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Story · Ajahn Brahm

'Pass this, and then you'll be happy'

As told by Ajahn Brahm in Emotional Intelligence and Acceptance | Ajahn Brahm | 19 May 2023

3 min read

The story — as told by Ajahn Brahm (verbatim captions)

I noticed this when I was at university because over in UK, you know, you had to first of all, the first big exams you did were the O levels. That was done usually about 16. I did my O levels when I was 14. And so I work really hard for those O levels because my friends and my families and teachers said if you pass your O levels then you'll be able to get good jobs in life and get enough money you'll be happy at that time I like playing football soccer in the park and I was pretty good you know I I could have been a millionaire by now if id have carried on playing soccer instead of going to [sighs] You seen how much these soccer players get. Anyway, I gave up soccer and just studied and I did very well in my old levels. Was I happy? No, because I had to do more exams, A levels. [clears throat] But A levels were important. You do well at A levels. You can go to university, you can be really happy. So I at that time, as I say, I wasn't chasing footballs then. I was chasing girls. And so you know my family and friends says look stop going out so much just you know just stay at home do your studies get your A levels and then you'll be happy. I I believe them you trusted others. So I did my A levels, did really well and so went to university and that big university Cambridge I mean that's a really big university say wow get your degree from Cambridge and then you'll be happy and that's when I started getting suspicious cuz I saw other people who had got degrees were they happy no they had to do more work either to get an MA or a PhD or something. Or if they didn't do that, they got a job. Were they happy getting a job when you got a degree? No way. They never got enough money. And you had to save up for a car, save up for a place to live. And at that time, you were trying to get just, you know, transport and a place to stay. And also, you know, just trying to get a wife in life if you're a guy. And that was really a lot lot of trouble. I always thought, yeah, once you get a nice wife, I thought, why why do men go to so much trouble getting them? I don't believe it's going to make them happy. So I thought once I get a nice wife and save up to have enough money, nice house, and a car, then I'll be happy. But I did some research. I was smart enough then to know some people who are older. And then what happens? Were they happy? No way. Because once you got married and that was really expensive, you know, you didn't in a bigger house and then you had to have mortgages and have to work hard to pay off the mortgages. You never pay it off because, you know, after four or five years of marriage, you have kids and that's really expensive. And many people kept telling me, "Oh, once the kids grow up and leave home, then I can be happy. And then what happens is by that time most people are close to retirement and they kept saying oh when I retire then I'll be happy I don't have to go to work every morning not so much stress and then when they retire are they happy no that's when I noticed that most of the people who went to especially Christian churches were people who are really old there's quite a few of them here too. You know why? Cuz they think if you go to a church or a mosque or a a temple, then when you die, then you'll be happy.

▶ Watch Ajahn Brahm tell it from 46:20 (to 50:31)

A reflection (in the spirit of Ajahn Brahm's talk)

Pass your exams and you'll be happy, they told young Ajahn Brahm; then your degree, job, house, marriage, retirement, and finally, the churchgoers said, death. Happiness always lived at the next goal. Be honest: did reaching any of them make you happy for long? Try arriving where you already are.

In brief (our summary)

As a boy Ajahn Brahm gave up soccer to study, because everyone said that if he passed his O levels (at 14) he'd be happy. Then it was A levels — so he gave up chasing girls. Then a Cambridge degree. By then he was suspicious: graduates weren't happy either — next it was an MA or PhD, a job, a car, a house, a wife, a mortgage, children, the kids leaving home, retirement... and finally, the old people at church: when you die, then you'll be happy.

Teaching point

Goals always point to happiness somewhere else; as a monk with no goals, 'you've arrived'.

When this story may help

Themes

Source & credit

Told by Ajahn Brahm in Emotional Intelligence and Acceptance | Ajahn Brahm | 19 May 2023 · 2023-05-20 · ▶ watch from 46:20 to 50:31 · Buddhist Society of Western Australia

1 other telling of this story

Caption notes: YouTube auto-captions with machine-added punctuation; words left exactly as captioned.

The narrative is Ajahn Brahm's own telling, quoted from the talk captions. The summary and reflection are Being Mindful Stories's editorial notes. Please credit the teacher and link the original talk. Markdown version

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    I'm still a lay person, we started doing some meditation and it was the Vesak time. This was celebrating the birth enlightenment, passing away of the Buddha. And when I heard the story of the Buddha's enlightenment. What I heard was that the Buddha sat under the Bodhi tree and he made a resolution, a determination. "I'm gonna get enlightened. Right here, I'm not gonna move. Even if my blood dries up and my bones turn to dust. I'm not gonna move from this seat until ... until I get full enlightenment". Being stupid at the time I thought that was really cool. So you know what I did? I went back to my room, I put a little couple of cushions out, (Laugh) stupid young man, I was about 18 at the time (laugh) You know, 18 year old men. Any 18 year old man here? Don't admit it. Don't admit it. Come on, you're not 18 you're much older than that. I said 18 not 80. So I sat down on that cushion I made a resolution. I'm as good as the Buddha. That was in India, he didn't have an education

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  • She failed her exams — and blamed the monk

    In brief: A first-year Malaysian student asks Ajahn Brahm to chant for her exams. Later her friends tell him she's going round the university saying…

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    Malaysian girl, though she came to me to do some chanting, she was doing her uh, I forget, first, second, third year university exams or whatever it was. And she said: “Can you do some chanting? Got my exams next week.” So I chanted chanted chanted really give everything I’ve got for exams, and afterwards, She never came back. I never saw her again. But some of her friends came and told me, said she's going around turning all of her friends: “Ajahn Brahm is a bad monk. Ajahn Brahm is no good

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  • “You're making an ugly face — smile!”

    In brief: Rowing in an eight at Cambridge, struggling and grimacing, Ajahn Brahm hears the coach on a bicycle shout through a megaphone: “You're…

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    So no what happened there was a little coach the coach was on his bicycle had a megaphone. He shouted out at me He said you're making an ugly face smile and when you're really struggling physically of course you do make ugly faces And I learned something great from that coach worthwhile all of that. You know doing the the training for rowing in an eight And what I learned that when you smile the? Or is so easy to pull I've got a boost of energy Paint has dissipated. I smiled and the oil had more energy

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  • Meditating through Cambridge finals

    In brief: During six days of Natural Sciences finals in 1972 — three hours each morning and afternoon — Ajahn Brahm skips lunch to meditate in his…

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    when I was doing the final examinations at Cambridge University that's where I did my studies, 1972, Natural Sciences Tripos final exams, final exams I really meant that FINAL, everything else in the whole time you did in the University counted for absolutely nothing. You got your Degree or you failed on one series of examinations. Those examinations on Natural Sciences, that year, 6 days -- Monday, Tuesday Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, one after the other, morning examination 3 hours, afternoon 3 hours, 1 hour for lunch. I don't think Amnesty International was formed at that time, if they had found out that was torture, 3 hours, 1 hour lunch, 3 hours, 6 days in a row. The worst of that, everybody was telling me that my future depended upon those examinations. If you did well, you would have a wonderful life, if you failed you will be snuffed for the rest of your life. If only I had known I was going to become a monk, I wouldn't have worked so hard. I didn't know at that time so as other people I really worked hard But my trick was, this is how you deal with stress, this was a stressful situation for me, how I dealt with that was using basic tricks of meditation I've already had started meditation about 2-3 years when I first went up to that University. So, I never had any lunch for those 6 days. Had a big breakfast and a nice dinner in the evening. At lunch time I went back to my room only 5-10 minutes from the examination room, and I meditated for half an hour, Now this is what happens, as soon as I sat down, the first thing which came in to my mind was the morning exam, how did I do, did I do that question correct, we all know how stupid that is, the examination paper is in, right or wrong is too late to change it, it's obvious isn't it, you should let it go, let go of the past this is not the time you can do anything anymore, it's easy to say but I trained, I could do that, I could let go, of that very very important exam in the morning. This is what you can learn in a place like this. It doesn't matter what has happened in the past, you can't change it, examination paper of your past is in, it's a waste of time thinking about it. Good or bad you can't do anything about it. I could let that one go. So, the next thought I was not concerned about the morning paper, The next thought which came up in my mind was the afternoon exam. Should I get out of my meditation, get out a book and start studying, last minute just in case and of course if you remember your studies, every time I did that, whatever I looked at, half an hour before the examination never ever came up, never, total waste of time. It was a waste of time, because this was the time I am supposed to rest, not work, if you are worried about the future, you can't stay in this present moment, and do the preparation necessary for success in the future, that preparation was resting. If you don't know how to rest you will fail again and again and again, because you don't know how to prepare your mind for the challenges it faces in the future. I had to let go of the future because I trained in meditation, it was easy to do, even though important, what I thought was a life defining moment, those afternoon examinations, I could totally forget about them and stay in the moment. So, that was called present moment awareness, when I put in the context of an important part of my life you can understand how relevant it is. But what happens next shocked me because when I stopped thinking about the past which for me was the morning exam, the future-the afternoon exam, I found out I was physically shaking, Look ! I go up here every Friday and talk to people, watched on internet by 1000s of people, I go on live TV, I am not a nervous person, but at that time I found out I was physically shaking, the pressure of final examinations had got to me, I was nervous. What shocked me even more than being nervous, was that I hadn't noticed it before that point. I've been so fixated, with the future exam, what I'v done in the past I was totally unaware of the present reality of my body. That shocked me and from that moment on I learnt why many people get sick. They get sick because you are not aware of your body, so up in the future, so up in the past, so busy, you are not here, with your body, listening to the signs. When I got into that present moment and saw I was shaking, it was pretty easy to relax the body, exactly as I told you here at the beginning of the meditation. With mindfulness, kindness the body totally relax and all that shaking stopped. The next part of that meditation when I let go of the past, let go of the future, the shaking all stopped, the next thing I noticed was how tired my brain was. How totally worn out it was. I compared it to like a tea bag which had already been used, no juice left, an old used tea bag that's what my brain felt like. And again those experiences told me again why a lot of depressions and negativity, where they come from. Most of the people in this room, if you've only noticed the status of your brain, you'll probably know it's really tired. It just really needs a rest, because I noticed the need for my brain to rest, I could just keep it not working for 10 or 15 minutes, really relax it keep it still, so by the end of that meditation, all the energy had come back to my brain. I was awake, alive, clear, energised and I still remember, my friends after the examinations they commented, I was the only student who went in to that examination hall in the afternoon with a smile on my face. I could do that because I was relaxed and that's why I did really well.

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