Story · Ajahn Brahm
The villages without grief
The story — as told by Ajahn Brahm (verbatim captions)
the monastery I was staying most of the time was a cremation ground. So all the villagers in the local area used that place for the funerals. So we'd do the funeral, we'd see all the villagers, they'd come, bring their dead, we'd do all the chanting and the services, we'd see them that afternoon, that evening, the next day. And there was something very strange, there was no grief, they just didn't cry, not just cry, they weren't even sad when somebody died. This was not suppressing their grief because you saw them every day, they just, wasn't there, it was a culture in which grief was absent and that really shocked me, and I was there nine years so this was no just, short visit, and I thought that was impossible because my learning had said that when you lose someone you love you have to have grief. The truth of the matter, there was no grief there.
▶ Watch Ajahn Brahm tell it from 50:14 (to 51:19)
A reflection (in the spirit of Ajahn Brahm's talk)
For nine years Ajahn Brahm watched villagers bring their dead and go home without grief, something his learning said was impossible. This isn't a rule for how anyone should grieve, and your own sorrow is allowed. It is a gentle nudge to hold even our firmest assumptions lightly, so they don't hide what is really there.
In brief (our summary)
Living nine years at a Thai cremation-ground monastery, Ajahn Brahm saw villagers bring their dead without grieving, which contradicted everything he had learned about loss.
Teaching point
“Never allow your learning to block the truth.”
When this story may help
Themes
- assumptions
- death
- culture
- knowledge vs truth
Source & credit
Told by Ajahn Brahm in Four Ways of Letting Go | Ajahn Brahm | 09-04-2010 · 2010-04-12 · ▶ watch from 50:14 to 51:19 · Buddhist Society of Western Australia
4 other tellings of this story
- Dealing with Emotions | Ajahn Brahm | 15-06-2007 · 2007-06-20 · ▶ watch from 1:03:31 to 1:04:33 · Buddhist Society of Western AustraliaQ&A telling: framed by his not grieving for his father; same observation of never seeing tears at village funerals in nine years.
- Freedom: The Path To Happiness | Ajahn Brahm | 11-05-2007 · 2007-05-14 · ▶ watch from 4:56 to 8:45 · Buddhist Society of Western AustraliaMay 2007 telling: Wat Pah Nanachat's cremation ground; Ajahn Chah's advice to sleep in cremation grounds on tudong because villagers are too scared to visit; villagers weeping with joy when he returned after 4–5 years; in nine years he saw one or two tears once.
- Understanding Arguments | Ajahn Brahm | 15-04-2011 · 2011-04-16 · ▶ watch from 8:54 to 10:02 · Buddhist Society of Western AustraliaApr 2011 telling: NE Thailand never colonised; monastery as main funeral place; weekly funerals; watched for tears next day/week for nine years — loss yes, grief no. Nested with Western children-taught-to-be-sad observation entered separately.
- Cztery sposoby na to, jak odpuścić - Ajahn Brahm [LEKTOR PL] · 2015-02-13 · ▶ watch from 50:13 to 51:28 · Sasana.plSame telling as English original (translated voice-over); no plot differences noticed.
The narrative is Ajahn Brahm's own telling, quoted from the talk captions. The summary and reflection are Being Mindful Stories's editorial notes. Please credit the teacher and link the original talk. Markdown version