Being Mindful Stories

Analogy · Ajahn Brahm

Whisper when close, shout when distant

As told by Ajahn Brahm in Choices | Ajahn Brahm | 22 April 2016

1 min read

The story — as told by Ajahn Brahm (verbatim captions)

when people are in love they whisper to each other I love you darling they use Whispers when you're in love but when you're upset you shout you stupid old cow you idiot man why it's because when you're close to someone you only need to whisper but when you're distant from each other that's when you shout I thought what a wonderful simile that is when you're close you don't need to shout you just whisper for when you're distant I don't mean physically distant but emotionally distant from the person you live with that is when you shout and that's the way to stop the shouting close the distance between you and your partner between you and your kids between you and your enemy close that distance and you don't need to shout anymore

▶ Watch Ajahn Brahm tell it from 42:41 (to 43:46)

A reflection (in the spirit of Ajahn Brahm's talk)

Lovers whisper; angry people shout, because shouting covers emotional distance. Close the distance and the shouting stops. Ajahn Brahm sees kind temple-goers speak harshly to their own partners out of habit. You can choose different words. Move closer to the people you live with, and gentleness will be enough.

In brief (our summary)

A monk in Indonesia offers a simile: lovers whisper 'I love you'; when upset people shout 'you stupid old cow' — because closeness needs only a whisper, emotional distance needs a shout. Close the distance and the shouting stops.

Teaching point

Harsh speech is a symptom of distance; closeness makes gentleness enough.

When this story may help

  • marital conflict
  • harsh words

Themes

Source & credit

Told by Ajahn Brahm in Choices | Ajahn Brahm | 22 April 2016 · 2016-04-22 · ▶ watch from 42:41 to 43:46 · Buddhist Society of Western Australia

Caption notes: YouTube auto-captions: unpunctuated, words left exactly as captioned.

The narrative is Ajahn Brahm's own telling, quoted from the talk captions. The summary and reflection are Being Mindful Stories's editorial notes. Please credit the teacher and link the original talk. Markdown version

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