Face to face with a tiger — in the zoo

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• The penalty for perjury is less than for the truth

  In brief: A man on trial for murder in New York, facing the electric chair, is caught lying under oath. The judge warns him about perjury. He…

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  there was years ago a man who was on being tried in New York he was accused of murder at a time when there was a death penalty if he got convicted by the jury and the judge that he would go to the electric chair so this was serious stuff and during his testimony under oath it was very clear that he was lying so the judge intervenes sir do you not realize the penalty for perjury for lying under oath is very severe yes your honor but it's far less severe than the penalty for telling the truth which is the electric

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• The coffin that chased him home

  In brief: Man flees a cemetery thinking he is safe; the coffin bumps after him; he jumps his front gate — then the coffin tries to smash the iron…

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  got out of the of the cemetery, he thought he'd made it to safety. But as he turned around again, he saw the coffin had come out the front gate and was bumping behind him. So, he really sprinted as hard as he could to get to his house. The front gate was only just a, you know, a little bit further. He managed to get to his front gate. He didn't open his front gate. He jumped over. He was so scared. He jumped over and looked around. That coffin had seen him and was now trying to smash down the front iron gate

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• The Eskimo in the desert

  In brief: A man dying of thirst in the desert meets a real Eskimo with sled and huskies, and gasps with relief that he has been lost for days. The…

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  There was a guy lost in the desert. He had been in the desert for a long time. And he couldn't walk anymore. He was crawling and he was parched, about to die. You know, when you get this very hot desert, you get delirious? So there he was crawling and he saw an Eskimo coming. You know, in a sled with huskies, the works. You know, with a big fur hat on. And he says, "This can't be true. This can't be true. An Eskimo in a desert?" But the Eskimo came right up to him. And he was real. He could touch him. It wasn't a fantasy at all. It was an Eskimo in the desert. And this guy said, "I'm so glad you're here. I'm so glad. I've been lost for days in in this desert." And the Eskimo said, "And you think you're lost!

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• The Pope, the Archbishop and the putt

  In brief: The Pope and the Archbishop of Canterbury settle church unity with 18 holes of golf. On the last green the Pope misses putt after putt,…

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  But the Anglican church and the Catholic church were trying to sort of get some reconciliation. Trying to move together. They're both Christian groups and in the end they couldn't really reconcile. So they decided to let God choose which was the right form of Christianity. And the way they were going to do this with the Archbishop and the Pope they both like golf. So they decided to play 18 rounds of, 18 holes of golf. Whoever won, if the Archbishop of Canterbury won the Pope will become a Protestant. It will be God's will. And if, if the Pope won the Archbishop would convert to being a Catholic together with all the Protestants. And that way they could unite and it'll be God's choice. Fair enough. If you believe in divine intervention, so let God decide who's the best, who's the most authentic. The Catholics or the Anglicans. So they started their round of golf. They got to the last hole, the 18th hole. The Archbishop had already put his ball into the hole, the Pope was two shots ahead. If he sagged this 18-foot putt he would win. And the Anglican Archbishop together with every Anglican in the world would have to convert to being Catholics. So you can imagine the stress of that shot. He was so nervous, he hit it way too hard and it went way past the hole maybe six foot past. He missed his first opportunity. He's still one shot ahead. And so he lost it. He swore “damn it! Missed!” he said. And his caddy, because all this golfers have to have caddies. Guess who his caddy was? It was one of the Catholic nuns. I won't explain why but I think you mostly know. So the Catholic nun saw the Pope swear “damn it! Missed!” and said: “Your grace or your holiness, you shouldn't swear like that. That's a sin. You shouldn't do that. She's looking up in the sky. He said “oh I'm stressed out. Too excited. I'm terribly sorry. And I won't do it again.” and he had another shot. If he hold this shot he'd still win by one one hole. So he's still… the Archbishop would have to become a Catholic. So he really relaxed. Tried to get rid of his anxiety and stress. He hit the ball again. Not hard enough. It only went halfway to the hole. “Damn it! Missed!” he said. And the poor nun looked up in the sky, crossed herself and said “don't do that. You're tempting fate. In your position you should know better.” “I'm terribly sorry sister. This stress, the anxiety, the stakes are so high.” He had one more shot. If he missed this one he'd have to become a Protestant. He had to hold this one to draw. The stakes were really high. And so he hit the ball, it went straight to the hole, but then just went on the outside and missed. And this time he really swore loudly: “damn it! Missed!” he said and before the nun could cross herself there was a huge clap of thunder from the sky and a lightning bolt came down from the clouds and hit the nun. Why are you laughing at that? And the nun dropped down dead. And a great voice from the sky boomed out: “damn it! Missed!”

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