Being Mindful Stories

Joke · Ajahn Brahm

The three rings of marriage

As told by Ajahn Brahm in Expectations Cause Suffering | Ajahn Brahm | 24 June 2022

1 min read

The story — as told by Ajahn Brahm (verbatim captions)

What are the three rings of marriage? You remember that story? The three rings of marriage. First ring of marriage is the engagement ring. Second ring. Dennis knows this one because he used to be the marriage settlement of the Buddhist society. Did this many times. I even remember once when we did a marriage and we just he was just about to declare the husband and wife uh husbands and wives your marriage is complete. Then I had to nudge him. Do you remember that Dennis? When I nudge you said you forgot to exchange the rings. Oh yes thank [laughter] you. But anyway we did that before you actually declared them husband and wife. So thank you Dennis. But anyway, the second ring of marriage is the wedding ring. And what's the third ring of ma marriage? I can't hear you. You say suffering. No, Dennis. Caring. [laughter] I've changed to become more soft in my old age.

▶ Watch Ajahn Brahm tell it from 14:07 (to 15:11)

A reflection (in the spirit of Ajahn Brahm's talk)

Engagement ring, wedding ring, and the third? The crowd shouts suffer-ring; Ajahn Brahm, grown softer, says caring. Why do we laugh at that joke? Because unrealistic expectations of partners, and of ourselves, make marriage hard. Lower them, and caring becomes far easier than suffering.

In brief (our summary)

Wedding joke: the three rings of marriage are the engagement ring, the wedding ring — and the suffer-ring. Told here with the audience supplying 'suffering' and him correcting it to 'caring', having 'become more soft in my old age'; with an aside about nudging celebrant Dennis who forgot the rings.

Teaching point

Marriage hurts when expectations are unrealistic; love a partner as unconditionally as you love a parent.

When this story may help

Themes

Source & credit

Told by Ajahn Brahm in Expectations Cause Suffering | Ajahn Brahm | 24 June 2022 · 2022-06-24 · ▶ watch from 14:07 to 15:11 · Buddhist Society of Western Australia

3 other tellings of this story

Caption notes: YouTube auto-captions (machine-punctuated); words left exactly as captioned.

The narrative is Ajahn Brahm's own telling, quoted from the talk captions. The summary and reflection are Being Mindful Stories's editorial notes. Please credit the teacher and link the original talk. Markdown version

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