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Story · Ajahn Brahm

Charlie's mark on the heel

As told by Ajahn Brahm in Give Yourself Peace, Kindness and Forgiveness | Ajahn Brahm | 29 January 2021

2 min read

Content note: stillbirth; rebirth claim (anecdotal); identifiable private family (child named); gender humour ("upgrade")

The story — as told by Ajahn Brahm (verbatim captions)

the story of a Thai couple who come here - just making sure they're not here, they may be embarrassed if I tell you this; but no, they're not here. When this lady - years ago now - when she got pregnant (this was a normal pregnancy), and just five days before birth she had an ultrasound. And when the birth happened - stillborn. A tragedy. Because they had everything expected for a baby, and they were just so excited, the first kid they were gonna have. And apparently, the doctors found out it actually turned in the womb and it cut off the blood supply in the umbilical cord. And she didn't know that, five days before - ultrasound - everything was going perfectly, and stillborn. So I did the funeral for them, just up the road here. And I always remember that funeral, because the baby was fully formed. They gave it a name, Charlie. I better not say too much. Charlie was his name, and they dressed it up, and they had the family photograph. And I was in the family photograph, and Charlie was as well. I was almost like honoured to be included in that family photograph, at the birth of Charlie who died at birth. But then, what I didn't see them doing - I know it's common in Thailand to do this, but what I didn't see - they took a pen, a biro pen, when no one was watching, and on the heel of Charlie, they drew a line. With a ballpoint pen. Just a line. And then of course, the baby was cremated. She was a healthy woman. So, few months later, she became pregnant again. When she became pregnant again, this time the doctors really gave her a VIP treatment, because they didn't want a tragedy to happen again. She's a healthy woman, she gave birth - this time - to a girl. And that girl has a birthmark on its heel, a line - exactly where they'd written the line on there. And they all knew Charlie came back. Didn't quite make it the first time, but had another go. Next time, got through. And they told me that story. And of course, you probably would be interested, how did the new kid turn out. First of all, it was a girl, and it was called Annie. And I was watching it - used to be like many kids, they play here, running around there, the kids are offering food to the monks or the nuns, and the kid is running around all over the place. But this Annie would always run with the boys and would beat up the girls. It was really a tomboy, little Annie. And of course, you understand why. She was a boy before. But anyway. That was a wonderful story, that when people have these emotional problems - just give a bigger picture. The kid didn't get there the first time, well have another go. And - a lot of times I’ve seen this - they don't make it the first time, they get an upgrade. [laughter] Become a girl. Is that an upgrade? [chuckles] But anyway. That was the story of Charlie and Annie.

▶ Watch Ajahn Brahm tell it from 35:01 (to 38:53)

A reflection (in the spirit of Ajahn Brahm's talk)

A family lost their first baby, Charlie, and their next child arrived with a birthmark exactly where they had marked his heel. Ajahn Brahm shares it as a story of hope, not proof. Above all he wants grieving parents to stop blaming themselves. Forgive, learn and go forward gently; kindness to yourself is part of healing.

In brief (our summary)

A healthy Thai woman's first baby, Charlie, is stillborn after turning in the womb days before birth. Ajahn Brahm conducts the funeral; little Charlie is dressed and photographed with the family. Unknown to him, following Thai custom, they draw a blue biro line on Charlie's heel so he'd be recognisable if reborn to them. Her next child, born healthy, has a birthmark exactly there. 'Charlie got an upgrade' — the child is a girl, Anne, and a tomboy who always played with the boys.

Teaching point

The mind continues; a lost child may come back — 'have another go'.

When this story may help

  • stillbirth
  • miscarriage
  • pregnancy after loss

Themes

Source & credit

Told by Ajahn Brahm in Give Yourself Peace, Kindness and Forgiveness | Ajahn Brahm | 29 January 2021 · 2021-01-29 · ▶ watch from 35:01 to 38:53 · Buddhist Society of Western Australia

5 other tellings of this story

Caption notes: Manual (volunteer) captions; occasional misspellings kept as is.

The narrative is Ajahn Brahm's own telling, quoted from the talk captions. The summary and reflection are Being Mindful Stories's editorial notes. Please credit the teacher and link the original talk. Markdown version

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  • Suicide is stuffing up one exam question

    In brief: Parents who used to come to Friday talks lost a child to suicide just before the TEE exams. Ajahn Brahm frames a life like an exam of many…

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    In brief: A businesswoman aunt in Sydney who hated paying tax dies; soon after, the nephew's baby is born. At three, seeing a tax billboard on a NSW…

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