Being Mindful Stories

Joke · Ajahn Brahm

“Sir, you're drunk” — “Madam, you're ugly”

As told by Ajahn Brahm in Talk Your Way To Happiness | Ajahn Brahm | 09-02-2007

1 min read

Content note: doubtful attribution: this exchange is more usually attributed to Winston Churchill and Bessie Braddock; insult about appearance

The story — as told by Ajahn Brahm (verbatim captions)

you can't beat that Oscar Wilde who's greatest put I ever heard: when he came out of some sort of nightclub or some bar, completely drunk, and of course this was a time when being drunk was even worse as a social stigma than it is today. Actually, probably in Australia it's not a social stigma at all. (audience chuckles) an accolade but anyway in those days, when being drunk was considered to be socially unacceptable, he came out drunk and this woman said to him "Sir, you're drunk" and he replied "Madam, you're ugly." (audience laughs) and the killing phrase was "the difference between us: in the morning I'll be sober.

▶ Watch Ajahn Brahm tell it from 37:26 (to 38:04)

A reflection (in the spirit of Ajahn Brahm's talk)

Ajahn Brahm calls it the greatest put-down he knows (it is usually credited to Churchill rather than Oscar Wilde), and then sets it aside. A sharp reply feels clever, but someone sharper is always waiting. Choose words that make friends, not winners. The world has enough division without our cleverness adding to it.

In brief (our summary)

Ajahn Brahm tells the 'greatest put-down' he knows, which he attributes to Oscar Wilde: coming out of a bar completely drunk, at a time when drunkenness was a real stigma, he is told by a woman, “Sir, you're drunk.” He replies, “Madam, you're ugly — and the difference between us: in the morning I'll be sober.”

Teaching point

This is harsh speech — cutting and ego-driven; get into that game and someone sharper will always cut you down. Not the Buddhist way.

When this story may help

Themes

Source & credit

Told by Ajahn Brahm in Talk Your Way To Happiness | Ajahn Brahm | 09-02-2007 · 2007-02-11 · ▶ watch from 37:26 to 38:04 · Buddhist Society of Western Australia

Caption notes: Manual (volunteer) captions; occasional misspellings kept as is. 'who's greatest put' = whose greatest put-down (not changed).

The narrative is Ajahn Brahm's own telling, quoted from the talk captions. The summary and reflection are Being Mindful Stories's editorial notes. Please credit the teacher and link the original talk. Markdown version

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