Parents who argued, then made up

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• New monks ask mum and dad for forgiveness

  In brief: At Bodhinyana ordinations the candidates bow three times to their parents and ask forgiveness for everything they did and failed to do…

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  when the candidates usually get their mothers and fathers along as well they actually bow down to their mum and their dad give them three bells they never done that when they were their children at home working they bow down to their mum and dad and they say mum dad whatever i've done over the time you've been my parents since the earliest age i ask your forgiveness things which i didn't do which i should have done i'm trying my best please forgive me and you always see especially the mother but often the father as well you'll see tears coming out of their eyes because it's sincere it's honest they realize they always love their children but the fact that their children have the guts and the sincerity to say sorry it's beautiful and in all the years which i've been amok

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• Her mother-in-law had the face of Guanyin

  In brief: A Vietnamese woman married to an Australian could not win over a hostile (possibly racist) mother-in-law despite food, chanting and metta.…

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  there was this Vietnamese girl who married an Australian Caucasian and they loved each other. Really two good people. But the problem was her mother-in-law. I don't know why mothersin-law have these reputations, but someone did tell me that if you rearrange the letters which smell which spell mother-in-law, you rearrange those letters, it actually spells Hitler woman. [laughter] You can you can try that when you go home. But not all women are like that. Obviously, not more mothers-in-law. Some mothers are not really sweet and nice. But anyway, this was one of those mothersin-law, which you know, she must have been quite racist, I would suppose, because why did you marry sort of an Asian girl? Aren't they nice Aussie girls to marry or whatever? But you know, just she they fell in love. They're both really good people. But the Vietnamese girl, you know, she really, of course, and this is my husband's f mother. Of course, I've got to love her and got to try and reconcile. So, she realized I've got really good qualities. And so, she tried everything apparently everything to try and find out how to get her mother-in-law to love her. She tried, you know, getting special food for her, but you know, her mother-in-law didn't like noodles. and and tried even then she went to the temple and asked the monk to do some chanting. Please make my mother-in-law love me. Didn't work. She tried doing loving kindness meditation. You know that's another type of meditation. You sit there. Oh, may my love mother-in-law be happy and well. Maybe she free of suffering. May she be just so blissful. That didn't work. [snorts] And she had tried everything apparently to get her mother-in-law to love her. Nothing worked except the very last strategy which she used. Now you may know in the Vietnamese traditions mostly Mahayana they have this image of likewan yin the goddess of mercy. Now you know sometimes as a terravada Buddhist we don't have that in Terravada Buddhism but you know I've talked to many many people over the years and many many people especially like Vietnamese boat people in those days when they sort of fled Vietnam and they just trusted their life you know to these rickety old boats sailing a huge distance to get to Australia such a long long long journey and most of them didn't make it. Some did. And I remember a lot of them they they told me that they were just know they were robbed by pirates. They had no money. They didn't know what they were going to do. They're going to make anywhere. And many of them I remember them. These are people I've talked to personally eventually ended up in Perth. They said that they had uh just almost losing it and they saw this image of the this they call it goddess of mercy Quanin coming over the the waves to them and they swore to me they actually saw it and then right behind this goddess of mercy Quanin they saw a a British frigot you know when Hong Kong was under the Brits sailing towards them to save them. Quan came first mobly leading the Brits to rescue rescue these poor refugees and of course then they got taken to Hong Kong and eventually settled over here in Australia. There's so many stories like that and it's something which you know in religion in spirituality now what actually did they see but anyway that's another question but you know you can't deny that they said they definitely saw that but anyway this woman said well what can I do she went to the temple and of course in these stories her meditation wasn't that good Instead, she fell asleep. And when she was know asleep in the temple and what she actually saw was like a vision of this goddess of mercy come to help her. And she was really surprised. But there was a difference. It wasn't the normal goddess of mercy you see in Buddhist temples, Mahayana temples. The one which she saw no looked like the ordinary goddess of mercy but had a different face. The face was exactly the same as her mother-in-law [laughter] and that was all was necessary. Once she she saw her mother-in-law look like the goddess of mercy. Next time she saw her mother-in-law, her attitude totally changed somehow or other. Just seeing something beautiful, good, lovable, and really inspiring in a person who you didn't like or didn't like you was all that was necessary to change her attitude. And apparently since that time that uh the the the goddess of mercy otherwise known as mother-in-law changed her attitude and now they have this beautiful relationship. And that was actually told by one of the Vietnamese nuns who live in Perth many years ago

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• My father's resolution

  In brief: His father never spoke of his own father in Liverpool. At 14 or 15 Ajahn Brahm finally gets it out of him: 'Your grandfather was a…

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  My father... he was a very kind man. But he would never tell me about my paternal grandfather, my father's dad. And it was frustrating for me every time I asked him, "How was my grandfather like, in Liverpool?" He then asked me, "Be quiet". And then eventually when I was about 14 or 15, I got it out of my dad. I was persistent, "You got to tell me because this is my family. I never saw them because they died during the second World War before I was born. So, how was my paternal grandfather like, and that is when my dad said, please excuse the word, but this is what he said. He said, "Your grandfather was a bastard." He said it was just so much pain in him. That shocked me. I said, "Why?" He said he was not a sexual offender, but a physical offender. He would come home, almost every evening, drunk. He was a plumber. He'd come back drunk, and he'd take off his belt. He'd whip any kid, which you know, he came across. And then he would start beating his wife, my dad's mum. My dad often said that, the pain of just the end of the belt for no reason at all, just my father was drunk. That would never hurt as much as seeing his mother beaten, for no reason at all. He said that really hurt, because he could do nothing to help someone he loved, my paternal grandmother, whom I never saw. But why I say this story for is what my father did about that. He was a child at the time, he could do nothing, except to make this resolution. He told me, he shared it with me this time. He said, "When I was at the end of a beating for no reason, just because my father was drunk, I made this resolution that if ever I survive and have kids myself; and of course he did, me and my brother. If ever I survive, I will never ever do that to my kids. I won't use corporal punishment at all. I'd always remember that. Because I remember several times, brother and I were naughty, just ordinary kids. And sometimes, he'd come into our bedroom with a slipper. He just couldn't do it. He'd just put the slipper down and walked out, because he remembered just what it was like for him.

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• Father and son who couldn't remember why

  In brief: Blessing a house in Brisbane, Ajahn Brahm learns the father and his eldest son haven't spoken or seen each other for seven years. He has…

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  there is a gentleman who was visiting our monastery in Serpentine and he insisted on taking me to the airport. And the reason was that he was from Brisbane if you are listening ... you are a hero for me and he thinks I am just the Bee's Knees because three years ago I went to his house in Brisbane and a little ceremony part of the job of a monk - bless this, bless that. You name it, I've blessed it. One of the reasons, it just give people a bit of encouragement in their lives. So I went to his house, his youngest son was there but his eldest son was absent. And I asked where is he? And the youngest son said "he hadn't talked.." the father and the son hadn't talked together for seven years. They have't even seen each other for seven years. They have been estranged. That really sort of hurts my heart, I believe hurts your heart. It's called compassion, you got empathy, you feel for people. How can a father and son be apart for seven years! Never sending any Birthday Cards or Christmas Cards or telephone calls or anything. But I know I do have some authority. I am a senior monk, I am well known and some people actually afraid of me! They are! Now there is no reason for you to be afraid of me I am a very gentle monk. Going off track I can never forget the silly thing I did once when I was visiting my mother in London years ago when she was still alive. I went to visit her and staying in her house. She was making my 'one meal a day' in the morning for me. Now that's very important. If you only eat one meal a day you got only one chance every day you got to make sure it hits the spot. So when somebody rang her door bell I volunteered to answer it so my lunch would not be spoiled. Totally selfish. I went to the door and it was a type of person, anyone from may be the UK might know this, they call them gypsies. They are itinerant people who had been in that country for 100s of years. But they decided, they do not wish to live in permanent houses. They usually live in caravans going from place to place. Good on them, if they want to live like that. But they have a reputation for trying to solicit funds, doing silly things. So it was one of these women, she knocked on the door. She said "would you like to buy some gypsy heather?" Just weed basically. And I was very polite I said "no, thank you" And she said to me "If you don't buy some of this heather I would put a gypsy curse on you" it was a marketing technique. Now imagine somebody threatening to curse me. They didn't know who they were messing with. (laughter) I had my robe on but I stood up really tall in my robe. And I looked her in the eye and said "I am a very senior Buddhist Monk, my curse is a much stronger than yours." That's what I said I overdid it. Honestly, I really overdid it. Because that women, her eyes went wide, her jaw dropped she turned around and she actually ran! She ran away. (laughter) We never curse anybody but I do use that in case people mess with me, then I can always mess back. Because people have all these superstition Buddhist monks... what can they do they don't know, but they tried to mess with me so I messed up with them. I know I shouldn't have done that but actually I am quite happy I did. (laughter) Makes it a good story. So anyway, that's just how.... We don't curse, we really don't have curses but people don't know that. So at this house, I told the youngest son, "Have you got your brother's telephone number?" He said sure... "Call him right now!" So he got out his smart phone and called his older brother, the one who was estranged. Give the phone to me. And I said "I am Ajahn Brahm you know me?" "Yeah I know you, I listen to your talks on YouTube." I said "I command you to come to your father's house. You better come or else" and I hung the phone up. So this poor man, he hadn't seen his father for seven years, he was either coming to break that estrangement or risk the curse and bad kamma of not obeying a very senior monk. Of course there is no bad kamma there but people really don't know this. So yeah let's use whatever you got to solve the situation. So he came in but wouldn't look at his father, wouldn't talk to him. But first time in seven years in the same room. And I sat them down together looking this way not at each other. And I asked the father ... What an amazing thing, shows you how stupid people can be! What did your son do, seven years ago, you got so upset you don't even talk to him anymore or look at him? You know what he said? "I can't remember." (laughter) So I looked at the son, the eldest son "What did your father do?" "I can't remember either." (more laughter) Human beings. They are so lovable, they are so cute. Just stupid but lovable. So I said: "enough is enough, forgiveness time." I forget who did it first. I made them "Father look at your son. Son look at your father." I forget who did first. Say to your father: "Look at him and say for the first time in seven years, "Father whatever you've done by body, speech or mind, that irritated me whatever it was, really hurt me deeply I forgive you". And the other way around too. "Son whatever you have done I forgive you back". They reconciled. That's such a beautiful thing to do. All you needed was somehow or rather overcoming that pride. I am not going to forgive him he is got to ask forgiveness first and then OK. He is gonna make the first move and it's worth waiting till we die for the other person to make the first move. That's why a circuit breaker like a monk can actually do that.

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