Being Mindful Stories

Story · Ajahn Brahm

The general's holy water

As told by Ajahn Brahm in Superstitions | Ajahn Brahm | 12-01-2007

1 min read

Content note: eyewitness account by Ajahn Brahm; mocks a senior military figure (unnamed)

The story — as told by Ajahn Brahm (verbatim captions)

aent think I told that story when this General asked for holy water aent child would very rarely give holy water and one day agent child was a joker but sometimes I thought you really go too far cuz this day this General came up to him and I was there at his H so you know you hang around cuz it's great entertainment sometimes to see what aent child was going to do next and it's major general you know that now again like the generals were in power in Thailand this was a time when they were always in power they had I think a uh lay government but the generals were the power behind the scenes and so this big Major General came up to see aan sha in uban to ask for some holy water I said I Haven got any holy water said no please that child poor they called please some holy water so bow okay bow down and that he spout all this saliva in his General's head and rubbed it in and I thought my goodness you've gone too far this time magenta you really have and this General bought it he said oh s s s I've got real holy water know from the how stupid could you be that's what he did

▶ Watch Ajahn Brahm tell it from 57:39 (to 58:59)

A reflection (in the spirit of Ajahn Brahm's talk)

A powerful general begged Ajahn Chah for holy water, so Ajahn Chah spat on his head and rubbed it in. Young Ajahn Brahm was horrified; the general was thrilled. It's easy to laugh at him. Ajahn Brahm prefers to book flights on Friday the 13th for the legroom. Check your own superstitions.

In brief (our summary)

At a time when generals were the power behind the Thai government, a major general comes to Ajahn Chah's hut in Ubon asking for holy water. Ajahn Chah says he hasn't any; the general begs. So Ajahn Chah tells him to bow, spits on his head and rubs it in. Ajahn Brahm, watching, thinks his teacher has gone too far — but the general is delighted to have 'real holy water'.

Teaching point

Superstition makes people value anything labelled holy; look honestly at your own superstitions.

When this story may help

Themes

Source & credit

Told by Ajahn Brahm in Superstitions | Ajahn Brahm | 12-01-2007 · 2007-01-15 · ▶ watch from 57:39 to 58:59 · Buddhist Society of Western Australia

4 other tellings of this story

Caption notes: YouTube auto-captions: unpunctuated, words left exactly as captioned. 'aent'/'aan sha'/'agent child'/'magenta' = Ajahn Chah; 'uban' = Ubon; 'H' = hut; 'I Haven got' = I haven't got; 'he spout' = he spat.

The narrative is Ajahn Brahm's own telling, quoted from the talk captions. The summary and reflection are Being Mindful Stories's editorial notes. Please credit the teacher and link the original talk. Markdown version

  • A Buddha to stop bullets

    In brief: A long-time supporter of Ajahn Chah, drafted into the Thai army, begs him for a blessed Buddha amulet to protect him from bullets — after…

    Read full story

    even ajahn Chah the great master is this great story when one of his disciples had been around a long time was drafted into the Thai Army and there's always a lot of problems being in the army sometimes the skirmishes on the border or down the south of Thailand people actually get killed when he joined the army so you've got drafted in the army and he waited to see the very teacher said look can you please give me something to protect me from harm especially from bullets he said I know that you've got these amazing powers I'm sure if you could give me some amulet to wear around my necks a little Buddha to wear around my neck I'm sure that that will protect me from bullets so though we don't get into that you know this is not what a monk is supposed to do we're supposed to teach you how to live a good life and how to look after yourself and take responsibility for yourself you know to keep out of harm's way sort of being mindful being learns when you're in the army because a lot of times people get injured because of stupidity he said no you know there's always things go on go on I might be unlucky I didn't I please give me a Buddha statue and I've been looking after you for such a long time I come to the temple I give all these dollars in a donation box I give you food come on I'm only asking for them for Buddha to wear around my neck you could do that so the great brass said Oh Hey I will give you a Buddha statue to wear around your neck and he said I guarantee they were protected from bullets 100% and they thought wow this great monk with all his powers can bless a little ambulance a bullet a bullet proof ambulance and there was a movie about that bulletproof monk or something but anyway this was a real story I much probably bulletproof mic was was based on I'm not sure I never seen that movie but anyway he said okay I'll give you a Buddha to wear around your neck which will protect you from bullets oh thank you thank you thank you where is it and now John shall see that Big Buddha like the one behind me over here in the main hall put that around your neck and I guess it will stop any bullets

    Open story page·Watch this telling

  • The channelled spirit at the roulette table

    In brief: A man channels a powerful being who gives him lots of advice; what he really wants is cash. “Go to the casino… the roulette table… put $10…

    Read full story

    Here comes another joke about this person, and he channeled this powerful being and this powerful being gave all this advice, and the guy said, 'Well, look, it's nice having advice, but what I really want is some cash.' Okay, said this powerful being 'go to the casino.' So he went to the casino, and a powerful being said, 'go to the roulette table.' So he went to the roulette table. And this being said; he could hear it in his ears; channeling it. He said 'put $10 on number 19.' And the wheel went around, and the ball sat on number 19. 'Put all your winnings on number 22' said the being, He could hear it in his ears. Put all the winnings on number 22. And the ball went in number 22. 'Put all the winnings, he said, on number 16.' And he put all the winnings on number 16. the ball went round, and it fell in number 17. And he heard the being say "shit!" (laughter from audience) So even powerful beings make mistakes sometimes.

    Open story page·Watch this telling

  • Who sits next to God?

    In brief: A man who went to church every Sunday, gave donations and kept the Ten Commandments dies and goes to heaven, expecting to see Jesus beside…

    Read full story

    I don't know if you've heard this story; but there was a person who, he went to church every Sunday, and he gave donations, even kept the 10 commandments. And when he died, he went up to heaven and he saw God. And he thought that Jesus will be sitting next to God. And who did he see sitting next to God? A cleaning lady with a mop and a bucket and a duster. He said I thought Jesus was gonna sit next to God. The person said "didn't we tell you cleanliness is next to godliness?" That's today's joke.

    Open story page·Watch this telling

  • Why some are born intelligent

    In brief: From a sutta: a man asks the Buddha what karma makes people wealthy, then what makes them beautiful or ugly (Ajahn Brahm breaks off to…

    Read full story

    And there they tell the story of this man who came up to the Buddha and asked him like a question on karma. He was saying, you know, I've noticed in this world, some people are just born wealthy, and they managed to maintain that wealth and increase it. Now other people are born poor, and sometimes they get wealthy, but you know, there are some people, they're poor, they work really hard, and they try very hard and they work just all hours of the night and still, it's just so hard to make ends meet. Why can't you be wealthy? While other people they seem to work much less than you, they just got the gift of making money. It must be some karma from a past life that we're born poor in this life. So he asked, What do I have to do in this life? What karma do I have to make in this life to be rich in my next life?" That's a fair enough question. so the Buddha gave him an answer. He was so happy with it. He asked the second question, he said, I've also noticed that sometimes people are very beautiful, while other people are ugly. And you may notice when I mentioned the word "ugly", I stared at the carpet. And the reason for this, the reason for this is I told this story in Singapore once. And I just, I just happened to be looking at a certain woman when I mentioned the word "ugly". Oh, my goodness, did she complain. She said, "Why did you mention the word ugly when you're looking at me?" It's even worse, if I've mentioned the word "beautiful" when I'm looking at someone, they get the wrong idea. (laughter) So anyway, he, the Buddha explained the cause for beauty and ugliness in your next life. But then the killer question, why are some people intelligent, and other people they just have such a hard time at school and university. You've been with some people, they hardly do any of the homework, they just float through school, they get the prizes, and they go to universities, they get double first. You know, for the rest of us. It's just so hard just now just getting the TEE passed. He said, "Why is it? What's the karmic reason why people are born intelligent, and other people aren't intelligent? What's the karmic cause?" And the Buddha said, and this was a beautiful answer. "The karmic reason for stupidity in your next life is not asking questions in this life."

    Open story page·Watch this telling

All stories·Find a story for your situation