Story · Ajahn Brahm
The filthy rag
The story — as told by Ajahn Brahm (verbatim captions)
There's one case this monk of all people got really angry with me in front of other people in the monastery. And this monk and I was actually wiping my bowl with a rag said that's a filthy habit. You shouldn't wash your bowl with a filthy rag like that. Was that impressive? No, not really. Okay. [laughter] I don't usually get angry. But anyway, he was so angry at me and I realized I had a choice. I could get angry back, which was fair. But no, I want to try something else. And I remember just this was done with a lot of willpower. I must admit, I don't usually use willpower, but I really wanted to punch him or something. But instead, instead, I just went over to the rag bag. I changed over and got a proper cloth and started wiping my my bowl. And all the time I could see all the monks gone quiet. They want to find out what happens next. We didn't have TV in monastery. I didn't sort of see anything interesting and this was actually, you know, drama, something happening. So anyway, I went over there and I just uh changed my my bowl lid. They changed the the the rag I was using and then I looked up at him and so did everybody else and he went red in the face, bright red embarrassment and he walked away and he never got angry at me again.
▶ Watch Ajahn Brahm tell it from 58:07 (to 59:49)
A reflection (in the spirit of Ajahn Brahm's talk)
Scolded in front of everyone for wiping his bowl with a filthy rag, Ajahn Brahm resisted the urge to argue, or punch, and quietly fetched a clean cloth. The accuser went red and never got angry with him again. When someone attacks over something small, changing the rag can be cheaper than winning the argument.
In brief (our summary)
In front of the other monks, a monk angrily tells Ajahn Brahm that wiping his bowl with that filthy rag is a filthy habit. Tempted to argue — even to punch him — Ajahn Brahm instead, with a lot of willpower, walks to the rag bag, takes a proper cloth and carries on wiping his bowl. The watching monks go silent; then everyone looks at the accuser, who goes bright red, walks away, and never gets angry at him again.
Teaching point
When someone is angry at you, don't argue back; quietly accommodate them, especially when others are watching.
When this story may help
- being criticised in public
- workplace conflict
- angry colleagues
Themes
- anger
- non-retaliation
- monastic life
- patience
Source & credit
Told by Ajahn Brahm in Having a Good Relationship with Life | Ajahn Brahm | 9 October 2020 · 2020-10-09 · ▶ watch from 58:07 to 59:49 · Buddhist Society of Western Australia
2 other tellings of this story
- Building Resilience | Ajahn Brahm | 8 November 2019 · 2019-11-08 · ▶ watch from 48:47 to 51:43 · Buddhist Society of Western Australia2019 Q&A telling about workplace bullies: the senior monk towered over him while he squatted washing his bowl; the 'filthy habit' was drying the bowl with the cloth used for the spittoon; he fetched a rag in silence, shaking, and looked him in the eye; the monk went 'bright red like one of those English post box'.
- Dealing With Difficult People | Ajahn Brahm | 09-07-2010 · 2010-07-11 · ▶ watch from 39:26 to 41:28 · Buddhist Society of Western AustraliaJul 2010 telling: Thai monastery bowl-wash; senior monk scolds filthy habit of wiping spittoon with bowl cloth; he says sorry, fetches a rag from the basket; monk goes purple and never gets angry at him again.
Caption notes: YouTube auto-captions: unpunctuated, words left exactly as captioned.
The narrative is Ajahn Brahm's own telling, quoted from the talk captions. The summary and reflection are Being Mindful Stories's editorial notes. Please credit the teacher and link the original talk. Markdown version