Being Mindful Stories

Joke · Ajahn Brahm

Chicken or duck?

As told by Ajahn Brahm in Why Is It So Hard To Be Kind? | Ajahn Brahm | 05 March 2010

1 min read

The story — as told by Ajahn Brahm (verbatim captions)

It's the great old story of the chicken and the duck. If you haven't heard this story before, this is a doozy, this is a great one. Once upon a time there was this couple who had just been married and after going to the temple for a nice talk, it was a beautiful evening so they went on a walk on the way back home. And as they were walking, they heard a sound quack quack quack and straightaway sort of the girl, the wife said: “darling do you hear that? That's a chicken.” I'm glad you laugh because those people who laugh haven't heard the story before, so at least some of you haven't heard the story. “That's a chicken,” and he said “darling that was not a chicken, that was a duck,” and she said “no no I'm sure it was a chicken.” It went quack quack again; “you see that's a chicken,” and he said “Darling, chickens go cockadoodledoo, that went quack quack that means it's a duck okay.” She said “No, I'm sure that was a chicken”. He said “It was a duck”. She said “No no it was a chicken”. He said “It was a duck, d.u.c.k duck”. And then she started to cry, “But, but he's a chicken”. They went quack quack again. Then he suddenly remembered what he'd heard at this temple many many times. He squeezed her hand and said “I apologize darling, I think you're right, it is a chicken”. And she squeezed his hand back and said “thank you”. And then they carried on their walk in peace and had a wonderful evening together.

▶ Watch Ajahn Brahm tell it from 6:39 (to 8:53)

A reflection (in the spirit of Ajahn Brahm's talk)

Newlyweds argued over whether a quacking bird was a chicken or a duck until she cried. Then he squeezed her hand: you're right, darling, it's a chicken. Was it worth spoiling the evening? Being loving matters more than being right. And who knows, it could have been a genetically modified chicken.

In brief (our summary)

A newly married couple walking home from the temple hear 'quack quack'. She says, 'Darling, that's a chicken.' He says it's a duck — chickens go cock-a-doodle-doo. They argue back and forth ('d-u-c-k, duck') until she starts to cry. Remembering what he'd heard at the temple, he squeezes her hand: 'I apologise, darling, I think you're right, it is a chicken.' She squeezes back, 'Thank you', and they have a lovely evening.

Teaching point

Being at peace and loving matters more than being right — and sometimes you're wrong anyway.

When this story may help

  • marriage arguments
  • needing to be right
  • conflict

Themes

Source & credit

Told by Ajahn Brahm in Why Is It So Hard To Be Kind? | Ajahn Brahm | 05 March 2010 · 2010-04-12 · ▶ watch from 6:39 to 8:53 · Buddhist Society of Western Australia

4 other tellings of this story

Caption notes: Manual (volunteer) captions; occasional misspellings kept as is.

The narrative is Ajahn Brahm's own telling, quoted from the talk captions. The summary and reflection are Being Mindful Stories's editorial notes. Please credit the teacher and link the original talk. Markdown version

  • Calendar method — odd days she is right

    In brief: Marriage-harmony joke: on odd days of the month the wife is always right; on even days the husband is. No need to argue — check the…

    Read full story

    I always tell this story when I do weddings, another wedding tomorrow afternoon. There's no way you can convince someone they're wrong, so how can you actually make a decision and actually get on in life but not always having to submit. That really sucks doesn't it? He's always right, why do I always have to agree with him? Why does she always have to be right? So the calendar method, the solution, which allows people to live harmoniously with their partners, the calendar method is that when you have an argument, don't argue who's right and wrong! Let the calendar decide! On the odd days of the month she is right. [laughter] The girl is always right on the odd days of the month. On the even days he is right. So that's fair. Today is the 19th, so today all the girls are right! Yay! Be careful, tomorrow he is right. [laughter] That way you don't have to argue anymore. The calendar decides who's right without any arguments and you can make a decision. It's never that bad if the other person makes a decision, not you, at least it's fair. And people have already figured out, you girls have already figured out, you get more days right a year than he does. Only about four or five, but guys, give it to them, it's worth it. The trouble is, people say, what happens if you're in a gay relationship? [laughter] Then you've got me stumped, it doesn't work. Both of you are right on one day, the next day both of you are wrong

    Open story page·Watch this telling

  • “I never argued with anyone”

    In brief: A fit 90-year-old says the secret of his long life is that he never argued with anyone. “That can't be right,” says the interviewer. “Ah……

    Read full story

    this man he was ah 90 years of age on his birthday still very fit and healthy and they was interviewed in the in the newspapers 90 years of age and you're still fit and healthy what's the secret of your fitness and health and long life he said cuz I never argued with anyone all my life and the interviewer said that can't be right and he said ah I ask I agree with you

    Open story page·Watch this telling

  • The two sisters: one with a husband, one without

    In brief: Two Thai sisters come for counselling. The elder can't stand her Australian husband and is considering divorce ('recycling'); the younger…

    Read full story

    These two Thai sisters came one day to see me. Oh, I'll never forget this. They still come to feed us every now and again, but they wanted personal counseling. And so I talked to them and the elder sister first. And the elder sister said to me, he said, "Oh, you know, I've got a husband, a Western husband, Australian guy." He said, "I can't stand him." There's so much suffering and and now I'm just really wondering should I keep working on this? Is it really salvageable or should I sort of get divorced and try again? And you all know again I don't call it divorce anymore. I sped this word around in Singapore. They really liked it. We don't call it divorce. What do we call it in Buddhism? Recycling. Yes. It's a much much more positive word. So, and she was thinking of getting divorced. And so, I gave her some nice ideas about how to solve the problems in a marriage because it's not that hard to solve problems in marriage. Even as a monk, I can do that. Like, oh, this great story which just comes to my mind. Some of these are golden oldies, but you know, they're just great stories about this because actually the lady who told me this, you know, I was uh had lunch with her yesterday in Singapore. She told me that she was a bit of a marriage counselor in her early years and she had one client who came to her Singapore lady. She couldn't stand her husband because her husband was coming home very late at night. She was certain that he had a mistress. And so she told the marriage counselor, you know, actually I don't really need counseling. I just want to get rid of the guy. I want to divorce. I want to separate. Just help me get rid of him. And a marriage counselor was a very very smart girl. She said, "Look, if you divorce him now, do you think he will be happy or he'll be miserable?" And she thought about actually it's what he wants. He'd be really happy. And in your present state, do you want him to be happy? No, I want him to be miserable. So this is the plan. Don't get divorced yet when he, you know, doesn't like you. Go out and get a really good hairstyle. Go and get your face, you know, made up. Go and learn a bit more grooming. Go and get some sexy clothes. And when he comes home, just being really nice to him. Just cuddle him and see what happens. because you fell in love once, see if you can make him fall in love with you again. And when he does fall in love with you again, then divorce him. Yeah. Yeah. What a great idea. So that's what they did. She spent a lot of money just getting sort of uh uh face done up and nice hairstyle and what they call it, a makeover. A nice makeover. So she really looked much more attractive and every week go and see the marriage counselor. He started coming home earlier and earlier and earlier. He started becoming more affectionate towards her and they'd always ask how's it going? Yeah, he's you know he's becoming much more affectionate. It's really seems to be working. He's falling in love with me again. And then she missed an appointment. And so the the counselor called her up at home said, "You missed an appointment this week. What happened?" He said, "Oh, well, he's having such a lot of time. He's fallen in love with me. I'm sure of it." "Great," said the counselor. "Now's the time to divorce him." "Oh, no. We're so much in love now." Mission accomplished. Cuz all it is that sometimes is we have a little bit of problems in life, but there's always ways we can work it out. They fall in love with you once, why not try and fall in love again? Now do something like romantic. No, don't come. Honestly, don't come to the Buddhist society if you want to have a nice romance. You know, we're going to get soon another couple of months Valentine's Day. Go and get her a present. Like that one of my favorite jokes like the person who asked his his wife, he said, "Valentine's Day tomorrow, darling, what do you want?" And she said, "I need nothing. I've got you." He said, "Yes, but what do you want?" He'd been married long enough to know women. And so she looked at him and said, "Something, anything with diamonds in." So when she opened her present the following day, she found a pack of playing cards. It has 13 diamonds in it. So that's what you guys you can get for your your wife's Christmas present. A pack of play cards. Diamonds, darling. Diamonds are a girl's best friend. Anyway, back to reality. So I told this lady, you've got husband suffering. That's what it's like having a husband. you ask other women and it's just it's a difficulty having a relationship. It's not easy but you know you can work at it and make it work. And the junior sister, this the younger one of course her problem was she was looking for a partner in life like many people do. They can't find one. You know they find someone who's just almost okay but then it just all goes pear-shaped. It doesn't work. And people keep telling me actually see all these girls coming up here say I just really need a partner in life. I'm looking for someone to go out with and share my life with someone I can trust. And see all these nice guys come up. I'm looking for a girl. I really should start a dating agency cuz I've got all these potential clients and they're all really nice people. I can't understand it cuz I've known some of these people for such a long time. Why can't you get on together? You I get on with you. Really nice people, really good people. But anyway, this is coming in in a few moments. But I told this lady said, "You you are looking for a husband, somebody you can share your life with. And your elder sister has got a husband she doesn't want. I can see a solution." And I actually said that they got very upset at me. I don't know why. It's logic. It's reason. Your sister's got a husband she doesn't want. a younger sisters and I wants one share. Isn't that what brothers and sisters are supposed to do? But then I told her, okay, you've got, you know, a single woman suffering. And I said, if you find a partner in life, you'll have what your elder sister have, married woman suffering. And so they actually understood that. They said, "Yeah, you're right. And if you're married, you have married woman suffering. If you're single, you have single woman suffering." So they thought they'd become nuns. And I said, "If you become nuns, then you have none suffering. Go and ask the nuns at Gijigan.

    Open story page·Watch this telling

  • Don't hold back a spooked buffalo

    In brief: In 1970s Thai villages the water buffalo were docile family members — until spooked: head up, snorting, then running in any direction. One…

    Read full story

    I was writing this story, a couple of days ago, you know water buffalo in thailand? They don't really have that many water buffalo left, because now they've got tractors. But in the old days, this is 40 years ago, when I first became a monk. Now, the water buffalo would be under the house of every villager. It was part of the family and they would use those water buffalo to plough the fields. And their excrement was the fertilizer they used for the fields. It was a very naturally and environmentally friendly way of farming. And those water buffalo was some of the most docile beings you could ever imagine. During the hot days of the hot season, you have seen the little kids falling asleep on the back of these water buffalo while they were grazing. So safe, except a few times a water buffalo got spooked. And I saw that a few times. When a water buffalo got frightened, they'd lift their head up, high. Instead of always being, know, looking at the grass. And they lift their head up high and they'd snored and the next thing they do is run. In any direction. Now, when they started running, they are very, very dangerous. You had to get out of the way. And sometimes people where caught by the water buffalo running, because water buffalo didn't know what they were doing and they were just panicking. And one day this farmer, was taking his water buffalo passed the monastery where we living. And the water buffalo saw something in the forest, which spooked him and was about to run away. Lifted up his head and started snorting. The farmer realized what was gone happen so he actually got hold to the little rope, which was tied loosely about the water buffalos neck to try and restrain it. A stupid thing to do. Cause the water buffalo run of. The string tied itself around the mans finger and took the finger off, with it. And we saw that, because this poor guy came into the monastery with the half of finger with blood all over his hand. And the top of the flesh of the finger would came off. And of course, we took him to the hospital to get patched up. He was fine, it is actually very easy to scratch his head after that. With a stump. You know, it just very painful, very unpleasant to look at, but he was fine. We often use that simile. What a stupid thing it is to try and hold back a water buffalo. Let it go. It is gone be stronger than you. So please let it go, otherwise it takes off your finger, metaphorically. If you just let it go, the water buffalo only goes a little way. And it calms down.

    Open story page·Watch this telling

All stories·Find a story for your situation