'Because you're the principal'

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• “I always wanted to become a monk — but not now!”

  In brief: At a 2,000-strong talk in Singapore, a man challenges what a monk could know about real-world stress. Ajahn Brahm gives an hour-by-hour…

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  I remember giving a simile like this earlier on when I was in Singapore giving a big talk to about 2000 people and at the end of the talk somebody asked a question, it wasn't much of a question, more like a comment, It was very much what I just said, they said to me how do you, you are a Buddhist monk how do you know what stress is. What you said may make sense in theory but in the real world where we do have to work so hard, it is much different, what do you know about stress, and then I told him what I had done that day in Singapore. Getting up at 4'o clock, how many of you get up at 4'o clock in the morning and you start working from the very beginning and that day I listed all the things which I had done that day, visiting people in hospital, doing work as the Spiritual Patron of the Buddhist Fellowship in Singapore and Director of the Brahm Centre, Singapore, that is overseas, this is not my core business, which is right here, all this stuff which I am doing, I gave hour by hour account of what I had done that day, and after I told what I've done that day, to say, "look I qualify, all the work which I do and get done, I qualify as someone who knows what I am talking about--working hard and dealing with stress". Then they came to the microphone afterwards and said Wow...I never realised how hard monks have to work in our modern world, he said you know, I always wanted to become a monk one day but not now...no..no..no !!

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• Paid to be shouted at

  In brief: In ancient Greece a teacher charges his students a few extra coins every time he has to shout at them for doing something stupid. One…

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  There was this one, this was ancient Greece and there there was a teacher and he had many many students and he teach them everything. [snorts] But every time any one of those students did something stupid and the teacher would shout at the student, the teacher would charge a few extra dollars. It's reasonable. It's logical. Shouting at someone is a lot of effort. And the know it's not the teacher's fault that the student did something wrong. The student should pay the teacher an extra five bucks or something for being so stupid that the teacher had to shout at him. So this young man, he studied with his teacher for many years. Every time he made a mistake, teacher shout at him, he'd hand have to hand over another five bucks. But when he graduated and got a job in Athens somewhere, every time his boss shouted at him at work, this young man would laugh. [laughter] The boss at him again. [laughter] And they wonder know why you keep laughing at us when you get told off. Could you do that at work when somebody shouted at you? Could you laugh? Or was your partner they shouted at you, told you off and you go? [laughter] Could you do that? He said, "Why are you laughing at it?" He said, "Well, look, when I was a student, I had to be paid when people shouted at me. Now I get it for free. That's why I think it's so funny.

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• What drug is he giving you?

  In brief: A high-flying Sydney executive has to beg and grovel to her boss for time off for a nine-day retreat at Jhana Grove. Afterwards she emails…

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  This lady from Australian girl from Sydney, one of these high executives. When she came, she said, "I had to beg and crawl and grovel from my boss to get the time off." But then she sent me this email after the 9-day retreat had finished and she said, "AJ, as soon as I got back to work, my boss took one look at me." And she he said to me, "Look, I don't care what drug Ajan Brah is giving you, but please bring me back some next time." She looks so peaceful and happy. It's weird.

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• Joke: the young man who couldn't keep a job

  In brief: Friends find a bright but jobless young man work as a waiter; he quits after half a day — serving delicious food he can't eat is torture.…

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  And this was a story of a young man. And he was really sort of, he's quite bright and passed his university or whatever, or school or whatever, but he couldn't get a job. And so what happened was that his friends tried to get him a job. You're getting a job somewhere, you get to work, you get some money for something. It's good exercise and a good experience for you. So, they got him a fairly simple job as as a waiter in one of the restaurants. You didn't have to have much skill about that. You just find out what a person wants and take it to the cooks or whatever and then they give them the food afterwards. And then just after half a day, this young man soon resigned. Why? What was the problem? He said, "well look, so if I give all this delicious food to everybody and I can't eat any of it for myself, there's so much suffering. I can't stand it any longer, half a day is enough." So, they say now what can we do with this guy and they came up with a solution and they said "okay you can actually be the cashier because the cashier, that little area there, is all cordoned off. So you can't see the food at all, maybe smelling it but not that much. And you can just get the bills, count the money, give the change. Easy!" So okay, I'll try that. So he became the cashier at the restaurant. After half a day he gave that up as well. I can't stand this any longer. It's even more torture than serving food which I can't eat. I count money which isn't mine. I count all the money but I can't put any of it in my pocket. Oh, that's so much torture. They said how can we just deal with somebody like this and get him a job so they talked around. And they finally came up with a solution. A brilliant solution. They said the local cemetery needs a cemetery attendant. There is a little light cabin in the front of the cemetery just where the main gate is. All you need to do is sit in there quietly and just make sure that the right people come in and they don't. No food, you can't see any food there. You can't see any money. So you should be able to do this; such simple job. He said okay I'll give it a try. After half a day, he resigned. I can't stand this any longer. They said, why? While I'm sitting in there most of the day and I see all these people lying down and I have to sit up.

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