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Story · Ajahn Brahm

Her mother-in-law had the face of Guanyin

As told by Ajahn Brahm in Getting Along with Difficult Family Members | Ajahn Brahm | 18 June 2021

4 min read

Content note: racial tension; religious vision

The story — as told by Ajahn Brahm (verbatim captions)

there was this Vietnamese girl who married an Australian Caucasian and they loved each other. Really two good people. But the problem was her mother-in-law. I don't know why mothersin-law have these reputations, but someone did tell me that if you rearrange the letters which smell which spell mother-in-law, you rearrange those letters, it actually spells Hitler woman. [laughter] You can you can try that when you go home. But not all women are like that. Obviously, not more mothers-in-law. Some mothers are not really sweet and nice. But anyway, this was one of those mothersin-law, which you know, she must have been quite racist, I would suppose, because why did you marry sort of an Asian girl? Aren't they nice Aussie girls to marry or whatever? But you know, just she they fell in love. They're both really good people. But the Vietnamese girl, you know, she really, of course, and this is my husband's f mother. Of course, I've got to love her and got to try and reconcile. So, she realized I've got really good qualities. And so, she tried everything apparently everything to try and find out how to get her mother-in-law to love her. She tried, you know, getting special food for her, but you know, her mother-in-law didn't like noodles. and and tried even then she went to the temple and asked the monk to do some chanting. Please make my mother-in-law love me. Didn't work. She tried doing loving kindness meditation. You know that's another type of meditation. You sit there. Oh, may my love mother-in-law be happy and well. Maybe she free of suffering. May she be just so blissful. That didn't work. [snorts] And she had tried everything apparently to get her mother-in-law to love her. Nothing worked except the very last strategy which she used. Now you may know in the Vietnamese traditions mostly Mahayana they have this image of likewan yin the goddess of mercy. Now you know sometimes as a terravada Buddhist we don't have that in Terravada Buddhism but you know I've talked to many many people over the years and many many people especially like Vietnamese boat people in those days when they sort of fled Vietnam and they just trusted their life you know to these rickety old boats sailing a huge distance to get to Australia such a long long long journey and most of them didn't make it. Some did. And I remember a lot of them they they told me that they were just know they were robbed by pirates. They had no money. They didn't know what they were going to do. They're going to make anywhere. And many of them I remember them. These are people I've talked to personally eventually ended up in Perth. They said that they had uh just almost losing it and they saw this image of the this they call it goddess of mercy Quanin coming over the the waves to them and they swore to me they actually saw it and then right behind this goddess of mercy Quanin they saw a a British frigot you know when Hong Kong was under the Brits sailing towards them to save them. Quan came first mobly leading the Brits to rescue rescue these poor refugees and of course then they got taken to Hong Kong and eventually settled over here in Australia. There's so many stories like that and it's something which you know in religion in spirituality now what actually did they see but anyway that's another question but you know you can't deny that they said they definitely saw that but anyway this woman said well what can I do she went to the temple and of course in these stories her meditation wasn't that good Instead, she fell asleep. And when she was know asleep in the temple and what she actually saw was like a vision of this goddess of mercy come to help her. And she was really surprised. But there was a difference. It wasn't the normal goddess of mercy you see in Buddhist temples, Mahayana temples. The one which she saw no looked like the ordinary goddess of mercy but had a different face. The face was exactly the same as her mother-in-law [laughter] and that was all was necessary. Once she she saw her mother-in-law look like the goddess of mercy. Next time she saw her mother-in-law, her attitude totally changed somehow or other. Just seeing something beautiful, good, lovable, and really inspiring in a person who you didn't like or didn't like you was all that was necessary to change her attitude. And apparently since that time that uh the the the goddess of mercy otherwise known as mother-in-law changed her attitude and now they have this beautiful relationship. And that was actually told by one of the Vietnamese nuns who live in Perth many years ago

▶ Watch Ajahn Brahm tell it from 1:06 (to 7:15)

A reflection (in the spirit of Ajahn Brahm's talk)

A Vietnamese woman couldn't win over her hostile Australian mother-in-law, whatever she tried. Dozing in a temple, she saw the goddess of mercy, wearing her mother-in-law's face. From then on she saw her differently, and the relationship blossomed. What you look for in someone shapes what you find.

In brief (our summary)

A Vietnamese woman married to an Australian could not win over a hostile (possibly racist) mother-in-law despite food, chanting and metta. Falling asleep in a temple she saw Guanyin — with her mother-in-law's face. After that her attitude changed, and so did the relationship. Told by a Vietnamese nun in Perth. Nested boat-people Guanyin digression entered separately. Opens with the 'mother-in-law / Hitler woman' anagram joke.

Teaching point

What you choose to see in someone can change both of you.

When this story may help

Themes

Source & credit

Told by Ajahn Brahm in Getting Along with Difficult Family Members | Ajahn Brahm | 18 June 2021 · 2021-06-18 · ▶ watch from 1:06 to 7:15 · Buddhist Society of Western Australia

Caption notes: YouTube auto-captions: unpunctuated, words left exactly as captioned. 'likewan yin'/'Quanin' = Guanyin; 'Terravada' = Theravada.

The narrative is Ajahn Brahm's own telling, quoted from the talk captions. The summary and reflection are Being Mindful Stories's editorial notes. Please credit the teacher and link the original talk. Markdown version

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