Joke · Ajahn Brahm
The hypnotist monk's donation box
Content note: crude toilet humour; profanity
The story — as told by Ajahn Brahm (verbatim captions)
this was a guy uh he was a a new monk. He started a new temple. has found it very very difficult to actually raise enough funds, you know, to pay the bills. And of course, you can understand why, you know, when somebody just starts out at temple, people don't know whether they're going to last. So why should you, you know, give donations when you don't know whether it's going to be used well. So he went to see a senior monk and a senior monk told him, "Well, try this technique. I tried this when I started out with my own temple. He said on a Friday night when you give a talk, make sure all the doors are closed, make sure there's no ventilation and make sure you turn the heat up so it gets very hot and stuffy. And when it's very hot and stuffy, give a boring sermon. The way to give a boring sermon, you teach it in a low tone, like a mono tone. I'm teaching a boring sermon now. And I'm sure many of you know what I'm going to say. And he said, "Then what to do when your audience are about to fall asleep, get out those old watches, you know, with the uh what they call them? Fob watches, I think. Get one of those fob watches. move it left to right, left to right, and hypnotize everybody. And once everybody's hypnotized, I say about 200 people in here. Once you're all hypnotized, then you give them the instruction. When you leave, don't forget to put donation in donation box. No coins, no fives, tens or 20s, only 50s and hundreds. He said, "I can't do that. That's illegal." And the senior monk said, "No, that's just encouraging good karma. It's good for people." So he he tried it and he made a fortune that day. He had lots of no 20s or tens or coins, just 50s and hundreds in the donation box. Worth a fortune. Imagine that. There's 200 people in here. Wow. So he decided he can't do that every day. So he waited until he needed some more money to pay the bills. And so he tried it again. He said, closed all the doors and all the windows, made it very stuffy and hot inside and started giving a boring sermon. And when people were falling asleep, he got out of his fob watch and started swinging it. But before they were hypnotized, he dropped it and it went smashed on the ground because it was surprise to him. He said the word. What did he say? I just repeated what you said. He said, "Oh shit." And that's what people did. Serves him right. a couple of weeks to clean up.
▶ Watch Ajahn Brahm tell it from 10:12 (to 13:37)
A reflection (in the spirit of Ajahn Brahm's talk)
A struggling monk hypnotises his congregation into filling the donation box, until he drops the watch and blurts out the wrong two words, with messy results. Ajahn Brahm says that's why he never tries it. Shortcuts that manipulate people tend to backfire. Honest work and goodwill are slower, and much less trouble to clean up.
In brief (our summary)
A new monk can't pay his temple's bills. A senior monk advises: close the doors, turn up the heat, give a boring monotone sermon, swing a fob watch and hypnotise everyone — 'when you leave, only 50s and 100s in the donation box.' It works. Next time he drops the watch before they're under and it smashes; he says 'Oh shit' — and that's what everyone did. It took two weeks to clean up.
Teaching point
(A joke; 'that's why I never try that these days'.)
When this story may help
Themes
Source & credit
Told by Ajahn Brahm in Our Mind and Our Health | Ajahn Brahm | 7 July 2023 · 2023-07-08 · ▶ watch from 10:12 to 13:37 · Buddhist Society of Western Australia
Caption notes: YouTube auto-captions: unpunctuated, words left exactly as captioned.
The narrative is Ajahn Brahm's own telling, quoted from the talk captions. The summary and reflection are Being Mindful Stories's editorial notes. Please credit the teacher and link the original talk. Markdown version