Being Mindful Stories

Analogy · Ajahn Brahm

Coffee with a control freak

As told by Ajahn Brahm in 3 Overcoming thinking - Ajahn Brahm

3 min read

The story — as told by Ajahn Brahm (verbatim captions)

this is where I come to my little simile which I developed over a few years of the coffee shop the similar the coffee shop goes like this now those of you whove come to every Retreat you are going to hear the same story again and again and again until you understand it it when you understand it you don't need to come to a retreat anymore you become enlightened so your Penance for coming every time is to hear the same stories every time so anyway this is a coffee shop simil someone gives you a call in the afternoon and say are you free this afternoon come for a cup of coffee they say okay I'm free this afternoon and then they tell you we are going to go to Gloria Jeans not Dome not coffee beans not Starbucks we're going to go to Gloria Jeans cuz I like Gloria Jeans I know you don't like Gloria Jeans by the way that this should be sponsored by Gloria Jeans I expect a free cup of coffee the next time I go there for sponsoring Gloria Jeans coffee shops and I should get sponsorship as a monk you know because I know this is actually recorded and you do go sort of uh uh online overseas and many people actually listen to my talks how many the talks in Mar how many people actually download them is that 30 40,000 that sort number so imagine we can get sponsorship I could sort of open up my robe and underneath the robe was where's it gone Gloria Jeans we can make a lot of money for the Buddhist society that way we can finish off the Damar NS monry no worries at all aab only uses Gillette razor place the possibilities are endless but anyway so she said I want to go to Glory jeans I don't want to go to those other coffee shops cuz I don't like them and you are going to have a latte not a cappuccino cuz I know you just know like your cappuccinos but I like lates and you're going to have one too and you're not going to have one of those muffins those blueberry uh nambi pambi muffins you're going to have a Anzac bis biscuit cuz it's like anac day soon so we're going to have a biscuit and that's what you're going to wait we're not going to sit out in the front where you like sitting we're going to sit in the back we're not going to talk about your stupid Buddhism we're going to talk about politics and I like talking about politics we're going to stay there for an hour and a half because that's how much time I have not an hour not 2 hours 1 hour and a half okay now if someone invited you for a cup of coffee and they told you where you going to go what coffee you going to drink what are you going to eat what are you going to talk about where you going to sit and for how long would you want to go with them of course not you make up some excuse I just remembered oh I'm terribly sorry I've got to go to the dentist this afternoon it slipped my mind I'm terribly sorry anything to get out of going with such a control freak

▶ Watch Ajahn Brahm tell it from 28:09 (to 31:29)

A reflection (in the spirit of Ajahn Brahm's talk)

Nobody wants coffee with someone who dictates the café, the drink, the seat, the topic and the minutes; you'd invent a dentist appointment. But a friend who lets you choose, you'd stay with all afternoon. Treat your mind that way in meditation. Be its kind friend, not its boss, and it'll want to stay.

In brief (our summary)

Someone invites you for coffee then dictates Gloria Jeans not Dome, latte not cappuccino, Anzac biscuit not muffin, back seats not front, politics not Buddhism, exactly 90 minutes. You invent a dentist appointment to escape — unlike a second caller who lets you choose.

Teaching point

The mind that controls every detail of meditation is a control freak you would not meet for coffee; befriend the mind instead.

When this story may help

  • forcing meditation
  • controlling relationships

Themes

Source & credit

Told by Ajahn Brahm in 3 Overcoming thinking - Ajahn Brahm · 2014-05-10 · ▶ watch from 28:09 to 31:29 · BSWA Retreats 2011-15 & Media

Caption notes: YouTube auto-captions: unpunctuated, words left exactly as captioned. 'Glory jeans'/'nambi pambi' as captioned.

The narrative is Ajahn Brahm's own telling, quoted from the talk captions. The summary and reflection are Being Mindful Stories's editorial notes. Please credit the teacher and link the original talk. Markdown version

  • The matchbox on the head

    In brief: A malnourished young monk in steamy north-east Thailand — sticky rice with a boiled frog, under four and a half hours' sleep, up at 3 a.m.…

    Read full story

    when I became a monk who was in the jungles of Northeast Thailand I was malnourished one meal a day sticky rice I was a vegetarian I sometimes sticky rice and a frog on top that's all we had sweet yeah for a boiled frog no garlic no sauce notice abortive glutinous sticky rice with a fork on top that was all the villagers had in fact they gave us the best Fox it was disgusting but I was malnourished and in the morning we would get up but we only supposed to meditate to sleep for hours and nights I could never get below four and a half so three o'clock in the morning will be up in the hall to meditate steamy jungles I was made in England I was not used to such hot weather such sticky weather malnourished not enough sleep of course I was sleepy so I had the tricks what we tried to do first of all no use effort didn't work so then I tried a matchbox you take the cover off the matchbox you put the tray on your head because it means if you start nodding you see the matchbox fall on the ground you'd hear it only about three or four days I'd overcome my slot and talker I could put the matchbox on my head for one hour meditate in the morning it never fell off at all amazing until one of my monks took me aside and said this is why the matchbox is not falling off you're still sleepy but instead of doing this you're doing this their mind is so sneaky and tricky so after a while I started contemplating look made in England I'm not used to that climate are not enough sleep not enough our food it's natural so I decided to let go when I let go there's not much energy in my mind so you are dull but you knew you adult and little by little just like when the Sun comes up in the morning and it had evaporates all the mists that burns off the mist because I wasn't wasting energy fighting my sleepiness but just letting it be being kind to it opening the door of my heartless my energy started coming back again him my back straightened up my head lifted up naturally and I was peaceful

    Open story page·Watch this telling

  • The slingshot and the gong

    In brief: Sitting with Ajahn Chah, with no clock and his legs aching after what must have been over an hour, the young Ajahn Brahm fantasises about…

    Read full story

    when Ajahn Chah was my teacher and sometimes we would sit together, sometimes you'd be sitting there - I’m sure it's over an hour, it must have been over an hour, we didn't have a clock at the time). And then so, my legs were really hurting. So you know what I thought of doing? I told the monks this, and it's true, this is what I thought, but never had the guts to do it - to get what they call like a slingshot. And practice in the forest first, until I was a really good shot. And then, when the meditation was happening, I’d just open my eyes and I'd sling and hit the bell - ‘GONG’. [Laughter] ‘Oh, it's time to come out of meditation’. You know what it's like, sometimes you're having a really difficult time. And you’re just like ‘it can't be just, it must be more than half an hour, ring the gong!’ [laughter] And other times, oh you're having such a beautiful, peaceful meditation, everything is just so nice and joyful and blissed, all these great insights are coming, everything, and then - ‘GONG’ [laughter] Imagine that was the Buddha under the Bodhi tree just about to get enlightened, and I went - ‘GONG’. [laughter] Shut up.

    Open story page·Watch this telling

  • “Your meditation can't be that good”

    In brief: At the Serpentine doctor's surgery a monk sees an advert for another meditation group and suggests the doctor's people come to theirs…

    Read full story

    I think one of the monks was visiting the uh the local doctor in Serpentine. And when they were visiting that local doctor in Serpentine, they saw an advert there for a meditation group in Serpentine. Not our group, but another group. And he said, "Well, why don't you come to our meditation group?" And he said, "Well, your meditation group can't be that good because you monks are always coming into this surgery for help from the doctor.

    Open story page·Watch this telling

  • Two hours on Bunbury beach

    In brief: With a free afternoon before teaching at Bunbury prison, Ajahn Brahm meditates for two hours, eyes closed, on a deserted stretch of beach.…

    Read full story

    there was one time when I did go to sit quietly on a beach and that was a time when I sat on Bumbbury Beach. I had a free afternoon before going to the prison to teach. And when I was sitting on that beach, it was an abandoned part of the beach. There's no one there at all. Just me and the waves. And I sat there. It's peaceful. So I sat there for two hours, eyes closed, going nice and deeply inside. And when I opened my eyes, what I saw shocked me. It was only two hours. I opened my eyes and I saw on my left was a 17-year-old young woman in a bikini, a blonde, young, pretty. She was just sitting right next to me on one side. On the other side, there was a brunette also in a bikini. 17year-old sitting on this side. Honestly, you can't make these situations up. And I thought, what happened? And how did I know it was 17year-old? Because they told me that they had just finished the last exam at school, the year 12s. And that's usually 17 year olds take those. The last exams, the school was just opposite side of the road. But when I went and sat there, they was just still doing their exams. So, it was nice and quiet. And then afterwards, they came out in their bthers. The guys were there as well. And they were just enjoying last exam is over. Let's go to the beach and just enjoy ourselves. And they saw this monk sitting there perfectly, perfectly still. I wasn't doing anything. Just sitting quietly by myself. But that inspired them. That's why this young lady on one side and young lady on the other side and they just waiting. They said they'd be waiting for about half an hour or so for me to come out of meditation so they could ask their questions. And they were really impressed that I could actually sit there quietly with these two young uh I better not say was it No. Okay, I won't say that. What does that word spell? Yeah, bimbo. Oh my goodness, I'm going to get in trouble. See the next. But anyway, that's that's all they wanted. Just ask a few questions. So, I answered them and went away as soon as I could. I knew that because if anyone had a camera, honestly, how can you explain that? There's a there's a monk with these two beautiful young ladies in bikini on either side by the beach. I've never done that again. If I want to meditate for two hours, go somewhere else quieter.

    Open story page·Watch this telling

All stories·Find a story for your situation