Time your anger — try to beat your record

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• The nun who hit the jackpot

  In brief: Driving a famous Buddhist nun to Heathrow after a retreat, her driver puts spare coins in a pub fruit machine and, saying the nun has…

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  there was a famous Buddhist nun uh who uh was teaching a Meditation Retreat in England and after she finished teaching the retreat she went down to um to hro airport and on the way they stopped for something to eat it was was a lunchtime so they stopped in one of these restaurants which was next to a pub if ever you been to London or not to London sorry to England a lot of the places where you can get something to eat on a journey they got a pub next door so you have to go in the front of the pub to get into the restaurant so they they went through the front of the pub to get into the restaurant and had their meal I know the person who told me this story because she's from Sydney and she validated this was a real story it happened when they the driver came out of the pub she had a few English coins spare so she decided to put them in one of these slot machines the Poke machines just to get rid of the coins because you know the few little coins you can't change at the uh the currency exchange it's too small you know you change about6 and you have to pay10 commissions so you end up sort of losing on the deal but anyhow she put a few coins in the slot and she had one in the slot when the Buddhist nun came out from her meal and she said to the Buddhist nun you have got much better Karma than I have you pull the handle and in one moment of lack of mindfulness just on the spur of the moment sometimes you're thinking of something else people ask you out of compassion you just do it and that's what she did the Buddhist nun pulled the handle and the wheels went round and round and round and then first one stopped jackpot second one stopped jackpot third one stopped jackpot ding ding ding ding ding ding ding and all this money started pouring out of the machine and we monks and nuns were not even allowed to touch the stuff and she couldn't afford it was falling all over her she'd won the jackpot now you may think that's now lucky but it's not lucky cuz what happened next was all the patrons in the bar went silent this Buddhist nun in a strange Rob had won the jackpot and the next thing which happened was a b man took a little bell and rang it and announced to the nun that it was the tradition it was the rule which could not be broken that whoever won the jackpot had to buy a free round of drinks for everybody in the bar and it was the first time in 2,500 years that the buddist none had to buy a whiskey a beer gin and tonics for all the people in that's what happens

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• The man who shouted at the traffic lights

  In brief: On a hot day on Leach Highway, Ajahn Brahm sits in the passenger seat with the window open. A foot away, the driver in the next lane,…

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  Just that man, actually it was in Leach Highway, on a hot day, many years ago. Pulled up at this, I think it was 3 lanes going in either direction. Pulled up at the red traffic lights, and because I was at the passenger seat, my window was open. Right next to me, maybe a foot away was the driver. His window was open as well. He got caught at the red light and he was raging at the traffic lights. Saying "You stupid damn lights!" Why did you have to change now? I was late! This is not the first time you've done this, you did it last time!

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• The drunk driver who drove home the police car

  In brief: After the office Christmas party a Sydney man, well over the limit, risks driving home and is stopped at a roadblock. Just as he's about…

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  this one guy in Sydney some years ago some of you know this story in Sydney s The Last Story I promise I'll shut up after this it was Christmas office was having a Christmas party he decided to stay behind for the Christmas party I had a few drinks should not drive home he decided ah what's the chances of being stopped you know the odds are in my favor so he got in his car and he drove home unfortunately his lock was out he got stopped in this big roadblock in Sydney they were targeting one road everyone going along that road got stopped so he knew he was done probably lose his Kai's license and big fine because he was really over the limit so he had to Wai in turn when it's his turn in Sydney apparently then he had to get out of the car before they give him the breathalyzer tube so he got out of the car it was his turn he was about to take the breathalyzer tube you know in his mouth the sound of a car crash one of the cars had come a bit too fast and the roadblock it was a traffic obstacle and at rear ended another car and the policeman heard that and said to this man it's more important that I attend to this car accident than to check your blood alcohol your alcohol he took the breathalyzer away and said get back into your car and drive home he literally become within you know half a second of getting caught if he'd have blowed into that tube it would been way over the limit he thought how lucky could you be apparently this was a true story next morning he woke up with a big hangover because he'd been drinking he woke up because somebody was ringing his doorbell wouldn't stop so he got some pajamas on staggered to the door it was two New South Wales policemen at the door now of course whenever you see a policeman at the door people usually get a bit afraid but then you know he thought even though he a bit groggy I've done nothing wrong yeah I was drinking last night but they can't do anything because I'm not driving now so he was confident so he said what do you want and he said can we look inside your garage sir I said why why do they want to look inside my garage only my car there okay sure and he opened his garage door and that's when he almost had a heart attack because in his garage there was a police car not his car when they said get in your car and drive home he was so drunk he got in the wrong car

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• Paid to be shouted at

  In brief: In ancient Greece a teacher charges his students a few extra coins every time he has to shout at them for doing something stupid. One…

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  There was this one, this was ancient Greece and there there was a teacher and he had many many students and he teach them everything. [snorts] But every time any one of those students did something stupid and the teacher would shout at the student, the teacher would charge a few extra dollars. It's reasonable. It's logical. Shouting at someone is a lot of effort. And the know it's not the teacher's fault that the student did something wrong. The student should pay the teacher an extra five bucks or something for being so stupid that the teacher had to shout at him. So this young man, he studied with his teacher for many years. Every time he made a mistake, teacher shout at him, he'd hand have to hand over another five bucks. But when he graduated and got a job in Athens somewhere, every time his boss shouted at him at work, this young man would laugh. [laughter] The boss at him again. [laughter] And they wonder know why you keep laughing at us when you get told off. Could you do that at work when somebody shouted at you? Could you laugh? Or was your partner they shouted at you, told you off and you go? [laughter] Could you do that? He said, "Why are you laughing at it?" He said, "Well, look, when I was a student, I had to be paid when people shouted at me. Now I get it for free. That's why I think it's so funny.

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