There are zombies in your retreat centre

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• He forgot to pre-program coming out

  In brief: Eastern-states monk leads a 9-day retreat; after first sit he never opens his eyes — yogis go to bed, chant, eat around him. He sits eight…

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  He was leading a 9-day meditation retreat and it started off on a Friday afternoon and everyone came and they checked into the meditation retreat center and after checking in and doing the getting their rooms and getting the initial briefing they went to have half an hour meditation followed by the first talk by this monk and after the half an hour meditation the monk hadn't opened opened his eyes. So they went off for another half an hour just meditating. And after another hour, the monk was just sitting there, hadn't moved. And by about 9 or 10:00, the monk still hadn't opened his eyes to start the the first talk. So you know what they did? They all went to bed. When they got up in the morning for the first bit of chanting or morning meditation, the monk hadn't moved, was still there. When it came to the breakfast, the monk didn't ring the gong. He was just sitting there. And the morning talk, the monk just sat there. Lunchtime, the monk never moved. He sat there for 8 days without going to toilet, without eating anything, drinking anything, not moving at all

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• Club Med versus Club Meditation

  In brief: Someone shows him a Club Med holiday schedule packed with yoga, scuba, activities and a nightclub — exhausting. He contrasts it with 'Club…

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  This is not a concentration camp, this is a stillness, it's the happy camp. It is much more like Club Med than a concentration camp It is Club Med. And what do I mean by that? Club Meditation Serpentine

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• One Heinz baked bean after the retreat

  In brief: After a long retreat, breakfast is baked beans from a tin. Ajahn Brahm puts a single bean on the spoon — taste sensation so amazing he…

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  after the retreat was finished I had my breakfast the first breakfast and during that breakfast I just was a baked bean baked beans were given for breakfast they had baked beans this morning and when I bought I just put one baked bead just one a single one on a spoon and put it in my mouth I'm not exaggerating that was amazing it was a taste sensation I didn't know who would cook that baked bean was it one of these celebrity chefs who just made it just the most delicious single baked bean I've ever eaten in my life and I asked the cooks in my Monastery hook up there oh just out of the tin a tin of baked beans Mr Heinz or something but because my mindfulness had increased enormously that bait being tested so amazing

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• She sat all night in the stupa

  In brief: On a Hong Kong and Indonesian retreat, a woman begins sitting on the stupa floor in the evening and is still there in the morning. Others…

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  this lady she started she was in the evening she started meditating on the floor of the stupa. And she just carried on all night. And then other people saw her. It was cold so they put a blanket around her. She never responded. And they know that you're meditating I describe these things to them or they knew exactly what was happening what to do. But then they came in the morning they said they shouted at her come on it's time to go for breakfast we're leaving today we've got a big ceremony first. And she didn't respond. So I told them don't call any ambulance just go back there and instead of shouting at her tell her very softly and very kindly Ajahn Brahm asked you to come to the main hall. Just once. And about half an hour later she appeared in the main hall and said you asked me to come here. I said yes. You know we've got to get ready to actually to go today. And so do you want a breakfast? She said no. Listen I said can I carry on meditating

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