to theirs…

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  I think one of the monks was visiting the uh the local doctor in Serpentine. And when they were visiting that local doctor in Serpentine, they saw an advert there for a meditation group in Serpentine. Not our group, but another group. And he said, "Well, why don't you come to our meditation group?" And he said, "Well, your meditation group can't be that good because you monks are always coming into this surgery for help from the doctor.

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• God didn't recognise him

  In brief: A man who can't find a partner is told by a psychologist to get a sharp suit, a proper haircut, his teeth straightened and a personality…

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  This fellow, he could never find a partner, and he went to a psychologist, and a psychologist gave it to him straight and said, “Look at you, you know, number one, "you dress so out of fashion, you are so daggy, the way you dress.” So he said, “If you want to find a partner go to a tailor and get a really sharp suit “or something which is more fashionable. “Look at your hair, your hair is just all over the place, “and it's dirty and greasy too. Get a proper haircut.” "Now, look, teeth, the teeth are all crooked and stinky, “go to a good dentist, and just get your teeth “all straightened up and have some personal hygiene,” “and also, why not see if you could get a personality coach? “You know, to get yourself more charming.” He said, “That costs a huge amount of money,” "But it'd be worth it.” So he decided to follow the therapist’s advice, you know, it took a lot of money getting his teeth all fixed up and straightened, the personality coach to make him more positive and attractive, and, you know, a nice really expensive, you know, haircut, and really fancy clothes, and getting just really all prepared, he went out for the first time, and as he was going into a singles club to meet the love of his life he hoped, he was hit by a truck and killed. (laughter) When he went to heaven he was really upset, he said, “God why did you do that for? “You didn’t even give me a day after all that money and all that pain and stuff “getting myself all attractive.” And God said, “Well I didn't recognise you.”

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