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Story · Ajahn Brahm

All his questions vanished before Ajahn Tate

As told by Ajahn Brahm in Why are we here? Why are we born? | Ajahn Brahm | 09-01-2015

2 min read

Content note: unverified details

The story — as told by Ajahn Brahm (verbatim captions)

I went to visit this famous monk called Ajahn Tate in Sri Chiangmai on the Mekong River over in Nong Khai Province, the north of Thailand. He was supposed to be an amazing monk. In fact, when I first became a monk, he was dying of cancer. He was in the main hospital being looked after by the King of Thailand because he was a famous monk. And the doctor said okay, waste of time looking after you anymore, there’s nothing more we can do, you’re going to die. So he said, well I might as well die in my temple in Bangkok. So he went back to his temple and he died about 25 years later. [laughter] And he was an amazing monk and of course he had such a good reputation that, I could speak Thai, and I just wanted to go to these great masters and ask all my questions. It was just like, you know, we all have these questions inside of us, you get these incredibly wise beings and you just wanted to ask questions from someone who knows what they’re talking about. And so, you know, he was very famous, had to make an appointment, went up there, spent about two days waiting. When I went into his room, and you know what happened, all the questions totally vanished. My mind was so blank but what I felt instead, was this incredible, and I mean just this incredible unconditional love. I was a young monk. I still had my fantasies, my defilements and all that sort of stuff. And this guy he loved me for who I was, I didn’t have to become enlightened. I didn’t have to sort of be a good monk. I didn’t have to clean up my act. You felt totally accepted for who you were with all your faults. And that’s the feeling I had. As soon as I got a feeling like that, the next feeling I had, I don’t want to move, I want to stay in here. for the rest of my life. I’m not going anywhere because it was such a beautiful feeling of having this total, absolutely hundred percent acceptance. This guy would not criticize me at all and he never would.

▶ Watch Ajahn Brahm tell it from 29:37 (to 31:47)

A reflection (in the spirit of Ajahn Brahm's talk)

Young Ajahn Brahm waited two days to see Ajahn Tate with a head full of questions, and they all vanished in his presence. What he felt instead was complete acceptance, faults and all, with nothing to prove. Few of us meet a sage, but we can offer a little of that to others: someone who feels unjudged around you can finally relax.

In brief (our summary)

Ajahn Tate, a famous monk once sent home from hospital to die of cancer (he lived another 25 years), is so revered that young Ajahn Brahm waits two days for an appointment, full of questions. Entering the room, every question vanishes; instead he feels an incredible unconditional love — accepted with all his faults, without having to be enlightened or a good monk — and wants to stay there for the rest of his life.

Teaching point

Unconditional acceptance can be felt from another person — and we can learn to give it.

When this story may help

Themes

Source & credit

Told by Ajahn Brahm in Why are we here? Why are we born? | Ajahn Brahm | 09-01-2015 · 2015-01-11 · ▶ watch from 29:37 to 31:47 · Buddhist Society of Western Australia

7 other tellings of this story

Caption notes: Manual (volunteer) captions; occasional misspellings kept as is.

The narrative is Ajahn Brahm's own telling, quoted from the talk captions. The summary and reflection are Being Mindful Stories's editorial notes. Please credit the teacher and link the original talk. Markdown version

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    In brief: As a very young monk Ajahn Brahm is afraid to meet a reputed mind-reader in case his thoughts are exposed. When he finally goes, he feels…

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    you know I was really afraid once it was this monk this monk who was supposed to be very very powerful could read minds and people actually told me examples he he was doing this to other people and I was only a very young monk at the time I said you want to see this monk I said no thank you you I was afraid he'd read my mind and find out what I was really thinking about and tell other people do you want your mind red really red and me tell you all the things you're thinking about or thought about today all your weird fantasies and ideas oh no thank you but what actually happened you know I've got the courage to see this MK and straight away you know my mind was so peaceful because this mon was so kind so kind and accepting and even though I was a really young monk you know full of all defilements and just not trained at all it felt so accepted it felt so accepted that was one of the first times I just wanted to sit down and never leave I just want to stay there forever CU it's so rare to be with a person who accepts you 100% totally without any criticism at all and I knew I wasn't perfect I knew I had lots and lots of faults and I knew he knew that too because he was going to love me unconditionally anyway that's just a wonderful feeling there you are a person who is going to feed all my faults not with anger get out you don't belong you're not good enough which is yeah you're not perfect that's good enough it was a beautiful moment of spiritual peace being with someone who would just accept you and that's why I just wanted to be there forever unfortunately there's many other people wanted to be there forever as well so they got got kicked out for the next person to coming

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  • “This is my son, the monk”

    In brief: On his first visit home after seven years as a monk, when monks in London were seen as weirdos, Ajahn Brahm asks to join his mother on her…

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    My own story, it’s my own mother’s love for the kid. I went to visit my mother for the first time after seven years as a monk, that’s thirty three years ago, what year would that be, 1980 something and you know, this was time in London when monks weren’t cool. You know, we were just weirdos, real strange people. And so when I went to visit my mother, her weekly routine was, on a Saturday morning doing her shopping, (she was working as a secretary), so she hadn’t time to get sort of the groceries and other stuff while looking after the apartment. So Saturday morning, will be shopping time. Saturday afternoon going to the hairdressers, you know, routine. And I went all that way to spend time to hang out with my mother, haven’t seen her for seven years. So I asked, “Can I come with you, you know, on your shopping on a Saturday morning?” And I thought I was ready for her to say no because she might be ashamed to be seen with this son, dressed like a girl, brown robes, bald head, that was really weird. And of course, she said, “No, no, come.” And so, when we walked to the shops again, I thought she would, like teenagers walking a couple of metres in front of mom and dad, couple of metres behind, you know, I’m not associated with these, moms and dads aren’t cool. But no, she was right beside me. And then for those people who know London, the streets are very narrow, full of traffic, and they have a small side walk. And in order to protect the pedestrians on the pavement, the side walk from the traffic, they have railings and it’s the railings where, people when they enter the shops, they usually leave the prams with the kids inside and they tie the dogs there, and I thought that’s where my mother would leave me, [laughter] with the dogs and the babies, you know, not to take me inside the shop because I think these are her friends she sees every week. They know each other and she’d be embarrassed to see me, but no. She dragged me into the first shop, the news agents, where she got me some weekly magazines. And to my surprise, she introduced me “This is my son, the monk.” [laughter] She was proud of me and that was something I never expected because I never knew just the love of a mother for the son was what we call unconditional.

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  • Strawberry ice cream on spaghetti bolognese

    In brief: Monks eat everything from one bowl. Once, the person serving Ajahn Brahm tipped strawberry ice cream straight on top of his spaghetti…

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    And just all in one bowl, all gets mixed up. I say, that's amazing. When you see the way we eat, and sometimes you just get these things. You tried to separate them, I must admit, but was this one occasion, I had strawberry ice cream on spaghetti bolognese. [laughter] There's spaghetti bolognese and it was in one part. There's some ice cream. And the person who took my bowl up just must have just went over the lid. Oh my goodness. So you're getting bolognese and the strawberry ice cream was on top of it. Have you ever had that? [laughter] Why do you think it's nasty? Why do you think it's terrible? Actually it is nasty and terrible.

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  • The ghost at the end of the cave

    In brief: On Vesak day at a cave monastery in the north of Thailand, Ajahn Brahm slips away from the abbot's dull talk and is asked by villager…

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    I was in this monastery in the north of Thailand. And it's a beautiful place in north of Thailand. It's peaceful. It had caves. Good food. Not like the northeast. They don't have really edible food in the north. Nice climate. If you got too hot, you can go up in the mountains. Beautiful place. And so I I was in this monastery in Umphang in the north. And when I Phang Phang province. Just north of Chiang Mai. Between Chiang Mai and Chiang Rai. Around that area. Beautiful lovely mountains. And it was Wesak day. A big ceremony day. And lots and lots of people came. And lots and lots of people they came and we did the food offering and the chanting. And then the abbot gave a talk. And it's a nice abbot. He's very kind but his talk was terrible. So, I decided just to slip off. And when I slipped off, a lot of the people followed me. And they they started ask me the questions. They said, "Can we talk to you?" And I was surprised I could talk, you know, reasonably good Thai at the time. And so they asked started ask me. They said, "Can we ask you some things?" I said, "Yeah, okay. You know, please come and ask me." And I thought noble truths or dependent origination or the how to meditate. And I was I was really interested in in teaching them. But you know, all they wanted to ask is "Why did you become a monk?" And "How many brothers and sisters do you have?" And "What does your father do?" And "Where do you come from?" You don't mind answering questions like that but then you expected to get some deeper questions afterwards. But no, once they got that information and they left. And some more people came. And it was a big day and you know, so many people came and asked the same questions. "How many brothers and sisters have you got?" "What does your father do?" "Where did you come from?" And I got sort of bored with that after about 30 or 40 times being asked the same question. So, I had my strategies how to escape. My strategy was I needed to go to toilet. Well, I didn't need to go to toilet, but it wasn't that desperate. It was enough to get away. So, I went to the toilet and very quickly when I came out after us, I opened the door, made sure they weren't looking. I just snuck into my hut. I knew they'd find me in my hut, so I took a What did I take? My flashlight, a cushion, and a bottle of water. Cuz it was one of the cave monasteries, and I had explored those caves, so I knew the deepest cave. And I went No, I had to actually go up a bit of a ladder, around the corner this way. It was a long, deep cave. Around this bend, around that bend. Once I got to the end of this cave, I thought, "Great. Now I'm safe." Now I can just meditate and have some peace and quiet. You've heard the story before. So, I got there and sat there. Ah, peace at last. And it's only literally only about 5 to 10 minutes. And I heard a sound. The sound was Something else was coming along that cave corridor. And as I could hear the sound heard the sound first of all, then at the bend of the corridor, you could see a light getting light brighter and brighter and brighter. Cuz I realized that whoever was coming into this cave had a a light, like a one of the old hurricane lanterns. So, they could see their way. I thought, "Oh, no. This is the villagers." And at the end of the cave, there was no place to hide. And then I had just one moment of maybe I can get away with this when one of the villagers with the um the hurricane lantern turned the corner. And their face I could see their face. Their face just went so so fearful. And they went back again. And they started saying, "P P." That means ghost. They said, "There's a ghost at the end of the tunnel." Cuz they expected strange things to live at the end of the tunnel, like ghosts of uh uh What is it? Um serpents or something. They said, "There's a ghost at the end of the tunnel." Said, "No, there can't be." Said the other guys with them. "No, there's a ghost at the end of the tunnel." "No, it can't be." And so, my mistake was I should have gone I could pretend I was a ghost, but I can't feel a bit of an eye like that, so then two men's heads came around the end of the tunnel to check. And two men's heads went back quickly. "No, it's not a ghost. It's a Western monk." "No, it's a ghost." "No, it's a Western monk." So, they're having a debate who it was at the end of the tunnel. Then three heads came out. Said, "Oh, it's a Western monk." And then about a dozen men cuz they also were bored with the head monk's talk, and they decided to go and explore the caves and the tunnels in this old limestone monastery. So, they all came there, and they saw me. They weren't afraid at all. It was just a Western monk. And the first one opened their mouth. "How many brothers or sisters have you got?" "What does your father do? Where are you all?"

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